Third Watch

Dr. Susan Lewis:
Drug addiction's a disease. It's recognized as a disease by the American Psychiatric Association.

Faith:
What about Pedophilia? Isn't that recognized as a disease? You want a child molester raising a kid?

Doc:
I'm ashamed to even know you.

Lieutenant John Miller:
This job needs someone who knows what they're doing, Lieutenant.

Yokas:
You know I'm standing right here?

Lieutenant John Miller:
Has she even been a detective for a whole day?

Yokas:
She's been a detective for two days. Which is just enough time for me to ask you: what the hell is your name doing on my victim? Because you are that Lieutenant Miller, aren't you?

Davis:
Let's go Finney. Let's go.

Brendan Finney:
I don't need your protection, Davis.

Davis:
Fine, kick his ass Sully. I don't give a damn.

Sully:
One universal truth to policing, any day that begins with a domestic is not gonna be a good day.

Monroe:
Well, then we're screwed already.

Woman:
Hi. Uh... we didn't call the police.

Sully:
Oh, we're here because we care.

[at Aaron's apartment]

Carlos:
Whoa! Possible DOA?

Sully:
I thought I saw him move.

Grace Foster:
He's already started to decompose.

[about suicide]

Jelly:
You know, women do this right. Bottle of pills, head in the oven. Never make a mess.

Yokas:
Yeah, that's because we always have to clean everything up.

Yokas:
I thought detectives worked better hours. I've been here for two days straight.

Jelly:
If we woulda handled it my way, you woulda been home on time each night. And there woulda been one dead schoolteacher and whatever kids happened to be around her when she blew up.

Yokas:
Beginner's luck.

Jelly:
I was married once. Found out my wife was porking the delivery guy from the deli up the block. He delivered for them, I guess mostly sausage.

Holly Levine:
Did anyone notice how pretty the air smelled today?

Carlos:
It smells like piss.

Grace Foster:
I love this time of year. End of summer, it's about to change to fall...

Carlos:
Either one of you starts singing, I'm jumping out the window.

Grace Foster:
Only on the second floor. That's not much of a statement.

Grace Foster:
Let's check it out. Might've lost consciousness or something.

Carlos:
Or it could be a prank.

Grace Foster:
Won't hurt you to walk, Carlos. Stay in shape. You wouldn't want Holly to see you getting all flabby.

Carlos:
What did she tell you?

Grace Foster:
Come on, stud.

Carlos:
What happened?

Grace Foster:
You got hit in the head. We're almost at the hospital.

Carlos:
I can't keep getting hit in the head. This is like the tenth time.

Grace Foster:
Yeah, you definitely need a new hobby.

Sully:
Rat Junior shows up here and a month later one of us is behind bars. Nah, I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

Brendan Finney:
I thought she did herself in.

Sully:
You pick that up with your supersonic hearing or is my locker bugged?

Brendan Finney:
Nah, nobody needs either with your mouth.

DK:
You always do that.

Billy Walsh:
Do what?

DK:
You cut the cake sideways, you eat all the icing, and you leave the dry part for the rest of us.

Billy Walsh:
You pay that much attention?

DK:
And this one eats all the raisins.

Billy Walsh:
He's the coffee cake police.

Nurse:
What happened to you now, Nieto?

Carlos:
I really gotta stop getting hit in the head.

Grace Foster:
He's also displaying a bit of a repetitive speech problem.

Brendan Finney:
Why do I have to go to the hospital?

Davis:
It's trauma. Procedure.

Brendan Finney:
Well, what if I'm not traumatized?

Davis:
I wouldn't tell anybody that, okay? You don't wanna give the impression that you can just take a life without conscience.

Carlos:
I told you, I'm a pro. I get hit in the head all the time.

Sully:
Bet you didn't figure on watching fake vampires your first day back.

Bosco:
There was a time I didn't figure I'd have a first day back.

Sully:
I always knew.

Bosco:
No you didn't.

Sully:
When you were hurt, way back in the beginning, when we were coming over to your room and sitting with you, I realized something.

Bosco:
What? That you had better things to do?

Sully:
No. I realized why you rub me the wrong way.

Bosco:
'Cause I'm so much better looking than you?

Sully:
When you first came on at the 5-5 you were this gung-ho, 100 miles an hour, true believer. All you wanted to do was catch bad guys.

Bosco:
And you were the opposite.

Sully:
No. I was exactly the same way when I came on. There was no one more excited about being the police. But the system beat it out of me. Bad guys I worked hard to get went free... Cops I respected ended up being dirty. Even did a few things myself I'm not too proud of.

Bosco:
Yeah?

Sully:
So I kept waiting for it to beat you down. But you never let it. And that's what I realized one day sitting by your hospital bed. You piss me off so much because you remind me that I let the system beat me.

Bosco:
You're a pretty damn good cop, Sul.

Sully:
I don't really believe there's a greater good anymore. But you still do. So I always knew that if you woke up, you'd be back out here. 'Cause you're a true believer, Bosco.

Bosco:
[after an awkward moment] I'm not gonna kiss you.

Sully:
Unless you wanna get shot again.

Dante:
[to Yokas] Do you find your friend with the scar amusing?

Bosco:
Easy, Count Chocula. Or her "friend" will rip you a new one.

[to Dante]

Yokas:
You know, I gotta tell you, if I ever caught you with my daughter, you'd get to test that whole "vampires are immortal" theory.

Bosco:
Emily's not that stupid.

Sully:
Dante's not that immortal.

Bosco:
I've never been good with the phones. Ask my ex-girlfriends.

Bosco:
[about Monroe] Why can't I ride with her?

Lt. Swersky:
No way, Bosco. I don't need that drama.

Bosco:
There's no drama. Look, whatever happened when I was away, none of my business. I'm serious. We're good. You're gonna have more problems with me answering this phone right there.

Lt. Swersky:
Okay, but if I hear one complaint from her, you're gonna be answering that phone for the rest of your career. Am I clear?

Bosco:
Crystal.

Bosco:
Don't lump me in with them, all right. You and I were friends.

Monroe:
That's not the point.

Bosco:
We rode together.

Monroe:
Nobody understands IAB, all right?

Bosco:
I don't give a damn about IAB. What I don't get is how a friend would go to that extent when I almost died that night.

Bosco:
Let's go.

Danielle:
No! See, you need to be taking her in for impersonating a customer service representative.

Tammy:
Stupid b*tch.

Bosco:
Way to defuse the situation. Fantastic!

Monroe:
Bosco. I was doing my job. It wasn't that I didn't care what happened to you. I was sent out there to find the truth.

Bosco:
"Sent"? Like from Superhero Camp or something?

[on the stakeout]

Davis:
I never thought I'd be saying this; I would rather be writing parking tickets right now.

[about the freaky hotdog vendor]

Brendan Finney:
So you just wanna let a prostitute off?

Davis:
Hey, we don't know if she's a prostitute. Maybe she's - - Maybe she's just a giving person.

Cruz:
If this was second grade you'd get two gold stars.

Davis:
That's two felony collars in one day. We should get a commendation, right?

Cruz:
You just did. It's called a compliment.

Bosco:
Have you forgotten where you've come from? You have, haven't you?

Yokas:
You're dangerous out there, Bosco.

Bosco:
No, it was an accidental shooting.

Yokas:
My old partner would've never missed that shot.

Bosco:
My old partner would've never questioned me!

Nikki:
Aren't there some terrorists you should be after?

Cruz:
Shut up before I give you a free collagen shot to your upper lip.

Grace Foster:
Carlos is going to ask Holly to marry him. He said it's because she thinks he's amazing. I think that's pretty stupid. You dont marry someone just because they think you're amazing. I guess some people are so afraid to get hurt that they wont do something like that until they know for sure that they wont, wont take a chance until they know how the other person feels. But the problem is if you play it safe like that if you wait until you're sure, something might happen and you may never get the chance to say; I never met anyone that made me wish so much that I knew how to do this. So please just get better because I dont care how you feel about me. I just think you're amazing.

Prison Guard:
Cruz! Cruz! Come on, come on.

Cruz:
Speak up, I think a few people in Guam didn't hear you.

Prison Guard:
I need a next of kin.

Cruz:
I don't have one.

Prison Guard:
Cousin? Aunt?

Cruz:
I understand the concept. I don't have one.

Roberta Muskos:
If it wasn't her brother, it was somebody else's.

Cruz:
Oh, that's brilliant.

Roberta Muskos:
Are you calling me stupid?

Cruz:
No. Pissing off a cop who's gonna be out of here by five o'clock is... is genius.

Carlos:
So, um, let me get this straight. You thought that you were gonna die from eating too many antacid tablets?

Kathy:
That won't kill me?

Carlos:
Maybe if you're eating them when you're walking out into traffic -...

Holly Levine:
Carlos!

Carlos:
- -or something. Um, actually, you shouldn't exceed the recommended dose of any medication unless you first consult your physician.

Kathy:
Even if I'm just taking them to get high?

Carlos:
Especially then.

Sully:
Finney, I've been doing this since you were a careless night waiting to happen.

Holly Levine:
First you "accidentally" swallow a bunch of antacids.

Kathy:
That wasn't an accident. That was a bad decision.

Holly Levine:
Okay. But then you "accidentally" turn the gas on, leave it on with all the windows closed. A person might think you're trying to harm yourself.

Kathy:
I see what you mean, but really, I'm fine.

Holly Levine:
I don't believe you.

Carlos:
Oh... And I'm insensitive?

Yokas:
The bruises in the photos of Donald Mann's wrists were caused by handcuffs. Sergeant Cruz had handcuffed Donald Mann before I arrived at the scene. She had taken him into custody and was on the way out with him, down to the car to bring him in. To book him. And that's when I shot him.

Captain Finney:
You mean that when she shot him?

Yokas:
No. I shot him.

Sully:
All right Kathy, don't get startled, but there's a moron coming to save you.

Kathy:
Go back down there!

Brendan Finney:
No, ma'am. That would ruin my whole hero routine.

[to Grace]

Carlos:
Girls always want the honey when other bees start buzzing around it. Look, if it doesn't work out, I'll break you off some.

[about being raped]

Cruz:
I know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to... to wanna wash the filth off you!

Councilman Daniels:
Pull the trigger!

Cruz:
You think it was hard for you to step up? I'm a police sergeant.

Councilman Daniels:
Do it!

Cruz:
I do that, they win. We can't let them win!

Yokas:
forgot how many personal things I tell you. Guess I forgot how much I talk to you. You know? Because you weren't there for me to talk to. I miss you, Bosco.

Eddie:
[in jail] I need to see a doctor.

Carlos:
What's wrong?

Eddie:
I said a doctor. You got your name sewn on your jacket so I'm guessing that means you aren't one.

Carlos:
Care to guess what happens if I don't think you need a doctor?

Faith:
I missed a lot of things when you were growing up. Things that were important to you.

Emily Yokas:
I know that if you could have, you would have been there.

Faith:
I haven't been what you needed. I'm sorry for that.

Emily Yokas:
You're sorry for showing me that a woman can be a good mother and have a career too? And... and for teaching me that no matter what gets in your way, you never give up? And that we can fight and say terrible things to each other and know that we love each other? You're sorry for that? I'm proud to be your daughter. I mean, if it's okay, I wanna live with you.

Faith:
[crying] It's okay.

Davis:
Monroe made detective everybody... Actually, I guess you always were one, right? I got called down to IAB yesterday, had a little chat with Captain Finney, all of a sudden our little community-oriented holier-than-thou Detective Monroe walks in, yelling at Captain Finney about her cover being blown... Her IAB cover!

[to Monroe]

Brendan Finney:
You might be the most unpopular kid I ever stuck up for.

Brendan Finney:
We called for backup and nobody came.

Cruz:
It looks like there was response to me.

Brendan Finney:
Yeah, well it took long enough!

Davis:
You weren't at the original location, Finney. We had to find you.

Brendan Finney:
Right.

Davis:
Believe what you want.

Brendan Finney:
Man, what the hell happened to you?

Davis:
Sasha Monroe!

Carlos:
I would think people would covet me as a partner.

Kim:
Covet?

Carlos:
I know my stuff, I don't get in the way, I'm not above doing some of the dirty work. I definitely know the medical, the paperwork's not a problem. I'll drive if you want, I'll ride if you want. I'm flexible, and flexible is what you want in a partner. You remember that.

Kim:
Oh yeah, not to mention sexist, self-absorb, juvenile...

Carlos:
Juvenile?

Kim:
Yeah, Joey's more mature than you.

Carlos:
Don't even bring that up... You're a juvenile!

[Carlos's girlfriend is pregnant]

Doc:
You know, there is one name for people like you.

Carlos:
Oh, yeah? What's that?

Doc:
DAD.

Faith:
You have the right to remain silent.

Bosco:
For God's sakes, use it!

Yokas:
[to Gerald] You have the right to remain silent. And unless you want me to leave you alone in the car with my partner, I would suggest that you use it.

[On one of Bobby's former girlfriends]

Kim:
What's the matter? She's smart, sexy...

Bobby:
Then maybe YOU should sleep with her.

[after 11 September 2001]

Ty:
You know, my mom just gave me 6000 more reasons on why I should quit the force.

Chief Hancock:
You are a real pain in the ass, Davis.

Ty:
From you, sir, that's kind of a compliment.

[Kim and Alex just met]

Kim:
Great, another "ER" fan.

Alex:
I was a paramedic before I moved up.

[Faith and Alex's first meeting, FDNY and NYPD making fun of each other]

Faith:
Faith Yokas.

Alex:
Alex Taylor.

Faith:
It's amazing, isn't it? It's like they get dumber when they're in packs.

Martiza:
Remember one thing: I'm not Faith Yokas.

[his eulogy]

Carlos:
Alex Taylor was, um... She was, um... She was a pain in the ass! I've never met anyone as stubborn as her. I mean, you couldn't tell her anything. Just this morning Doc told me that him and Lieutenant Johnson told her to get off that car like ten times. Ten times and she wouldn't do it. I remember hear... but I remember hearing her answer when they told her to get off. She said that the woman that she was with was afraid. Not that she was hurt badly or dying, but just afraid. Can you imagine risking your life so that another person isn't scared? I don't think I'll ever be capable of that kind of sacrifice, but... I'm gonna spend whatever time I have left trying to live up to that. Mrs. Taylor, I was with your daughter at the end, I held her hand. There was only one thing on her mind... you. She wanted me to tell you that it didn't hurt. That's all she wanted was for you to know. Her last thoughts were not of herself. She wanted to go out on her own terms. She wanted to leave a message and no one was going to stop her from doing that. Like I said, she was the most stubborn person I've ever met.

Cruz:
I know everything.

Hart:
No. You only think you do.

[to Kim]

Grace Foster:
You ever pull that stick out of your ass?

Carlos:
You know what I need?

Alex:
Lessons in basic social skills?

[Bosco falls in the soapsuds]

Faith:
Oh, you got a boo-boo?

Bosco:
Get away from me!

Faith:
Kiss your rubber ducky.

[Bosco and Carlos attend compassion therapy]

Carlos:
What are you doing here?

Bosco:
You mean this isn't jazz-ersize class?

Carlos:
You've done this before?

Bosco:
I practically have reserved parking.

Faith:
Bad Bosco, Good Pizza.

[about Morales]

Carlos:
I told you I was interested.

Doc:
So what? What, now we're in the eighth grade and you called dibs?

Carlos:
"Dibs"? What the hell is dibs?

[Kim is playing with her palm pilot]

Kim:
That's it, instant access to every city phone number you could possibly need. Ha ha, look at that.

Alex:
Good. You can call somebody who cares.

Bosco:
[about Emily] She's gonna have great legs. If I were 12, I'd do her.

[Jimmy asks Bobby if Kim was talking about him]

Bobby:
What is this? Sweet Valley High?

Faith:
Ma'am did you call us all the way up here to turn off your kid's Nintendo?

Bosco:
Playstation. It's a Playstation.

Bosco:
Nobody thinks I got feelings.

Faith:
Bosco. That's not fair. You have feelings, you just have them buried somewhere in a shallow grave in Jersey.

Jimmy:
Bosco! You working or just modeling the uniform?

[Bosco is having trouble with a typewriter]

Bosco:
I'm gonna kick your ass! How about that, huh?

[about Emily and Charlie]

Fred:
You work from 3 to 11. Their whole lives happen from 3 to 11.

Alex:
I don't mind being a called a girl. I just don't like when assumptions are made because I am one.

Sully:
You don't take a crap without your gun, Bosco!

Sully:
[repeated Line] Crap!

Alex:
What kind of person would let someone die just to prove they were right?

Bosco:
The world would be so much better without people.

[Bosco and Faith are considerably content in the locker room]

Sully:
[groans] I've gotta get out of here before these two starting singing Raindrops on Roses.

Davis:
Who are you?

Taylor:
From the outfit I'd say I was a firefighter.

Sully:
You're supposed to have a Barco-Lounger attached to your ass. Where is it?

Alex:
[about her Dad] He used to say, any daughter of mine is too brave to be afraid.

[about Bobby]

Kim:
He was just being a good Samaritan, and look where that got him.

Faith:
I don't think it is in any way possible for me to overstate how uninterested I am in anything that goes on between you two.

Sully:
You want to come with me?

Taylor:
Sure, I'll keep you company, Santa.

Sully:
Does that make you one of the elves?

Alex:
Oh, please don't tell me I got my ass kicked for a tie!

Jimmy:
Okay, in honor of Alex, let's go for the win.

Bosco:
You blow chunks in the car, you're cleaning it up, you hear me?

Faith:
And they said you aren't compassionate!

Bosco:
Who does?

Bosco:
You seen Yokas? I've been trying to call her all weekend.

Sully:
Maybe she has caller ID.

Bosco:
Greetings! This is not God, but this is his close friend, Officer Boscorelli. Please pull over.

Faith:
If you don't like my ideas, why do you ask?

Bosco:
I like your ideas! I'd just like them more if they were better!

Faith:
There are no victims, only volunteers.

Bosco:
There is definitely some church in my future.

Alex:
Whose side are you on?

Carlos:
Duh! That would be the one with the funnier jokes!

Faith:
What are we doing?

Bosco:
Fighting crime.

Faith:
Under the bridge?

Bosco:
There's crime everywhere, haven't you heard?

[over ambulance speaker]

Bobby:
Please move to your right!

[vehicle moves left]

Kim:
Your other right!

Alex:
You know Kim loves Joey. Think of how much pain you'd have to be in to do something like this.

Jimmy:
There's not enough pain in the world.

Doc:
Everything working out with Carlos?

Alex:
Guy's a moron.

Doc:
Yeah, well he is definitely an acquired taste.

Faith:
You ate all the fries?

Bosco:
I didn't think you wanted any.

Faith:
Both bags?

Bosco:
I thought you were dieting.

Faith:
I'm eating a cheeseburger!

Faith:
Peachy.

Alex:
What am I, the spokesperson for N.O.W.? I don't know why your tart du jour is giving you a hassle!

Jimmy:
I'll just swear 'em off all together. No more women.

Walsh:
You ain't sleeping close to me then.

Jimmy:
Don't worry, you're not my type, I like 'em a little taller. Like DK here, now he's fine.

DK:
I'm no one's tart du jour, baby.

Alex:
My mother...

Carlos:
It's gonna be okay.

Alex:
Tell her it didn't hurt.

Sully:
What the hell's a Smoova?

Faith:
Sometimes I wonder what kind of world we're leaving the kids; How the things we don't get involved in today can come back, maybe be their problem.

Bosco:
You do something to your leg?

Faith:
Yeah, I did something to my leg! I followed my moron partner when he decided to jump the Grand Canyon!

[about Carlos]

Sully:
I hear both of his oars aren't in the water.

Ty:
I don't even think he has a boat.

Bosco:
Do you have to embarrass me like that?

Faith:
Sorry, I'll go back to letting you do it yourself.

Bosco:
Thanks.

Bobby:
I don't think you're a slut. I've known you for five years and you don't sleep with a lot of guys. You just keep sleeping with this one. Half the time you wanna stab him with a steak knife, the other half you can't keep your hands off him. For you, that's true love.

Bobby:
Bravery over intelligence. Something I learned watching you.

Jimmy:
Is that a compliment?

Bobby:
No.

Bosco:
I was always fast.

Faith:
Good for you.

Bosco:
Really fast.

Faith:
That's great.

Bosco:
You don't believe me?

Faith:
Look, I'm sure you were a Gazelle.

Bosco:
I'm satisfied. Are you satisfied?

Faith:
I'm all tingly with satisfaction.

Bosco:
Faith, I screwed up. Real bad.

Faith:
Oh, don't tell me, you slept with the captain's daughter. Oh, whoops! You already did that!

Bosco:
Artists. They can be pretty existential, huh?

[Faith looks surprised]

Bosco:
Don't make a face. I do know some big words.

Yokas:
Sorry.

Kim:
Hot damn, I love this job!

Faith:
You're dating a burglary victim? Maybe you should work without me more often. I think I cramp your style.

Bosco:
I can live with it.

Bosco:
Look, I know you're upset but if we're going to have to rely on me being the level-headed one, we're going to have some serious problems.

Bosco:
Faith, when it gets right down to it, nobody's as tough-ass as you.

Faith:
Really.

Bosco:
Yeah, when you decide to turn it on, look out - oh God, you'd think you were a man in another life time!

Faith:
Thank you. That's beautiful.

Faith:
Good luck.

Bosco:
I don't believe in luck.

Faith:
Then be careful.

Kim:
Jimmy came over last night.

Bobby:
For what?

Kim:
He left this morning.

Sully:
I'm not afraid of much, really. Not blood, not snakes or rats, not even heights. Everyone has something that makes their skin crawl. Something that wakes them up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, reaching for the bedside lamp. My nightmare comes to visit maybe every month. It stalks me, slips in, bringing with it the smell of wet dirt and a confined space. See, I'm terrified of being buried alive.

Carlos:
What is better, that I was soft hearted, or that I was good at my job?

Bosco:
You took philosophy?

Faith:
What? You didn't think I was smart enough to take philosophy?

Bosco:
No, I didn't think you were dumb enough to take philosophy.

Doc:
Hide? I drive a giant red and white van with flashing lights and sirens.

Jimmy:
Being a fireman, the whole neighborhood looks up to you. Being a good fireman, the other firefighters look up to you.

Kim:
I'm not spending the next five years of my life having Joey listen to his mom audition husbands on the other side of the wall.

Sully:
The day you work buy-and-bust is the day...

Ty:
...is the day you do a sit-up. Oh!

Sully:
The day you work buy-and-bust is the day...

Ty:
...is the day you eat a salad. Oh!

Sully:
You ever see these people that pile on the condiments? Ketchup, relish, kraut, onions, chili. I tell you, it breaks my heart, defiling a perfectly good wiener when it can be simply and elegantly complimented with the all-American zester, yellow mustard.

Jimmy:
[to Carlos] Didn't anyone ever teach you the no talking in the urinals rule? That's why there's graffiti in front of you, so you got something to read while you're keeping your mouth shut.

Bosco:
I'm telling you. If they gave me the power to decide who lives and who dies, the world would be a better place.

Sully:
Bosco as God.

Bosco:
Morons shouldn't have drivers' licenses.

Faith:
Worse... Bosco as the DMV.

Ty:
Isn't that a lateral move?

Bosco:
You think when I'm married I'm going to beat my wife, because that's what I saw growing up?

Faith:
I don't think it has to be that way. Not if that's not how you want it to be.

Faith:
What are you guys talking about?

Carlos:
Compassion.

Faith:
I guess it was a short conversation.

Faith:
I had a weekend scheduled of totally nude, no kids in the house, love making. Instead, Fred wants to keep is hands on the back of some truck instead of me.

Faith:
I'm going to an art opening.

Fred:
You never want to go to stuff like that.

Faith:
Well, you never want to spend the weekend with your hands on the back of a truck. See, we're growing.

Davis:
I made a nice collar and you just gave it away.

Sully:
All right. You were masterful. I laughed, I cried. It became a moment I'll treasure for the rest of my career.

Yokas:
You want any kids Bos?

Bosco:
Why? You giving some away?

[about the obese woman]

Kim:
Any ideas on how to get her out of here?

Bosco:
Put her on a diet and wait for spring.

Kim:
Any good ideas?

Davis:
Hey, I found a wallet!

Sully:
You're a bloodhound.

Jimmy:
Workplace love affairs, never easy.

Kim:
Don't start with me Jimmy.

Jimmy:
What? I saw it on "Rosie."

[about Sully and Davis]

Bobby:
There goes Salt n' Peppa.

Sully:
Word up.

[about Vangie]

Carlos:
The girl is four short of a six pack. For all I know she could show up nursing a Tickle Me Elmo telling me how it looks just like me.

[two drunks are fighting]

Sully:
Looks like we found our combatants.

Davis:
Either that or a ballroom dance competition.

[about the doctor who gives him stitches]

Carlos:
Where the hell did that guy train, Baghdad?

Doc:
Be thankful you didn't need a rectal.

Sully:
You working today Boscorelli, or you gonna give us another performance of your "Holiday in Uniform" routine?

Bosco:
No powdered sugar on your shirt, Sully. What? Krispy Kreme burn down?

Bosco:
I am a God.

Sully:
What?

Yokas:
Ignore Zeus.

[about riding with Davis]

Bosco:
Ah, great. I get to spend the day riding around with a totem pole.

[to Davis]

Bosco:
You are a God! You know, we ought to start our own religion.

Taylor:
How long you think he can go?

Bobby:
I don't know, he's a big guy.

Taylor:
Sooner or later they all fall.

Davis:
I can hear you. What, you think I drank so enough I'm blind?

Yokas:
You didn't have to come.

Sully:
Oh, yeah. What am I supposed to do, wait in the car while you and Doc play follow-the-fetus?"

[about Taylor's funeral]

Carlos:
You're supposed to speak.

Doc:
Oh, oh, I'm supposed to speak! Well, well what am I gonna say, Carlos? Huh? What am I gonna say, that - - that Taylor died because she was stupid? Yeah, that's it. That's it! She was too stupid to get down off a burning car after she was told ten times.

Carlos:
Doc, I...

Doc:
You know what? She... She didn't want to have anything to do with being a medic. She thought she was so much better than that because she was a firefighter. A real hero! Not one of us taxi drivers for the dying and the dead. She died doing what she hated! Pissing all over my chosen profession, and yours! How'd that make you feel Carlos? Because I hated it! It pissed me off! - That's my eulogy... That's what I got! How you like it so far?

[finding E in the bike]

Bosco:
Oh, Steven.

Yokas:
You got a receipt for that, Steven?

Carlos:
This is a righteous ride, man.

Bosco:
"Righteous"?

Carlos:
Yeah, what year is it?

Bosco:
The car or that word?

Sully:
My first kiss, the girl sneezed in my mouth.

Sully:
We broke into a merry-go-round. This night just keeps getting better and better.

Yokas:
Well, it was a pretty cheap lock.

Sully:
I missed the part of the law where it says that burglaries are graded based on the price of the lock.

[about why Sully won't ride the merry-go-round]

Sully:
I'm allergic to horses.

[the cops catch them on the merry-go-round]

Sully:
They needed to blow off some steam.

Cop:
But not you?

Sully:
I look like the merry-go-round riding type to you?

Darren:
You need some help?

Bobby:
No!

Taylor:
Speak for yourself. I'm the one holding up the sheriff here.

Davis:
I'm not a sheriff.

[after having too much to drink]

Davis:
My name's Ty. This is Al. Al the firewoman.

Jimmy:
I can't believe you were hooking up with Boscorelli.

Kim:
We weren't "hooking up"... What?

Jimmy:
You always jumped me the hardest when we had the worst nights.

Kim:
That's not true.

Jimmy:
Look... I care about you. I just don't want to see anyone take advantage of you, that's all.

Kim:
We were talking.

Jimmy:
Well then he seriously needs to get his suspension looked at.

Bobby:
You want a ride someplace?

Darren:
I'm not going that - - that far.

Bobby:
That's okay. I mother people.

[about the body in the dumpster who keeps getting buried by stuff coming down the garbage chute]

Sully:
We're going to have to keep track of the at-death and after-death injuries.

Davis:
Coroner's not going to be here for an hour. She's getting buried already.

Sully:
I don't hear her complaining.

Davis:
Could we get a little respect for the dead?

[Bosco has poison ivy]

Sully:
You look a little puffy there, Bosco. That time of month?

[Bosco is getting treated for poison ivy]

Sully:
[singing] Bosco, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

[about the flies for his class project]

Carlos:
Put my virgins down.

[JJ, the suspect Bosco is chasing, jumps two stories and lands badly]

Bosco:
What? You figure you were gonna bounce?

[imitating a woman]

Davis:
Is there something wrong with me? Is my butt too big? Is he gay?

Bosco:
So, we're done?

Doc:
Yeah.

Bosco:
Good, I got a date with a Chinese chicken.

[to Taylor]

Jimmy:
You should tell Bobby the truth. I've always believed that honesty is the best policy.

[to his mom about trying to get her to use a computer and the internet]

Bobby:
Next, if we get through this, we'll get you an ATM card.

[a homeless man has frozen to death]

Bobby:
What do we got?

Yokas:
A bumsicle.

[about Bobby]

Davis:
You ever talk to him much?

Sully:
Caffey? No. You?

Davis:
I puked in his car once.

Sully:
Now there's a memory.

Carlos:
Why did you want to become a fire... um... person?

Taylor:
Uh, my dad made me do it?

[Carlos laughs]

Taylor:
[holding up a knife] That's funny?

Carlos:
Not if it's not supposed to be.

[after doing good deeds]

Carlos:
This is the way people who go to church must feel.

Taylor:
You guys work out what we're gonna wear tomorrow and when I get back we'll plan some strategy.

Bosco:
Good thing about junkies: they're featherweights. Skin and bones. Zip 'em up and move 'em out.

Davis:
What about the bodies?

Bosco:
Sully's in a volunteering mood.

[the one-armed man is running away with his arm handcuffed to his ankle]

Yokas:
We've got a foot pursuit, and uh, he claims to be armed.

Carlos:
He's only half right.

Bosco:
Oh, da... Stumpy! Wait for me!

Yokas:
Fightin' crime.

Yokas:
Bosco, you know what I'm thinking?

Bosco:
Hmm?

Yokas:
If we did it in two different directions I could get like, ass waffles.

Sully:
Yesterday my car goes up in a ball of flames, today I gotta play nursemaid to Judge Perfect!

Davis:
Maybe we should get you a nurse's outfit. Little hat...

Sully:
Whole thing sucks.

Davis:
Are you familiar with the theory that you attract what you send out? Negative energy comes right back at you?

Sully:
Listen, Kojak, you're gonna go all happy-crappy New Age on me, you can get out and walk your ass to the detail.

Davis:
Yeah, you know what? That's much more positive.

Bosco:
Anonymous caller, what the hell is that?

Monroe:
Why are we always driving in the wrong direction when we get a job?

Bosco:
If it bothers you enough to call, at least have the balls to say it was you.

Monroe:
You know, maybe we should just start driving in reverse. At least we'd be facing the right direction.

Bosco:
You do fine.

Cruz:
Really?

Bosco:
Yeah.

Cruz:
You think so?

Bosco:
You don't seem to have a problem telling me what to do.

Cruz:
Stop the car.

Bosco:
See what I mean?

Bosco:
Where did you come from? I mean, where did my father find you?

Lester Martin:
We have mutual acquaintances.

Bosco:
Oh, that's great, 'cause I was getting a little worried there about your credentials.

Lt. Swersky:
Where have you been?

Bosco:
[escorting Daryl to lock-up] Pretty busy at the hospital, Boss.

Lt. Swersky:
Oh yeah? We got a couple of calls about a guy in green pants and a vest, handcuffed, jogging down the street. You know anything about that?

Bosco:
All I can say is that's one hell of a coincidence.

Kim:
How come we never get the overturned armored car jobs?

Doc:
Because we're lucky.

Kim:
Yeah, it would be hard not to accidentally let a few bucks fall into our med bag.

Doc:
That's why we're lucky.

[about Taylor]

Doc:
She doesn't want to be on the bus.

Sully:
Yeah, well I don't want to write up a six-car accident, but we all have our crosses, right?

[about Charlie's homework;paper doll]

Yokas:
He's gotta get pictures of Flat Stanley at work, or um, on a trip.

Bosco:
Flat Stanley?

Yokas:
Yes, Flat Stanley... And he could have gone to his grandparents, but Charlie is very proud that his mother's a police officer. So, Flat Stanley's gonna come to work with us today. You'll have kids one day, you'll understand.

Bosco:
You know what this makes me think of? Birth control.

Yokas:
Get the camera out.

Bosco:
Yeah, we should take a cute little shot of him... caught in the shredder.

[Yokas and Bosco are directing traffic at an accident scene]

Man:
Excuse me, I have to get through. I live just on the other side.

Bosco:
Hey Yokas. Yokas! We got ourselves a big problem here. This guy, he lives just on the other side and he has to get through. Hey everybody! Get the hell out of the way! This guy needs to get through.

Man:
That's okay, man.

Bosco:
Come on. You drive, I'll shoot anybody that gets in your way.

Woman:
Hey, Sully. You've been losing some weight.

Sully:
Oh yeah. End of the week I'll be in a thong.

[about Kim's taste in men]

Bobby:
Jimmy Doherty.

Kim:
It was a weak moment.

Bobby:
Kim, you married him!

[they are taking their time walking to a call]

Davis:
Shouldn't we at least be jogging or something?

Sully:
What? Do you think one of your relatives is involved?

[to the woman who said a clown was looking in her window]

Yokas:
So this clown, how old was he?

Bosco:
Yeah, in clown years.

Bosco:
Waffle?

Yokas:
Oh absolutely... Watch out for that dog!

[Bosco slams on the brakes and the clown slams into the cage]

Yokas:
Boy, driving around the city can be really dangerous. Huh?

Yokas:
You know you can be a real jerk, you know that?

Bosco:
But you love me anyway right? Huh? Right?

[about Bosco]

Sully:
He doesn't even know where he's going.

Yokas:
Like that's ever stopped him before.

Bosco:
You jealous Sullivan?

Sully:
Of your extra guns? If you fall over you'll explode.

[about why Riley doesn't like him]

Bosco:
It was only a glancing blow.

Yokas:
He took ten stitches!

Yokas:
Hey, you're wearing a vest.

Kim:
Yeah, my ex-husband's idea of a birthday gift.

Yokas:
Yeah, I usually get a dustbuster or something equally romantic.

Kim:
Yeah, a dustbuster I could use. This thing is just hot and uncomfortable. Not to mention it looks like I'm wearing a barrel.

Bosco:
You look pretty good to me.

Sully:
[to Bosco] Looks like you could use a smoova.

[about/to the drunk guy]

Yokas:
What about him?

Bosco:
Oh, yeah. Don't fall down anymore.

Yokas:
That's it?

Bosco:
What else do you want me to do? Let him shower up at my place?

[about working with Sully]

Davis:
I feel like I'm riding around with my grandmother.

Carlos:
She's pretty quiet?

Davis:
Nah. She's a b*tch.

[to Bobby]

Kim:
You know what? You're gonna end up one of those lonely old guys shuffling around the park feeding stale rolls to pigeons.

[to Yokas]

Bosco:
You coming in or are you gonna stay out here and open up a soup kitchen?

[about gauze pads Doc stole from a private ambulance]

Doc:
Gave in the sense they don't know I took 'em.

Carlos:
You stole them?

Doc:
I taught them a lesson in vehicle safety: Lock your doors!

[after Bosco tells her it was him on the sex tape]

Yokas:
Bos, I gotta drive around in this squad. I'd like to know who's ass was shining the seats.

Bus Driver:
[about Bosco] Can he just commandeer a bus like this?

Yokas:
Probably not.

Bosco:
I got some guy stealing my squad.

Yokas:
I think he already stole the squad. Technically right now he's making a getaway... A very slow getaway.

Yokas:
Keeping your head. I figure for you that's gotta be like what, climbing a mountain?

Bosco:
That's a compliment, right?

Yokas:
Fred's always thought you were gay.

Bosco:
What?

Yokas:
Something about the way you walk.

Bosco:
What about the way I walk?

Yokas:
You kinda sway.

Bobby:
You hurt your hip or something?

Bosco:
What?

Bobby:
You're walking funny.

Yokas:
He's a little self-conscious today.

Bosco:
There's not a damn thing wrong with the way I walk!

Sully:
17?

Davis:
I got big feet.

Sully:
Bozo's got big feet. Those are water-skis.

Davis:
What do you do?

Sully:
What do you mean "what do I do"?

Davis:
To, like, kick back, have like, Sully fun, what do you do? I sort of picture you... sitting at home in your boxer shorts watching old movies on black and white TV.

Sully:
This is what you do, conjure up images of me in my underwear?

Davis:
I'm not saying it's pretty.

Sully:
You're way off you know.

Davis:
About what?

Sully:
I got a color television.

[to Monroe - imitating the old lady]

Bosco:
You're sitting on Liberty! You're sitting on Liberty!

French:
I just assaulted you.

Sully:
I forgive you. You hit me again you're gonna be a free man with a foot up his ass.

Sully:
Your mom's still doin' your laundry for you?

Davis:
She doesn't like it when I use the machines. I always screw up the colors.

Sully:
She still cutting the crust off your sandwiches too?

Davis:
They're better that way.

[about Doc letting Carlos drive]

Carlos:
It's a milk run.

Doc:
No lights, no siren.

Carlos:
I promise I'll bring it back with a full tank of gas Dad.

Yokas:
Can you give me a description, sir?

Cemetery Worker:
Short, chubby, about 20 inches tall.

Yokas:
No, not the cherub sir, the thieves.

Carlos:
She got sideswiped by our bus.

Morales:
Let me guess, you were driving.

Sully:
You can beat a dog to make it stay, but it's fear not respect.

Bosco:
Who cares, as long as it's too frightened to bite.

[about going on the raid]

Davis:
We need any special equipment?

Sully:
"Special equipment"? We're taking down a bookie, not Lex Luthor.

Carlos:
Uh, I don't suppose you could drive a little more smoothly?

Doc:
Well. I'm sorry. I guess we should have brought the Lexus today.

Yokas:
Okay, let's talk about my sex life. Last night my husband was too drunk to get it up, and it's kinda bugging me, you know?

Bosco:
Whoa. Whoa. That is a little more information than I needed to hear. Now I got a picture.

Yokas:
No kidding.

Jack:
I'm a screw-up. Girls don't like that.

Bobby:
You'd be surprised.

Davis:
You want me to kick it in?

Sully:
I tell you what, Tarzan. Why don't we keep that as a backup plan, but let's see if the Super has keys first.

Davis:
Yeah that could work too.

Coach Capri:
This isn't Campfire Girls. It's a contact sport. That's why they call it hockey.

Kim:
Yeah, you said that already. What, is your needle stuck?

Bosco:
When I do a report it's name, place, and date.

Yokas:
You know what? When you do a report it's one big, long spelling error.

[about Morales]

Carlos:
The woman gives me enough wood to build a boat.

Doc:
What?

Carlos:
A really nice boat.

Yokas:
Is there anything more depressing than searching basements and garbage cans for missing kids?

Bosco:
Yeah, finding one.

Bosco:
Trust me, pal, when it comes to breaking things, the fire department knows exactly what they're doing.

Robber:
It's kind of cold, huh?

Bosco:
Yeah, when you get ice that usually means it's cold outside.

Robber:
What kind of scraper you using?

Bosco:
A plastic one.

Bosco:
How come whenever I'm in a good mood you think it must be related to sex?

Yokas:
Because the only time you ever smile at the start of a shift is if you had your bean waxed the night before. I did the math.

Bosco:
You know, Yokas, some things are better than sex.

Yokas:
You got a fever or something?

Bosco:
I'm serious. I'm capable of getting a rush out of other things in life, you know.

Yokas:
Like what, sucking on whipped cream cans?

Bosco:
Death penalty? My dad used to call it "takin' out the trash."

Yokas:
Oh God, dad again.

Bosco:
Only two things I watch. Sports and animals.

Yokas:
Animals?

Bosco:
Yeah. Shark shows, elephant babies, lions, tigers, bears.

Yokas:
Oh my.

Bosco:
What?

Yokas:
Nothin'.

Bosco:
You don't watch those shows? Best shows on the box.

Yokas:
I guess I must be missing out.

Bosco:
You are. A lioness with her cubs in the tall grass. No human beings around for miles.

Davis:
Except for the 18 guys in the camera truck?

Bosco:
You gotta ruin it for me, right?

Carlos:
Are you complimenting me?

Doc:
Hell, no!

Carlos:
Right.

Bosco:
I'm not gonna sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. It's not gonna happen! So I'm asking you... Everything that we've been through together.

Yokas:
You're not thinking straight. I'm gonna tell you right now, you do not wanna do this.

Bosco:
It's all I got. If I don't get back on, what am I supposed to do?

Yokas:
There are plenty of jobs that you can do down at the department.

Bosco:
No. I need to be in the radio car, answering calls. It's what I do. It's what I'm good at. It's what I do!

Yokas:
I can't help you.

Bosco:
I saved your life that night and you won't do this for me? You're gonna sit there and you're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that you won't shoot a damn target? Of all the people I thought that I c - - I could come to you.

Yokas:
Bosco, that is not fair.

Bosco:
To hell with you.

Yokas:
Bosco!

Bosco:
No, to hell with you!

Yokas:
Bosco! Bosco don't do this.

Monroe:
[after Bosco had found out that Allie Nardo talked to his mother] Calm down, Bosco.

Bosco:
Calm down? I'm going to kill that mother [rest is drowned out by a passing truck honking]

Davis:
I went over to the hotdog stand and met Nikki.

Brendan Finney:
Whos Nikki?

Davis:
Nikki's the hotdog chick.

Davis:
It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to think she was a prositute, I just thought she was a freaky hotdog vendor.

Sully:
Vouchering property from a suicide is a good learning tool for our young office here.

Lt. Swersky:
Sure is. Handle it, Finney.

Brendan Finney:
This isn't our job.

Lt. Swersky:
Handle it!

Sully:
[to Finney] And I bet you signed up for the glitz and glamour.

Carlos:
It's like a deal God made with the universe. If a white guy can play ball, he's ugly.

[trying to get Kathy off the ledge]

Brendan Finney:
At least I got enough guts to be out here.

Sully:
At least I got enough sense to be in here.

Brendan Finney:
Hey, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that, ma'am.

Caroline:
Look, Faith, I'm sorry we had to meet like this.

Yokas:
Yeah. 'Cause otherwise it could've been a real treat.

[Bosco's recovering in the hospital]

Yokas:
How's your ma?

[Bosco makes a talking motion]

Yokas:
No kidding. Right? I've been stuck here listening to her by myself a few times. And I gotta tell you, anybody that would do that more than once is a good friend.

Monroe:
So the boyfriend's upstairs. His name's Christopher Hayden.

Sully:
Star quarterback for Carver High.

Jelly:
I hate quarterbacks.

Sully:
Spoken like a true fellow defensive lineman.

[to Sully]

Monroe:
I joined IAB because I wanted to. I'm a black woman, so in order for me to get ahead I gotta work ten times harder and be 100 percent better. They told me I could help the department find the bad apples and in two years I'd have my gold shield. I'm not apologizing for any of that.

Carlos:
What is it with women and the "L" word?

Grace Foster:
"The "L" Word"?

Carlos:
You know... Love.

Grace Foster:
Okay, look, first of all, it's not all women. I mean, I have never told any guy that I love him. Secondly, I think Levine pretty much loves everyone.

Yokas:
[about Emily] We haven't always gotten along.

Bosco:
Neither have we. Things work out.

Yokas:
Yeah, well usually with you and me it takes some sort of a tragedy to get us back together.

Bosco:
Tough love.

Bosco:
My release date's up to the neurologist.

Yokas:
What, are you gonna strong-arm him?

Bosco:
Actually, he's a she. I'm gonna have to go with my charms.

Santiago:
Just got the prints back.

Cruz:
That was fast.

Santiago:
Hey, I'm Dominican, baby. We work fast.

Cruz:
I've heard.

Carlos:
For a while today I thought you were in that explosion. I knew you were going there. I heard it come over the radio and I... My stomach flipped, I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I've never felt that way before, worrying about someone like that.

Holly Levine:
What are you saying?

Carlos:
Your story about Jerusalem and the bombs. Everyone calling their loved ones... Who did you call, Holly? I got out of the bus and ran the last five blocks. I was afraid. Afraid that I'd lost you. But you didn't call me. You say "I love you" but you didn't call... It's not about saying the words. It's about actions. It's the best that I can give you right now, and if that's not good enough for you then I am sorry, but it's all that I can give you.

[listening to Maroon 5]

Yokas:
It's catchy... What?

Emily Yokas:
Nobody every says "catchy."

Yokas:
What do they say?

Emily Yokas:
Uh, tight, hot. A hundred other things, but never "catchy."

Yokas:
Okay... It's tight.

Emily Yokas:
You should probably go with "catchy."

[going over all the tests Bosco had done at the hospital]

Bosco:
I had all that done?

Dr. Lane:
Oh, yeah. And then some.

Bosco:
I was worried about that last test... I didn't study for it or anything.

Grace Foster:
Your mother's sweet.

Brendan Finney:
She liked you.

Grace Foster:
Well, I have that effect on mothers.

[about using a wheelchair to leave the hospital]

Bosco:
I don't need that thing.

Dr. Lane:
Ah, hospital procedure.

Bosco:
Well, it's not happening. I'm not getting in that thing.

Dr. Lane:
Well, we're uh, we're having chicken fingers for lunch. If you're staying I can order you a plate.

Bosco:
I'm walking out of here, Faith.

Yokas:
I know you are.

Bosco:
Without any help.

[to the orderly as they "escape" from the hospital]

Yokas:
You can have his chicken fingers.

Bosco:
Where'd you park?

Yokas:
Right out front... That's 5-5 David.

Bosco:
How'd you do that?

Yokas:
What do you think, I'm not gonna go all out for my partner?

Bosco:
Thank you. Thank you, Faith.

Yokas:
Come on, we've gotta hurry up before Swersky finds out. How 'bout I let you play with the lights and sirens? How's that sound?

Davis:
What's going on with you?

Brendan Finney:
Maybe I don't wanna be around all these cops.

Davis:
Maybe you should get another job.

Yokas:
Have you ever heard of a machine called "Abdi-" something?

Jelly:
Sounds like a workout thing.

[about needing a Queens phonebook - to Jelly]

Sully:
Desk said you needed this. What, did you finally eat up all the pizza in Manhattan?

Carlos:
Thought you were tough.

Grace Foster:
Give me blood and guts all day. Love? Pass.

[about Doc]

Carlos:
The way you always put the patient first. Kinda reminds me of someone.

Grace Foster:
Yeah, who's that?

Carlos:
You didn't know him.

Brendan Finney:
Hey, look, I know I got a lot of family things going on right now. My family's messed up. I don't know how my partner and I are. But the one thing I know for sure is I'm not gonna meet anybody like you again. And I don't wanna mess this up.

Carlos:
Kiss him, stupid!

Grace Foster:
Go home, Carlos!

Carlos:
Amateur.

Brendan Finney:
So kiss him, stupid.

Brendan Finney:
So if he was already dead, does that make this a fatality?

Bosco:
It's the first time in 13 years I'm gonna have a new partner.

Yokas:
Yeah, but maybe you'll get someone who doesn't talk about their husband and kids all shift.

Carlos:
You know how everyone has that one thing that they're scared of? Rats for me.

Grace Foster:
You're scared of everything.

Carlos:
Mostly rats.

Yokas:
You don't want me to see it?

Bosco:
I don't want you to be depressed. How about you? How'd you do?

Yokas:
Same as always; I hit more than I missed, but I'll be damned if I know how.

Bosco:
It's 'cause you had a great teacher.

Cruz:
Oh, see I think you've got me confused with other cops here, Maddox. I'll do just about anything to get what I want.

[to Yokas]

Bosco:
I wanna talk about today. At the range. The reason I didn't show you my target isn't 'cause I nailed it. It's 'cause I couldn't shoot worth a damn.

Jelly:
Who carries ID to a robbery?

Yokas:
The guy crashed the getaway car. I don't think we're dealing with a genius here.

[barely avoiding an accident]

Grace Foster:
I had the right of way.

Carlos:
A lot of people in the cemetery could have that on their headstone.

Harry Rush:
My tongue, man. I bit my tongue.

Brendan Finney:
You're about to get it ripped out.

Harry Rush:
I'm bleeding here. You have to get me medical attention.

Brendan Finney:
You didn't give that store owner a chance to get medical attention, now did you?

Harry Rush:
I think I broke my nose.

Davis:
Please. You got a broken nose, bloody tongue... Still hasn't managed to shut your mouth!

[about Michael]

Cruz:
I'm half tempted to put him up for a Citizen of the Year award. Maddox is as bad as they come.

Lt. Swersky:
He murdered a prisoner in the middle of my station house. That doesn't make him much better.

Yokas:
If I can survive what two kids brought home from Nursery School, I can survive what this guy's got.

Lt. Swersky:
It's good to see you up and around, Bosco.

Bosco:
You should be glad, Boss. I heard on the news you got people getting shot right here in the building?

Lt. Swersky:
Yeah... It was an unusual day.

Bosco:
I leave for a few months, you let the whole place go to hell?

Lt. Swersky:
Are you trying to piss me off in the first two minutes?

Bosco:
No, I'll hold that 'till tomorrow.

Bosco:
Don't you have anything to do, Detective?

Yokas:
What?

Bosco:
Big NYPD Detective, I figured you'd be up to your ass in paperwork.

Carlos:
They let you in? I'm dying, right? That's why you're here? They said I'm over?

Holly Levine:
No, you dope. I wanted to be with you.

Dr. Stephen Connor:
He's lucky. Holly too.

Yokas:
Must be from living right.

Dr. Stephen Connor:
Well, it could be the crystals Holly brought.

Jelly:
I need four unidentified stiffs like I need an aerobics video.

Lt. Swersky:
Don't you wanna know who you're riding with?

Sully:
Please tell me you're not sticking me with some rookie I'm gonna have to baby-sit all day.

Bosco:
Actually, boss wants me to keep an eye on you.

Bosco:
I'm back to show you all how it's done, ladies.

Grace Foster:
I thought you were taking a few days while Carlos recuperates.

Holly Levine:
Yeah, you know, it turns out Carlos is not that fun to be around when he's sick.

Grace Foster:
"Turns out"? He's not that much fun to be around when he's perfectly healthy.

Sully:
An hour back and I already hate you.

Bosco:
Good.

Sully:
Good!

Bosco:
Hate me! Call me names. Just don't ask me if you can help me or if you can do anything for me. I'm not handicapped.

Sully:
You're still a jerk.

Bosco:
100 percent!

Yokas:
You guys wanna, uh, ride with me on this?

Sully:
I could use some air.

Bosco:
Yeah, I could do this later.

Sully:
Where we going?

Yokas:
To talk to some vampires.

Sully:
I gotta say, I didn't see that coming.

Marcel:
Putting me in jail is serving the community?

Cruz:
Well, I don't know about the community... but it's doing a whole hell of a lot for my attitude. How' bout you, Manny?

Santiago:
Mita, mita. I got goosebumps.

Yokas:
Alternative lifestyles. Welcome to New York City.

Sully:
Why don't they ever put 'em in the brochures?

Girl:
Nice scar.

Bosco:
Nice teeth!

Yokas:
Well, I see you still have a way with the nutballs.

Bosco:
It's a gift.

Yokas:
We are ducking calls at 5:45, all right? 'Cause I got this feeling it's gonna be one of those days. So no matter what happens we are off the radio, all right? I don't care if the mayor himself...

Bosco:
Shhhh... You had me at ducking.

Yokas:
Charlie threw up this morning and then I cleaned it up, no help from Fred, and I take a shower and I'm halfway out the door - - surprise. Vesuvius erupts again. Eww.

Bosco:
God, I can't wait to have kids.

Yokas:
Oh my God. I can't believe my life has come to this. I cannot believe I can walk around half the day and nobody even notices that I have puke in my hair.

Carlos:
What's the problem partner?

Chet:
I tied one on last night and I got a headache I can't shake.

Carlos:
Well, there's a screwdriver in your head.

Chet:
Yes sir, I noticed that.

Doc:
There's a Darwin award candidate.

Yokas:
Bos, what do you know about romance? I mean, your idea of foreplay is like finding a dark place to park.

Bosco:
I know without mystery and romance the soul withers and the heart turns to stone.

Yokas:
What are you quoting Shakespeare now?

Bosco:
"Penthouse."

[about the fire at the drug house]

Kenny:
Oh, come on man, you gotta put this out?

Jimmy:
City prefers it.

Bosco:
When I have kids I'm going to have vehicle locators surgically implanted right in their asses.

Yokas:
What, like a baby Lojack?

Bosco:
Yeah, why not? You kids are definitely worth more than your Buick.

Davis:
That'd be a b*tch, you search a guy, put him in the RMP, he gets his weapon back here.

Sully:
That almost explains the whole searching thing.

Davis:
Step out of the car please.

Gary:
Is that necessary?

Davis:
If you don't want to be dragged out the window, it is, yeah.

Bosco:
Einstein decided to see if Chevys could fly. F.Y.I.: they can't.

Carlos:
Might even affect med. school.

Doc:
Oh, come on. How could it affect that?

Carlos:
I don't know. Maybe some kind of morals thing?

Doc:
Like them finding out you don't have any?

Bosco:
Hey, you know what you told me once when I messed up? "All you can do is try to learn from it. Do it different next time."

Yokas:
I said that?

Bosco:
Pretty smart, huh?

Yokas:
Apparently I have my moments.

Sully:
We had a pool going.

Davis:
A pool for what?

Sully:
How long you'd stay. I said four days.

Davis:
Four days?

Sully:
I wanted two, but Bosco got that first.

Davis:
So who won?

Sully:
Yokas. She had two weeks. That was the longest anybody guessed.

[after Jimmy rappels down several floors to save Doc and Carlos]

Carlos:
This is a hell of a way to make a living.

Jimmy:
Don't tell the mayor... I'd do it for free.

Kim:
Jimmy rappelled off the roof?

Doc:
Yeah, took us out a window. Good thing too. A couple more minutes up there we'd of been toast.

Bobby:
Long way down.

Kim:
Crazy son of a b*tch.

[searching for the buried guy]

Bosco:
Don't they have dogs for this?

Yokas:
Yeah, but the dog's time's more valuable.

Bosco:
Ouch.

Yokas:
I warned you.

Bosco:
You just hit me with a dirt clod.

Yokas:
You're lucky I didn't hit you in the head with a brick.

[about the guy who is buried alive]

Davis:
What do you think is going through his mind?

Bosco:
"Damn, I could have had a V-8."

Yokas:
You're a sick puppy Bos, you know that?

Bosco:
Why don't you just go on the pill?

Yokas:
I was on the pill for ten years! The pill makes me cranky.

[to Bosco]

Yokas:
And it's not like you've been a choirboy. I mean, you've had more ass than a public toilet seat.

Bosco:
I just want to be there when they nail his black ass.

Doc:
Nice.

Bosco:
Don't give me that look. He was black, I'm guessing his ass is too.

Doc:
You got a way with words Bosco.

Carlos:
At least today couldn't get any worse.

Doc:
Today I gotta apologize to Boscorelli.

[a car has crashed into a produce stand]

Bobby:
Once again, a drunk defies the laws of physics and escapes unscathed.

Carlos:
We're being scolded for not bringing in enough junk to dump off on poor people.

Bobby:
I brought mine.

Carlos:
Big surprise, Mother Teresa.

Bobby:
You learn the same things in public school. The only difference is you're having sex in the subway instead of at the Waldorf.

Kim:
You had sex in the subway?

Bobby:
Stand clear of the closing doors, baby.

Yokas:
In the fifth grade I was faster than any other boy in my class. But my teacher said "something must've been wrong with the stopwatch." Said "run it again."

Bosco:
And?

Yokas:
I was so pissed off I ran it faster the second time.

[to Yokas]

Sully:
You know, you should make it official. Adopt Boscorelli. Then you can list him as a dependent and take him as a deduction on your taxes.

[about a horse that has been in an accident]

Yokas:
That poor thing is in a lot of pain.

Sully:
Yeah.

Yokas:
Well, isn't there something we can do to help him?

Bosco:
You want me to shoot him?

Sully, Yokas:
No!

[to Bosco and Carlos]

Yokas:
Infidelity. It's an equal opportunity employer, boys.

Yokas:
So, do you have any testosterone laden tales you want to share with us, Sully?

Sully:
Uh, not that I want to share.

Kim:
Doc was too busy helping mother Teresa with the bandages.

Bobby:
Come on, you must have done some crazy stuff man. Give it up.

Doc:
Between the Peace Core and the soup kitchen I barely had enough time to train all those seeing eye dogs.

Kim:
What happened?

Bobby:
Doc was playing God again.

Kim:
Oh, you got promoted from saint to the big guy?

Bosco:
You are stupider than even I can believe Rudy.

Rudy:
Oh, my head.

Bosco:
Your head? Like there's anything vital that can be hurt in there.

Davis:
If you won the lotto you could buy a helicopter to get to work.

Sully:
To get to work?

Davis:
What are you gonna do? Sit at home all day?

Yokas:
Yeah 70 million dollars, I'm gonna be strapping on a bulletproof vest 'cause I need a hobby.

[after someone shoots Rudy in the back of the police car]

Kim:
You guys sure you're okay?

Yokas:
Yeah, I'll let you know when my ass unpuckers.

Bobby:
Mine wouldn't until April.

Yokas:
Who would want to hurt Rudy Granger?

Bosco:
Obviously someone who wants me to have a really bad day.

Davis:
I bet you Rudy'd say his day was worse.

[Kim is showing off new boots that she got]

Kim:
Laugh all you want now, but you're gonna be begging for a pair of these puppies next time we have to stand in the snow for two hours.

Doc:
When do we ever have to stand in the snow for two hours?

Bobby:
Never.

Jimmy:
What the hell are those?

Bobby:
Kim's entering the Iditarod.

Tatiana:
Policeman has good benefit, right?

Sully:
Pretty good. You? The benefits?

Tatiana:
No. But, I wear short skirt, so... I get good tips.

[to a kid he is searching]

Bosco:
Well, what do we have here? Huh? Illegal narcotics? I am shocked and dismayed.

[Doc gets Joy's number]

Carlos:
I know nothing. You rule!

Bosco:
What are you talking about? I wasn't listening.

Yokas:
Of course not.

[after Bosco leaves]

Yokas:
What was I thinking?

Sully:
I learned something this morning, too.

Tatiana:
What's that?

Sully:
My clothes look a hell of a lot better on you than they do on me.

[about why Sully isn't at work]

Bosco:
When you haven't had sex in decades it must take some time to recover.

Carlos:
I dropped a bottle of Epi last week.

Doc:
You dro... you threw it at me!

Carlos:
Well, you were being an ass again.

Yokas:
You should just go home and make yourself a nice cup of herbal tea and watch an old movie.

Bosco:
Herbal tea? I'm surrounded by new age crap.

Yokas:
Carlos, there's like millions of dollars worth of heroin over here.

Carlos:
The old guy's a heroin dealer?

Bosco:
No, actually I'm guessing it was the guys with the guns.

Carlos:
Oh, yeah, right, right. Why would they keep it down here?

Bosco:
They strike you as geniuses?

Yokas:
I think that chocolate wore off.

Doc:
We could always eat Bosco.

Sully:
Sergeant Christopher, the uh, Captain requests your presence front and center.

Christopher:
Did he look mad?

Sully:
Not until I finished talking with him, he didn't.

Carlos:
The woman wanted to go with the man. They went together. It's TV movie of the week sad. The only thing missing is the Bulimic and the cancer kid.

Doc:
You have said some insensitive things, but I think you just hit that one out of the park.

Jeneca:
So which is it? Are you a habitual liar or an emotionally bankrupt human?

Carlos:
Which is worse?

Carlos:
What I don't need is for every med. school I apply to to find out I got fired from an emergency medical position because I'm an emotional black hole... Or they put a worse evaluation: "I'm cold, self-centered, and aloof."

Doc:
I wouldn't say that about you.

Carlos:
You did, two days after I met you.

Bosco:
Can I finish eating?

Yokas:
Yeah, you can finish eating. And then we'll start our shift and the first thing you'll want to do is get a sandwich.

Taylor:
Labels are so misleading. It's like how they call Rocky Road "Rocky Road" when really it's just some almonds and a couple chunks of chocolate in it.

Carlos:
There's marshmallows too.

Taylor:
Exactly.

Jimmy:
You get lost Knowlins? I know the streets here, they get very confusing with all the big numbers and stuff.

Jimmy:
Can you rush the quarterback?

Taylor:
Yeah, no problem.

DK:
You do know what that means?

Taylor:
You want me to knock you on your ass right now and show you?

Lombardo:
Another Lombardo tradition. First kid's always a boy.

Walsh:
And if it isn't?

Lombardo:
Then I hope she can play football like Taylor here.

Yokas:
A kid lives to see how far he can go. And all the things we tell him not to do, it makes him want to do it even more.

Bosco:
We should tell him not to read.

[about the engagement ring]

Doc:
Is it too much?

Sully:
I don't know about too much, but I would definitely marry you.

Bosco:
I haven't arrested a hairstyle like that since Michael Jackson was black.

Leroy:
Oh, no, you didn't.

Photographer:
How does an heiress do that to her hand?

Yokas:
I fell off a polo pony.

Photographer:
You play polo?

Yokas:
No. I just fell off the pony.

Fred:
Leroy, said the guy who's married to that lady who told Boscorelli off, deserves that truck.

Yokas:
So it was my winning personality again, huh?

[about the Yokas family's truck]

Bosco:
Have you gone out to Jersey and gone off road?

Yokas:
Oh, yeah, we're gonna do that right after the tractor pull.

Carlos:
We had some models earlier today. They invited us all to a party. Man, these chicks were hot, fire hot. There was like five of 'em. Two of them were into me. One liked Doc, but she was the ugly one.

Bosco:
Can't believe it, first Giants game of the season, Monday Night Football, and I'm stuck working.

Yokas:
Yeah, well right now you're not working. You're staring at a bunch of revolving desserts.

Bosco:
[about cake] Is that fresh?

Cashier:
No, it's three weeks old. The way our customers like it.

Carlos:
Finders keepers.

Doc:
"Finders keepers"?

Carlos:
It's a well established legal principle. You find it, you keep it.

Doc:
Oh yeah, yeah. I think that was one of the cornerstones of the Magna Carta.

Carlos:
The what?

Lombardo:
I ever catch this guy I'm gonna tie him behind the engine, make him follow behind us all night.

Lt. Johnson:
All right, let's go. Maybe it's a real one this time.

Walsh:
Yeah, and J-Lo cooked me breakfast this morning.

Cop:
[about Tatiana] How hot?

Bosco:
Playboy bunny, Moscow branch, hot.

Cop:
Well, on that depressing note, I better get home to my wife. She's Jenny Craig before the photo hot.

Sully:
I still want to be able to chase down fly balls, play some one-on-one. You know. I'll be pushing 60 years old.

Davis:
Can you chase down fly balls now?

Davis:
[to Sully] You're considerate, you're generous, you're fun to be with... Hell, I wish I was marrying you.

Davis:
You get any rest.

Sully:
Not much.

Davis:
Yeah, me neither.

Sully:
Oh yeah, you got a Ukrainian carnival at your house too?

Bosco:
I'm thinking about quitting and doing something else.

Yokas:
Really?

Bosco:
You haven't thought about it? After all this?

Yokas:
Yeah... so are you?

Bosco:
And let that skinny little bearded bastard think he beat me? Hell no. Give me a parachute and a pistol and drop me in there. I'll shoot him in the head myself.

Yokas:
You wanna come over for dinner? Fred and the kids would love to see you.

Bosco:
No they wouldn't.

Yokas:
They'll get over it.

Taylor:
All the other girls had Barbies, I had a fire truck.

Walsh:
You know my neighbor's starting to cut my lawn now? I didn't ask him to, he just started doing it.

Lombardo:
Send him to my place.

Carlos:
How's he feel about painting?

Walsh:
I don't know, his place looks like crap.

Lombardo:
What about plumbing? I got a stopped toilet for about a week now.

Jimmy:
You do the same damn thing here, man.

Walsh:
What the hell do you eat, man?

Lombardo:
Your cooking.

Jimmy:
Now that makes you a hero.

Walsh:
Kiss my ass.

Carlos:
I'll make the beans.

Doc:
Yeah, here. But not too much brown sugar this time, okay? It's not a dessert item.

Yokas:
[after running up countless flights of stairs to stop a jumper] Go slow, 'cause we don't want to scare her.

Bosco:
Scare her? I might kill her myself.

Sully:
[about the jumper] You know if she lived here?

Yokas:
She wouldn't even tell me her name, Sully. Address, phone number, favorite color. Those would have been my follow-up questions.

Yokas:
Are you an organ donor?

Bosco:
Still usin' 'em.

Bosco:
[running] Better not slow down Sully, I'll be up your ass.

Sully:
You just try to keep up with my ass, Bosco.

Davis:
[they avoid an accident] Whoa! What was that?

Sully:
Old school, my man.

Bosco:
What is wrong with me?

Yokas:
Could it be you're self-absorbed?

Bosco:
No, that's not it.

Kim:
[Sam is laying in the middle of the road] Oh great, a human speed bump.

Davis:
[to Bosco who's doing yoga] I believe you've lost your torch, Miss Liberty.

Bosco:
She says in a few weeks I should be able to put my feet behind my ears.

Davis:
Who?

Bosco:
My yoga teacher.

Sully:
She say when you'd be able to pull your head out of your ass?

Davis:
That's the advanced class.

Bosco:
Yokas and I are joining the law enforcement elite.

Sully:
You're becoming Ninjas?

Yokas:
Hookerfest. That's exactly how I hoped I'd be spending my evening.

Bosco:
You need to keep a more positive mental attitude. Have you ever considered yoga?

Yokas:
Shut-up Bos.

Carlos:
Maybe you should focus less this way and more on that fruit loop you got for a partner now.

Doc:
Hey, watch your mouth.

Kim:
[walks in] What's he talking about, a woman he has no chance with?

Carlos:
No, a breakfast cereal.

Carlos:
We got man things to discuss.

Taylor:
"Man things"? Don't make me kick your ass, Carlos.

AJ:
[about Yokas] You know what she needs, don't you?

Bosco:
Yep. Yoga.

Yokas:
[sarcastically-about her "forgetting" to Mirandize Mrs. Golden] I hate this system.

Yokas:
[Shaquana slaps Bosco] That's gonna leave a mark.

Bosco:
Doesn't everything?

Taylor:
Does she have a name?

Carlos:
Bird.

Davis:
Bird?

Taylor:
I can tell you two have really bonded.

Carlos:
Yeah. I'm not hung up on names.

Taylor:
[about Carlos] He thinks you're gay you know.

Davis:
He does, doesn't he? Well, I'm pretty sure he thinks you are too.

Taylor:
Fine by me. Anything to discourage him.

Sully:
Why were you busting her chops?

Tatiana:
She needs chops busted.

Bosco:
Screw jail time. You know what we should do? Parachute these jagoffs right into Osama land.

Yokas:
Yeah, right after a sex change.

Bosco:
Amen.

Sully:
You don't look so good.

Yokas:
Wow, you do know how to talk to a lady, huh?

Bosco:
Guess who we're seeing later.

Yokas:
Ringo Starr.

Bosco:
Glennie Hobart.

Yokas:
ESU Glen?

Bosco:
Yep. He's back on the street. We're gonna go by his station later, check out the trucks.

Yokas:
Oh, and me without something special to wear.

Ray:
Is it always this busy?

Doc:
Sometimes. Sometimes, nothing happens.

Ray:
I'll bet your idea of nothing is a lot different than mine.

Carlos:
[he finds out Davis isn't gay] I was gonna ask you if this outfit worked.

Junkie:
You wrecked my high.

Kim:
You're welcome.

Junkie:
I never meant to hurt her.

Kim:
Kill her, you mean.

Junkie:
What?

Kim:
You beat her to death. And here we are making sure you survive. It's awake, Bosco!

Carlos:
[after falling off the fire pole - voiceover] I thought I was dead. And that my own personal hell consisted of evil little midgets with sticky fingers, missing teeth, and pigtails... Children.

Tatiana:
[about milk] Number one fat.

Sully:
Oh, no, number two fat.

Tatiana:
Number one fat! Come on, hurry up take a shower. You're gonna be that late bird that don't get worms.

Carlos:
I never lost consciousness! Come on!

Taylor:
You called Jimmy "Charlene" and said you didn't want to go to school today.

Doctor:
What happened?

Kim:
20 foot fall. He's got a lump, a scalp lac, and a big mouth.

Doc:
[about Carlos] Either of you know what the hell he was doing on that pole?

Taylor:
No, but I wish I had some photos.

Kim:
Walsh said he heard him screaming for someone to call 9-1-1.

Taylor:
You're kidding.

Doc:
It's not funny, guys.

Taylor:
Oh come on, Doc, it is too funny.

Kim:
[imitating Carlos] "Call 9-1-1!"

Yokas:
What, are you dieting?

Sully:
Well, it's the Tatiana effect. She's feeding me better food, vegetables, fish, chicken. And we take these power walks, sometimes twice a day.

Bosco:
Can you believe this, Davis? Before you ladies turn the discussion to deal-a-meals and thighmasters, do you mind letting me go to work?

Davis:
Now that you mention it, your ass is looking a tighter.

Sully:
Davis...

Davis:
More toned, a little firmer.

Sully:
In the car!

Davis:
Sexy!

Yokas:
[to Charlie about the drugs in the gas tank] Ooh, how many miles you get on a gallon of that stuff?

Bosco:
I'd say what? Five to ten?

Bosco:
Wait until my partner here gets finished with the report. You'll be so guilty even you won't like yourself.

Yokas:
Oh, that's sweet.

Bosco:
Well, you're the best at it.

Yokas:
Isn't he a smooth talker?

Charlie:
You're gonna lie?

Yokas:
Lie? Lie? Now that is a very offensive characterization.

Yokas:
I live in an apartment building half this size. It's never this quiet.

Gusler:
What do you think that means?

Yokas:
I don't know. Maybe I should move here.

Yokas:
I'm gonna make sure you go to prison one day.

Fyodor Chevchenko:
Why are American women so angry?

Billy Walsh:
[seeing the baby left at the firehouse] Jimmy, what did you do?

Bosco:
I feel like I'm riding a lawnmower.

Sully:
Wanna walk?

Bosco:
It'd be faster.

Carlos:
[about Kylie] You need your formula, huh?

Davis:
I'm gonna tell you what she needs. She needs her own apartment, man.

Bosco:
Lighten up, Mommy. I'll ride with Sul.

Yokas:
Okay, nevermind.

Sully:
Mommy? How do you put up with that?

Yokas:
Oh, it's an acquired taste.

Girl:
[on crossing guard duty] I'm gonna be a policeman someday.

Bosco:
Yeah? Good for you. [to the next kid] What are you looking at?

Boy:
I didn't know men do this.

Bosco:
I'm sorry?

Boy:
I didn't know men do this.

Bosco:
[blows whistle] Sully! That's it!

Sully:
What now?

Taylor:
Look at her, she's so beautiful.

Davis:
Yeah, she's real cute.

Taylor:
Who would have thought - -the spawn of Carlos.

Kim:
[about the Palm Pilot] This thing is gonna change my life. No wonder I can't ever find anybody. I got listings under last names, first names. I got you under 'P' for Paramedic.

Taylor:
Why not 'D' for delightful?

Lt. Swersky:
Bosco, you're early. They fumigating your apartment?

Dr. Susan Lewis:
[about Chloe] She's a responsible wife and mother.

Bosco:
If she's so responsible then why are you here?

Gerald:
They're hookers you know.

Bosco:
I believe the politically correct term is "street hostesses."

Dr. Susan Lewis:
[Bosco slams Oleg's face into the car] You may have broken his nose.

Bosco:
No, he was always that ugly.

Bosco:
[to a prisoner] You're pissing me off. Walk faster or I'll put my foot up your ass.

Jimmy:
Guess what we're doing tonight?

Joey Doherty:
What?

Jimmy:
Look at that. We're cleaning this house, all right?

Joey Doherty:
But Dad, why don't we just get a maid?

Jimmy:
A maid? What? You think I got a million dollars?

[looking at the pedophile in the ambulance]

Carlos:
I think I got that shirt.

Kim:
I never really thought about it. Lieutenant Zambrano, Lieutenant. Lieu.

Carlos:
Ooh, I just got chicken skin.

Kim:
Hey Lieu, got a minute?

Carlos:
It's a strange coincidence, don't you think? The two [Doc and Kim] of you get on the promotion list at the same time.

Kim:
It's a test, Carlos. A civil service exam.

Carlos:
Yeah, but I mean, you know, what were you doing, having secret study groups or something? You could have at least told me about it.

Kim:
You're certifiable, you know that?

Carlos:
Oh, that means a lot coming from you, Lieu.

Kim:
Oh shut-up.

Carlos:
Yes sir.

Kim:
What the hell is chicken skin?

Dr. Susan Lewis:
He's wound a little tight.

Yokas:
I got two kids. One of them ever went missing, Bosco's the guy I'd want looking for them.

Jimmy:
I need the practice. Joey's getting a little tired of my specialties.

D.K.:
How long's it take to get tired of toast?

Jimmy:
[while playing cards with the guys] You ever tried to scrub old cheese out of a skillet? I got that special grease cutting detergent, they don't have anything for cutting day-old caked on cheddar, let me tell you. Same thing with laundry. I mean everything "new and improved" but they don't tell me what I should buy if I want to get a little grape juice out of a school tie? Sorry fellas, Gin. [everyone stares at Jimmy] What?

D.K.:
You're scaring me, man.

Lt. Johnson:
Grease cutting detergent?

Mary Proctor:
I'll be right back with your Tetanus shot.

Bosco:
Oh, come on Proctor, those are a killer.

Mary Proctor:
Hey, don't try to take away one of the only joys I have left in my job.

Dr. Susan Lewis:
I was looking for Officer Boscorelli.

Mary Proctor:
Don't let him run away. He's afraid of needles.

Fred:
[Fred is getting blood drawn] They don't know what they're doing, they can really mess you up.

Yokas:
You think that's a good idea? Talking about her while she's got a needle stuck in you?

Bosco:
If you need me, I'll be keeping a lid on the garbage.

Fred:
The emergency phone's busted, the emergency button doesn't work. What the hell kind of place is this?

Yokas:
Apparently one with few emergencies.

Fred:
I can't stand being cooped up like this.

Yokas:
What are you claustrophobic now?

Fred:
No. I just don't like tight spaces.

Woman:
[about Emily] She's becoming very precocious.

Bosco:
Attitude? I wonder which one of her parents that comes from.

Mary Proctor:
You're doing medic runs?

Jimmy:
What can I say, we're multitasking.

Kim:
Who the hell would voluntarily live in a neighborhood like this?

Doc:
My place is three blocks from here.

Kim:
Not to say that there isn't potential.

Yokas:
[about Gusler] Paper's not his strong suit.

Bosco:
What, he has a strong suit?

Yokas:
Well, he's eager.

Woman:
Be careful.

Walsh:
Absolutely.

Woman:
I mean, I've got antiques.

Carlos:
Big fire.

Taylor:
I should be in there fighting it.

Carlos:
Anything I can do to make that dream a reality, don't hesitate to ask.

Taylor:
Just keep being you.

Doc:
[about the junkie] Weak pulse, needs air.

Kim:
Yeah, that's a matter of opinion.

Kim:
[about working together] Seemed kind of smooth, didn't it? Kind of right.

Taylor:
Yeah, kind of right.

Kim:
Yeah. Except for the lifting of that big guy part.

Taylor:
Oh, lifting definitely sucked.

Bosco:
[after Yokas gets head-butted] You all right?

Yokas:
Yeah. I'm ready for my close-up.

Fred:
[to Yokas] You got head-butted? Head-butted! I don't even know what to say about that. I want you to wear a helmet.

Taylor:
Well, looks like I got the rest of the day off.

Kim:
Well, that's the first time I considered you lucky for working with Carlos.

[about Carlos]

Dr. Thomas:
Where'd he fall off again?

Doc:
The fire pole. Two floors of it.

Dr. Thomas:
Does that happen a lot?

Doc:
No, he's... kind of special that way.

Doc:
It's Boy Scout first aid. Shared body heat, skin to skin.

Carlos:
Uh, I was never in the Boy Scouts. Doherty?

Jimmy:
I'm driving.

Carlos:
[takes off his shirt] I swear, if either of you tell anybody about this...

Jimmy:
Oh, are you kidding me? When that lady pulls through she's gotta know. God, what I wouldn't do for a camera right now.

Lt. Swersky:
[at Roll Call]... In turn the bank promised a generous donation to the PBA widow's and children's fund, in Bosco's name. Not to mention they offered to chip in for his new pace maker.

Yokas:
We'll work together tomorrow.

Bosco:
Good. Good. That's good. That's uh... you know. That's good, 'cause uh...

Yokas:
Yeah, me too.

Bosco:
So... What? I'll see you tomorrow?

Yokas:
With bells on.

Bosco:
What the hell does that mean, with bells on?

Doc:
I don't hear anybody calling you "granny."

Kim:
That's 'cause they know I'd kick their ass.

Carlos:
So what's this, a... queen?

Davis:
Yes, yes, a queen. A big old queen.

[Yokas tells Bosco that she is sick]

Bosco:
All the things that we've learned that we can't control in this world, and you're gonna surprise me with this?

Yokas:
I... I just didn't want to be dumping my stuff on anybody.

Bosco:
It's me, Faith. It's me! I'm not just anybody.

Mary Proctor:
What's your name?

Phil:
Tom.

Jimmy:
His name's Phil.

Mary Proctor:
Trauma Four.

Phil:
My name's Phil?

Jimmy:
That's what your wife said.

Phil:
I have a wife?

Bosco:
How many damn people did I bring in?

Cop:
I think you locked up half the precinct.

Sully:
Go take care of your floater.

Madjanski:
You didn't touch anything, did you?

Sully:
I took all the dough out of his wallet and I'm wearing his shoes. Is that a problem?

[to Miguel]

Bosco:
[smirks] Something tells me I'm going to be seeing you again.

Yokas:
I was 14, I fought with my mother. But I never wished she was dead.

Bosco:
Maybe you're overreacting.

Yokas:
Yeah, well she better cool it or I'm gonna overreact my foot up her rump.

Yokas:
[directing traffic] We're like big blue targets out here.

Bosco:
This sucks!

Woman:
You're a paramedic and a fireman?

Taylor:
Yeah. It gets confusing sometimes.

Woman:
That's amazing. I can't even balance a checkbook.

Taylor:
Yeah? Neither can I.

Bosco:
[Fred talks to Jesus] If he's ever talking to him again, there's a few things I'd like to ask for. Is it okay if I put in a word?

Yokas:
No.

Bosco:
I gave it a shot.

[about a dead woman]

Carlos:
I called her a "pain in the ass".

Doc:
Well, she was a pain in the ass.

[after being hit by a car]

Taylor:
I'm glad you weren't there or you could've gotten hit too.

Kim:
Eh. I would have looked both ways.

[leaving the hospital]

Fred:
I can't believe how good I feel.

Yokas:
I can't believe how much crap you've accumulated.

Fred:
I'm a very popular guy.

Cruz:
Hey! I'm Cruz. You looking for me?

Lt. Swersky:
Davis, you'll be in 5-5 David with a brand new probationary patrolman fresh from the academy.

Davis:
A rookie! Seriously?

Lt. Swersky:
Oh, after the fine homicide arrest you made the other day, I'm making you a Field Training Officer.

Sully:
Yeah. I've been with a rookie. The perks aren't worth it.

Davis:
Well, it was no picnic for me either. I didn't get any perks.

Sully:
Hey, I gave you a million dollars worth of law enforcement knowledge.

Davis:
Right. We're "solving problems." That's genius!

[to Yokas about Mann]

Cruz:
He started the day trying to put you, me, and Bosco out of commission. Now, you do what you're thinking, and he got two out of three. It's not about you, or me. It's about not letting him win. Now say it! He drew the knife and tried to stab me.

[to Bosco who's in a coma]

Yokas:
Hey, Bosco. I just talked to the doctor and, uh... he said you're gonna be all right. So is your mom. She's still here but she's better... And hey, about Donald Mann. I just want you to know that I took care of that for you, okay? I... it's over. I took care of that for you.

Psychic:
Get the money from his pocket.

Carlos:
Once you almost kill someone I think you forfeit your fee.

[to Finney]

Davis:
I'm your Field Training Officer. That means I evaluate you at the end of each day. So far you've run another RMP off the road, you've pointed a gun at a ten-year-old, and you've completely disrespected a superior officer. I would suggest you adjust your attitude and start listening to me or your career's gonna be over before it starts. I don't give a damn who your daddy is.

Monroe:
You did everything on the up and up, right?

Cruz:
Well, yeah. I mean, Yokas made detective behind it.

Monroe:
Right, she gets a gold shield, you get an IAB shadow.

Cruz:
Welcome to my life.

Brendan Finney:
Guess I, uh, owe Sullivan an apology.

Davis:
Yeah, well, you can hold off on that one.

Brendan Finney:
Well, maybe tomorrow, huh?

Davis:
Maybe next year!

[shoots the gunman in the head]

Sully:
Nice shot, Jelly.

Jelly:
I was aiming for his leg.

Jelly:
I gotta clean my damn gun now. You know how much I hate to clean my gun? And look at my new suit...

Yokas:
Jelly, they just took my partner upstairs with four bullets in him. Get over yourself!

Cruz:
Big boy.

Davis:
Yeah, he's not too big.

Cruz:
Dead?

Davis:
God, I hope so.

Brendan Finney:
[after finding his father, C.T., dead in his car from carbon minoxide poisoning] Dad? Dad? Dad, come on, don't do this. Damnit Dad, don't do this. You sonofabitch, don't do this! [starts crying]

[about the knife]

Cruz:
This is his?

Davis:
He was trying to kill me with it. I didn't ask him if it was his or not.

Sully:
You know, there was a time when the drug dealers ran away from us. That's how you could tell you were winning.

Davis:
Most of them still do.

Sully:
Less and less all the time though.

Lt. Swersky:
Monroe said you were going to see his mother. I can tell her.

Yokas:
It should come from me.

Lt. Swersky:
He's gonna make it, Faith.

Yokas:
You didn't see him.

Lt. Swersky:
He's Bosco.

Yokas:
He's not Superman.

[to Sully about Cruz]

Jelly:
Don't worry about it. I got the same way with the ladies.

Carlos:
Any chance you'll name that baby after me?

Kim:
Absolutely none!

Carlos:
That's fair enough. Carlos Doherty wouldn't make much sense anyway...

Doc:
You know this day is going to be remembered? Alex died... and I got a promotion

[to Emily about Faith]

Fred:
And here we sit with our televisions and our DVDs and our CD players and our cell phones and our clothes and our food. Yeah... can't believe she'd do that to us.

Bosco:
Fat-free half-and-half. Isn't that just milk?

Jimmy:
Truth comes out... Everyone wants to be a fireman.

Cruz:
Did you ask him about his Johnson?

Bosco:
I asked him about his little tiny Johnson. I should have ripped it off him, too.

Cruz:
I'd hate to have to handle that complaint. I guess it'd, uh, be theft.

Bosco:
Petty larceny.

Yokas:
If it was up to me, my kids would never cry. They'd never be embarrassed or humiliated or disappointed. They'd never get hurt. That's how much you love them. You want to put them in a bubble for safekeeping. Some place where there's no psychos, there's no drugs, and there's no danger.

Bosco:
No life.

Yokas:
I didn't say it was rational.

Cruz:
Sorry to interrupt kindergarten, but I need, um, Boscorelli.

Lt. Swersky:
For the whole tour?

Cruz:
I'll get him back when I can.

Bosco:
Duty calls, boys. Think of me fondly with every parking ticket you issue.

[gives Bosco his uniform]

Carlos:
Jeez, it's freezing.

Davis:
Well, you're in your underwear, Carlos.

Bosco:
It's for a good cause.

Carlos:
Thank God I wore underwear today.

Bosco:
Okay... How do I look?

Davis:
I wouldn't let you work on me.

[pretending to be a paramedic]

Bosco:
She's gonna need a plastic mask and an I.V. Probably what, a standard eight?

[to a shooting victim]

Bosco:
Your real name is Wiggy?

Kim:
Oh, great. I'm working overtime for a guy named Wiggy.

Bosco:
How are you, Diane?

ADA Dianne Mann:
I haven't gotten laid since the 90s.

[to Bosco]

Cruz:
Yeah, thinking seems to be where you run into problems.

Yokas:
Now, I think you're both relatively safe, 'cause you're both handcuffed.

Truck Driver:
She could bite me!

[to the hospital staff]

Yokas:
Don't let her bite him.

[about Bosco]

Miguel White:
I thought you had to be smart to be a cop.

Cruz:
There's an exception to every rule.

Bosco:
I thought I knew what I was doing out here, but I guess I don't.

Cruz:
Smartest thing I heard you say.

Nancy:
You're not like the rest of the cops.

Davis:
Why? 'Cause I read a book?

Nancy:
Because you still haven't stopped believing that the good guys always win and the bad guys always lose. It's sweet. Really.

[arresting Vernon]

Bosco:
Look at 'em Vernon. Look at 'em. They're all out here to watch you fall. And they can't wait for you to be gone. Forever. You hear me? For good. You'll be forgotten in a week, because of one little boy. One little boy who had the stones to stand up to you. He's twice the man you'll ever be.

Carlos:
My first day I was a half an hour early.

Kim:
Yeah, and the fire guys made you stand right over there for the 30 minutes until we got here.

Carlos:
[points in opposite direction] No, no. It was more like over there.

Carlos:
Where were these girls when I was in high school?

Kim:
In kindergarten. Remember that.

Mrs. Winston:
[about Daryl] He probably has a bump on his head.

Bosco:
Oh, wait until I get a hold of him.

Bosco:
[to Yvette] So, first day, huh?

Daryl:
No, actually I've been arrested a couple of times before.

Bosco:
Shut-up! [to Yvette] As you can see you're gonna be surrounded by intelligence.

Yokas:
Fred and I have been getting along really well lately.

Bosco:
Stop!

Yokas:
Bosco, when it rains it pours. And it is raining in the Yokas boudoir, hard.

Bosco:
Why do you have to do that?

Yokas:
What?

Bosco:
I just asked you a simple question, you gotta fill my head with visuals!

Yokas:
And women are uptight about sex?

Bosco:
[holding up a lamp] This doesn't match anything in my place.

Yokas:
So how you doing, I mean, you know, in general?

Claire Henley:
Fine. I'm doing fine.

Bosco:
And yet it's raining floor lamps outside your apartment.

Kim:
You're delusional Carlos. You can't even pass a woman without making some juvenile creepy comment. If you "accidentally" ever touched any part of my body, I'd want to be boiled.

Bosco:
[about Claire] So come on, how good of friends were you? Were you like, you know, real close? Or Real close?

Yokas:
Oh please Bosco. Grow up!

[to Davis and Carlos]

Sully:
You two make a hell of a team. Maybe they'll let you share a cell.

Carlos:
[to Davis] I'm sorry I took so long to get ready, but I had a difficult time picking out which long johns go with mopping a firehouse.

Sully:
Most snow falls at 15 degrees Fahrenheit or greater. The air holds more water vapor at higher temperatures.

Bosco:
Thank you, Al Roker.

[looking for fingers in the snow]

Kim:
Hey, I got one!

Man:
She gonna find them all?

Taylor:
She won't stop looking till she does.

Yokas:
He said that is was okay that he was speeding in a blinding snowstorm because he had his hazardous lights on.

Bosco:
Makes sense to me. You think if he was high he's have on his high beams?

[to Cruz]

Bosco:
How could they have known we were coming? We were being so inconspicuous and all.

[Flashback; Bosco and Yokas's first encounter]

Bosco:
Mother?

Yokas:
Excuse me?

Bosco:
You look like a mother.

Yokas:
Yeah, actually I have two ki...

[Bosco walks away]

Yokas:
You look like an ass.

[Flashback]

Bosco:
I've been watching you.

Yokas:
Really? I'm flattered. But I'm married.

[Flashback; About Faith's shooting skills]

Bosco:
Come on. You'd have a better chance if they let you throw the gun at it and count it as six if you hit it.

Yokas:
You're still smirking.

Bosco:
I am?

Yokas:
Yeah, it's your getting some smirk.

[bleeding from the head]

Sully:
Am I still pretty?

Grace Foster:
I am gonna jump out of my skin.

Kim:
Oh, I'm sorry, Grace. You want me to run someone over so you can go out and patch them up?

Grace Foster:
Well, you'd have to hit them pretty good for it to be interesting.

[about Bosco]

Davis:
What's with him?

Yokas:
I don't know. He's got this new girlfriend. I think it's starting to melt his brain.

[to Joy]

Doc:
With my luck I'll meet your mom and realize I dated her in high school.

[about Cruz]

Yokas:
She's a regular fount of wisdom.

Bosco:
Fount?

Yokas:
Don't you think you made a pretty quick decision?

Cruz:
Are you questioning that, officer?

Yokas:
Yeah, I guess I am.

DK:
Can this day get anymore exciting?

[a car crashes into a building]

Jimmy:
Apparently it can.

Carlos:
Drive-thru plumbing supply store. I don't know if that idea's gonna catch on.

Jimmy:
If that guy's not loaded, that's one hell of a lousy parking job.

[to Jimmy]

Ruth Johnson:
The people honked their stupid horns and waved for one week two years ago and then went back to ignoring all of you! The city's heroes. But you're not heroes. None of you! You're husbands and wives and sons and daughters! And, God help me, I don't understand why! Why you would want to do a job that leaves a wife to explain to her children why that monster in there is all that's left of their father! Can you do that? Any of you? 'Cause if you can't then just - just leave me the hell alone!

[to Emily]

Yokas:
What are you complaining about? I'm the one stuck out here in Rocky Horror land.

Davis:
I got the wind knocked out of me, that's all.

Kim:
Falling four flights will do that to you, superboy.

Bosco:
You hungry?

[Sully vomits]

Bosco:
I'll take that as a no!

Bosco:
I got a whole family full of yous. Can't cope with life so they hide behind the bottle.

Sully:
But not you?

Bosco:
I guess I'm the black sheep.

Davis:
Idle minds right? Devil's playground.

Sully:
I thought that was idle hands.

Davis:
How can a hand be a playground?

Sully:
And isn't it workshop?

Davis:
Is it?

Sully:
I don't know, you said it.

[after a car accident]

Kim:
How's your breathing?

Aaron Noble:
Pretty good, pretty good, yours?

Kim:
You lose consciousness at all?

Aaron Noble:
Well, once in the 60s. But, ah well, it was the 60s.

Kim:
Why would you leave if you were hurt?

Aaron Noble:
I don't know. I get frequent bleeder miles at another hospital.

[with a hand full of money]

Lt. Johnson:
Sullivan, what do you want me to do with this?

Sully:
What am I, a teller?

[questioning Noble about the stabbing]

Davis:
And that is the black guy with the baseball cap?

Aaron Noble:
Yeah.

Sully:
That narrows it down for us. I wonder what Derek Jeter was doing.

Davis:
Yankees are on the road.

Aaron Noble:
Mets are still in town.

[to Kim]

Aaron Noble:
Today was the most fun I've ever had on a stretcher. And believe me, I've been on more than a few.

Bosco:
I'm through justifying myself to you.

Yokas:
And I'm through carrying around a three-year old.

Bosco:
Right, I'm one of your kids.

Yokas:
No, you couldn't be one of my kids. My kids are mature.

Bosco:
No, I couldn't be one of your kids because I actually see you.

Kim:
All right, we gotta go to SoHo.

Carlos:
Do I look like a cabbie?

Aaron Noble:
I was doing research, for a book.

Bosco:
Oh my gosh. You know what? Please accept our apologies. Sarge! Sarge stop searching the car. He was only doing research for a book.

Cruz:
Oh, didn't somebody already write Dumb and Dumber?

Aaron Noble:
It was research.

Bosco:
Yeah? Well, now you can research how to be someone's b*tch.

Aaron Noble:
I got my first amendment rights.

Cruz:
Try using the fifth.

Old Man:
If you'll snuggle with me I'll feel better.

Kim:
Well, thanks, but it's kind of serious.

Old Man:
So who's the lucky fella.

Carlos:
He's a writer. He's your age. You might have a chance.

[to Willie]

Bosco:
Do you need me to kick that chair out from under you again?

Willie G:
I want my lawyer.

Bosco:
You want your mommy.

Kim:
By the way thanks for standing up for me back there... By saying that I looked good.

Carlos:
You ran me off for it!

Kim:
Still... That was perfect.

Carlos:
That was pretty good, wasn't it?

[about Willie]

Bosco:
Destroying city property, littering, riding without a helmet. It's a one-man crime wave.

Carlos:
You realize I'm not arguing with you?

Kim:
Well, what would you do?

Carlos:
You're asking me? My opinion?

Kim:
Just this once.

Lt. Johnson:
Attention ladies!

Taylor:
Easy boss, these are no ladies.

Lt. Johnson:
My apologies to you actual ladies.

Doc:
I hate phones, and I hate desks, and I hate paperwork. And I really hate those little carpeted cubicles. AND my trainee is late!

[about subing as a medic]

Taylor:
Why is it always me?

Walsh:
'Cause you're the one with the delicate touch little lady.

Taylor:
It's always the same. Guys don't like having women in the department so they find excuses to put us in these girlie-ass jobs.

Doc:
Girlie? Do I look girlie to you?

[trying to put out a car fire]

Walsh:
Can't open the hood?

Firefighter:
Can't get a hold of the damn latch.

Walsh:
And you're supposed to help me change my oil this weekend?

Taylor:
I don't really like riding on the ambulance anymore.

Old Man:
If you don't mind, we're glad you are.

Taylor:
Don't tell anyone, but right now I am too.

Yokas:
Why me, Bosco? Why is it always me?

Bosco:
Because you're the only one Faith... I don't have anyone else.

Aaron Noble:
You know what Injera is?

Bosco:
No.

Aaron Noble:
It's Ethiopian bread. Kind of like a pancake, but sour.

Bosco:
You think that's what's wrong with this cheeseburger?

Aaron Noble:
That is how I work, I immerse myself in the culture.

Bosco:
Let me get this straight... Are you telling me that you do crank professionally?

Bosco:
I am so hot tonight. I'm even amazing myself.

Bobby:
Treva.

Kim:
What kind of name is that?

Bobby:
What? It's worse than Kim?

Kim:
What's wrong with Kim?

Bobby:
It's just Kim. It doesn't mean anything.

Kim:
Yes it does. It's like a saint or something.

Bobby:
Saint Kimberly? In what religion?

Bosco:
I'm starting to change my mind about the Himalayas. I think it would be a pretty good place to go. No pollution, no BS with the legal system. Just ice and mountains. The South Pole...

Yokas:
The South Pole?

Bosco:
What?

Yokas:
Nothing.

Bosco:
It's probably only nice until you get used to the place. After that I'm sure you run into some crackhead Eskimo using kids or something.

Yokas:
Eskimos? In the Himalayas?

[about Cruz]

Sully:
Man, I knew she was a b*tch but I didn't think she'd do anything like that.

Bosco:
I was sleeping with her and I was fooled. How's that for stupid?

Sully:
You know this thing with Faith, all that stuff her old man said? Nothing's ever one person's fault.

Bosco:
You haven't spent enough time around me.

[to the FBI agents]

Sully:
Wow, look at the size of those ID badges. Those come with Cracker Jacks?

[about Taylor]

Davis:
I don't deserve to feel bad about her dying. She was a way better person than I think I'll ever be.

Bosco:
It's Monroe, right?

Monroe:
Yeah. How you doing?

Bosco:
Mind your own business, Monroe.

Monroe:
Ooh. It's not often that you meet someone who completely lives up to the horrible things people say about 'em.

Davis:
Is it true? You ratted out Cruz to Swersky? Said she was dirty?

Bosco:
She is dirty.

Sully:
And yet she goes to church twice a week. There's a lesson in there somewhere.

[Bosco's sitting by the water]

Sully:
You want us to throw you in, is that it?

[to Cruz]

Bosco:
You remember saying the reason I'd never be a great cop? Is 'cause I - - I don't follow through. I half ass the paper work. Well guess what? My partner never does. Never! That's why together, me and Yokas are one great cop.

Lt. Swersky:
You missed roll call.

Cruz:
Yeah, I had trouble finding my costume.

Lt. Swersky:
Here's a summons packet. I think 25 a week will do.

Cruz:
I'm a sergeant.

Lt. Swersky:
Then you should know how to fill them out.

Cruz:
If I was a guy I would've been promoted off the work I did. I got more collars than anyone in this whole department.

Lt. Swersky:
Good point. Someone like you could probably get me 50.

[in a car chase]

Davis:
You're running out of places to go.

Sully:
You're damn right he is.

Davis:
Nice... I take back everything I said.

[to Bosco]

Emily Yokas:
You're not coming up, are you? My father would like, have a baby.

[about Cruz]

Monroe:
She's back in the bag, huh?

Bosco:
Oh, my God. This has turned into one of the best days of my life.

Monroe:
You definitely don't get out enough.

Monroe:
You know, why don't you let some of what Davis has rub off on you?

Bosco:
You know what? Davis can keep his sunshine all to himself. Don't be late.

Monroe:
I'm on my J.O.

Bosco:
Your who?

Monroe:
Add a B to the end.

Bosco:
Or you could just say job.

Bosco:
Maybe next time he'll kill you. It's a shorter report.

Sully:
I bet I could read you a question from this book and you'll be able to answer it correctly. You ready?

Davis:
I don't think I've ever seen you read anything that didn't have cartoons in it.

Bosco:
Don't trip on your bling-bling, yo yo.

Davis:
Guy gives rap a bad name.

Bosco:
No, rap gives rap a bad name.

Monroe:
Watch your mouth.

Davis:
I guess if anybody'd know that it would be Maurice Boscorelli.

Monroe:
One minute you're an ass, the next you're who the hell knows what.

Bosco:
Uh, uh. Judging - - No judging.

Woman:
Officer! Officer!

Cruz:
No habla Ingles.

[woman starts speaking spanish]

Woman:
You gotta help me.

Cruz:
Somebody better be dead!

[to Cruz about the stakeout]

Monroe:
So basically I'm working the camera in a porno flick?

Kim:
'Hold this crystal'? A guy is bleeding out of his leg, how's holding a crystal gonna help him?

Holly Levine:
When he was holding the crystal he wasn't thinking about his leg.

Carlos:
This came for you.

Kim:
It's official.

Carlos:
Right. That's probably why the word "official" is stamped all over it in big, red letters.

Kim:
Play nice.

Bosco:
Put me on first. I'll piss this defense attorney off so much he'll have me on for an hour.

ADA Dianne Mann:
It's always something with you, isn't it?

Bosco:
Look, this time I'll be your knight in shining armor.

ADA Dianne Mann:
Oh, yeah, that's got me oozing confidence.

Davis:
5-5 Charlie. What's the ETA of that backup and ESU?

Dispatcher:
Stand by, Charlie.

Davis:
Stan - - You want me to tell the bad guys to stand by?

[shoots Frank in the hand causing him to drop the detonator]

Davis:
I'm serious man. That was the most amazing shot I've ever seen in my life.

Sully:
Yeah, except I was aiming at his head.

Cruz:
Mind your own damn business.

Bosco:
Uh-oh. Who you working with now? The CIA? Department of Homeland Security? ASPCA?

Bosco:
Doc, man, you gotta tell your people to secure these busses, or at least get a head count. This one's turning out to have more passengers than the Titanic.

[to Carlos]

Bosco:
What's wrong? Principal write you up?

Man:
I got ejected from the bus.

Bosco:
Nice try. Why don't you use some of those big words and get yourself a job?

Man:
I got a head injury.

Bosco:
Yeah, it's called Lice.

Lt. Swersky:
This is the bomb guy?

Davis:
Yeah. He looks a little different when he isn't running away.

Frankie:
Hey, man, this guy was gonna kill me.

Davis:
What are you talking about 'was'? Whole lot of time left in the day

Frankie:
You guys said you were gonna help me!

Davis:
You tried to kill a judge, twice. There's really not much we can do for you, sweet pea.

Bosco:
Looks like you guys are gonna have to take it from here. Just my luck, I got a flat.

Cruz:
Take what?

Bosco:
I have a prisoner transport.

Monroe:
You don't have a flat.

[Bosco sticks a knife into the tire]

Bosco:
Oh. It's a slow leak.

Cruz:
That was um, that was nice, you calling and all.

Bosco:
Yeah. Next time, before I push the knife in, remind me who's gonna have to change that damn tire.

Davis:
Looks like Cruz is back in the game.

Bosco:
And I'm being passed over for a rookie.

Sully:
Maybe it's your winning personality.

Doc:
Hey guys.

Kim:
Hey. Here to scare away the new guy?

Doc:
I am the new guy.

Bosco:
Hey, you got the name on 1G?

Mailman:
I can't do that.

Bosco:
Come on, let me see the mail for that address.

Mailman:
I know that's not allowed. What'd this guy do?

Bosco:
He killed a mailman.

Kim:
You purposely ran over someone today!

Doc:
He was shooting at Sully and Davis!

Kim:
So, what are you a cop now?

Monroe:
Back in business, huh Zeek?

Zeek:
Yo, Sasha. No, no. That's my Grandma.

[takes the phone from Zeke]

Monroe:
Hey, how you doin' Grandma-dawg? You still working them two jobs with that bad hip 'cause your good-for-nothing grandson can't get an honest job instead of stuffing phones so people can't get their change? Hello? Hello? Oh, man, we mighta killed Grandma-dawg.

Bosco:
Just because my family left the boot doesn't mean I got olive oil in my veins.

Monroe:
You really don't have any connection to your heritage?

Bosco:
Sure I do... I love pizza. I like spaghetti. I like 'Goodfellas' and two out of the three 'Godfathers'. Past that, I'm about as as Italian as you are.

[about Kylie]

Carlos:
How could one kid be so unlucky? To be born to a one sibling psycho and a foster care reject who has no family?

Carlos:
I was four. This old lady could have lived in a giant shoe and it wouldn't look familiar.

[looking at Carlos's baby pictures]

Doc:
Oh, those ears.

Lucinda Harding:
The boys teased him something terrible. They called him Cups because they stuck out like that.

Carlos:
Cups?

Lucinda Harding:
Now that was a brooding child if I ever saw one. Sweet enough, but not so affectionate. Always off on his own. Sort of self-involved.

Doc:
You've come a long way, Cups.

Bosco:
You know what you should get the kid? Cops and Robbers set. Plastic handcuffs, chrome revolver...

Monroe:
Guns?

Bosco:
Yeah, that's what I always got.

Monroe:
And look how well-adjusted you turned out.

Bosco:
A child molester with his own Santa Claus suit. If that doesn't say Christmas, what does?

Monroe:
Bosco, you don't understand the pressure of having to have the right toy, the right clothes...

Bosco:
Oh, come on. I've watched Yokas go through this every year for the past ten years. I thought Talking Elmo was gonna kill her.

Carlos:
Man, it's gotta suck to spend Christmas in the hospital, huh?

Doc:
Better than the morgue.

Carlos:
Wow. You've developed this knack for stating the obvious.

Sully:
You know what would make me happy? Knowing that little girl's in a warm bed tonight before it starts snowing. We make that happen, I'll sing a carol.

Davis:
You know a carol?

Monroe:
You know... You really are a big softy.

Bosco:
Keep that to yourself Officer.

Monroe:
Like anyone would believe it.

Bosco:
Do you just sit up nights thinking about ways to mess with me?

Monroe:
No, it's much easier than that.

Tommy Shepherd:
So, uh, what kind of gun do you carry?

Bosco:
Loaded.

Cruz:
What's going on here?

Bosco:
We got a guy with a cut. There's definitely dope involved.

Cruz:
He's high?

Bosco:
No. He's a dope.

Sully:
Either nobody's home or they just don't like me.

Davis:
Who wouldn't like you, with your sunny old disposition?

[to Doc]

Kim:
What did we learn the first day of paramedic training? 'Cops are all jerks'.

Davis:
You guys all right?

Kim:
Yeah.

Davis:
You sure? You're good?

Kim:
Yeah.

Sully:
You know what they taught us the first day of cop school? 'Take a look around before you insult somebody'.

Dispatcher:
Complainant still does not wish to be contacted.

Cruz:
Oh, well then beautiful! Then why don't we just leave, huh? Why don't we just let you figure this out all by yourselves, huh? I mean, it bothers you enough to call, at least have the balls to say that it was you!

[Monroe laughs]

Cruz:
What?

Monroe:
Bosco said the exact same thing.

Cruz:
I'm gonna go talk to this Tommy kid myself. Maybe Bosco just doesn't have the right touch.

[to Sully and Davis]

Monroe:
Like she'll have a softer approach.

Davis:
Hey, Carlos, you wouldn't happen to have like, big bolt-cutters on the rig?

Carlos:
Sorry.

Monroe:
Got a flashlight?

Carlos:
Nope.

Sully:
Band-Aids - - Adhesive tape?

Kim:
When did you become an old movie buff?

Jimmy:
I have a lot of downtime.

Kim:
Meaning?

Jimmy:
I don't date. I rarely hang out with the guys. I just go to work and take care of Joey. Who knew you could be happy doing that?

Kim:
Wow! You're almost a grown-up.

Jimmy:
Almost.

Davis:
What's with the new unis? What, you rethinking retirement?

Sully:
It's not how you begin the race, it's how you finish it. And I intend to finish this one with pride and honor. If I fail in those two areas at least I'll be looking good.

Jimmy:
Don't you know that Cosmo says that you should do everything that you can to make your man feel important to you?

Kim:
You read Cosmo now?

Jimmy:
No. But it does sound like something they'd write, doesn't it?

[about Sully]

Old Lady:
Isn't he kind of out of shape to be a cop?

Lt. Swersky:
That's uncalled for, lady.

Davis:
I've been telling him that for years, ma'am.

Doc:
He's dead. That's one miracle I can't work yet.

[about Doc]

Kim:
He seems incredibly happy.

Carlos:
Why wouldn't he be? He was right again.

Monroe:
What ever happened to 'any real partner would have my back in this Monroe'?

Bosco:
Still applies.

Monroe:
Oh, so I should have your back but keep my mouth shut?

Bosco:
Yep. Something like that.

Monroe:
You got the wrong girl Bosco.

Bosco:
Well, I didn't pick you, did I?

Davis:
Families are rough.

Carlos:
They should come with warning labels.

Davis:
If they did who'd ever have one?

[about the Monroe/Doc relationship]

Bosco:
Isn't he a little old for you?

Sully:
He's not that old.

Davis:
Come on, he's closer to a discount bus pass than he is to her age.

Sully:
He is not.

Bosco:
You seem a little defensive yourself there, Sully.

Lt. Swersky:
Another satisfied customer. I'm really good at this.

Carlos:
Do you understand what you've done?

Doc:
Yeah, yeah. I'm keeping them from closing the house, just like I told you I would.

Carlos:
You shot a man!

Doc:
Yeah, I had to.

Carlos:
Had to? That's - - You might need real help!

Doc:
It's gotta be eight more minutes, and I thought you'd understand.

Carlos:
Here's what I do understand - - I'm not letting this man die on the floor of my firehouse.

Doc:
Hey, you better sit back down Carlos.

Carlos:
If he dies, you're a murderer!

Doc:
Sit down!

Carlos:
You wanna shoot me? Shoot me.

Doc:
I was good too, Sully.

Sully:
Best ever.

Doc:
I'm gonna miss it.

Cruz:
The jewelry store Bosco. The Hassids?

Bosco:
I had a confidential informant.

Cruz:
Oh really? Who's that?

Bosco:
That would be the confidential part.

[about the E]

Bosco:
That's about $15,000 street value.

Yokas:
That's no misdermeanor.

[about Mikey]

Bosco:
I gotta find him... Before the department does. Before Cruz does.

Yokas:
I know. Can I do anything to help?

Bosco:
You don't have to be involved.

Yokas:
Yeah, I know that too.

Dr. Breene:
I know you have to get to work, but I just wanted to talk to you, together, for a few minutes first.

Carlos:
This another voluntary session that I have to attend?

Carlos:
[to Dr. Breen] Listen? I had a cop in my bus last night. He died. While I was talking to him, he just died, and I don't know why. Medically, I just don't understand it. I need Monte Parker here so I can ask him to explain it to me. Because he'd probably know. That's what he was to me. He's the only person I talk to.

[to Mikey]

Bosco:
Following the rules is the hard way. Stealing, scams, dope dealing... That's easy.

Michael Boscorelli:
I didn't shoot that cop.

Bosco:
I believe you, Mike.

Michael Boscorelli:
I didn't shoot that cop.

Bosco:
You're still gonna have to get arrested. I'll get you a lawyer and I'll be there with you. I'll be your brother if you let me be your brother. You gotta let me.

Michael Boscorelli:
All right.

Carlos:
Have they invited us back in yet?

Holly Levine:
Yeah. A week ago.

Carlos:
What? No one told me!

Walsh:
It was so much funnier watching you freeze your ass off.

Carlos:
Oh, nice! Nothing I like more than a good joke at my expense.

Hart:
I'm a little slow in the mornings.

DK:
It's ten to three.

Yokas:
[to Sully/Davis] I think it's great. Knowing what you want and going for it.

Bosco:
I could go for a cheeseburger right about now.

[about Hart]

Walsh:
Yo, PD! You wanna stop distracting my guy?

Bosco:
What, distract one of New York's Bravest? Is that even possible?

[about to get punched by a cop]

Carlos:
Not the face!

[to Cruz]

Lt. Swersky:
Shut-up! All you do is talk! Now I want you to listen!

[to herself]

Yokas:
I love that man.

[about Mikey's deal]

Cruz:
You don't tell me what's what, Boscorelli.

Bosco:
Make alternate arrangements. He's not doing it.

Cruz:
Yeah, we'll see about that.

Bosco:
He's not doing it!

Cruz:
What the hell you gonna do about it?

Bosco:
Leave him the hell alone, you hear me?

Cruz:
I don't think so.

Bosco:
You don't think so? I don't know how many times I can tell you this. Listen to me. And listen real close... If you hurt my brother I'm gonna kill you. And that's a promise.

Michael Boscorelli:
Look man, when I get out of here I wanna hang out together... just uh, me and you, maybe um, maybe we'll take a road trip. We'll go to Atlantic City.

Bosco:
Atlantic City?...

Michael Boscorelli:
...You're gonna have to pay though, 'cause I don't have any money.

Bosco:
No kidding?

[at a rave]

Yokas:
What do you think these kids ears are gonna be like when they grow up?

Bosco:
You sound like a mom.

Yokas:
I am a mom.

Sergeant Laura Wynn:
I'm starting to like your brother.

Bosco:
He grows on you.

Sergeant Laura Wynn:
Locking up Joey Mann for a capital crime has got to bring his old man out of hiding.

Bosco:
You're gonna take care of Mike, right?

Sergeant Laura Wynn:
Yep. I might just marry him.