Top Gear

Top Gear (2002-present) is a BAFTA and Emmy Award winning BBC television series about motor vehicles, mainly cars.

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Jeremy:
[To the car dealer] How much murdering goes on here?

Car Dealer:
A lot. If you go one mile away from here- if you go to any street-

Jeremy:
I'll be murdered.

Car Dealer:
Yeah. Everybody up here, they got guns. Including me. Wanna see? [Pulls out a gun]

Jeremy:
He's not joking!

Car Dealer:
It's real- here- [takes out the magazine, hands the gun to Jeremy]

Jeremy:
[takes the gun] Now, you see, I wasn't ready for that.

Car Dealer:
Welcome to United States.

[cut to Jeremy walking out of a door, carrying a rifle]

Jeremy:
[to camera] This is his other gun. [To the dealer] That's not a shotgun Robert, that's a rifle.

Car Dealer (Robert, I guess.):
Yeah, that's a rifle. The Shotgun is... somewhere else. I don't know.

Jeremy:
You need this if you're going to be a car salesman?

Robert:
The guy right here, If you go two blocks down here, he got shot 5 times.

Jeremy:
Why, by someone buying a car?

Robert:
He killed the guy.

Jeremy:
HE killed the guy?

Robert:
He killed the guy.

Jeremy:
So why have you got telescopic sights on here?

Robert:
Because if they go far away you just shoot them. You saw the movie, John Wayne? The guy is runnning all the way, like 500 feet, and phyw! You shoot him right there.

[cut to Richard answering his phone]

Jeremy:
Hammond.

Richard:
Yes, Jeremy, How're you doing?

Jeremy:
Just been told by my new best friend- Robert, the Persian- if you go beyond 79th street you will definitely be murdered.

Richard:
[looks panicked] What?

Jeremy:
Good bye. [hangs up]

[cut to Jeremy] Jeremy:
Hammond is wearing cowboy boots. They're gonna shoot him, aren't they?

[cut to Richard, confused]:
Is it south or north of 79th street? I can't go.

[cut to Richard walking along a street] (voiceover) Richard:
I decided the best plan was to stay on 79th street itself.

[They've made camp and night has fallen]

Jeremy:
[Showing a book about insects to Hammond, who has a phobia of them] This is a book about all the creatures that live in the rainforest that Mr Sting hasn't told us about. Would you like to hear about... the Brazilian wandering spider?

Richard:
[Looking uncomfortable] Not really no.

Jeremy:
Causes around five human fatalities a year. Lives on the forest floor.

[Hammond turns on a toy dinosaur shaped head torch, which quietly screeches a few times]

Jeremy:
What is that?

Richard:
Head torch. I'm looking for a, what was it called a wandering spi-?

Jeremy:
Would you like to hear about the Fer-de-Lance

Richard:
Is it furry?

Jeremy':
It's a venemous pit viper. It's bite will cause necrosis of the tissues surrounding the initial wound. The venom will cause kidney failure, fever, and death in three to four days. Would you like to see a photograph of someone who's been bitten by one of these?

[Clarkson shines his flashlight over a graphic picture of someone whose leg has graphically necrotized]

Richard:
Oh.... God!

Jeremy:
It's okay. It lives in North and South America, so that's...

Richard:
Here.

Jeremy:
Exactly here. [Later] Ooh, the botfly, now this is a marvellous thing. The botfly cannot sting a human directly, but captures smaller insects, lays its larvae upon them and then releases them. If the smaller host insect then bites the human, the botfly larvae are impregnated into the skin. The larvae then pupates inside the skin, at which point they eat their way out and fly away. The BBC Natural History Unit reports the case of a man, who was bitten behind the ear, and was kept awake at night by the sound of the botfly larvae eating the flesh inside his head.

[Cut to view of the moon]

Jeremy:
[voiceover] Hammond didn't have a good night.

[Cut to outside Hammond's tent]

Richard:
[From inside his tent] What's that? Aaagh! Ah! Stick insects! Something's honestly landed- there's things on my head - oh, what is that?! There's something that just flew in my hair and it's squeaking at me and it's big, it's really big...!

Jeremy:
[voiceover] ...and to be honest, he didn't have a great morning either.

Richard:
WHO has done this? [cuts to Richard with one of his trouser legs missing]

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