The Cabin in the Woods

Dana Polk:
An army of nightmares, huh? Let's get this party started. [hits purge button releasing all the monsters]

Marty Mikalski:
Statistical fact: Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they and he will bind them with ancient logics.

Marty Mikalski:
[While group is in the cellar] Alright, I'm drawin' a line in the f***in' sand: do not read the Latin!

Marty Mikalski:
[after discovering a hidden camera] Oh my god. I'm on a reality TV show. My parents are gonna think I'm such a burn-out.

Marty Mikalski:
[After Dana discovers Judah's dismembered body] Yeah, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?

The Director:
[to Dana and Marty] This is all most unpleasant. I know you can hear me. I hope you'll listen. You won't get out of this complex alive. What I want you to try to understand is that you mustn't. Your deaths will avert countless others. You've seen horrible things: an army of nightmare creatures. And they are real. But they are nothing compared to what lies beneath us. There is a greater good, and for that you must be sacrificed. Forgive us... and let us end it quickly.

Curt:
[Jules is holding complex textbooks] What are these?

Jules:
Nothing.

Curt:
[angrily] No. I'm serious. What are these?

Jules:
I just...

Curt:
Where did you learn about this stuff?

Jules:
From you, okay? I learned it from watching you!

[Runs out of the room, Curt laughs]

Dana:
Thanks for... being decent.

Holden:
Least I could do, since Curt and Jules have sold you to me for marriage.

Mordecai:
Cleanse them. Cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe them in the crimson of - [pauses] Am I on speakerphone?

Hadley:
No, absolutely not. Speakerphone no, I wouldn't do that.

Mordecai:
Yes I am. I can hear the echo.

Hadley:
Oh my god, you're right. Hang on one second I'll take you off.

Mordecai:
That's rude. I don't know who's in the room.

Hadley:
Fine, there. You're off.

...

Mordecai:
Thank you. Don't take this lightly, boy. It wasn't all by your 'numbers'; the Fool nearly derailed the invocation with his insolence. The Ancient Ones see everything, and they will not - I'm still on speakerphone, aren't I?

Hadley:
Oh my god Mordecai! I can't believe it did it again! Mordy, what happens next?

Truman:
How can you wager on this when you control the outcome?

Hadley:
No, we just get 'em in the cellar. They take it from there.

Sitterson:
They have to make the choice of their own free will, otherwise the system doesn't work. Like the Harbinger. Creepy old f***, practically wears a sign, "YOU WILL DIE." Why do we put him there? The system. They have to choose to ignore him, just like they have to choose what's in the cellar. Yeah, we rig the game as much as we can, but in the end, they don't transgress ...

Hadley:
They can't be punished.

Wiry Girl:
That's not fair! I had zombies too!

Sitterson:
Yes, you had "Zombies." But this is "Zombie Redneck Torture Family." Entirely separate thing. It's like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal.

Sitterson:
I'm sorry, man.

Hadley:
He had the conch in his hands.

Sitterson:
I know. Couple more minutes, who knows what would have happened.

Hadley:
I'm never gonna see a merman.

Sitterson:
Dude, be thankful. Those things are terrifying. And the cleanup on them's a nightmare.

Dana:
I'm so sorry I almost shot you. I probably wouldn't have.

Marty:
Hey, shh, no. I totally get it. I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world. [incredulous] Giant evil gods.

Dana:
I wish I could have seen them.

Marty:
I know. That would have been a fun weekend.

You think you know the story.

If you hear a strange sound outside... have sex.

If an old man warns you not to go there... make fun of him.

Quaint abandoned property... sold.

If something is chasing you... split up.

Marty Mikalski:
Puppeteers...