Artie:
I'm married to the Frigid Witch of the West.

Beth:
All you talk about is growing old together. I'm not ready to grow old!

Shelley:
I want the LUST to be there.

Will:
If you love somebody, you do what's natural, and that's enough.

Fran:
I feel like I'm being punished.

Meg:
I am so sick and tired of being the other woman.

Mike:
Getting a divorce is the only way we can stay friends.