Life with Louie: A Christmas Surprise for Mrs. Stillman 
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Louie: Dad! It's crooked!
Dad: Put it by the TV, no one'll notice. For thirty five bucks, that tree should dance!
Dad: I heard that!
Dad: How much for that tree without any limbs?
Dad: What?! You gonna come over and decorate it for us? I'll give you three bucks for it.
Louie: Oh my gosh! He's not our legal father!
Louie: Dad, when are we going to put up lights?
Dad: When the war was on, we couldn't put up lights.
Adult Louie: My mom would always interpret from my dad.
Mom: Your dad is telling you not this weekend, but next.
Dad: Just wait 'til that old bird sees her electric bill. She'll wish that she had married Tom Edison.
Dad: Go get the stand out of the basement.
Louie: You mean the stand that came over on the Mayflower?
Dad: It's a good stand! 'Been handed down generation after generation. When I was a kid, we didn't have any stands, WE HAD TO TAKE TURNS HOLDING THE TREE!!
Louie: Dad, can you believe it? Mrs. Stillman doesn't even have a Christmas tree.
Dad: Yeah? Then she's thirty five bucks richer!
Andy Anderson: Why are you limping? Did you get hit in the ear with an ice ball?