So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumeably, I could go back and look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveled back to the '60s?
Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
That goes for you all, too.
Did we get Dr. Evil?
No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge...
Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or...
Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener?
Dad, what's that?
I don't know, son, but it has great big...
Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?...
That looks just like my husband's...
ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster!
Hey, what's that? It looks like a...
Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph?
Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
It's so huge.
No, I've seen bigger. That's...
Just a little prick.
Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it anymore.
You aren't all that and a bag of potato chips.
What are you talking about?
Don't go there, girlfriend.
Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo-fo. I once popped a cop cause he wasn't giving my props in Oak town. No? I've heard that somewhere.
From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone, I knew that I'd be safe cuz I'd never be alone. An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings, my hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing. I'd hoped Scott would look up to me, run the business of the family, head an evil empire just like his dear old dad, give him my love and the things I never had. Scott would think I was a cool guy, return the love I have, make me want to cry, be evil, but have my feelings too, change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou. But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie, life is cruel, treats you unfairly, even so, a God there must be, Mini Me, you complete me.
Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father.
Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.
Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets.
We've had reports that there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. The contents of this room are VITAL to the country. Be on special alert.
And, uh, try to lose some weight, for God's sake.
Mister English Colonel tellin' me to lose weight. "Oh, I'm a hard case" he says.
Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner.