Friends with Benefits

[from trailer]

Tommy:
The babies you two are gonna have. Those things are gonna get *really* big and then *really* small.

Jamie:
We're not together.

Tommy:
That was a highly inappropriate series of comments and I apologize.

Jamie:
I have the perfect body for Photoshop. This [face] gets more angular, these [legs] get longer and this [nose] gets way more Christian.

Lorna:
Bananas in the refrigerator? What are you, Puerto Rican?

Jamie:
Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A. [Everybody boos him] He's the reason I can afford all this beer! [Everybody cheers him]

Kayla:
Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay.

Jamie:
I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love.

[sees posters for "The Ugly Truth" on a wall]

Jamie:
Shut up, Katherine Heigl, you stupid, little liar!

Dylan:
Why do women think the only way to get men to do what they want is to manipulate them?

Jamie:
History, personal experience, romantic comedies.

Kayla:
John f***ing Mayer!

Dylan:
Breasts.

Jamie:
Really? I think they're so tiny.

Dylan:
They're still breasts.

Jamie:
Thank you!

[repeated line]

Tommy:
Still not gay?

[Tommy leaps over a wall into the Hudson River, and Dylan finds out... ]

Dylan:
You have a boat?

Tommy:
I live in Jersey. I ain't taking no ferry... Unless it's out to dinner and a show.

Annie Harper:
We get it! You're men! You like sports! You're men! You like sports!

Jamie:
Why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?

Dylan:
They do, it's called porn.

Taxi Driver:
Hey a**hole! Want to get your sh*t out of my cab?

Taxi Driver:
Welcome to New York! Go and f*** a dick!

Jamie:
Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made?

Dylan:
It's not. T-Mobile. Two years. And f*** do I regret that one!

Jamie:
Oh... my butt.

Dylan:
What?

Jamie:
My butt!

Dylan:
Really?

Jamie:
No! My butt is cramping. Can you grab a pillow?

Dylan:
[puts a pillow in her low back] So... there is not butt?

Jamie:
NO.

Dylan:
I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.

Tommy:
Who's that? That headhunter?

Dylan:
Uh-huh.

Tommy:
What, you guys going out now?

Dylan:
No, no, no, we're just friends. We're... messing around a little bit.

Tommy:
What do you mean?

Dylan:
Sleeping together. But it's just sex.

Tommy:
That never works, bro. She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it.

Dylan:
Jamie's different.

Tommy:
Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina?

Dylan:
No penis.

Tommy:
Then she's no different.

Dylan:
What do you know about women, anyway?

Tommy:
Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have.

Dylan:
Yeah, bro - you're gay!

Tommy:
But the offers keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me! And hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But me likes cock, so I'm strickily-dickily.

Dylan:
So, it's always just about sex, then?

Tommy:
No... I've been in love. I went down that rabbit hole.

Tommy:
You know what I discovered? It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?

Dylan:
Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life...

Tommy:
It's OK, you don't get it. It's no big deal. But you will. One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish...

Dylan:
Yeah, I... I get it, Tommy.

Tommy:
Yeah, you don't.

Dylan:
[after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair] I'm your boss! Give me your pants!

Lorna:
I'm hungry... got any gin?

Jamie:
It's in the kitchen.

Police officer:
This is the LAPD. You are trespassing. Get down from the sign.

Jamie:
We gotta jump.

[Jamie jumps down from the sign]

Jamie:
Dylan, jump!

Dylan:
I'm f-frozen!

Police officer:
Come on, get down! Sir, this is your last warning.

Jamie:
Use the ladder!

Dylan:
I have a fear of heights! Also, he-he-helicopters! They don't make sense to me!

Jamie:
What do you mean you have a fear of heights? Why would you come up here?

Dylan:
You called me a pu-p*ssy!

Dylan:
I'm emotionally unavailable.

Jamie:
Are you trying to dig your way to China?

Tommy:
A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!

“ she was love of my life”