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"The problem with defending the purity of the english language is that english is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, english has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary." »James Nicoll
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"I never question a success, any more than I do the right of a bulldog to lie in his own gateway." »Josh Billings
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"Carter Please tell me you speak english. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any english Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth" »Rush Hour
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"Our common language is ... english. And our common task is to ensure that our non-English-speaking children learn this common language." »William John Bennett
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"The english think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity." »Quentin Crisp
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"The nine most terrifying words in the english language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" »Ronald Reagan
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"english is the easiest language to speak badly." »George Bernhard Shaw
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""Reality" is the only word in the english language that should always be used in quotes." »Unknown
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"Drawing on my fine command of the english language, I said nothing." »Robert Benchley
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"Opera in english is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian." »H. L. Mencken
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"The english instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it." »James Agate
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"If the english language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." »Doug Larson
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"The two most beautiful words in the english language are ``check enclosed.'" »Dorothy Parker
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"Continental people have sex-lives the english have hot-water bottles." »George Mikes
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"All last year we tried to teach him english, and the only word he learned was million." »Tommy Lasorda, on pitcher Fernando Valenzuela
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"Never make fun of someone who speaks broken english. It means they know another language." »H. Jackson Brown Jr.
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"The english have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it." »George Bernard Shaw
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"If the english language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." »Doug Larson
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"english is a funny language..... De(a)dication can lead you to all the success in Life" »Siddharth Astir
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"When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka english.'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"The english country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." »Oscar Wilde
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"The english country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." »Oscar Wilde
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"Me, we. (Supposedly the shortest quote in the english language delivered at a Harvard graduation.)" »Muhammad Ali
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"I don't know why you use a fancy French word like dtente when there's a good english phrase for it-cold war." »Golda Meir
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"Every english poet should master the rules of grammar before he attempts to bend or break them." »Robert Graves
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"It was one of those perfect english autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life." »P. D. James
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"Contrary to popular belief, english women do not wear tweed nightgowns." »Hermione Gingold
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"Writing in english is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins commited in previous lives." »James Joyce
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"The english language has a deceptive air of simplicity so have some little frocks but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine." »Dorothy L. Sayers
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"The American mind, unlike the english, is not formed by books, but, as Carl Sandburg once said to me, by newspapers and the Bible." »Van Wyck Brooks
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