The Sandbaggers

Burnside:
If I want to send an agent to the lavatory, I need the Foreign Secretary's permission. If I want him to do anything when he gets there, I need the Prime Minister's written approval!

Neil Burnside:
What exactly did he say?

Diane Lawler:
He asked me if I knew why Sandbagger 2 was in Iran.

Neil Burnside:
And?

Diane Lawler:
Simple secretary, aren't I? I said I thought it was a request from Teheran Station.

Neil Burnside:
All right, I can lie my way out of that.

Diane Lawler:
One day you're going to get caught, and you'll be setting up a station on your own, in the Brazilian jungle.

Neil Burnside:
Well at least they get plenty of coffee.

Neil Burnside:
If I want to be nagged I'll get married again.

Willie Caine:
Tell me one thing. What's wrong with Karen Milner? Why do you resent her so much?

Neil Burnside:
Because she's alive.

Willie Caine:
It's always a comfort to me on a mission to remember you don't drink. You might not know what you're doing, but at least you're not smashed out of your brain while you're doing it.

Neil Burnside:
You've no idea what this coffee does to me.

Willie Caine:
This ain't coffee, it's chemical warfare.

Trevor D'arcy:
You thought I was KGB, I thought she was. Suspicious bunch, aren't we?

Neil Burnside:
Lunch at this place? What do you want in return? My entire directorate? The whole of next year's budget?

Jeff Ross:
Your budget wouldn't cover our phone bills.

Neil Burnside:
It wouldn't keep you in postage stamps. Do you know, if they cut back any further, our most distant foreign station will be Liverpool.

Mike Wallace:
I've got this friend in MI5

Neil Burnside:
No one's a friend in MI5.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
We can't have MI5 treating the CIA like an extension of the Warsaw Pact.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
My opposite number at the Home Office is a nice enough chap, but he lacks my charm and wit and intelligence.

Neil Burnside:
Of course.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
And my subtlety. He was trying to pump me last night over dinner without making it obvious, and failed dismally.

Neil Burnside:
What did he want to know?

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
All about the Special Relationship.

Neil Burnside:
Between SIS and the CIA?

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
The one between the Home Office and the Ancient Monuments Board is already well known to him.

Mike Wallace:
It's costed at 50,000 a year all up.

Neil Burnside:
We probably spend more than than on 6th floor carpeting.

Mike Wallace:
Oh, what's the time skirt on all this?

Neil Burnside:
Yesterday.

Mike Wallace:
Ah, situation normal.

Diane Lawler:
[Opening lines] Wellingham rang. He wants to see you.

Burnside:
Do you mean the Permanent Undersecretary of the Foreign Office?

Diane Lawler:
I mean your father-in-law.

Burnside:
EX-father-in-law.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
If they prosecuted every MP who's sitting on classified papers that don't belong to him, the Commons would be empty. No, face facts, Neil. If the Prime Minister torpedoes Stratford-Baker, he goes down too. With his government.

'C':
Loses everything he's worked for for most of his life.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
Or, until such time as the evidence is overwhelming, he can choose to disbelieve the allegations. Now what would human nature dictate?

Neil Burnside:
All right. Then can I contact Stratford-Baker? Try to frighten him off?

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
I've gone suddenly deaf. Haven't you, James?

'C':
What was that you said, Geoffrey?

Matthew Peele:
Appalling when the White House can't trust the FBI and the CIA.

Neil Burnside:
Our government doesn't entirely trust us.

Matthew Peele:
That's on a different level. We've never been accused of shooting at the Prime Minister.

Neil Burnside:
We'll get to him eventually.

Matthew Peele:
I don't find that amusing.

Matthew Peele:
SIS has no brief to campaign for human rights!

Neil Burnside:
Do you want my resignation, sir?

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
And save you from suffering under Gibbs? Certainly not. Serves you right.

Neil Burnside:
Will you stop throwing Karen at me?

Jeff Ross:
Well, how else are you two going to get it together?

Neil Burnside:
I'm not interested.

Jeff Ross:
Well, Karen is. She's kind of fond of you.

Neil Burnside:
She doesn't know me.

Jeff Ross:
Yeah, well, that's why she's fond of you.

Neil Burnside:
If I'm mad, Willie, and everyone seems to think I am, then I've the right to tilt at the odd windmill or two.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
I'm Permanent Undersecretary, not Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Neil Burnside:
You asked me what I wanted.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
Neil, Belinda is driving me mad.

Neil Burnside:
I remember the feeling.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
And I'll remember this conversation.

Neil Burnside:
I'd help if I could, but the price is too high.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
I'll remember that too.

Colin Grove:
I think I'd like Special Operations.

Neil Burnside:
It amounts to months of boredom interspersed with moments of panic.

Neil Burnside:
If he annoys me, I'll belt you.

Diane Lawler:
Promises, promises.

Neil Burnside:
I've come for advice, but at this stage, it's got to be off the record, the whole conversation.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
Making me an accessory. Before or after the fact?

Neil Burnside:
I'm not sure yet.

Philip Skinner:
Are you attending the conference?

Neil Burnside:
You must be joking. I know it's supposed to be romantic to die on a Greek island, but not by being bored to death.

Neil Burnside:
He hasn't started talking about his garden yet.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
Oh yes, he has. He cornered me last night after dinner, in the bar. We've got to take it in turns, Neil. That way, we can both get some peace some of the time.

Neil Burnside:
I'm not sure, sir. I'm supposed to be here to protect you.

Sir Geoffrey Wellingham:
Then protect me from Peele! I'll take my chance with the PFLP and the rest of the terrorist lot.

Matthew Peele:
Who needs enemies when we have computers?