April Fool's Day

Clara:
Have a nice party.

Muffy:
Nice? It's gotta be better than nice. It's gotta be bloody unforgettable.

Kit Graham:
Oh Ha Ha. HA HA HA HA! That's really funny, you guys. Really funny! F*** you!

Chaz Vyshinski:
[watching Kit and Rob through binoculars] Respectable young Quaker couple returning from a quiet afternoon of nonviolent sex.

Chaz Vyshinski:
Hey guy, your fly is open and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out.

Chaz Vyshinski:
Boy Muffy, you really know how to make a guy look forward to... dessert.

Arch Cummings:
Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!

Harvey Edison, Jr.:
I know you think I'm a hick, but I'd like to change your mind about that if you'd give me a chance.

Nikki Brashares:
Why?

Harvey Edison, Jr.:
Because I would really like to plow your field.

Kit Graham:
Muffy hasn't been in an institution for three years, she's been at Vassar!

Arch Cummings:
You're telling me! When I was out there swinging in the woods, I nearly crapped my pants.

Cal the Ferryman:
What do you mean, "nearly"?

Chaz Vyshinski:
Arch? You browned your trou?

Arch Cummings:
Well, uh... you know, I was...

Constable Sam Potter:
It's all right Arch, they'll be out of the dryer soon.

Kit Graham:
And don't anyone say 'April Fools' again or I'll rip them apart!

Skip St. John, Arch Cummings:
Cough-cough-April Fools!-cough-cough