Oh, Mr. Porter! 
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Superintendent: It's a country station, rather off the beaten track.
William Porter: Oh, I don't mind, as long as it's near the railway.
William Porter: Well, you see madam, it's like this. If I tap the wheel with this hammer and the wheel goes clang, then I know that the wheel's there.
William Porter: Well, then I know that the train's gone!
Postman: You're wasting your time.
Porter: Well, what are you doing?
Postman: Just watching you wasting your time.
Jeremiah Harbottle: Next train's gone!