The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo

Det. Whit Hineline:
Hey, next person to complain spends the storm in a tent, so stop whining, and don't blame a hurricane on Shelby here.

Chase Cavanaugh:
How could it be me? I was attacked, remember?

Det. Whit Hineline:
Yeah, well it must take a lot of guts to knock yourself out.

Shelby Woo:
[on the phone while everyone's making noise in the background] What's that, Grandpa? I can hardly hear you. No it's not the storm, just getting ready. Listen, I'm really glad you called because, what's that? You've got the shakes? Well me too, I mean we're all a little worried about the... what, milkshakes? What're you talking about? Oh! You and the senior citizens stopped for milkshakes! That's great, that's really delicious and everything, but listen Grandpa, I really need to talk to you. I don't want you to worry but it's not just the storm and being trapped, there's trouble too. Yeah, there... hello? Grandpa? Hello? I can't hear you! Grandpa are you there? Could everyone please... excuse me a minute... QUIET! [everything stops]... please?

Gina Michaels:
[the storm knocks a tree branch through a window] What do we do now?

Chase Cavanaugh:
We're almost in the eye of the hurricane. It'll be calm then, but we only have a few minutes before it builds back up again.

Shelby Woo:
Well we need to get that window covered. Cindy, get the toolbox from the kitchen, Noah, you help me get another piece of plywood. You two get the branch out of there... sorry, Detective.

Det. Whit Hineline:
No, no, it's alright, you see what you just did there? You took charge.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Why do I always get a dead flashlight?

Melanie Turner:
Is there anything else I can do?

Shelby Woo:
See if you can get Miss Guthrie to hurry up.

Melanie Turner:
I'll threaten her if I have to.

Elizabeth Guthrie:
[on the phone] Tell me what you want, should I poison him or shoot him? I know, I know, you don't want to know the details, you just want him dead. Well thank you for your help. [hangs up and sees Melanie]

Melanie Turner:
I don't know what you think I heard but...

Elizabeth Guthrie:
Just once I'd like to see him try to do my job. Has he ever had to deal with writers block? And during a HURRICANE.

Melanie Turner:
You're a writer?

Elizabeth Guthrie:
Of murder mysteries. [Melanie sighs] Oh, you thought? [breaks out laughing]

Melanie Turner:
For a second I thought I'd be traveling in a van with a murderer. [Guthrie keeps laughing]

Shelby Woo:
I was putting new batteries in all the flashlights when Miss Guthrie came over to me. She asked me to put her watch into the safe.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Was anybody nearby?

Melanie Turner:
Me. I wanted to look at the watch and Miss Guthrie let me try it on.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Show me where you were standing.

Melanie Turner:
[points] Right there.

Gina Michaels:
Uh uh. No my dear, you were standing right over here.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Are you sure?

Gina Michaels:
Sure.

Melanie Turner:
Well what difference does that make?

Gina Michaels:
Oh one big difference, from HERE, you can see the combination.

Cindy Ornette:
You saw how she reacted when she tried on the watch, she loved it.

Noah Allen:
Yeah, so did Shelby, I don't see anybody accusing her!

Shelby Woo:
Come on, cut it out. Noah's right, we have to look at all possible suspects. Now who was in the room?

Cindy Ornette:
The magician and his wife were by the door.

Noah Allen:
There was the junior weatherman, he was making his documentary.

Shelby Woo:
And Melanie, they were all in the room.

Cindy Ornette:
But Melanie was the only one close enough to see the combination.

Cindy Ornette:
Melanie! Noah! Sorry. I really messed that one up.

Shelby Woo:
I wasn't much help myself. There's only one thing we can do.

Cindy Ornette, Shelby Woo:
Figure out who did it.

Shelby Woo:
[just as Melanie's about to reveal who she suspects, the power goes out, a thud is heard, Melanie groans, and everybody's scrambling in the dark] Does anybody have a flashlight?

Det. Whit Hineline:
Yeah here's one. Oh wait, it doesn't work, the batteries are dead.

Noah Allen:
Where's Melanie?

Shelby Woo:
[turns on a flashlight] She's gone.

Shelby Woo:
Where do you think Melanie is?

Cindy Ornette:
She's not in here.

Shelby Woo:
Maybe someone put her under the bed.

Cindy Ornette:
I'm not looking under there.

Cindy Ornette:
[encountering Noah in the dark] Geez Noah! Do you have to lurk?

Noah Allen:
I'm not LURKING, I was coming to help.

Cindy Ornette:
Well don't sneak up on us. There's a crazy attacker person around here.

Shelby Woo:
And they've already taken out Melanie.

Noah Allen:
Yeah, just as she was about to reveal who did it.

Cindy Ornette:
Who could it have been?

Shelby Woo:
I don't know, but whoever did it is still in this house.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Did you find her?

Cindy Ornette:
She's not upstairs.

Gina Michaels:
Not here either.

Chase Cavanaugh:
Well maybe she ran out into the storm.

Shelby Woo:
No, I thought of that, but if she opened a door, water would've come in here. And all the floors are dry.

Det. Whit Hineline:
And I checked out back, there's nothing.

Noah Allen:
Well she couldn't have just disappeared.

Shelby Woo:
[looks to the magician box] Oh yeah? [opens it up and Melanie falls out, unconscious]

Shelby Woo:
It's not enough I have a hurricane, and my grandfather's not here, and Melanie was attacked, and the watch has been stolen, now I have to make sandwiches?

Noah Allen:
Ooh, can I have turkey and cheese?

Cindy Ornette:
That crowd is really getting scary.

Shelby Woo:
And the mystery is getting more complicated too. Who has a reason to steal the watch?

Cindy Ornette:
Chase's funding is about to run out, he could use the money.

Shelby Woo:
So could Gina and Alex, they want to stop traveling and open a magic shop.

Cindy Ornette:
What about Elizabeth Guthrie? She's a little odd.

Noah Allen:
Why would she steal her own watch?

Shelby Woo:
Because she told me that when she can't figure out what to write, she likes to put unsuspecting people in the same situation as her characters.

Cindy Ornette:
You mean she may just be using us all as guinea pigs for some plot?

Noah Allen:
Great, so everybody has a motive.

Cindy Ornette:
Nobody had any access.

Shelby Woo:
Well someone had to have, because someone got in there.

Shelby Woo:
This equipment's going wild.

Det. Whit Hineline:
This equipment doesn't miss a thing.

Shelby Woo:
[they look to each other] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Gina Michaels:
What is going on here? I mean who could've done this?

Shelby Woo:
Yeah, who could break into the safe, attack Melanie, and knock you out?

Cindy Ornette:
You were hiding candy?

Alexander Michaels:
I'm supposed to be on a diet and I didn't want my wife to know about it.

Melanie Turner:
We better set the fridge on high, get everything nice and cold in case the power goes out later.

Shelby Woo:
Ooh, good idea.

Cindy Ornette:
You want me to fill up the bathtubs with water?

Shelby Woo:
What?

Cindy Ornette:
Extra drinking water, we can't have too much.

Shelby Woo:
Exactly right.

Noah Allen:
We're running out of plywood, so I'm thinking maybe the shutters, they'll be enough on the porch windows?

Shelby Woo:
Yeah.

Shelby Woo:
Today at the police department, they've got me restocking the emergency supplies, it's something you think about in Florida, we're still cleaning up from Hurricane Isador.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Shelby? There was some trouble at the Sand Dollar Surf Shop, I need some blank missing property forms.

Shelby Woo:
Oh. What's missing?

Det. Whit Hineline:
The whole shop. Hurricane blew it away, somebody saw a surfboard over on Pomert.

Noah Allen:
You must really like getting beat up, this whole walking around in public thing you do.

Shelby Woo:
Not that I blame those kids for being angry with Benny, I mean I was a victim too, but what he said made a lot of sense. We're the only people who buy tickets from him, he'd be crazy to cheat us. So the big question was, WHERE did all those fake tickets come from? I needed an expert on the criminal mind, fortunately I know where one lives; in his spare time he runs a guest house out of his home. His students call him Professor Woo, but I call him Grandpa.

Shelby Woo:
It's like you always say, Grandpa, a suspect without a motive is a lousy suspect.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Ah ha.

Shelby Woo:
The thing is Benny has no motive. I mean if he rips off the people he sells tickets to, how long can he expect to stay in business?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
No too long.

Shelby Woo:
I know this is crazy, but I think Benny is being framed. I can't prove it, it's just instinct, but I think some great big terrible crime has been committed.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Shelby, please don't talk about crime in front of guests, I save it for my class in criminal science.

Shelby Woo:
I'm sorry.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
And as for instinct, I tell my students 'look at the faces, the science, instinct is just guess work, and a good detective never guesses'.

Shelby Woo:
All along I thought that whoever switched Benny's tickets sold them and kept the money. But it turns out that those seats were empty, except for one, someone wanted those seats empty. And I don't know how to explain this. [hands Noah the wrapper]

Noah Allen:
Well which part do you need explained? The thick creamy nougat or the crispy wispy wafers? [Shelby turns the wrapper around, showing the map] Some sort of diagram.

Cindy Ornette:
It was in our seats right next to the air vent.

Shelby Woo:
The air vent! I overheard an important clue and completely forgot it. I bet whoever left that note climbed in the air vent by our seats.

Cindy Ornette:
That's why they wanted all those seats empty.

Shelby Woo:
And this diagram must be a map of the ventilation system.

Noah Allen:
Yeah, alright here's what we don't know, what any of this means!

Shelby Woo:
All I know is this is starting to look a lot bigger than a bunch of tickets stolen from Benny.

Shelby Woo:
He left our money, but look, your secret box.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Mmmmm... what, something?

Shelby Woo:
Some sort of special tweezers.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Ah ha.

Shelby Woo:
Grandpa, what is it?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
The answer's in San Francisco.

Shelby Woo:
San Francisco? Where you worked?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
We don't have time to talk now, we must pack, we have to catch an early plane.

Shelby Woo:
But Grandpa!

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
I have waited a long time for this second chance to solve the Alley Cat crime.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Four years ago when I was still with the San Francisco police, we were facing a very perplexing thief, The Alley Cat. [shows Shelby a newspaper]

Shelby Woo:
[reads headline] 'Alley Cat steals Waterman Pearls'. Pearls? they look like golf balls!

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
[chuckles] You don't want to smash these with any clubs; this guy Waterman says they're priceless and he should know, he's a very good jeweler.

Shelby Woo:
So the Alley Cat's still out there, but why did he come after you so many years later?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
For the key stolen from my box last night. Here's what it looked like, the thief left it behind when he took the pearls.

Shelby Woo:
What would you do with big old stolen pearls like that?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
I don't know, I wouldn't do anything.

Shelby Woo:
I mean you couldn't sell them, you couldn't wear them, they're too famous.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
I suppose. I'm thinking about other things right now.

Shelby Woo:
Want to share?

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Not particularly.

Eliot Waterman:
Thank you, Mr. Woo.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
No, thank Shelby. My granddaughter, she figured out this whole case.

Shelby Woo:
I can't believe I'm off to San Francisco to solve a case with the famous criminalist, Mike Woo.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Correction, I am going to San Francisco to solve the case, you are here for me to make safe.

Shelby Woo:
Right.

Shelby Woo:
My biology report's on alligators; I used to think they were nothing but creepy, overgrown, prehistoric lizards. Turns out they're fascinating, especially if they're part of a mystery, come on, help me solve one.

Shelby Woo:
Detective, look what I found. Look at the initials: S.G., maybe it's Shannon Gregors, and there's a 4-leaf clover, a horseshoe, and dice, good luck charms like a gambler would have.

Det. Whit Hineline:
And the bracelet snapped in two.

Shelby Woo:
Maybe it was broken in a struggle.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Maybe, and maybe McBride had something to do with Shannon's disappearance after all.

Cindy Ornette:
'Write a ten page paper on the animal of your choice.'

Noah Allen:
Ten pages? I couldn't write ten pages on myself.

Cindy Ornette:
Well you must include sections on habitat, mating and the digestive, respiratory, skeletal and circulatory systems.

Noah Allen:
Well that'll help pad it, what're you going to do?

Cindy Ornette:
Vampire bats, I've seen every vampire movie ever made, how different can it be?

Noah Allen:
I guess I'll do the three-toed sloth.

Cindy Ornette:
Why?

Noah Allen:
Just like them.

Shelby Woo:
I can't get my mind off this case; Shannon Gregors' mom identified the bracelet as her daughter's, so Detective Hineline's sending a team to drag the swamp.

Noah Allen:
He's thinking...?

Cindy Ornette:
Like, fed her to the alligators.

Cindy Ornette:
'The History of Dogs', 'Man's Best Friend', 'Those Doggone Dogs', I thought you were doing the three-toed sloth.

Noah Allen:
I couldn't even find one article on them but there's many findings on dogs.

Cindy Ornette:
Well these vampire bats are even better than vampires; did you know that their stomachs are specially adapted to a diet of blood?

Noah Allen:
Ah, I've been looking for a pet.

Shelby Woo:
Look what I found, it's an article about the opening of Gator World and it mentions that family that lived in the swamp, the Destreys.

Cindy Ornette:
Hmm, 'The opening ceremony was disrupted by the Destrey family, who fired several rounds of ammunition at the Gator World sign, and disappeared into the swamp.'

Noah Allen:
They're a handsome bunch.

Cindy Ornette:
Well I guess fashion isn't a priority when you live in a swamp.

Shelby Woo:
People say they never left.

Cindy Ornette:
Maybe they come out at night to make sure nobody trespasses on their land.

Shelby Woo:
Yeah! Maybe the Destreys got Shannon!

Noah Allen:
This paper's from 1946, wouldn't they all be dead?

Shelby Woo:
Probably, except this little girl Maude, she could still be alive.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Tell me again what you were even doing at Gator World.

Shelby Woo:
Research for my report.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Ah, can we see your research notes?

Shelby Woo:
I don't actually have any notes.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Did you draw any sketches, take any photos?

Shelby Woo:
No, but I have some very strong mental images.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
What about a park brochure, souvenir cup, maybe a button? No, what kind of research did you do again?

Shelby Woo:
I was observing behavior. And I really didn't realize how late it was, honest.

Det. Whit Hineline:
Oh I believe that part, it's the rest of the story I'm having trouble with.

Cindy Ornette:
This is a pawn shop, where's the poker game?

Noah Allen:
No, in "Guys and Dolls" they move the dice game around so that the cops couldn't find them, I'll bet you that's what Rench does.

Cindy Ornette:
Mmmm, good thinking!

Shelby Woo:
Thanks for going to see Alfred Rench for me.

Noah Allen:
Don't worry about it, but I think you can pretty much rule him out as a suspect.

Alfred Rench:
[suspect video playback] You see Shannon, you tell her I want my money!

Cindy Ornette:
Yeah, he really thinks she's alive.

Shelby Woo:
I know, the more I think about McBride, the less guilty he seems. I mean if you fed an old fiancee to the alligators, and a detective was asking you questions, wouldn't you at least pretend to be concerned about her?

Benjamin McBride:
[suspect video playback] I don't know, and I don't care!

Cindy Ornette:
Well than that leaves Maude Destrey.

Shelby Woo:
I know, but if Maude Destrey makes a habit of feeding people to the gators, why did she save me?

Noah Allen:
[getting his rollerblades off] Just a second, I've got a knot.

Cindy Ornette:
Hurry Noah, the library closes soon.

Noah Allen:
Look, if I could take off the skate without doing the lace, I would, but I can't, can I?

Shelby Woo:
No you can't! I've got it! The shoe! The shoe I found in the swamp! The laces were tied all the way up and the bow was double knotted, the shoe couldn't have fallen off Shannon Gregor!

Noah Allen:
And if the alligators had eaten her, they would've eaten the shoe too.

Shelby Woo:
Right!

Cindy Ornette:
But then how did it get in the swamp?

Shelby Woo:
Well someone must've put it there! And I think I know who it is!

Shelby Woo:
I've been packing my lunch lately. I'm just nervous, I guess because of what happened at my school cafeteria. I mean we used to kid that the food there was bad, well last week it was downright dangerous. See if you can pick the right suspect from the menu.

Tim:
[in the nurse's office sick] I'll never trust that cafeteria food again.

Cindy Ornette:
I didn't trust it to begin with. [groaning] Oh, and today our relationship got worse.

Shelby Woo:
I polled all the kids in the hall, and the one thing they all ate was hot dogs.

Noah Allen:
Oh man, I had like 11 of those.

Cindy Ornette:
11 hot dogs?

Noah Allen:
Yeah, well they were plain and there was no bun or ketchup.

Cindy Ornette:
11?

Noah Allen:
There was wagering involved, ask Tim.

Tim:
We paid a dollar a dog.

Noah Allen:
I think I'm gonna explode.

Cindy Ornette:
Better not explode on me. Lean that way, Noah [shoves him and knocks him off the desk]

Celeste Jasmine:
Tim! How could you?

Shelby Woo:
Ms. Jasmine, it wasn't Tim's fault, it was the hot dogs.

Celeste Jasmine:
I know that, that's why I'm so upset! Tim knows that we never eat meat, especially hot dogs! Who knows what they put in those?

Tim:
Mom, please!

Celeste Jasmine:
Now just last night, I was at the PTA meeting lobbying to take meat off the school menu, and today my own son does this!

Noah Allen:
I think I lost 8 pounds today, the hard way.

Cindy Ornette:
What's in a hot dog anyway? It's a mystery meat, you ever read the label? It says meat by-products, what's that? Hooves and nostrils?

Shelby Woo:
Detective Hineline says that the hot dogs may have been bad when they arrived at the school, but I think it was probably a deliberate act. There are too many suspicious clues: the freezer was broken into, and the hot dog box was open.

Noah Allen:
But didn't the manager say the plastic seal wasn't even broken? I mean doesn't that mean that the hot dogs weren't tampered with?

Shelby Woo:
Maybe they tampered with the pots that the hot dogs were boiled in.

Noah Allen:
Yes! And you know who would've done that? Big Betty, the dishwasher lady, she is, she's scary. I mean you ever see the way she glares? I've thought for years that she secretly hates kids.

Cindy Ornette:
That is so mean. Betty Shakerford has good reason to glare at those kids, they're always handing her trays heaped with mashed potato art or plates glued to the trays. And what about having to scrub pots in scalding water?

Shelby Woo:
Yeah, if I were her, I would definitely hate kids.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
How are your suspects sizing up?

Shelby Woo:
Well there's Big Betty the cafeteria dishwasher.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Ah, Shelby, Big Betty?

Shelby Woo:
Oh, I don't call her that, Grandpa, but the kids at school give her a hard time, maybe she wants to get back at them. And then there's Tim's mom, you know Ms. Jasmine? She thinks eating meat is a crime.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
You should've seen her at the PTA meeting the other night, ooh!

Shelby Woo:
But there's also Earl Cummings, since he lost the hot dog account with the school, he had reason to make Joy-Boy brand look bad. Although I'm not sure how he would've gotten into the cafeteria and broken into the freezer without anybody noticing.

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
Well sometimes the delivery guys get keys to the early stops on their routes.

Shelby Woo:
Oh yeah, he mentioned he was making a delivery at 6 A.M. I have to call Cindy. [gets up]

Mike 'Grandpa' Woo:
[laughs] 6 A.M., she'll never make it.

Noah Allen:
[locked in the cafeteria freezer] What're we gonna do?

Cindy Ornette:
We could freeze to death!

Shelby Woo:
Or run out of air!

Noah Allen:
Which one do you think will happen first?

Shelby Woo:
Well when we get out we can check the owner's manual, come on, we better jog to keep warm.

Cindy Ornette:
Wait a second, if we run we'll use up more oxygen!

Shelby Woo:
Well we have to do something!

Noah Allen:
I hate exercise, maybe we can all, I don't know, snuggle? [Shelby and Cindy glare at him, starts jogging in place] I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Cindy Ornette:
Maybe if you'd cut back on the junk food you'd be in better shape.

Noah Allen:
What are you, the Surgeon General?

Noah Allen:
[locked in the cafeteria freezer] What time do the kitchen staff get here?

Shelby Woo:
I think one of them is already here. The hand that pushed me back in had a latex glove on, a glove just like the kitchen ladies wear.

Noah Allen:
Yes! Yes! I know, it's Big Betty! She frightens me.

Cindy Ornette:
She must've been hiding here and when we were getting close to some evidence, and she wanted us out of her way!

Noah Allen:
She probably wants to get put us out of her way for good! In fact, she's probably outside right now sharpening up a big meat cleaver so she can come in here and chop us all up and put us into Monday's meatloaf!

Cindy Ornette:
I want to be a vegetarian!

Shelby Woo:
Big Betty may hate kids, but I doubt she [door opens, they turn and scream]

Shelby Woo:
[a note is found in Asta's dressing room with the words 'out out brief candle' on it] Is that from...

Theresa Pirelli:
Don't say it [Macbeth] ! It's bad luck to mention that name in a theater.

Damon Martel:
That's why it's called the Scottish play.

Shelby Woo:
Oh, we just read it in English class.

Damon Martel:
[finds a note where Mimi was injured] Blood will have blood?

Shelby Woo:
Is that from...

Everybody:
Don't say it!

Shelby Woo:
[looking over the show's script] This is the script?

Noah Allen:
Yeah, why?

Shelby Woo:
The paper and the type face, they're the same as the notes, look.

Noah Allen:
Somebody cut up a script? I don't get it.

Shelby Woo:
[runs into the kitchen as the diners appear to have food poisoning] I think the food's been spiked! [the chef runs out, discovers giant seasoning bottles] cracked chili peppers, somebody must've put this in the food!

Det. Sharon Delancey:
Nobody's accusing you, but it does seem a little strange you didn't order meatloaf tonight.

Harriet:
How many nights a week can *you* eat meatloaf?

Tammy:
[finds a piece of paper where the fire was] Looks like just a piece of garbage.

Shelby Woo:
Well it might be a clue, this place was cleaned up when we left.

Norman Emerson:
What's it say?

Shelby Woo:
[takes the paper] Well most of it's burnt away, but the last line says 'go out of business'.

Harriet:
Victor isn't a criminal, I wouldn't hire a criminal.

Victor:
And for the last time I am NOT going to work for you, for all I know you're probably behind this whole thing.