Bob Barber:
Ever faced another good guy before?

Rex O'Herlihan:
Nope.

Bob Barber:
Me neither.

Rex O'Herlihan:
Kinda makes you wonder what'll happen.

Bob Barber:
I figure the good guy'll win, just like always.

Rex O'Herlihan:
Yeah, except we're both good guys.

Bob Barber:
Then I figure the most good good guy will win.

Rex O'Herlihan:
That's how I figure, too.

Bob Barber:
Yep.

Colonel Ticonderoga:
You missed! How could you miss?!

Colonel Ticonderoga:
Just shoot him, okay?

Rex O'Herlihan:
You're not a good guy at all!

Bob Barber:
I'm a lawyer, you idiot!

Rex O'Herlihan:
Give me a tall glass of warm gin with a human hair in it.

Rex O'Herlihan:
This is 1884. You've gotta date and date and date and date and sometimes marry 'em even before... you know...

Peter:
Now, wait a minute. Are you tellin' me you've never...?

Rex O'Herlihan:
Never.

Peter:
My God, Rex. You ARE a good guy.

Rex O'Herlihan:
I need a little 'me' time.

Rex O'Herlihan:
Root's Kickin' in!

Colonel Ticonderoga:
Throw another fag on the fire.

Colonel Ticonderoga:
A log! Throw another log on the fire.

Rex O'Herlihan:
I'll curse if I wanna curse! Damn! Damn, damn, hell, damn, tee tee, doo doo!

Peter:
For some reason, the bad guy was always a Colonel who had a beautiful daughter and about a thousand head of cattle which you would hear but never see.

Colonel Ticonderoga:
Let me just ask you one question. There's just one thing I'm curious about. Why did you bring the body here? My God, this is a home, people live here!

Colonel Ticonderoga:
Bury him! How about that! Don't you think that's a good idea?

Colonel Ticonderoga:
I mean, do you think that when somebody dies, they place them permanently on the family couch?

Peter:
What is this?

Rex O'Herlihan:
Just a root.

Peter:
Hm. Well, from now on, I'm the town root junkie.