Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco

Chance:
It's a thing of beauty when Chance is on duty!

Sassy:
Speaking of doody, I thought I smelled something

Chance:
This is the city. Only the strong survive.

Sassy:
Oh, then you're a goner.

Chance:
They treat us pretty good here. Three meals a day and all the smelly sneakers you can eat.

Chance:
Dogs rule and cats drool.

Sassy:
Does the cat always have to be the brains of the operation? Beauty and brains. I never cease to amaze myself.

Chance:
Theres only one thing I know that could make this moment happier. In fact, I think I smell it coming up the driveway right now. Can it be? Yes, yes I think it is. It's pizza!

Sassy:
Nothing smells worse than wet dogs.

Chance:
I welcome danger with open paws.

Sassy:
And a constantly open mouth

Chance:
I'm lost in the city with an optimistic dog and a sarcastic kitty.

Chance:
Hello Stinky, long time no smell.

Chance:
It's a thing of beauty when Chance is on duty!

Sassy:
Speaking of "doody", I thought I smelled something. Yuck.

Chance:
Hey, what's your problem? Bad fur day?

Sassy:
I'll tell you what's bad, oh fragrant one - I saw suitcases.

Chance:
Why is that bad?

Sassy:
It means the family is leaving. Though who could blame them, the way you smell!

[Three dogs are commentating on Jamie's baseball game]

Chance:
Huh? What's this? Who are you guys?

Sparky Michaels:
I'm Sparky Michaels.

Lucky Lasorda:
I'm Lucky Lasorda.

Trixie Uecker:
And I'm Trixie Uecker, and we're broadcasting here!

Lucky Lasorda:
Yeah, so move your tail, buddy.

Chance:
You're broadcasting the game? Huh! Sassy tells me to get a life?

Sparky Michaels:
[watching Jamie play] All right, here's the pitch. A hard chopper to Seaver. He picks it up and fires to first! Boy, that kid looks great this year!

Lucky Lasorda:
He must've been practicing that throw in the off-season.

Chance:
Yep, and you're looking at the pooch he's been practicing with.

Trixie Uecker:
That's fascinating, really. Now get your tail off the field!

[As Chance rushes into the game and steals the ball]

Sparky Michaels:
What's this? It seems that a crazed fan has run onto the field and taken the ball away! Ever seen anything like it?

Lucky Lasorda:
Not me. How about you, Uecker?

Trixie Uecker:
Never. And let me tell you, it's a sad day for the sport of baseball - and all of canine kind - when something like this happens.

Lucky Lasorda:
I am just sickened.

Sparky Michaels:
Well, I know none of us likes to hear the "B" word, but that is one bad dog!

[On their way to the airport]

Chance:
So guys, where do you think they're taking us?

Sassy :
I don't know about us, but I know where they're taking you.

Chance:
Well, I don't know this much, I mean it wouldn't be any place bad, or they would've given us those dumb tranquilizers.

Bob:
Hey Peter? Did you give the animals the tranquilizers?

Chance, Shadow and Sassy:
Uh-oh!

[Later]

Chance:
We're doomed!

Shadow:
Calm down, nobody's doomed.

Chance:
Oh yeah? Well, let ask you something old timer, why did they shove those little green kibbles down our throats? If you're smart like me, you can get rid of it.

Sassy:
Get rid of it? How?

Chance:
Easy. You just work on a nice-sized hairball, and then you think of something...disgusting...like a big [Gags]...fluffy...cat! [Vomits up what's left of a ball and belches]

Sassy:
[Disgusted] How pleasant.

Chance:
Hey, I've been looking for that ball.

[Later]

Chance:
[singing] 99 cans of dog food on the wall, 99 cans of dog fooooood - everybody!

Chance, Shadow and Sassy:
[singing] If one of those cans should happen to fall, 98 cans of dog/cat food on the wall.

Chance:
Cats only!

Sassy:
Oh, I hate this song!

Sassy:
Shadow, that plane left without us. And Hope was on it.

Shadow:
So was Peter.

Sassy:
So now what are we gonna do?

Shadow:
Let me think... They probably don't even know we're gone.

Sassy:
[looking at Chance] And guess whose fault it is.

Chance:
Oh, so this is my fault? I just saved us from the Bad Place!

Sassy:
No, you just got us lost AGAIN!

Shadow:
Like it or not, you two, we're gonna have to find our way back home.

Chance:
Home? You remember what happened before? Huge mountains, stinky skunks, porcupines - not me, pops!

Sassy:
Canines, the feline's still hungry!

Shadow:
We're all still hungry, Sassy.

Chance:
Better get used to it, babe. This is the city. Only the strong survive.

Sassy:
Well, then you're a goner.

[After Riley's gang save Shadow and Sassy from Ashcan and Pete]

Shadow:
[to Riley] That was some nice fighting, stranger.

Ashcan:
This ain't over yet, goldie! Watch your back!

Pete:
Yeah, your back!

Riley:
I hope you're not making threats, Trashcan.

Spike:
Unless you wanna wake up at the vet!

Sledge:
With a thermometer under your tail!

Riley:
[barking] Now beat it!

Delilah:
Hi.

Chance:
Don't you "hi" me! First, you chase me, then you try to kill me, then you... kiss me? What's the game?

Delilah:
Game? I don't have a game. Look, I was only chasing you because your friends back in the alley asked me to, okay?

Chance:
My friends, huh? So tell me, what are my friends' names?

Delilah:
Shadow and Sassy.

Chance:
Huh! Lucky guess. Okay, show me the secret paw shake.

Delilah:
Secret paw shake? They didn't show me any secret paw shake.

Chance:
Aha! They didn't, huh? Good, because there ain't one. Now explain that kiss.

Delilah:
Kiss? That was no kiss. Friendly lick, maybe.

Chance:
Friendly? Boy, is that an understatement.

Delilah:
Okay, let's try this again. I'm Delilah, Chance.

Chance:
Delilah Chance? Wow, your last name is the same as my first name!

Delilah:
Boy, good thing you're cute.

[Ashcan and Pete hang out in the junkyard]

Ashcan:
[chewing a stuffed rabbit] Mmm! Who said I'm too old for stuffed animals?

Pete:
Hey boss, I got somethin'.

Ashcan:
Yeah? Too bad there's no cure.

Pete:
[lifts a huge bone] Look at this. It must be the biggest bone I ever seen in my life.

Ashcan:
Hey, let me see that!

Pete:
It must be from a horse. Or a rhinoceros. Or a prehistoric mastodon.

Ashcan:
[climbs off the couch and takes the bone] Good job, Pete. You found my bone.

Pete:
Your bone, boss?

Ashcan:
Sure, I hid it here yesterday.

Pete:
Man, just my luck...

[Later]

Ashcan:
Oh, great! You missed 'em!

Pete:
You missed 'em?

Ashcan:
Ah, shut up.

[Arriving at Riley's abandoned warehouse]

Riley:
Well, this is it. Home sweet home. Hey, it's nothing fancy, but the price is right, and nobody bothers us. So you guys can stay as long as you like.

Shadow:
Thanks, Riley. You're very kind.

Sassy:
Right, if he's so kind, why doesn't he help us find that bridge?

Shadow:
We can't leave until we find Chance.

Sassy:
Why not?

Shadow:
You know you miss him.

Sassy:
Okay, I miss his stupid jokes, and his stupid face, and his stupid... stupid-ness!

Shadow:
Oh, Sassy, stop it.

Sassy:
And I'm "stupidly" starting to worry about him!

Bando:
[upon discovering Delilah with Chance] But Delilah, I thought... What about me?

Chance:
Who are you?

Bando:
I'm her... I mean, I was gonna be her--

Sledge:
Ah, Bando, face it. You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!

Delilah:
Bando, I told you. You and I are just friends.

Bando:
Huh?! But Delilah--

Chance:
What? Catch a clue, Opie.

Bando:
[growling] Why, you little...!

Chance:
[barking] Maybe someone should take you for a walk, pal!

Riley:
Bando, knock it off!

Bando:
[putting his head to the ground] Sorry, Riley. I wasn't trying to start something. I'm done. I'm calm. [under his breath] Stupid lost dog comes along, tryin' to steal my woman. Home-wrecker!

Ralph:
What's going on? [sees Riley's Gang, Shadow and Sassy] You'd almost think they're trying to... trying to stop us here.

Jack:
Heh. I'd like to see 'em try. [looking through binoculars]

Shadow:
Okay, get ready, Sassy.

Sassy:
Shadow, I was born ready.

Jack:
Run 'em over.

Ralph:
Jack, that's about another $100 worth of dog out there--

Jack:
Don't you understand what's happening here, Ralph? They're turning against us!

Ralph:
What?

Jack:
We gotta show 'em who's boss. We gotta run 'em down like the dogs they are!

Ralph:
Jack, I ca... I can't do that.

Jack:
[takes the cigarette and blows] Show 'em, Ralph! Show 'em who's boss! [Jack and Ralph fight for control of "The Blood Red Van"]

[Chance reunites with Shadow and Sassy]

Chance:
Hey guys, do you miss me?

Shadow :
Well, I can't speak for Sassy.

Sassy:
Of course I did. [to Chance] Chance, you saved our lives.

Chance:
Piece of cake.

Sassy:
I'm sure one day I'll regret saying this, but... thank you, [shouting] AND WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!??!?

[In an alleyway, Shadow drags a cardboard box along]

Sassy:
Why are you dragging that? I didn't hear anybody shout "fetch".

Shadow:
Say hello to your home away from home, Sass.

Sassy:
That?! It's filthy! My litter box is cleaner! And I don't have anything to sleep in.

Shadow:
What, no cat's pajamas?

Sassy:
Oh, you're a riot, Shadow.

Chance:
A cage?! They're treating me like I'm some kind of an animal!

Chance:
[After the plane takes off without them] I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared, not one wee little [pees] bit.

Chance:
So we walked... and walked... and just for a little change of pace, we walked some more. Questions began racing through my mind. Where were we? How were we gonna get home? Who decided a Chihuahua was a dog? And, most importantly, when were we gonna eat?

Chance:
I'd always heard love hurts. I never knew it could hurt this much. It was like getting a bath, missing dinner and going to the vet all rolled into one. I tell you, I was one sad puppy.

Chance:
Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug!

Chance:
[Closing line, eating pizza] You know, I can't think of a happier ending!

Sassy:
[Chance has underwear stuck on his head] Ooh, Chance, take it off! Take it all off! [hums an "exotic dance" tune]

Sassy:
[After being dazed by Chance] Oh, I don't feel well... I am going to hurt you.

Sassy:
Can somebody tell me why I keep following Dumb and Dumber?!

Sassy:
[After the plane takes off without them] That was terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

Sassy:
Cut the mush, get the grub!

Sassy:
[Singing] Home, home in the 'burbs, where the cat and the squeak toy can play... where no traffic is heard, and I can maul birds, and sleep in the sunshine all day!