Thane Furrows:
Relationships? They shouldn't even call them relationships. They should have a more descriptive name: Painland.

Thane Furrows:
Smokers. There's no excuse for smoking. Smoking is the equivalent to carrying around a salt lick, laced with a little bit of cyanide.

Thane Furrows:
I'd rather... be... DEAD!

Thane Furrows:
I was in Las Vegas, don't ask why. When I got pulled over by a cop for making a right-hand turn on a redlight. Prostitution is legal in Las Vegas, but I made the terrible mistake of doing a right-hand turn on a red light. I could've been having sex, on the hood of the car, in the middle of the intersection, no problem. I could probably avoid the ticket by telling the cop I was a pimp and was out for a late night collection, but then she would've asked to see my hat and I would've been in trouble.

Al:
Come on, I pay you fifteen bucks to tell me what else you said to her.

Thane Furrows:
OK, I told her, to take Happy the Clam, and shove it up her ass.

Al:
Oh My God!

Thane Furrows:
Damn, I'm glad I was just in grade school.

Thane Furrows:
He kept sayin', "Pick a card man! Pick a card! Can't discard, ya gotta take one!"