William of Baskerville:
Adso, if I knew the answers to everything, I would be teaching theology in Paris.

William of Baskerville:
I find it difficult to convince myself that God would have introduced such a foul being into creation without endowing her with some virtues, hmmm?

The Abbot:
We found the body after a hailstorm, horribly mutilated, dashed against a rock at the foot of the tower, under a window which was, uh, how shall I say this, I trust...

William of Baskerville:
Which was found closed.

The Abbot:
Somebody told you?

William of Baskerville:
Had it been found open, you would not have spoken of spiritual unease - you would have concluded that he'd fallen.

The Abbot:
Brother William, the window cannot be opened! Nor was the glass shattered, nor is there any access to the roof above.

William of Baskerville:
My dear Adso, we must not allow ourselves to be influenced by irrational rumors of the Antichrist, hmm? Let us instead exercise our brains and try to solve this tantalizing conundrum.

Jorge de Burgos:
Laughter is a devilish whim which deforms, uh, the lineaments of the face and makes men look like monkeys.

William of Baskerville:
Monkeys do not laugh. Laughter is particular to men.

Jorge de Burgos:
As is sin. Christ never laughed.

William of Baskerville:
Can we be so sure?

Jorge de Burgos:
There is nothing in the Scriptures to say that he did.

William of Baskerville:
And there's nothing in the Scriptures to say that he did not. Why, even the saints have been known to employ comedy, to ridicule the enemies of the Faith. For example, when the pagans plunged St. Maurice into the boiling water, he complained that his bath was too cold. The Sultan put his hand in... scalded himself.

William of Baskerville:
How peaceful life would be without love, Adso. How safe, how tranquil... and how dull.

William of Baskerville:
The rats love parchment even more than scholars do. Let's follow him!

William of Baskerville:
She is already burnt flesh, Adso. Bernardo Gui has spoken: she is a witch.

Adso of Melk:
But that's not true, and you know it!

William of Baskerville:
I know. I also know that anyone who disputes the verdict of an Inquisitor is guilty of heresy.

William of Baskerville:
But what is so alarming about laughter?

Jorge de Burgos:
Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith, because without fear of the Devil there is no more need of God.

William of Baskerville:
I too was an Inquisitor, but in the early days, when the Inquisition strove to guide, not to punish. And once I had to preside at a trial of a man whose only crime was to have translated a Greek book that conflicted with the Holy Scriptures. Bernardo Gui wanted him condemned as a heretic; I - acquitted the man. Then Bernardo Gui accused ME of heresy, for having defended him. I appealed to the Pope. I - I was put in prison, tortured, and... and I recanted.

Adso of Melk:
What happened then?

William of Baskerville:
The man was burned at the stake and I am still alive.

William of Baskerville:
The only evidence I see of the antichrist here is everyones desire to see him at work.

William of Baskerville:
Have you ever found a place where God would have felt at home?

William of Baskerville:
You see, Adso... the step between ecstatic vision and sinful frenzy... is all too brief.

Bernardo Gui:
Why did you kill them?

Remigio da Varagine:
Why? I don't know... why.

Bernardo Gui:
Were you inspired by the Devil?

Remigio da Varagine:
Yes. That's it. I was inspired by the Devil! I am... inspired by the DEVVVVILLL! Lucifer! I summon you!