BoJack Horseman

Tom Jumbo-Grumbo:
Well, BoJack, surely, even you would agree that the troops are heroes.

BoJack Horseman:
I don't agree to that. Maybe some of the troops are heroes but not automatically, I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks; Most people are jerks already, and it's not like giving a jerk a gun and telling him it's okay to kill people suddenly turns that jerk into a hero.

BoJack Horseman:
Charlie, listen, you know, I know that it's very hip these days to sh*t all over Horsin' Around, but at the time I can tell you - Is it ok to say "sh*t"?

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
You haven't seen any extra chickens running around?

Todd Chavez:
No, I don't think so.

Becca:
Behhhk. Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk-ay.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Who's this?

Todd Chavez:
Uh, this is my, uh, my wife...

Becca:
Bawka.

Todd Chavez:
Becca! Yeah, my wife Becca. Becca Chavez. There she is.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Okay.

Becca:
Book book.

Todd Chavez:
Yep, she loves her books. Big reader. Real nerd.

Becca:
Back-aw.

Todd Chavez:
Back off? Okay, I'm sorry, honey.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Hold on, if you're really a nerd, who's your favorite Baroque composer?

Becca:
Bawk.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Bach? Not Vivaldi? You're insane!

Becca:
Bick.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Yes, I'm holding a Bic pen, but I don't see how that's relevant, Mrs. Chavez.

Becca:
Bawk-aw.

Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface:
Sorry. Becca.

Todd Chavez:
So if anyone asks, you were born in La Jolla, you majored in Communications at USC, and now, you're the booking agent for Kings of Leon.

Becca:
Book behk.

Todd Chavez:
Fine, you also book Beck.

Charlotte Moore:
[to BoJack] If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will f***ing kill you!

BoJack Horseman:
You know, sometimes I think I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me and now its all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?

Mr. Peanutbutter:
The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead.

Mr. Peanutbutter:
Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do, but you're not gonna find what you're looking for in these awful made-up places. The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.

Mr. Peanutbutter:
Todd, it's all happening!

Todd Chavez:
Hooray! And you know I don't throw that word around lightly.

Princess Carolyn:
Oh fish. Of course! Why would you ever make things easy for me when instead you could make things incredibly difficult. Laura! Clear our my schedule! I have to push a boulder up a hill and then have it roll over me time and time again with no regard for my well-being!

BoJack Horseman:
What do I do now?

Diane Nguyen:
Well, That's the problem with life, right? Either you know what you want, and then you don't get what you want. Or you get what you want, and then you don't know what you want

BoJack Horseman:
Well, that's stupid.

Diane Nguyen:
Yeah...

Mr. Peanutbutter:
The universe is a cruel uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you'll be dead.

BoJack Horseman:
What's great about Los Angeles is nobody cares where you're from or who you are. It's a superficial town where you can worry about stupid sh*t like keeping your pool clean, and what artisanal nuts to put on your salad.

Diane:
I do like salad.

BoJack Horseman:
Oh, it's the best! Why do you think people keep moving there?

Ira Glass:
Your telephone is ringing. I'm Ira Glass. Thank you for being a sustaining member of public radio. Everyone has a story, and your phone's story is that it's ringing.

Naomi Watts:
Isn't this town sick of creating three-dimensional roles for women? This happens to me all the time! A.O. Scott is sick of talking about how brilliant I am!

BoJack Horseman:
[after Mr Peanutbutter takes credit for the 'D' theft] That son of a b*tch! That literal son of a b*tch!

BoJack Horseman:
Oh God, lungs on fire. [Stops to catch his breath before resuming] Ow, crap. I hate this. Running is terrible, everything is the worst. [Lying down, panting heavily] Oh my God, oh my God.

Jogger:
[Jogger stands over Bojack] It gets easier.

BoJack Horseman:
Huh?

Jogger:
Everyday, it gets a little easier.

BoJack Horseman:
Yeah?

Jogger:
But you gotta do it everyday, that's the hard part. But it does get easier. [Jogger runs off]

BoJack Horseman:
[to himself] Okay?

BoJack Horseman:
Fool me once, shame on you, but teach a man to fool me and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

Wanda Pierce:
What happened?

BoJack Horseman:
Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.

Wanda Pierce:
When you look at the world through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.