Tiny Toon Adventures

Buster J.Bunny:
Hi kids. I'm Buster Bunny.

Babs:
And I'm Babs Bunny.

Buster J.Bunny, Babs:
No relation.

Babs:
I'm tired of dating silly, immature little boys. I'd like to meet a sophisticated older guy with a special affinity for rabbits.

Babs:
This place is supposed to be wild, crazy, and completely out of control! [beat] Hope I'm not bored.

Babs:
Pandemonium doesn't reign around here... it pours.

Plucky:
[gets hit by an anvil] Ah... That actually felt... good...

Buster J.Bunny:
Here's a little ditty.

Babs:
Ditty what?

Buster J.Bunny:
Ditty pay you for that joke?

Plucky:
[as BatDuck] I feel pretty.

Barbera Ann "Babs" Bunny:
[after seeing Montana Max cut rabbit actors down with a chainsaw] Oh that's sick!

Buster Bunny:
Boo! Get it off.

Montana Max:
Hey what are you doing? Put me down. This will be a Christmas classic.

[after being thrown out of the theater]

Montana Max:
THIS IS CENSORSHIP! I'LL SUE!

Buster J.Bunny:
Clich? #1: Shrink our heroes.

Babs:
That's so crazy it just might work.

Buster J.Bunny:
That's Clich? #2.

Plucky:
[annoyed by Hampton's lackluster performance on his movie set] Gimmie that. You just open up the can and say "ahh mango juice."

[mast falls on top of Plucky]

Elmyra Duff:
[while babysitting Sneezer, he is about to sneeze] Why me?

Babs:
[after doing a montage of impersonations] Help... I fallen and I can't get up...

Elmyra Duff:
I'll love them, and hug them and hold them forever!

Ollie:
Never show Chucudda anything red, not even your tongue.

Babs Bunny:
Not to tip the plot but one of these days all that bragging's going to get you in a lot of trouble.

Buster Bunny:
[during a break between filming] The duck makes how much? Gross or net?

Babs Bunny:
I don't know, but that's what I hear.

Hamton J. Pig:
With or without points?

Babs Bunny:
With.

Buster Bunny:
That's not right, somebody get my agent on the phone!

Announcer:
One of these nine stars is today's Secret Toon! Could it be - Buster Bunny? Plucky Duck? Shirley the Loon? Hamton J. Pig? Furrball? Byron Bassett? Gogo Dodo? Dizzy Devil? Or Babs Bunny? All in the Toonywood Squares! And here's the master of the Toonywood Squares - Blink Winkleman!

Blink Winkleman:
We-he-hell, hi fun-lovers! Hi toons!

[Hi Blink, etc]

Babs Bunny:
...you look like a jerk!

Blink Winkleman:
Well... thank you! And now, let's meet our contestants: He's a boy billionaire and president of the Saddam Hussein fan club, meet Montana Max!

Montana Max:
KNOCK IT OFF! No good lazy couch-potatoes - GET A JOB!

Blink Winkleman:
She's an animal lover with the smarts of a speed bump, the relatively unpopular Elmyra!

Elmyra Duff:
I will take the cute blue bunny for the block, Blink!

Blink Winkleman:
A-ha-ha, I'm sure you will. I really hate my life.

Elmyra Duff:
I'll take the blue bunny-wunny to love and to spindle and to mutilate - and to block, Blink!

Blink Winkleman:
Hey Buster, what's the difference between mayonaise and Elmyra's brain?

Buster Bunny:
Mayonnaise tastes better on sandwiches? Nah. The difference between mayonnaise and Elmyra's brain? The mayonnaise has a higher IQ?

Elmyra Duff:
I agree.

Blink Winkleman:
Correct! Mayonnaise has an IQ of 1, and Elmyra has no discernible IQ!

Blink Winkleman:
Back to Monty!

Montana Max:
Grrr. I'll take the goofy-looking hound.

Blink Winkleman:
Byyyyron Basset!

[very loud buzzer]

Blink Winkleman:
And Byron Basset is today's Secret Toon! Get this answer right Monty, and heeeeere's what you'll win!

Female Announcer:
An all-expense-paid trip to the French Riviera! In your new Acme Jumbo Jet, filled with a bonus cash prize of 800 million dollars!

Blink Winkleman:
Yes, but if you lose Monty, you'll take a terrifying descent into...

Female Announcer:
Hades! Where you'll spend an eternity in flames! Along with the most despicable people who ever lived!

Montana Max:
Huh? Wait a minute!

Blink Winkleman:
Uh-uh, no can do Monty. Here's the question: Byron, how did early pioneers describe life in America's west?

Byron Basset:
Rrroooff.

Blink Winkleman:
Monty, do you agree or disagree?

Montana Max:
With what?

Blink Winkleman:
Agree, or disagree?

Montana Max:
I disagree with this whole show!

[buzzer]

Blink Winkleman:
Ooooh, life in America's west was indeed, 'Rough,' as Byron said. Circle gets the square!

Montana Max:
The stupid dog barked! He said 'woof!' That's not an answer!

Blink Winkleman:
Don't be a sore loser Monty. And have a pleasant trip!

Montana Max:
[falling through his podium] AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Elmyra Duff:
I will take the pink girly bun-bun for the win!

Blink Winkleman:
Babs - or shoud I say Joan?

Babs Bunny:
[turns into Joan Rivers] Oh! Ooooh, can we talk?

Blink Winkleman:
Joan, what sound does a falling anvil make when it hits a toon?

Babs Bunny:
Oooh, oh! It sounds like my thighs being liposuctioned! No! No! No, wait. When the anvil hits, it makes a loud 'Klang' sound. Oh! Oh!

Elmyra Duff:
I agree.

Blink Winkleman:
Well let's find out, shall we?

[drops an anvil on Elmyra]

Blink Winkleman:
Yeees, 'Klang' is correct! Elmyra wins the game!

Elmyra Duff:
Oooh, look at all the pretty blue hippety-hops...

Babs Bunny:
[sung] TV in the morning, TV in the evening, TV all the time/ If you watch enough TV your brains will turn to slime!

Babs:
[after seeing Montana Max cut rabbit actors down with a chainsaw] Oh that's sick!

Buster J.Bunny:
Boo! Get it off.

Montana Max:
Hey what are you doing? Put me down. This will be a christmas classic.

[after being thrown out of the theater]

Montana Max:
THIS IS CENSORSHIP! I'LL SUE!

Daffy Duck:
[to Bugs, after watching Elmyra's cartoon short] This is payback for all those rabbit season signs I put up, isn't it?

Buster J.Bunny:
You shouldn't mess around with time travel, didn't you ever see Back to the Future?

Plucky Duck:
Oh, yeah, good movie.

Plucky Duck:
[after winning the animation entry contest] What do I win?

Bugs Bunny:
Eh, you get to take the course again on account of you skipped it the first time.

Plucky Duck:
[from inside the prehistoric book] Hey, let me out of here! [Buster opens the book] I'm an angry little amoeba!

Buster J.Bunny:
I knew you'd get into trouble!

Plucky Duck:
I give up! Stupid, brainless animation class, stupid pencils, final exam! [beats his work desk with a drafting board]

Buster J.Bunny:
Easy there, pal! [Plucky turns towards him] Plucky, snap out of it, it's me, Buster!

Plucky Duck:
[dazed] Buster?

Buster J.Bunny:
That's right, now give me the sword, Toshiro.

Porky Pig:
Please, Bugs, I can't take anym-anym-I've had enough.

Daffy Duck:
Yeah, when it comes to cartoons, us old timers only have a six minute attention span.

Babs:
[after Gogo's So You Want to Learn to Dance film plays] Gogo, that was the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

Gogo Dodo:
That's realism, Babs.

Babs:
[in Montana Max's film] Brrr, I'm so cold and hungry.

Buster J.Bunny:
Achoo! [sneezes out their fire] Boo hoo, all we're getting for Christmas is pnuemonia.

Buster Bunny:
[puts on a female Tasmanian devil costume and applies lipstick] Kids don't try this at home, your parents might wonder about you.

Shirley:
Like, try our wiki-waki punch! It's served in the shell of a once living coconut that is now dead! You murderers.

Steven Spielberg:
Get out of here, you no-good vermin!

Buster Bunny:
Wait till I give these hack scripthounds a piece of my mind! [opens a door to reveal the writers playing cards]

Female Writer:
Any threes?

Writer:
Go fish.

Female Writer:
You guys the pizza people? [Buster slams the door]

Babs Bunny:
Losers.

Buster Bunny:
Big time.

Montana Max:
Attention, peasants! For lunch we're please to offer you lobster, or filet mignon. HA! Just kidding! That's what I'm eating! What you're eating hasn't been classified by science yet- bon appetit!

Plucky Duck:
[as the airline steward] And what'll it be - grey lumps in brown sauce or brown lumps in grey sauce?

Buster Bunny:
Uh, you wouldn't have any tasy, nutritious carrots, perchance, would you?

Plucky Duck:
Closest we come are these freeze-dried, reconstituted carrot chips.

Buster Bunny:
Hmm. How bad can they be?

[eats one and instantly retches]

Buster Bunny:
[at a rental garage] I'll rent us a limo to take us to the hotel. [rings bell; Elmyra appears behind the desk]

Elmyra Duff:
Ooooh! Two cutesy-wootsy cuddly hippetty-hops have come to rent a car!

[Buster and Babs scream and exit hastily]

Elmyra Duff:
Wait! Come back! I have so much love to give, and so many cars to rent!

Babs Bunny:
[kissing Bugs Bunny's credit card] I've never told you this before, but I love you! Mwah! Mwah!

Buster Bunny:
[to a very confused doorman] She's got a thing for plastic.

Gogo Dodo:
[as the hotel concierge] Eeeeyeeeees?

Buster Bunny:
We'd like a room.

Gogo Dodo:
A room? What type of room? [turns into a mushroom] Mushroom? [turns into Caeser] You know all roads lead to Room! [Buster smacks him]

Gogo Dodo:
Et tu Buster? There's always room for one more!

Babs Bunny:
In that case, we'll take a suite.

Gogo Dodo:
Sweet? What type of sweet? A banana split? A candy cane? A sugar swirl? Double-dip Tutti-fruity bunny with a cherry on top?

Babs Bunny:
Let's go sightseeing, okay?

Buster Bunny:
Shouldn't we be getting our beauty rest first? I mean it's been a very long day, don't you think?

Babs Bunny:
[sweetly] Please, Buster - we never go anywhere or do anything. Please? Please? Puh-leeez?

Buster Bunny:
Okay, Babs. I hate it when she does that.

Buster Bunny:
[after being drenched in a flooded bathroom] Uh, Babsy, you wouldn't have a Q-tip would you?

TV Spokesman:
We interrupt this very special episode of Tiny Toons to bring you a more special report.

Scientist:
[rolling down a chart] This is a Q-tip, one of man's most practical inventions. See Figure A: notice fifty percent more cotton and the delicate Swiss craftsmanship.

Buster Bunny:
Oh, what is WITH this story? It's like thirteen-year-olds wrote it!

Babs Bunny:
Thirteen-year-olds did write it.

Buster Bunny:
Oh yeah, that explains it.

Arnold the Pit Bull:
AAAHHH! Das shark! Das boot! Das kaputz!

Babs Bunny:
[watching Buster being chased by a shark] BUSTER! [to the audience] This is my big dramatic moment. NOOO!

Babs Bunny:
Let's take this up with the big guy.

Buster Bunny:
Raymond Burr?

Babs Bunny:
[sarcastic] Yeah, Raymond Burr. Maybe we can get a guest shot on Perry Mason. Gimme a break.

Buster Bunny:
[greeting Steven Spielberg] Hey, Steve-arino!

Babs Bunny:
Steve-man!

Buster Bunny:
The Stevester!

Babs Bunny:
Steve-arooski!

Buster Bunny:
Steve-arello!

Babs Bunny:
[as Mary Poppins] Steve-acalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Buster Bunny, Steven Spielberg:
Rope it in.

Buster Bunny:
[carrying Babs' baggage] Gee, I hope you brought enough stuff.

Babs Bunny:
So I'm roping it.

Mary Melody:
I'm sorry, each passenger is only allowed two pieces of carry-on luggage. You'll have to check the others.

[rings bill; Dizzy appears dressed as a baggage handler and eats all but two of the bags]

Dizzy Devil:
Yum! Samsonite!

Montana Max:
[as the pilot] Aloha, suckers! Welcome aboard Air-Acme's Hawaiian express! We're presently 87th in line for takeoff - But why wait? Ha ha! [takes off]

Montana Max:
Hey, I got us up! Guess there's a first time for everything, huh folks? [starts playing Pac-Man]

Shirley:
Like, welcome to Hawaii! Enjoy these ultra rare flowers that like, died for you! You murderers.

Babs Bunny:
Oooho, Buster! We're broke and alone, millions of miles from anyone we know! What'll we do?

Man in Trench Coat:
Your money is stolen; your luggage is eaten, and you're a million miles away from anyone you know. What will you do? What WILL you do?

Babs Bunny:
Well, what will we do?

Man in Trench Coat:
Gee, I don't know I just like saying 'What WILL you do?' Bye.

Buster Bunny:
That guy's nose is huge!

Babs Bunny:
Where'd you get an Acme Gold Express card? I didn't think they gave them to kids.

Buster Bunny:
Well, they don't. I just borrowed this from Bugs Bunny in case we needed it. [cut to Bugs watching the episode on TV at home]

Bugs Bunny:
[looking in his wallet] Why that little so-and-so! I am not happy about this.

Babs Bunny:
Hey, where'd all this luggage come from? Ours was eaten, remember?

Buster Bunny:
Uh-oh. There's a hole in the plot!

Babs Bunny:
Big enough to drive a Mack truck through!

Buster Bunny:
I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying.

Elmyra Duff:
[the 'Shark' is revealed as Elmyra wearing a shark-fin] There you are Hippetty-hop! You wanna play Treasure Island with me, huh?

Sarah Creef:
Hey, aren't you supposed to be filming our script?

Buster Bunny:
That's what I wanted to talk to you about. My contract says: I don't do plane scenes!

[the girls whisper to eachother]

Sarah Creef, Amy Crosby, Renee Carter:
Hmmm.

Sarah Creef:
The plane stays.

Amy Crosby:
Now back to work.

Buster Bunny:
Oh, but girls...

Renee Carter:
[hanging up] That's an actor for you - always messing with the writer's vision.

Buster Bunny:
Why, that...

Babs Bunny:
No good...

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
Authority figure!

Steven Spielberg:
So, what's up?

Buster Bunny:
Today's script stinks, and we're not even in it!

Steven Spielberg:
Well, I just got a script from three hot young writers, eighth graders in fact, it's called 'Buster & Babs Go Hawaiian.'

Babs Bunny:
Hawaii! Oh, I've always wanted to go there! OW!

Buster Bunny:
We'll do it. Thanks! [exits]

Babs Bunny:
You know, Stevie hon, I'm available for features.

[Buster yanks her out]

Steven Spielberg:
You guys were great! What a wonderful show, thanks.

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
Oh, thank you Mr. Spielberg, I mean...

Steven Spielberg:
By the way, the girls wrote another script - Buster and Babs go to Mars in a rocket ship. We begin shooting on Monday, bye! [drives off]

Buster Bunny:
A rocket ship? [gulp] What did I do to deserve this?

Babs Bunny:
You're being negative again!

Bugs Bunny:
Eh... got a minute Doc? About this credit card bill...

Babs Bunny:
Next stop, Mars!

Buster Bunny:
I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying...

Buster J.Bunny, Babs:
Alo-ha!

Furrball:
[after Sweetie has been grabbed by the wolverine] Oh poor little Sweetie, gone, gone forever, it's not fair [cries, then turns towards the audience] I wanted to eat her!

[Little Beeper zooms over to Buster and Babs and gives them some Carrot and Mushroom Pizzas]

Little Beeper:
Meep, meep!

Buster Bunny:
What took you so fast? [hands Beeper some money for the pizza]

Little Beeper:
Meep, meep! [speeds off]

Buster Bunny:
Little Beeper is a guy who adds new meanings to the expression "fast foods".

Babs Bunny:
But his line of work has real hazards.

Buster Bunny:
Particularly, the one called Calamity Coyote.

Montana Max:
Hi, friends. Montana Max here, asking for your support. As we all know, Acme Loo needs a new student council president who's reliable, honest, and fair, but I want you to vote for me anyway!

Plucky Duck:
[Drunkenly stumbles over to a police car where he digs around inside and takes the keys] Well, looky here, hows about we go for a lit - hic, a little ride

Hamton J. Pig:
You mean like steal a car and risk going to jail?... Sounds like fun!

Buster Bunny:
Cool man!

Buster Bunny:
[as Plucky drives the stolen police car while drunk] So Plucky [pauses to drink from the beer bottle] how does it feel to be D.W.I.?

Plucky Duck:
D.W.I. what's that? [takes a drink from the bottle]

Buster Bunny:
[Slurring his speech] D.W.I., driving while intoxicated.

Plucky Duck:
Well, that's ridiculous I don't know how to drive.

Babs:
What do you know about Honey?

Hamton:
Uh... it's sweet, and Winnie the Pooh has a problem with it...

Babs:
Don't let this get around but I'm a girl without a guru. So while the others all get to work with their idols, I get STUDY HALL! Triple sigh.

Babs:
I'm no Kevin Costner but far be it for me to ignore a strange voice from out of nowhere.

Babs:
[after watching the cartoons, with a cane and beard] Man, I must've been in here too long!

Babs:
[in the film vault] Old cartoon stars never die.

Plucky Duck:
They just get canned.

Honey:
[as Groucho Marx, to the villain who just tied her down on the railroad tracks] Tying a girl to the railroad tracks, are you? What kind of train tracks are those anyway? If you chew gum it's a choochoo train, or is it a train of thought?

Honey:
[on film] Here I am, you lucky people! I'm the biggest stars in Hollywood!

[as Greta Garbo]

Honey:
I want to be alone!

[as Betty Boop]

Honey:
Boop boop be doop!

[turns into Harpo Marx and honks a bicycle horn]

Babs:
She's the one I was supposed to find!

Honey:
[as Mae West] Why don't you come up and see me sometime?

Babs:
She does impressions just like me! Oh, my hero!

Elmyra Duff:
Just lie back and relax cute little, bunny wunny, you'll be just fine. Whoo, bunny wunny noggin went bye-bye.

Babs:
Boy, you hear one strange voice and they're ready to call you psycho.

Babs:
Tell me something, how come all the old Warner Brother stars were guys? Not one girl! It isn't fair, it's left me with no one to look up to! AND IT'S PUT ME IN A REALLY BAD MOOD THIS WHOLE EPISODE!

Babs:
I'll just build that theater myself, let's see how my cash is flowing.

[digs in her pocket]

Babs:
Oh, fine, a nickel!

Mysterious voice:
Bugs Bunny is over 50.

Babs:
Whoa! Really well preserved, don't you think?

Mysterious voice:
No, it's laughter that keeps a toon young. When the laughter stops, a toon grows old and forgotten.

Babs:
Like Honey!

Mysterious voice:
To save Honey, the people must watch and laugh again.

Elmyra Duff:
[after listening to Babs' story] Ooh bunny wunny noggin went bye bye!

Babs:
Boy, you hear one strange voice and they're ready to call you psycho!

Montana Max:
[answers the door] What do you want now?

Babs:
[dresed in rags and shivering] Please sir I'm a poor orphan and...

Montana Max:
[interupting her] Get a job!

Babs:
Hello I'm collecting funds to eliminate poverty on earth

Montana Max:
Oh yeah?

Babs:
Yes our organization is going to send anyone without money to the moon

Montana Max:
Now that is a great idea! [runs into his house and returns with a bag of money] Let me make a donation, here you go! [hands her the money]

Babs:
Why thank you!

Plucky Duck:
[after Buster beats him at Pac-Man] Hey! You put out my eye!

Buster Bunny:
Oh relax. Just blink and you'll be fine.

Little Plucky:
Diaper go down the hole.

Little Plucky:
[flushing the toilet] Water go down the hole! Water come back! I want to do it again!

Plucky's Mother:
Oh, no! And I just redecorated!

Little Plucky:
Ewww...

Plucky's Mother:
And don't forget to get rid of that dirty diaper!

Little Plucky:
Kitty go down the hole!

Little Plucky:
I wanna flush it again!

Ralph Duck - Plucky's Father:
PLUCKY?

Plucky Duck:
I wanna flush it again! I wanna flush it again! I WANNA FLUSH IT AGAIN!

"Henny" Youngman:
What do you think of Flushing, New York?

Plucky:
I think it would be a good idea.

Babs Bunny:
[as Elmer Presley, singing] Every time I go hunting, try to catch a bunny, my gun expwodes and it really isn't funny.

Babs Bunny:
[as Joan Rivers] It's true! I heard Professor Fudd got into a fight once and was actually knocked CONSCIOUS!

Hamton J. Pig:
Professor Fudd told us to be quiet until he got back.

Babs Bunny:
[as Joan Rivers] Oh! Oh! Everytime opportunity knocks, the pig here complains about the noise!

Babs Bunny:
Boy I've learned my lesson, from now on self control is my middle name.

Plucky Duck:
I thought it was Ann.

Gogo Dodo:
I'm Gogo Dodo and that's all you need to know-o.

Babs Bunny:
Well Gogo, I'd like to know-o, why were you screaming at me?

Gogo Dodo:
Seemed like the wrong thing to do at the time.

Babs Bunny:
[heading to the principal's office, as James Cagney] Nyah, this is it, see? I'm getting sent to the big house and there ain't nothing I can do about it, see? Nyah, you're not taking me alive, see?

Babs Bunny:
[Gogo's sitting by a stream fishing with the fishing line up in the air] Hey Gogo, what're

Gogo Dodo:
[hooks a fly onto his string and pulls it down] I just love fly fishing.

The Principal:
This is the 3rd time you've been sent to my office this week.

Babs Bunny:
[sobs] Please! You gotta believe me! I was framed!

The Principal:
Cut the histrionics, Babs, it won't work this time.

Babs Bunny:
[snaps her fingers] Darn.

Plucky:
[being dragged by a bus] Hey, I'd better stop this. I might get to like it.

Elmyra Duff:
It didn't work! Your fancy smanchy trap didn't work!

[Elmyra throws the basket of carrots in Calamity's mouth]

Elmyra Duff:
It didn't work, and why didn't it work?

Calamity Coyote:
Uh oh.

[Calamity hacks the carrots out of his mouth]

Elmer Fudd:
[reading from an earthquake safety pamphlet] Safety tip #1: GET OUT OF ACME ACRES!

Plucky Duck:
[singing] I build my house of grass, I build my house of reeds. If there's a quake it'll bend not break, it will fulfill my needs.

Hamton J. Pig:
[singing] I built my house of nails, I built my house of wood. If there's a quake it'll bend not break, it'll stand up like it should.

Buster Bunny:
[singing] It doesn't seem safe at first, my livig like a mole, till I reveal, that tempered steel is my ace in the hole.

Plucky Duck:
[singing] Shirley the Loon predicts a quake to strike by the light of the moon.

Hamton J. Pig:
She saw it all in her crystal ball.

Plucky Duck, Hamton J. Pig:
No wonder she's called a loon! [laugh, Shirley zaps them]

Buster Bunny:
If the gremlins don't get their gold back, these earthquakes will never stop.

Babs Bunny:
[the ground breaks apart between them] Acme Acres can't take much more of this!

Plucky Duck:
I know I can't!

Plucky Duck, Montana Max:
[singing] They think it's okay to work away all day. What a fake, watch them shake, they're afraid of the big bad quake.

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
[singing] You should ask us if we care that you laugh and stare. We'll be safe living like a mole when the big bad quake swallows you up whole.

Hamton J. Pig:
We have to get to Buster's!

Plucky Duck:
And listen to him gloat? I'm not moving from this spot!

[another tremor knocks them over]

Hamton J. Pig:
Well, have you developed a taste for carrot consomme yet?

Plucky Duck:
At this point, I'd eat crow.

Babs Bunny:
Oh, Buster! This is awful!

Buster Bunny:
How could this have happened?

Elmer Fudd:
I'm gwad you asked that question!

[cut to inside Acme Seismographic Institute]

Elmer Fudd:
Now, here's the answer: Imagine my head is the pwanet. Huh huh huh.

[draws a map on his head]

Elmer Fudd:
The surface has cwacks in it, wike this.

[hits himself over the head with a mallet]

Elmer Fudd:
These are fault-wines. Earthquakes occur when something makes these sections move awound and awound...

[begins rearranging his face]

Buster Bunny:
I have grave concerns about the scientific community in Acme Acres.

Elmer Fudd:
This movement can be caused by internal pwessure, or viowent continental dwift. There's even an old-wives tale that attwibutes our earthquakes to gwemwins.

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
Gwemwins?

Elmer Fudd:
No! Gwemwins!

Babs Bunny:
We're on a bit of a scavenger hunt.

Buster Bunny:
We've already got the Sphinx, Trump Tower and the Titanic. Now all we need is a mondo grandioso nugget of gold. And money is NO object.

Montana Max:
Well, look no further. How much you willing to pay?

Buster Bunny:
Oh, we've got oodles and oodles of moolah. Aha. Aha. Aha. WHERE'S THE GOLD?

Montana Max:
[opening a vault] It's in here. No peeking.

Buster Bunny:
Certainment.

Montana Max:
This must be what you had in mind.

Plucky Duck:
[dressed as a maid] Ooh, let me see! [dives in] OOH! Gold coins!

Babs Bunny:
[restraining him] Dinah, calm yourself! Ha ha. Oh, it's so hard to find good help these days.

Buster Bunny:
No no no, Monty. I'm looking for a gold nugget, not coins.

Montana Max:
Why didn't you say so? Here ya go.

[opens another vault]

Montana Max:
Ain't - I mean, isn't it a beaut?

Plucky Duck:
OOOOH! Gold bars! Please say we can keep some, Miss! Please please please!

Babs Bunny:
[cold c*cks him] Dinah, drop it.

Plucky Duck:
Yes, mum.

Buster Bunny:
Ha ha ha. Pardon my gaiety, but are you a simpleton? We are looking for...

Buster Bunny:
[yells in Monty's ear] A REALLY-BIG-NUGGET! NUG-GET!

Plucky Duck, Hamton J. Pig:
[singing] They're afraid of the big bad quake/ what a fake, watch 'em shake/ they're afraid of the big bad quake/ Ha ha ha ha ha!

Plucky Duck:
We'll laugh it in the face!

Hamton J. Pig:
We will be safe, not hurt.

Plucky Duck:
We'll surf it like a wave/

Plucky Duck, Hamton J. Pig:
After all, it's only dirt!

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
We got ya! We got ya! We got ya!

Hamton J. Pig:
[about to fall] That's not proper grammar!

Hamton J. Pig:
[falling down a hole] Think we'll hit bottom soon.

Plucky Duck:
I hope so - this is so boring! Getting splattered would be a nice change.

Babs Bunny:
Buster, tell me you've got a plan! [thinks] I've got a plan! I just wish I knew what it was.

Buster Bunny:
[in disguise] Hidey-hi! Biff and Buffy Vanderbunny here, of the South Hampton Vanderbunnies.

Montana Max:
Whaddaya want?

Babs Bunny:
Why, look Biffkins! It's Maximillion!

Buster Bunny:
Say, chap, we saw you on the telly and we were hoping you could help us out.

Montana Max:
Forget it!

[slams door]

Buster Bunny:
We're prepared to offer oodles of ca-ash!

Montana Max:
Oh yeah? [yells at his butler] Why didn't you let them in?

Hamton J. Pig:
I wonder what the Gremlins will do to him.

[underground, Monty hangs from a rope by one foot]

Montana Max:
Hey! Get away from me!

Gremlin:
Go ahead Sis- take another swing.

Montana Max:
I'm nobody's pi?ata! Ow!

Gremlin:
I like him. He's silly.

Plucky Duck, Hamton J. Pig, Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
[sung] We rescued Acme Acres/ We did it just in time/ We're glad the show is over/ and that's our very last rhyme!

Announcer:
It's the brand-new hit video game, 'Super Plucky-O Bros.' Live the fun and excitement as you guide Plucky-O and his brother Linguini through Fungo World.

Princess Loon:
Ooh, like, save me and junk.

Announcer:
Rescue Princess Loon from the toadstool tower by picking the magic kumquat. But be sure to pick the right magic kumquat, or the Dizzy Dupus will pluck you bald. And find the giant Nyah Nyah of Power before time runs out, or you'll be mega gordish.

Plucky Duck:
It's more then a game, it's an obsession.

Announcer:
That's 'Super Plucky-O Bros.' for your Numbmindo System. Whine, scream and cry until your folks break down and buy you one. Only $879.99. Batteries, instructions, joystick and game not included.

Plucky:
Good work! You're demoted now!

Sneezer:
Bless me, I have a little cold.

Babs Bunny:
Remember the movie "Carrie"?

White Rabbit:
P-b-b-b-blease! You have to let me on your show! I've got to keep my wife in glitter paint! [pulls out a frying pan and starts hitting himself on the head with it] Look! I'm wacky! Zany! Toony!

[Trap door opens under Roger, sending him falling]

Buster Bunny:
[to the audience] We're auditioning new characters for the show.

Barbara Ann 'Babs' Bunny:
Oh it's beautiful Buster. Pin it on me? [Buster tries to pin it] On second thought I couldn't survive the loss of blood.

Gogo Dodo:
[singing while playing a fiddle] Guys bug your dads for some bucks it's time to go and rent a tux, gals go buy a gown brand new it's prom time at Acme Loo, bang the drums, shout the news, it's time to put on your dancing shoes, don't be shy just take a chance and ask your cutie to the dance.

Gogo Dodo:
[singing to the tune of "Skip To My Lou"] So come one and come all, everybody's going to have a ball, watch the this place become a zoo, it's prom time at Acme Loo, yee haw!

Plucky Duck:
[takes a sip of punch but spits it out] Alright who spiked the punch?

[we see a spike sitting in the punch bowl]

Gogo Dodo:
[at the prom, carrying a fire hydrant] Hi, there. This is my date, Sally.

Mary Melody:
Hi... Sally.

Gogo Dodo:
Why are you talking to her back?

[storms off]

Mary Melody:
Uh! I have got to transfer out of this school.

Wile E. Coyote:
[after falling to the ground] Don't I get anything flashed in front of my eyes?

Little Beeper:
Beep, beep!

[Calamity Coyote jumps and whacks himself on the head]

Little Beeper:
Beep, beep!

Calamity Coyote:
Grrrrrrr!

[Calamity Coyote is crying while in the back of a moving van, waving goodbye to his old home]

Wile E. Coyote:
[narrating] Ah yes. And then came another big day. Your father had taken a new job in the city & you were moving away. You wouldn't see any roadrunners in the city.

[Another moving van pulls next to the van Calamity is in, and Little Beeper is in the other van]

Little Beeper:
Beep, beep!

Wile E. Coyote:
Or would you?

[Calamity Coyote and Wile E. Coyote are falling from a giant skyscraper. Wile E. is sitting on a cloud while falling]

Wile E. Coyote:
It looks like the end doesn't it? Your probably waiting for your life to flash before your eyes. Well we got a little surprise for you. Calamity Coyote, this was your life. [Calamity gulps] I'm your host Wile E. Coyote, Supergenius. Yes Calamity, in just a few moments you will be street pizza. But before you cash in your chips, lets review your life and see where you went astray, shall we?

Babs Bunny:
[as the Vanderbunnies] I just HAD to stop in at Gotcha Grabmor's and check out the latest in furs, and pelts, [breaks character] and poor defenseless animals who can't even SAVE themselves!

Buster Bunny:
Now now, Boffy!

Babs Bunny:
Oops! [laughs nervously]

Buster Bunny:
Montana Max has to rent his friends. [they hear an explosion from Monty's house]

Babs Bunny:
Sounds like he just blew through another security deposit.

Babs Bunny:
[gasps] Buster, look! Madam Gotcha's a scalper!

Buster Bunny:
She's turning the North Pole into a nudist colony!

Babs Bunny:
[cleaning up her room] This place is a pit! Who would think that a future star in television and movies could make such a big mess by herself?

Buster Bunny:
[Gotcha's got them, to the baby seal] Beat it, little guy!

Babs Bunny:
Save yourself! [the seal shakes his head and jumps in their arms]

Buster Bunny:
Aw, don't you just wish people could be this loyal?

Buster Bunny:
[Rover has him cornered, peppering himself] What're you gonna do? You can't let a baby go hungry. [Rover opens his jaws over Buster] Goodnight, son. [Rover starts crying, Buster pets him] There there, son, it's going to be alright.

Babs Bunny:
Hey Buster, what're you doing down there?

Buster Bunny:
What does it look like? I'm spelunking.

Babs Bunny:
There's a medicine you can take for that.

Buster Bunny:
What do you know? I've got the first vegetarian Tyrannosaurus Rex in history.

Buster J.Bunny:
Say good night, Babs.

Babs:
Good night, Babs.

Plucky Duck:
Ya gotta help me, Shirl!

Shirley the Loon:
Get invisible Plucky. Your whining is stressing out my aura to the max, you lunchmeat!

Plucky Duck:
Couldn't you channel just a little bit of Einstein? How bout' his mustache?

Shirley the Loon:
Oooh, all right, I'll do it! Anything to get you out of my hair!

Plucky Duck:
[jumping for joy] Oh, joy! Rapture! I'm gonna be a genius! [He kisses Shirley's foot, then continues jumping]

Shirley the Loon:
I call upon the spirit world to answer my refrain. Channel the genius of Einstein into this duck's pea brain!

[Shirley pokes Plucky's head, then lighting strikes Plucky]

Plucky Duck:
Nice effect.

Plucky Duck:
[with his feet sticking out of the wastebasket] I'm not gonna give up!

Buster Bunny:
Hey-a, Loon girl... any guess as what today's mystery meal is ?

Shirley the Loon:
Oooh, like this requires telekinetic communication, Buster. I'll have to, like, meld with the meal. Ok, it's coming. I am... I am... Poultry.

Plucky Duck:
Let's do lunch.

Shirley the Loon:
Ewwww, I just lost my appetite.

Shirley:
Oh, what a loon I am... Oh, what a loon I am...

Little Sneezer:
Gee, I never dressed up as a sand-a-wich before. This is fun, don't you think? Hey, I wonder why they call them sand-a-wiches? There's no sand in them. Maybe a witch invented them. I'm a-scared of witches. I saw The Wizard of Oz and I cried and I cried and I cried all night. Waaah...

Fowlmouth:
Aw, dad-gummit, I spilled *bleep* milk all over my *bleep* feathers. I mean, if I had a nickel for every *bleep* time I spilled something on my clothes, I'd be a rich *bleep* guy. I don't believe it. I got *bleep* lunch all soggy and... [burps] Pardon me.

Buster Bunny:
That's my weak spot; vulnerable poultry.

Buster Bunny:
Golly... Gosh... Buster? F.M.! You just said three whole sentences without swearing!

Fowlmouth:
Sure, there's little kids here, you know. What, do you think I'm crude or something?

Fowlmouth:
Listen ears! I'm *bleep* in love! I got to get Shirley to be my live bird! Help me, will ya? Would ya?

Buster Bunny:
Spare a cup of Carrots, Monty, old pal?

Montana Max:
Carrots? You have the nerve to ask me for carrots AFTER WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?

Plucky Duck:
Unlike cats, pigs never land on their feet.

Hamton J. Pig:
No, but we bounce pretty good

Montana Max:
Low-class pool crashers, dirtying my 10,000 gallons of imported spring water. I wouldn't swim in anything less."

Plucky Duck:
Hamton is at the mercy of that ruthless brat. This is a job for... Someone else.

Montana Max:
This little piggy's crying wee-wee-wee all the way home... Without his pants!

Tour Guide:
Next on our Acme Acres sightseeing tour is the estate of Montana Max, and to your left is a naked pig.

Babs Bunny:
I sent my dog to obedience school; now he says Grace before he bites somebody.

Babs Bunny:
Mayo on white. Delish.

Babs Bunny:
Okay, Okay, so I have big feet. Sue me.

Shirley the Loon:
Golly, Babs! You should like, be more careful when you borrow tools. You left this outside.

Babs Bunny:
Ha-ha-ha. Thanks. Okay, We've all had our fun. But remember, we came up here to have a nice, peaceful weekend... not to gross each other out. So I want us all to swear an oath on this plate of s'mores. No more practical jokes. Promise?

Shirley the Loon, Fifi La Fume:
Promise.

Babs Bunny:
I am not dating a slob who sees me as one of the four basic food groups.

Shirley the Loon:
Sorry Babs, but like, the all-knowing Ouija does not lie.

Babs Bunny:
Then do yourself next.

Shirley the Loon:
Okay.

Shirley the Loon:
Oh, Ouija spirits, wise and great, reveal the name of my perfect date.

Shirley the Loon:
Whoa!

Babs Bunny, Fifi La Fume:
P-L-U-C-K-Y.

[the Plucky drawing in the Ouija board kisses Shirley on the lips]

Shirley the Loon:
Oh, this thing is totally bogus. [Shirley kicks the Ouija board]

Babs Bunny:
[Babs is mimicking Shirley] Like, the all-knowing Ouija does not lie.

Babs Bunny:
This must have been that demented taxidermist's place. [Babs pulls a wolves tongue out, and his eyeballs go back in his head. She then lets the tongue go and they pop out]

Shirley the Loon:
Yuck. But, like, look at the crummy job he did on this one or some junk. [Shirley walks over to a Plucky statue and she presses down on his beak]

Plucky Duck:
Hey, knock it off.

Shirley the Loon:
Aah!

Babs Bunny:
Plucky?

Buster Bunny:
Babs.

Hamton J. Pig:
Hey, find your own hiding place.

[Babs screams]

Babs Bunny:
What are you guys doing here?

Buster Bunny:
We were attacked by a monster in the woods.

Plucky Duck:
Oh, it was hideous. A 12-foot-tall freakazoid with one glowing eye.

Hamton J. Pig:
And gore dripping from his fangs and horns. [Hampton makes growling noises]

Babs Bunny:
You jerks. That was just us.

Shirley the Loon:
Yeah. We wanted to get even with you for wrecking our party.

Buster Bunny:
Yeah, well, we knew that.

Hamton J. Pig:
We did?

Plucky Duck:
Oh yeah, sure. Never fooled us for a second. Ha, ha. Well, gotta go now.

Babs Bunny:
Wait! There really is a monster out there.

Plucky Duck:
Yeah, right. Nice try Babs. You can't frighten us into staying. [All three freak out at One-Eyed Jack] But he could. Yeow.

Babs Bunny:
[after being crumpled and thrown in the trash] Great, I'm 14 and I already have wrinkles.

Babs Bunny:
[wearing a pencil eraser, Pee Wee Herman voice] La la la! I'm Eraserhead! La la la la la la!

Cartoonist:
[having drawn a very sweet bunny cartoon] That'll give people cavities.

Babs Bunny:
[Buster creates their area of living] What do you call it, Rembrandt?

Buster Bunny:
Green Acres.

Babs Bunny:
Get current.

Buster Bunny:
Okay, Acme Acres.

Sweetie:
I'm always being chased by that mean old Furball. [deep voice] Leave me alone you nasty, vicious predator! [hits Furball with a mallet]

Babs Bunny:
That's what this show needs, more heart.

Montana Max:
You can't do this to me; I'm rich!

Buster J.Bunny:
And that's a wrap!

Babs:
I'm tiny, not toony. I am a human gooney.

[Babs is lost in New York]

Babs:
They'll make a TV movie out of this starring Eve Plumb! 'Babs: Portrait of a Teenage Toon'!

Babs:
Do my ears look better up or down?

Babs Bunny:
Come on, Buster. You promised to go to Two-Tone Cinema with me.

Buster Bunny:
I don't know, Babs-aroo. Maybe we should skip the movie and audition for 'Acme Oop'

Babs Bunny:
Why? We got out own show.

Babs Bunny:
[singing] We're tiny, we're toon-y We're on each afternoon-y. That's us, remember?

Buster Bunny:
Yeah, but what if our show gets the ax? What if we lose our time slot? What if 'Tiny Toons' goes off the air? What if we become has-beens? We'll end up on 'Toonywood Squares.

Babs Bunny:
If you take that piano, mister, I'll hop on your head.

Foxy:
Say, sister, what do you know?

Babs Bunny:
[Imitating Mae West] I know my mother told me to stay away from strangers, and bub, you're as strange as they come.

Foxy:
Woohoo! She's a live one, huh?

Babs Bunny:
Listen up, Two-Tones, you will get work. I have the strenghth to fight for you. If I have to, I'll give up everything for you but you will be stars again. [Crying] [Buster gives Babs an award] . Eat your heart out, Susan Lucci.

Buster Bunny:
Excuse my ill-informed ignorance, but - who are you?

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
I represent the Adult Coalition Against Funny Cartoons. [hands them her card]

Buster Bunny:
[trying to read it] 'Acafca?' 'Acaf-see?'

Babs Bunny:
No, it's 'As-af-a-cee,' 'Ack-a-sif-acee... '

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
My research shows Tiny Toon Adventures is nothing but a lot of silliness and nonsense.

Babs Bunny:
No kidding.

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
Cartoons are misleading! They distort reality.

Buster Bunny:
Yeah, so?

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
Ducks being torn into little pieces is an illustration of anti-social behavior!

Babs Bunny:
It's only a gag!

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
It is not responsible viewing material, and must stop!

Plucky Duck:
That's the first sensible thing I heard all day.

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
[giving him her card] We should talk.

Plucky Duck:
Hmm. 'Ac-afca.'

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
We stand at the threshold of a new era. No more silliness or cartoon violence! Instead - my Toon Logic Extractor! My intention is to use this magnificent creation to drain all the tooniness from Acme Acres, and reality shall rule!

Buster Bunny:
Hey! What gives you the right?

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
I have rights - I went through the appropriate channels. [shows a license plate on her rear]

Babs Bunny:
'License to Kill Comedy.' Great.

Dan Quayle:
Babs, do that funny thing with your toes!

Buster Bunny:
Danny, Danny- as Acme Acres goes, so goes the nation.

Dan Quayle:
Come on, please Babs?

Babs Bunny:
[unenthused] Don't I have the cutest toes?

Dan Quayle:
A ha ha ha ha!

[in the Lincoln Memorial]

Babs Bunny:
[reading] "It is for us to be dedicated to the great task remaining befor us. That this nation, under God, shall have new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people and for the people shall not perish from this earth." Beautiful isn't it?

Buster Bunny:
Yeah. Too bad it doesn't apply to us. Face it Babs; we're a lost cause.

Mysterious Voice:
Lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for.

Babs Bunny:
Who said that?

Mysterious Voice:
Stand tough in the face of adversity. Let right be done. Let truth be your guide and most of all: Never give up. Never, ever give up.

Buster Bunny:
Come on Babs. We have our work cut out for us!

Babs Bunny:
Thanks, Mr. Lincoln. [exits]

[the mysterious voice is revealed as Ronald Reagan in his pajamas talking to a teddy bear]

Ronald Reagan:
Now ask me something hard, Teddy.

Nancy Reagan:
Oh! There you are Ronny. Don't you know better than to wander out at this hour? Oh, what am I ever going to do with you?

Ronald Reagan:
Say bye-bye Teddy.

Ted Kennedy:
Bye-bye.

Buster Bunny:
Members of congress! Free speech is on the block!

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
[being dragged out of a TV by Babs] Oh! Why- the very idea!

Babs Bunny:
Don't let her ruin it for everyone.

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
Who are you going to believe? Me, or these silly corrupters of young minds?

Babs Bunny:
Think of it, folks. If she gets her way, cartoon characters will never be able to do this again!

[pulls on the ACAFC Womans nose]

Buster Bunny:
Or this!

[soaks her with a hose]

Babs Bunny:
Certainly never ever this!

[whacks her with a mallet]

Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny:
Ta da!

A.C.A.F.C Chairwoman:
You toons are an insult to decent Americans!

Buster Bunny:
Now it's personal.

[drops a 16 ton weight on her]

Babs Bunny:
Well Mr. Know-it-all, got any more of those handy rules?

Buster Bunny:
Just one: 'When all else fails, use gratuitous violence.'

Buster Bunny:
Listen Danny boy, we want to meet the president.

Dan Quayle:
Oh, me too! Do you know him?

Buster Bunny:
Sure, in reality when people fall they scrape their skin. Or if a ton of bricks drops out of the sky they can get seriously hurt.

Babs Bunny:
But hey, lighten up! We're talking about cartoons. It's okay to have a little fun and to laugh at life's falls and foibles.

Buster Bunny:
Laughter is a cure for what ails you! And, it's a great laxative.

Dan Quayle:
All in favor of banning cartoons from TV, say 'Aye.' All those opposed - LAUGH!

[the entire Congress breaks out laughing]

Buster Bunny:
So, um, I still got no pants.

[Elmyra is supposed to talk about violence on TV]

Elmyra Duff:
I don't think there's enough violets on TV! What about shows like "The Violet Bunch?"

Buster J.Bunny:
Elmyra?

Elmyra Duff:
Or "I Love Violet?"

Buster J.Bunny:
Elmyra?

Elmyra Duff:
Oh, violets are oh-so-pretty...

Buster J.Bunny:
ELMYRA!

Elmyra Duff:
Yes?

Buster J.Bunny:
The issue is not *violets* on TV. It is *violence.* Too much *violence* on TV.

Elmyra Duff:
[holds up a violet] Oh, not this?

Buster J.Bunny:
No, this!

[drops an anvil on Elmyra]

Elmyra Duff:
[weakly] Never you mind...

Gotcha:
[after the octopi chant Yo-ho-ho. Yo!] Must they yo-ho-ho so much?

Octavius:
Would you rather they sang the score of Annie?

Gotcha:
Carry on.

Babs Bunny:
It just so happens I'm fluent in whale.

Buster Bunny:
Great! I'm flunking Spanish and she's already fluent in whale.

Elmyra Duff:
Hello, Mr. Crabby-wabby. Would you like to be my pet? [the crab pinches her nose] Yeouch!

Crab:
Listen, sister! I ain't cute, I ain't adorable and I ain't nobody's pet! [jumps back into the surf]

Elmyra Duff:
You don't have to be such a grumpy puss.

Crab:
What do you want? I'm a crab!

Little Plucky:
Elevator go down the hole.

Little Plucky:
No! *I* push da button. No you push da button, *I* push da button. Not you turn, *my* turn. *I* push da button.

Plucky's Mother:
You're not Plucky!

Little Babs:
Hi lady!

Buster J.Bunny:
[about Taz] He's basically a drooling garbage disposal, but found to lovable by people with very little brains.