|
MASH Quotes (1970)
|
|
Famous MASH Quotations
|
|
Unlike the good doctors of the 4077 (otherwise known as "this hellhole" and "sewer"), M*A*S*H shows little signs of fatigue in its eighth season. Familiar characters reveal new sides of themselves and the series itself performs some radical surgery on sitcom convention. The most pivotal personnel change is the departure of Gary Burghoff, the only ensemble member to have appeared in the original film, as Radar. His splendid two-part send-off sets the stage for one of the season's best episodes, the Emmy-nominated "Period of Adjustment," in which Klinger (Jamie Farr) must begin to make the role of company clerk his own, and family man B.J. Honeycutt (Mike Farrell) is devastated when a letter from home relates how his baby daughter called a visiting Radar "Daddy." Pompous Charles Emerson Winchester III (David Ogden Stiers) gets his "Of course I care" episode when he tends to a classical pianist who has lost the use of his hands in "Morale Victory." Harry Morgan, as Colonel Henry Potter, was honored with an Emmy, most likely for the emotional episode "Old Soldiers," in which he receives word that the last of his World War I band of brothers has passed on. Loretta Switt was also saluted by the Academy for her work this season. Among her best episodes is "Are You Now, Margaret?" in which she is accused of being a communist sympathizer. Two episodes truly distinguish themselves: "Life Time," which unfolds in real time as the doctors race against the clock to perform an emergency procedure that requires a graft from a dying soldier; and "Dreams," writer-director Alan Alda's Emmy-nominated, love-it-or-hate it episode that visits the nightmares of the sleep-deprived doctors. M*A*S*H continues to walk the scalpel's edge between hilarious comedy ("Too Many Cooks," "April Fools") and powerful drama ("Heal Thyself, in which a visiting doctor suddenly suffers a break down, and "Guerilla My Dreams," which climaxes with a tense standoff between the doctors, who have saved the life of a wounded female Korean guerilla, and the North Korean officer hellbent on executing her. As with past M*A*S*H sets, viewers have the preferred option of viewing the episodes without the intrusive laugh track. But we're putting whoever's in command on report for yet again not managing to stitch together any kind of cast commentary, interviews, or archival goodies. --Donald Liebenson
|
- Capt. Ezekiel Bradbury 'Me Lay' Marston IV: Who are you guys?
Hawkeye Pierce: I'm Dr. Jekyll, actually, and this is my friend, Mr. Hyde.
Trapper John: Grrrr! »
- Captain Walter Kosciusko "Painless Pole" Waldowski, D.D.S.: I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these three girls I'm engaged to back home. »
- Colonel Blake: Did Hawkeye steal that jeep?
Radar: No sir, that's the one he came in. »
- Colonel Blake: Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform. »
- Colonel Blake: Football game?
Gen. Hammond: Yeah, yeah, we put up a few bets, five thousand maybe, and have a little fun. Special services in Tokyo says it's one of the best gimmicks we've got to keep the American way of life going here in Asia.
Colonel Blake: Betting?
Gen. Hammond: No, football. »
- Colonel Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix from headquarters about you... says you stole a jeep.
Hawkeye Pierce: No sir, no, I didn't steal it. No, it's right outside. »
- Colonel Blake: I'm tired of you guys trying to run this outfit. This time there's going to be disciplinary action.
Duke Forrest: What're you gonna do, Henry?
Colonel Blake: Well, I had planned to name Trapper Chief Surgeon, to consult on your shift and Frank's.
Duke Forrest: That's damn good thinking.
Colonel Blake: Yeah, but now I can't do it for at least a week. »
- Colonel Blake: What the hell's gotten into you?
Trapper John: I dunno. I must be losing my punch. I never expected the son of a bitch to get up. »
- Cpl. Judson: Bastard, 88, called me a coon.
Spearchucker: Called you a what?
Cpl. Judson: Coon.
Spearchucker: OK, that's an old pro trick, to get you thrown out of the ball game.
Cpl. Judson: Well...
Spearchucker: Why don't you do the same thing to him?
Cpl. Judson: What, call him a coon? »
- Duke Forrest: Colonel, fair's fair... if I punch Hawkeye and nail Hot-Lips, can I go home too? »
- Duke Forrest: Dammit, Henry, Frank Burns is a menace! Every time a patient croaks on him he says it's "God's will" or somebody else's fault.
Hawkeye Pierce: Yeah, and this time he blamed it on some kid who was stupid enough to belive him. »
- Frank Burns: I don't drink.
Hawkeye Pierce: Jesus Christ, I think he means it. »
- Gen. Hammond: Henry, I have some reports here from your Major O'Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe.
Colonel Blake: Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye. »
- Hawkeye Pierce: Frank Burns does not know his way around an operating theater, he does not know his way around a body, and if you will have observed anything, you will have observed that Major Frank Burns... is an idiot. »
- Hawkeye Pierce: Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here? »
- Hawkeye Pierce: Someone get that dirty old man out of this operating theater. »
- Hotlips O'Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.
Father Mulcahy: He was drafted. »
- Hotlips O'Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him.
Colonel Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop. It's the end of the quarter. »
- Hotlips O'Houlihan: This isn't a hospital. It's an insane asylum. And it's your fault. »
- P.A. Announcer: Attention, all base members must report for a drug test for marij- marijua-... disregard last transmission »
- Painless: Your fuckin' head is coming right off, pal. »
- SSgt. Gorman: Goddamn Army. »
- Trapper John: ...No. No booze. Sex. I want sex.
Trapper John: That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Bring her to me. Take her clothes off and bring her to me. »
- Trapper John: I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf. »
- Trapper John: Well, what's the matter with her today?
Hawkeye Pierce: I don't know, I think it's one of those Ladies' things.
Trapper John: It's not like her to act like this. She's a bitch, look at my new flannel coat. She's going to have a nervous breakdown.
Hawkeye Pierce: She can't even get out of the door, look.
Hawkeye Pierce: Morning Frank. Heard from your wife? A bunch of the boys asked me to, uh, ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack. You know, was she...
Frank Burns: Mind your own business.
Hawkeye Pierce: No Frank, you know, is she better than self-abuse? Does that- does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank or does it sort of lie there flaccid? What would you say about that? Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank? Seriously Frank. I mean, does she go "ooooh" or does she lie there quiet and not do anything at all?
Frank Burns: Keep your filthy mouth to yourself.
Hawkeye Pierce: or does she go "uh-uh-uh"?
Hawkeye Pierce: Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!
Duke Forrest: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?
Hawkeye Pierce: Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for god's sake.
Trapper John: Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac; I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye. »
- Trapper John: Well, you know, Man o'War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had an average of about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals a year, and he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen. »
|
|
|
Search for MASH on  & 
|
|
|
|
|
