Where the Bears Are

Nelson Dorkoff:
[while making Honey's demo] Look Honey...

Honey Garrett:
Don't get too familiar, I don't even know you.

Nelson Dorkoff:
I'm just calling her by name.

Honey Garrett:
[realizing after a pause] Oh, right.

Nelson Dorkoff:
Look, Honey...

Honey Garrett:
Don't patronize me, I'm not your honey!

Nelson Dorkoff:
Oh my god, did you just change your name to Honey?

Honey Garrett:
Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I needed something edgier than 'A Little Bit of Agnes'!

Honey Garrett:
[filming a demo with Nelson as a guest] I'm back, and like the Barefoot Contessa, I like to have my gay queenie friends drop by.

Nelson:
[home after seeing an intruder in their house on Wood's cam] Well, whoever it was, they're obviously not here.

Reggie:
Whatya think he was looking for?

Wood:
Maybe he was looking for condoms like you were, Nelson.

Reggie:
This is ridiculous. If he was looking for a condom he should have gone to my room.

Wood:
Why?

Reggie:
Because I buy them in bulk at Sam's Club. Magnum triple plus, I have way more many hookups than you do.

Wood:
Oh no, you do not!

Reggie:
I most certainly do. Remember last week, I had about five guys in my room.

Nelson:
[interrupts as Wood is trying to retort] Is this really a contest you need to win right now? I'm getting herpes just listening to it!

Reggie:
[after discovering Wood has a live webcam show in their home] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you have a webcam show?

George Ridgemont:
Dude, it is so worth the $49.95 a month.

Reggie:
[totally shocked] H-how much?

Wood:
How else can I afford to go out with you guys on the weekends?

Reggie:
Well, I never really thought about it because we always pay for your drinks!

Wood:
[seeing Nelson rooting through his room in a recording on Beaumont's computer] Is that you? What are you doing in my room? Are you going through my drawers?

Nelson:
Okay, yeah, yes, I went through your room, ok? I was looking for a condom.

Reggie:
[laughing] A condom? What for, before Todd you never had any sex.

Nelson:
Does everything have to be a senate inquiry with you guys? Okay, yeah, I needed a condom because that day I went to the gym and, you know, the steam room there is pretty cruisy, and, well, I wanted to be prepared.

Reggie:
Aww, I applaud your optimism.

Nelson Dorkoff:
Oh my god, I'm so hung over. I've got dry mouth.

Reggie Hatch:
Here, have some juice.

Nelson Dorkoff:
Thanks. [takes a swig then spits it out, gagging] That's a screwdriver!

Reggie Hatch:
And?

Nelson Dorkoff:
AND it's eight in the morning, drunkie!

Wood Burns:
Wait, we don't have the code to get in.

Nelson Dorkoff:
Oh, I know! It's 7, 9, 12. Cyril told me in case I wanted to come visit.

Wood Burns:
How did you remember? I'm the one with the photogenic mind.

Nelson Dorkoff:
Becaue it just happens to be the dick sizes of my last three boyfriends.

Wood Burns:
[to the gates as they're opening] C'mon, c'mon, hurry! [to Reggie] Do you still have 12's number?

Nelson Dorkoff:
No, he de-friended me on Facebook.

Reggie Hatch:
[Cyril has professed his love for Reggie while carrying an axe] Look Cyril, I'm sorry if I've given you the wrong impression.

Cyril:
How could you sticking your tongue down my throat possibly give me the wrong impression?