So This Is College

Eddie:
No, don't yell hey at that horse!

Eddie:
Well, well, hark ye, friends, roommates, countrymen, lend me your cheers.

[Crowd of frat boys yell "Yeah!"]

Eddie:
Oh, such rapturous greetings warms the chilled heart of your noble King!

[Crowd yells "Long Live the King!"]

Student:
I'll take the Queen!

Eddie:
I thought you would. Now, hark ye, while I give to you the privileges of the season, there shall be no amusement tax on necking!

[Crowd roars!]

Eddie:
Oh boy, any good neckin' in sight for this year?

Biff:
And why should this year be different?

Eddie:
Guy, it's the same ole room. Just as clean as a garage sink.

Biff:
Yes, but it's home sweet home to us.

Eddie:
You betcha!

Biff:
Whoa, boy, where'd you get the swell rag?

Eddie:
Do you like it?

Biff:
Gee, that's a wow!

Eddie:
I thought it would look swell with those big banjo eyes.

Biff:
Why, you couldn't take a femme from me, blonde, brunette, red, gray, or bald.

Eddie:
I not only take 'em from you, but, I find you every honey you get. Why, if it weren't for me you'd be playing the old ladies home and not doing so well either.

Eddie:
What women want, that's me. [Picks up the phone]

Biff:
Yeah, ask her if her daughter's got a date for the night.

Eddie:
[Noticing Babs sorority pin] Oh, the Pi Phi house. Well, I'll be around tonight about eight.

Babs:
Am I supposed to burst our cheering?

Eddie:
Not till after the first treatment.

Babs:
[Sarcastically] Oh, I can hardly wait.

Eddie:
Don't be impatient! Goodbye.

Biff:
You don't mean to tell me that an unprotected girl like yourself is going to be seen going to the Campus Candy Store in broad daylight!

Babs:
Well, why not? Is it so terrible?

Biff:
Terrible? Why I, alone, have dragged from that opiate-reeking atmosphere the bodies of innocent young girls, their sallow complexions give testimony to the lives they have lived. Sinful slaves to the chocolate drop. Shameful addicts to the bon-bons.

Biff:
Oh, have no fear. Tonight, at the stroke of eight, I will arrive at?

Babs:
Pi Phi House.

Biff:
And will I be welcome on the mat - outside?

Babs:
Em-hmm... and inside, too.

Biff:
Say, don't wisecrack.

Eddie:
Oh, you're gonna get high-hat with me over a girl, huh?

Biff:
Yes I am.

Eddie:
Think you've landed a little exclusive necking.

Biff:
She isn't that kind of a girl.

Eddie:
Oh, don't make me laugh. Wait'll I put the works on her.

Biff:
Whoopie-wow!

Biff:
Heaven help the buzzard who stole that box of candy!

Babs:
[Doorbell rings] Oh, pardon me, I think that's for me.

Eddie:
Oh, are you expecting somebody else?

Babs:
Well, em, I am, rather.

Eddie:
Fine, you bring him in and I'll throw him out.

Eddie:
Now that we're all here, I've got a great idea. Let's play Post Office.

Babs:
Oh, that's a kid's game.

Eddie:
Not the way I play it!

Eddie:
You know, Babs, every time I look at Biff I can figure out why girls walk home. [Babs laughs]

Biff:
And you're the reason they run home!

Biff:
Say, Babs, are you all dated up for the Glee Club hop?

Babs:
No. I've been waiting for somebody to ask me. Somebody, in particular.

Biff:
Ha-ha-ha. Gee, that's great! Well, consider yourself asked.

Biff:
Who let you back in this country?

Eddie:
Aw, don't get hard boiled, Biffy. Remember, you're only a three-minute egg.

Biff:
Yeah, you and small pox are my favorite diseases.

Eddie:
Waste not the hours with yonder young horse pistol.

Biff:
Don't while the night with nothingness with that numb-scullion.

Eddie:
Oh, I beseech thee, young lady, put your okay on me.

Babs:
I know, we'll settle this as if the fearless knights of old.

Biff:
What do you mean?

Babs:
Battle to the death and the victor shall be my escort to the hop.

Eddie:
Well, alright, you think you're the white-haired boy, now, don't cha? But, you wait. I'm like the undertaker, I get 'em in the end!

Babs:
Aw, don't be silly Biff. You know I like you.

Biff:
You don't show it.

Babs:
Well, what do you want me to do? Tattoo your name on my chest?

Biff:
Oh, Babs, I wish you wouldn't talk like that. I only wanted to tell you, that I - oh, gee, I'm all balled up.

Eddie:
I'll be with you in half a shake, Babs.

Biff:
You and I've been through a thousand female campaigns together.

Eddie:
Yeah, boy!

Biff:
We've shared our girls like we've shared our neckties.

Eddie:
Well, I didn't know you felt that way about her, kid. That's different. Well, if that's the way it is, this is station M E signing off.

Betty:
So, Eddie's getting your goat. Passing you up, eh?

Babs:
Eddie what's the matter with you lately? Are you afraid of me?

Eddie:
Yeah, I'm afraid you'll bite me.

Babs:
Ha-ha. You know I'm a vegetarian.

Eddie:
Good night, honey baby.

Male Cheerleader With Megaphone:
Alright, gang! Biff and Eddie, Three! Biff and Eddie! Raw! Raw! Raw! Biff and Eddie! Yeah!

Eddie:
Babs, I, I want you to wear my fraternity pin at the game tomorrow. Will you?

Eddie:
I got it bad over you.

Eddie:
Babs, one little kiss, to remember me in the morning?

Babs:
No, somebody might see us.

Eddie:
Oh, just a little quickie!

Football Spectator:
Sit down, eggs! Before I scramble ya!