Ocean's Thirteen

Danny Ocean:
First of all, I know the guys you hired to come get me, they like me better than you. Second of all, you're not going to the cops, because...well, let's face it, you're not going to the cops. Third, you shook Sinatra's hand. You should know better, Willy.

Danny Ocean:
[to Rusty before leaving] You should settle down. Have a couple of kids.

Rusty Ryan:
[to Danny before he leaves] Next time, try keeping the weight off in between.

Rusty Ryan:
Could you make it any more complicated?

Rusty Ryan:
[Referring to Linus' facial prop] Oh I told him that the nose plays... the nose plays.

Linus Caldwell:
[about his prosthetic nose] It is not a prop for prop's sake!

Linus Caldwell:
[Linus is talking to his dad on the phone] No, the Brody can work! What, just because you have the greatest cover known to man, you have to tell me what to do? Congratulations! No, maybe you are getting soft! [Danny puts his hand out for the phone] No, I won't put Danny on. [Rusty puts his hand out for the phone] Or Rusty. Just-Goodbye, Dad!

Linus Caldwell:
[At the airport, homage to real life] I guess I'll see you when I see you

Linus Caldwell:
I'm so deep into Pepperage I am him.

Willie Bank:
You know, you're half smart, Ocean.

Willie Bank:
Oh, I don't lose. People who bet on me to lose lose. And they lose big.

Willie Bank:
I don't want the labor pains, I just want the baby!

Willie Bank:
[To Danny Ocean] Some people I take seriously tell me you are a serious guy.

Saul Bloom:
When they opened The Flamingo, one day it was closed, the next it was open. End of story. I know, I was there.

Saul Bloom:
Kensington Chubb here!

Reuben Tishkoff:
We'll talk about it when I'm dead.

Roman Nagel:
You're analog players in a digital world. You're done.

Roman Nagel You're like the Morecombe and Wise of the thievery world, but even they went off the boil after a while

Yen:
Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Saul Bloom:
(Talking to Willie Bank as Kensington chubb) Well, so far, this establishment is of, Aces!

Willie Bank:
Oh, good, The Ace of Diamonds, I hope.

Rusty Ryan:
[Meeting Danny on a plane to Vegas] What's the latest?

Danny Ocean:
Nothing. They say the first 24 hours are...

Rusty Ryan:
Right...Did she understand?

Danny Ocean:
It's not their fight.

Rusty Ryan:
Did she understand?

Danny Ocean:
...It's not their fight.

Danny Ocean:
Hey, Linus.

Linus Caldwell:
Hey, where are Tess and Isabelle?

Danny Ocean:
[Impatient] It's not their fight!

Linus Caldwell:
[Defensively] Hey, woah!

Reuben Tishkoff:
So... where's the partner's desk gonna be?

Willie Bank:
Oh, there is no partner's desk, Reuben. You're out.

Reuben Tishkoff:
What? Are you gonna throw me off the roof?

Willie Bank:
Well, I don't want to.

Reuben Tishkoff:
Did you know the Inuit people send their elders out on an ice floe to die when they're too old to hunt?

Danny Ocean:
Reuben, that's just a myth.

Rusty Ryan:
Well, she said she liked surprises...

Danny Ocean:
I don't think that is what she meant.

Rusty Ryan:
You think?

Danny Ocean:
So she dropped the remote...

Rusty Ryan:
And I put the towel back on.

Danny Ocean:
Well, those are the waters.

Rusty Ryan:
So then she says, "What did I do?" and I say, "What do I look like, a pancake eater?"

Danny Ocean:
Hmm. So you left it there on the floor?

Rusty Ryan:
Right on the floor.

Danny Ocean:
For how long?

Rusty Ryan:
Next morning.

Danny Ocean:
[Nods] Good.

Danny Ocean:
What did you say?

Rusty Ryan:
What could I say?

Danny Ocean:
Nothing.

Rusty Ryan:
That's what I said.

Rusty Ryan:
Relationships can be...

Danny Ocean:
Sure.

Rusty Ryan:
But they're also...

Danny Ocean:
That's right.

Danny Ocean:
That's your idea?

Linus Caldwell:
Well, we've shaken all the trees, we've looked under every rock, we've searched every... I mea... We've talked to everybody we can trust. I know it's not a great idea but it is an idea and I think as long as we have one idea we shouldn't give up.

Rusty Ryan:
I was really hoping to avoid that this time.

Turk Malloy:
I don't care if it gets messy.

Virgil Malloy:
I'll drive you. We'll get him leaving his barber.

Livingston Dell:
And I'll inject him.

Basher Tarr:
And I'll find a spot to get rid of the body.

Rusty Ryan:
All valid ideas. Great initiative. But...

Danny Ocean:
But...

Danny Ocean:
Even though Bank stepped over the line, we need to do what is best for Reuben, which means we offer Bank a "Billy Martin."

Turk Malloy:
And, what? He takes it and gets away with it?

Linus Caldwell:
Those are the rules.

Basher Tarr:
No, those are the rules for someone who understands the rules, which Bank don't. He already broke them. So he don't get the chance.

Frank Catton:
For Reuben...I think we give him a chance.

Willie Bank:
This town might have changed, but not me. I know people highly invested in my survival, and they are people who really know how to hurt in ways you can't even imagine.

Danny Ocean:
Well, I know all the guys that you'd hire to come after me, and they like me better than you.

Danny Ocean:
Couldn't we just shut it off, you know, cut the wires?

Roman Nagel:
That could work. Even better, you could just kick the plug right out of the socket!

Danny Ocean:
I'm serious-

Roman Nagel:
No, short of walking in with a bloody magnetron around your neck- You do know what a magnetron is?

Danny Ocean:
[pause] Something that screws up the Grecco?

Roman Nagel:
Short of that...I...[laughs] I can't believe I am even talking about this, because...this is a problem!

Danny Ocean:
That's what I said.

Rusty Ryan:
But if we could-

Roman Nagel:
No, there is no 'if'! It can not be shut off! I mean, you need a real natural disaster, an act of God!

Rusty Ryan:
But if we could beat it-

Roman Nagel:
You can't.

Rusty Ryan:
But if we could-

Roman Nagel:
You can't.

Rusty Ryan:
You could.

Roman Nagel:
[Gives them a look] Don't flatter.

Danny Ocean:
Look, IF we could shut it off, how long would it take to reboot?

Roman Nagel:
Because it's so sophisticated, 3 and a half minutes. [Danny and Rusty look at each other]

Danny Ocean:
Might be enough.

Rusty Ryan:
Pick your natural disaster.

Danny Ocean:
They built 'em smaller back then.

Rusty Ryan:
They seemed big.

Danny Ocean:
Town's changed.

Basher Tarr:
[Pretending to be a stunt biker] Mr. Bank. Do you know what Chuck Berry said every night before counting one two three four?

Willie Bank:
What did he say?

Basher Tarr:
[Lifting a finger up for each word] Pay me my money!

Rusty Ryan:
Are you alright?

Danny Ocean:
Yeah, um, I just bit into a pepper.

Rusty Ryan:
Is that... are you... are you watching Oprah? With a bottle of wine? Did you TiVo this?

Danny Ocean:
I was reading the paper.

Rusty Ryan:
With the sound at full volume? [They watch the show, where Oprah gives a family a new house]

Danny Ocean:
It's...not just the kids. I mean, I'm happy for the kids. [Rusty nods] How's it going in Mexico?

Rusty Ryan:
Well, Turk's there. Are they really going to build her a new home?

Danny Ocean:
Yeah, for the whole family. [Rusty also starts to sniffle and tear up]

Linus Caldwell:
Have you guys been talking to my dad?

Danny Ocean:
Why would we do that?

Linus Caldwell:
That's not a "no."

Danny Ocean:
Look...

Rusty Ryan:
He just wanted to know how the nose was working for you.

Linus Caldwell:
Oh, I knew it, man! He just can't leave it alone! What did you tell him?

Rusty Ryan:
Oh, I told him the nose plays.

Linus Caldwell:
The nose does play.

Rusty Ryan:
The nose plays.

Danny Ocean:
It's great, it's huge.

Terry Benedict:
You think this is funny?

Danny Ocean:
Well, Terry, it sure as sh*t ain't sad.

Terry Benedict:
[When Danny, Rusty, and Linus ask for his help] Number one: If any of you try to screw with me, you're dead. And I'll be looking into the whole operation. Number two: If I lend you this money, I'm your senior partner, last money in, first money out...And you will double my investment.

Danny Ocean:
Double.

Terry Benedict:
...Is that a yes?

Rusty Ryan:
Double.

Terry Benedict:
[Nods] That monstrosity that Bank calls a hotel casts a shadow over my pool. Break him. Break him in half. The man has no taste. Yet every time he opens a hotel, he wins a Royal Review Board Five Diamond Award. Every time he wins, he celebrates by...

Danny Ocean:
We know, by buying one for his wife.

Linus Caldwell:
You mean five.

Rusty Ryan:
One is five.

Terry Benedict:
Number three: I want you to steal the diamonds.

Rusty Ryan:
It can't be done.

Linus Caldwell:
We don't have the manpower.

Danny Ocean:
Or the time.

Rusty Ryan:
Or a way in.

Danny Ocean:
We get caught, we go away for life! We're not going to risk that just so you can get his diamonds!

Terry Benedict:
Oh, I don't want them. I just want him to lose what matters most to him. Do what you want with them. But either you steal the diamonds, [shrugs] or you get somebody else to finance your drill.

Linus Caldwell:
[Carrying a bag for Basher] Bash?

Basher Tarr:
Up here! [Linus gives him the bag. He looks inside] Hey! Where are the mags? [Linus looks back up to him] LINUS!

Linus Caldwell:
Look, I can't buy those things!

Basher Tarr:
I need them! I can't leave! Why are you such a-?

Linus Caldwell:
I'm sorry! Ask someone else! Ask Livingston!

Basher Tarr:
You're such a wowzer! Here. [Hands a letter to Linus] Read this to Reuben. I've done research: positive messages get through.

Linus Caldwell:
I can't say this.

Basher Tarr:
[Drill equipment starts to act up, Basher runs to fix it] No, no, I am saying it, you're just a vessel.

Linus Caldwell:
Come on, Basher! Look, why don't you take a break, I'll watch all the equipment, you go read it to him.

Basher Tarr:
Sh*t! You know when they were digging the tunnel they had teams of guys monitoring this.

Linus Caldwell:
Yeah? How many?

Basher Tarr:
TEAMS!

Terry Benedict:
Think he's gonna fall for this?

Danny Ocean:
You did. You ready?

Terry Benedict:
I was born ready.

Danny Ocean:
[rolls his eyes]

Turk Malloy:
Are you in yet?

Virgil Malloy:
I hate that question.

Turk Malloy:
Don't change the facial structure.

Virgil Malloy:
I'm making you taller. Don't you want to be taller? You're a midget in 34 states.

Turk Malloy:
Yeah, well, I'm an animal in the other 34.

Virgil Malloy:
[turns and stares at Turk]

Turk Malloy:
24... 22.

Danny Ocean:
[Briefing Roman on Bank and his hotel] Bank's swinging for the fences on this one. Forget weekenders and conventioneers, he's built this place for whales. It's a shoo-in for the Five Diamond Award. The marble was hand-picked in Italy...

Rusty Ryan:
The chefs stolen from the highest rated resturants in the Michelin Guide Book...

Danny Ocean:
And in the villas for his big players, the silverware is actually gold. Now Bank's greatest strength is also his weakness: Ego.

Danny Ocean:
Now the top casinos can clear million just off the floor. Bank, with his high-level players and no limits, is projecting 5. But in exchange for the loans, he had to give up 6 of the 9 seats on the board, so he doesn't control his own company, and a couple of the guys he brought in aren't friendlies. So he has to clear million in the first quarter, or he gets dumped out of his own hotel.

Roman Nagel:
And of course Bank wants another Five Diamond Award, fifth in a row.

Danny Ocean:
[Discussing the Bank heist plan with Roman] We're going to get his whales.

Roman Nagel:
How?

Rusty Ryan:
He talked to Denny Sheilds.

Roman Nagel:
Denny Sheilds? After he bragged about you guys to Toulour and started that whole slog?

Rusty Ryan:
We need him.

Denny Shields:
I should've kept my mouth shut. I mean, he was just some guy and I guessed I pissed him off...

Danny Ocean:
It's okay, Denny. You had no idea who he was, so just let it go.

Denny Shields:
No, but really-

Danny Ocean:
Just let it go. Let it go.

Denny Shields:
Well, okay. Everything else is set. I got 18 whales. Now I spoke to their managers, I spoke to their handlers, and I spoke to their assisstants. Every one of them is going to leave. We're going to do it in two tiers. I'm going to leave first, they're going to follow.

Danny Ocean:
Good.

Denny Shields:
But you have to make sure these guys win, 'cause these fellas usually lose, and when they lose, they get comped.

Danny Ocean:
They're going to win big.

Roman Nagel:
How big?

Danny Ocean:
500

Roman Nagel:
Million? That night, just the group of you?

Rusty Ryan:
No-

Danny Ocean:
It's a Reverse Big Store.

Roman Nagel:
Right...

Rusty Ryan:
Doesn't matter who wins-

Roman Nagel:
As long as the casino loses, yes. That might actually work. So, you'll need to rig...

Danny Ocean:
Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Slots.

Roman Nagel:
Now, back to Macro. What is your exit strategy? The players won't be in on it, so they'll all think it's their lucky night, but you'll never get them out of there with their winnings, they're going to gamble it all back. That's Vegas and that's your problem.

Danny Ocean:
Well, it's A problem, but it's not The problem.

Rusty Ryan:
The problem is security. We're drawing a blank. It's a little spooky.

Linus Caldwell:
[talking to Danny on the phone, in London] The specs aren't on the gray market, the black market or any other market and all I keep hearing is there's never been a system like this. Now I found out where they designed it but I can't even get in the building. I've blown all my buy money, my bribe money, four of my best I.D.'s and I am nowhere...well not only am I nowhere, I'm pretty sure I'm being followed.

Danny Ocean:
Do you have anything?

Linus Caldwell:
Yeah I think I have a name but I don't even know if its right. They're calling it-

Roman Nagel:
The Greco. The Greco Player Tracker.

Virgil Malloy:
Long past checkout time, sir.

The V.U.P.:
What? I'm in no condition to checkout,( I have...)

Virgil Malloy:
You've overstayed your reservation, sir. We need the room.

The V.U.P.:
But, Nevada innkeeper laws make it illegal to evict a (guest who is sick, you can't do...)

Turk Malloy:
Expect in case of public health and safety,( sir. Occupants have evidenced a flagrant)...

Virgil Malloy:
You're obviously experiencing some sort of abrasion, sir.

Turk Malloy:
...repeated disregard for acceptable standard for personal HYGIENE.

The V.U.P.:
I haven't disregarded my hygiene.

Turk Malloy:
Sir, (but yes)...

Virgil Malloy:
(SIR,) what I am trying to say is...

Turk Malloy:
...you have.

Virgil Malloy:
...you've gone nose deaf.

The V.U.P.:
What?

Virgil Malloy:
You're oblivious to your effect on other guests.

The V.U.P.:
I really don't see what effect (I've had on other guests if I'm up in my room, and)...

Turk Malloy:
Fifteen minutes! Fif-teen minutes! Fifteen minutes!

The V.U.P.:
...up, (up here)

Turk Malloy:
(Fif...) hey, fifteen minutes. Pack your things or we will pack them for you. Get the picture?

The V.U.P.:
What?

Turk Malloy:
Do you get the picture, sir, (do not make us)...

Virgil Malloy:
Pack your things.

Turk Malloy:
...come back here, friend.

Virgil Malloy:
Pack your things!

Turk Malloy:
Friend.

The V.U.P.:
(Hey,) okay. Okay.

Abigail Sponder:
Did you say Mr. Wang is involved in real estate Mr. Pepperidge?

Linus Caldwell:
Yes, that is correct.

Abigail Sponder:
I only ask because his name doesn't show up on our standard database.

Linus Caldwell:
And Mr. Wang and I have worked very hard to keep it that way. Look, he owns all of the air south of Beijing.

Abigail Sponder:
[disbelieving] The air?

Linus Caldwell:
Let me put it to you this way: Try building something taller than three stories in the Tiangjin province, and see if his name turns up on your database then.

Basher Tarr:
Bank's going to run the prints off the card machine.

Virgil Malloy:
Damn, he's good.

Danny Ocean:
He'll get Livingston's ID and known associates.

Rusty Ryan:
That's us.

Saul Bloom:
Uh, what do we have in place for this?

Danny Ocean:
Nothing. We all get arrested and Bank will have the best night of his life.

Rusty Ryan:
We can't let it get to Bank.

Basher Tarr:
I know what to do. We'll set up a Cartwheel. Back of the house, 15 minutes.

Danny Ocean:
Who's going to hack this?

Basher Tarr:
Well, the ideal person's in the back of a car in handcuffs.

Turk Malloy:
I can handle it.

Danny Ocean:
Anybody else?

Virgil Malloy:
This is Virgil, I'll give it a shot.

Turk Malloy:
I can handle it!

Danny Ocean:
Virgil, it is.

Rusty Ryan:
Get it done, Virg.

Danny Ocean:
Shut it down, guys. Shut her down!

Turk Malloy:
It is shut down.

Rusty Ryan:
This is no time for jokes, fellas.

Turk Malloy:
Does it sound like I'm laughing, sweetheart?

Abigail Sponder:
[after a small earthquake] What was that?

Linus Caldwell:
You felt it too?

Terry Benedict:
Danny.

Danny Ocean:
Terry.

Terry Benedict:
You called an audible last night.

Danny Ocean:
That's what I do when I see a blitz coming.

Terry Benedict:
A blitz?

Danny Ocean:
I guess Toulour just happened to be on the roof at the same moment we were coming out with those diamonds.

Terry Benedict:
How did you know I would go for them?

Danny Ocean:
Because you're you and I'm me.

What are the odds of getting even? 13 to one.

Revenge is a funny thing.

How To Steal Half A Billion Dollars, In 3.5 Minutes?

When you cross one Ocean, you cross them all.

[Danny and Rusty are greeted by Linus]

Danny:
Hey, Linus.

Linus:
Hey, where are Tess and Isabel?

Danny:
[impatient] It's not their fight!

Linus:
[defensively] Hey, whoa!

Abigail Sponder:
[Feeling a waitress' arm] I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. Turn in your uniform.

Waitress:
I only gained four pounds, you can't!

Sponder:
Sorry, sweetie, but your Body Mass Index is nowhere near where it's supposed to be.

Waitress:
But Ms. Sponder-

Sponder:
Oh no, honey. It's your butt that's the problem. [Smugly walks off, Linus having observed the whole thing]

[cuts to Linus, Frank, Rusty, and Danny talking]

Frank:
Man, you can't fire no waitresses based on appearance, that's just unconstitutional.

Danny:
IF they were waitresses.

Linus:
Yeah, they're actually hired as "models who serve", so that Bank can monitor their personal appearance.

Rusty:
It's a cruel, cruel practice.

Danny:
[Stands with Rusty in front of the Bellagio] I remember when this used to be The Dunes. Reuben taught me to shoot craps here when I was a kid. I'd play Hard Ways and Double Sixes; he straightened me out. I was twenty...two.

Rusty:
The first time I ever met Reuben, he looked me off getting cheated at an all-dealers game at the El Rancho, then he bought me breakfast. [Looks off to the side] The Sands was there, Desert Inn...

Danny:
They built 'em smaller back then.

Rusty:
They seemed big.

Danny:
...Town's changed.

Saul Bloom:
Did I say I was walking away? Let's gut the sonovabitch.