Roy:
Josh. Somebody gonna die today.

Josh:
Call 911.

Josh:
Chipmunks! Download now!

Tony Perkis:
Repulse the monkey... part the wild horse's mane.

Tony Perkis:
First we're going to take an hour meditation break. Then we're going to climb that 1000-foot rock face over there with our bare hands and feet. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. But for now, observe the silence of the chi.

Gerry:
I'm not going to a camp with a bunch of fat loads!

Gerry:
Who's this?

Roger Johnson:
Hi, Gerry. "Roger Johnson." Islander's fan, huh? Team of the future, I'd say.

Gerry:
Uh, yeah. Whatever, I'm out of here.

Maury Garner:
Hold those horses, cowboy. Mr. Johnson is your guest, and he's here to talk to you about a very special summer camp.

Roger Johnson:
A camp designed just for you, Gerry.

Gerry:
Summer Camp? No way. I have plans for the summer. I'm gonna hang out!

Mrs. Garner:
Come on, Honey. He's got a videotape for us to watch. Why don't we just take a little peek?

Gerry:
Why don't we not?

Josh:
The candy belongs to... Seen-More-Butts.

Tony Perkis:
Seen-More-Butts? Seen-More-Butts? Who's Seen-More-Butts, hmm? Who's Seen-More-Butts?

Josh:
Nobody's seen more butts than you, Uncle Tony!

Tony Perkis:
No dinner, no lunch, no breakfast! How does that grab you? Hmm?

Lars:
Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp.

Tony Perkis:
Kiss the ground, joker-boy!

Josh:
Hey, would you get your foot off my back?

Tony Perkis:
Shut up!

Lars:
Hello, I am your new friend and counselor. Please insists about wearing your Perkins System uniforms. Your families will be billed automatically. Now, lets play a fun game that helps us learn each others names.

Josh:
We already know each others names.

Lars:
Silence!

Tony Perkis:
Let me make something very clear: The PerkiSystem does not work with cheaters like Gerald Garner. OK? How can I sell an infomercial about fat kids who can't keep their piggy little snouts shut? Hmm? Who's gonna buy that, huh?

Tony Perkis:
Congratulations, you've just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity.

Pat Finley:
Who wants to tell us the lesson we learned here?

Roy:
Don't put twinkies on your pizza!

Tony Perkis:
Did you ever hear the story of Icarus, who continually rolled the ball up the hill? But when he got too close, the ball melted in the heat of the Sun. You're all like Icarus.