Bear Bryant:
I've never seen a team this bad! Half the players are smaller than monkey cajones, the other half are slower than smoke off shit! Where did you get these turds?

Bear Bryant:
I don't care who your daddy is. I don't care what kind of All-Conference bullshit you were in high school. I don't care what the last coach promised you. Y'all been fartin' up wind too long.

Bear Bryant:
There's something you need to know, aside from the fact that we're likely to throw the ball maybe twice a decade. I was an end at 'Bama and I played four quarters against Tennessee dragging a broken leg around. Now what's this shit I hear about an elbow?