Louie:
Dad! It's crooked!

Dad:
Put it by the TV, no one'll notice. For thirty five bucks, that tree should dance!

Dad:
I heard that!

Dad:
How much for that tree without any limbs?

Dad:
What?! You gonna come over and decorate it for us? I'll give you three bucks for it.

Louie:
Oh my gosh! He's not our legal father!

Louie:
Dad, when are we going to put up lights?

Dad:
When the war was on, we couldn't put up lights.

Louie:
Huh?

Adult Louie:
My mom would always interpret from my dad.

Mom:
Your dad is telling you not this weekend, but next.

Dad:
Just wait 'til that old bird sees her electric bill. She'll wish that she had married Tom Edison.

Dad:
Go get the stand out of the basement.

Louie:
You mean the stand that came over on the Mayflower?

Dad:
It's a good stand! 'Been handed down generation after generation. When I was a kid, we didn't have any stands, WE HAD TO TAKE TURNS HOLDING THE TREE!!

Louie:
Dad, can you believe it? Mrs. Stillman doesn't even have a Christmas tree.

Dad:
Yeah? Then she's thirty five bucks richer!

Andy Anderson:
Why are you limping? Did you get hit in the ear with an ice ball?