Azumanga dai?

[Osaka waits at a crosswalk with other townsfolk]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
[voiceover] I am Ayumu Kasuga. I just transferred here from Osaka the other day. Tokyo folks do the right thing and stop when the light's red. Osaka folks keep crossin' no matter what, so it can get pretty ugly.

[Time passes; the people move off as Osaka is thinking - she snaps back to reality]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Uh? [voiceover] I better cross too!

[the walk signal turns to don't walk]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Shoot! The light changed.

[Osaka is looking around the classroom, turning her head, eyes wandering in a crazy pattern, unfocused]

Kaorin:
Osaka? What are you doing?

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
[still moving her eyes and head about] You know those tiny bubbles inside your eyes you sometimes catch? Yeah, I'm trackin' 'em down as we speak.

Kaorin:
[dumbfounded]... I see. Goooood luck with that.

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
[distantly, carrying on] Uh-huh. Uh, thank you...

[Yomi demonstrates to the stiffly-jointed Osaka how to stretch properly before exercising]

Tomo Takino:
[pinching Yomi's side] Uh-huh. Yomi's crazy flexible 'cause her body's made of almost nothing but fat!

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[shouts] Double chop! [hits Tomo on the head karate-chop style with both hands, knocking her to the ground]

Yukari Tanizaki:
[explaining why they are betting on their school basketball match] It won't be exciting unless we're betting. Besides, like hell I'm going to be exercising with no incentive or reward in sight.

[Yukari is playing basketball with her students. She has proclaimed herself, Yomi, and Tomo as 'Team Yukari'. Osaka, Kaorin, and Chiyo are on the other side]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
[raises hand in the air] We're Team Sea Slug!

Chiyo Mihama, Kaorin:
Huuuh?

Chiyo Mihama:
But why?

Kaorin:
Sea slugs are so...

[pause. Osaka still has her hand raised in the air]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Go Team Sea Slug!

Chiyo Mihama, Kaorin:
[unenthusiastically] Yaaay.

Tomo Takino:
Hey, we just heard you and Miss Yukari were classmates back in high school.

Minamo Kurosawa:
Mm-hmm. We were.

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Can you tell us what kind of student Miss Yukari was back then?

Minamo Kurosawa:
[laughs] Let's see... [giggles] There's a lot of stories for me to choose from.

Yukari Tanizaki:
[walking past, as Nyamo suddenly seems profoundly embarrassed] Love letter! Love letter, la-la-lovey, lovey letter, Love letter! Love letter, lovey-dovey-dovey-dovey-dovey love letter! La-la-la-la-la-la-la, love-love-love letter...

Minamo Kurosawa:
[turns back to the girls from scowling at Yukari's back as she went past; now with a laugh and a blush] But most of them are pretty boring. N-not much to say... [turns and scowls at Yukari again]

Male Student 1:
Hey, who do you think is the cooler teacher? Miss Kurosawa or Miss Yukari?

Male Student 2:
Come on, that's a no brainer!

[Yukari walks up behind Student #1, out of his sight but in #2's]

Male Student 2:
Nnh... Miss Yukari, of course.

Male Student 1:
[laughs] What are you, a comedian or something?

[Yukari laughs along with the two of them and knocks them senseless with a binder]

[Yukari has decided the best way to endear her students to her is to play basketball with them. She runs to their classroom and slams the door wide open]

Yukari Tanizaki:
[screams] Basketball!

Students:
Huh?...

Yukari Tanizaki:
Now is the basketball era! Come sweat with your teacher and live your youth to its fullest potential! I want everybody together inside the gymnasium!

[Yukari slams the door shut and the students just stare at it for about ten seconds]

Yukari Tanizaki:
[opens the door again, screams even louder this time] Assemble now!

[Osaka has hiccups that won't go away]

Koyomi Mizuhara:
From what I seem to recall, hiccups happen because something is convulsing.

Chiyo Mihama:
Yeah, that's it! Spasms in the diaphragm.

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Where's the diaphragm?

Chiyo Mihama:
It's right underneath your lungs.

Tomo Takino:
[Figuring she can help out] Riiiiiiiiight... here!

[punches Osaka in the gut]

Chiyo Mihama:
Hey! Th-that's the solar plexus!

Yukari Tanizaki:
[literally falling down drunk] Ohhh, I'm in my happy place...

[Yukari is trying to urge her class to win the sports fest]

Tomo Takino:
Hey! If we win, you should treat us all to a can of juice!

Yukari Tanizaki:
Juice, huh? Let's see... If we're looking at 120 yen a can... [Counting on her fingers, deep in thought, and suddenly grins and shouts out] Okay! If you guys win, I'll treat you all!

Koyomi Mizuhara:
Just how much did you bet on this?

[Second-year student Chiyo is stomping down the stairs, angry because first-year students think she's 'cute']

Chiyo Mihama:
No one understands me after all!

Male Student 1:
[a first year student ascending the staircase does a double-take as she passes] Huh? What's a kid doing here?

Chiyo Mihama:
[Turns around and climbs back up the stairs to him, speaking in an accusing tone] You're new to this school, aren't you?

Male Student 1:
Uh, well, yeah...

Chiyo Mihama:
I am Chiyo Mihama. A second year student! Senior Mihama to you!

Male Student 1:
Okay... [long pause as Chiyo stares at him] um, Senior... Mihama.

Chiyo Mihama:
That's right! [smiles, giggles, and heads off down the stairs]

[Osaka is telling a horror story]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Sometime last night...

[Yomi, Tomo, and Chiyo each give a quavering, worried sound]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
I was all alone in my room... when suddenly, outta nowhere...

[Tomo gulps nervously]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
The smell of a fart that wasn't mine wafted into my nose.

[the other three girls stand in dumbfounded shock for a moment]

Tomo Takino:
[trembling voice] Spooky!

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Isn't it?

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[dryly] Really.

Yukari Tanizaki:
Yeah! Let's play a little soccer!

Tomo Takino:
Yukari, do you even know the rules?

Yukari Tanizaki:
Just leave it to me! I'm Mia Hamm.

Tomo Takino:
Huh?

Yukari Tanizaki:
I'm Mia Hamm!

Tomo Takino:
What does that mean?

Chiyo-Dad:
Won't you join us for dinner? There will be red things!

[Studying for the English Mid-term]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Say... like, for "Blue Three [Bruce Lee] ", would that mean that "Blue" is his last name?

Kagura:
That was random.

Tomo Takino:
HaHaHa! Osaka, thats so dumb. "Blue Three [Bruce Lee] " is a foreigner, isn't he?

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Mmm-hmm.

Tomo Takino:
That means, his last name has got to be "Three".

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga, Kagura:
...oh!

Kagura:
I never knew that! You're awsome, Tomo.

Tomo Takino:
Yeah, I know.

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Ok... but I wonder what happened to "One" and "Two"?

[Blue Three is imagined beating up One and Two a'la Bruce Lee]

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
You know, I guess that means "Blue Five" or there about woul be Jackie Chan, huh?

Tomo Takino, Kagura:
...oh!

[a bird lands on Osaka's head, then flies away]

[Reacting to Chiyo-chan dressed up as penquin]

Tomo Takino:
Woh! Chiyo-chan, you're so cute! I wont be fooled, do you hear me? You can try to fool me all you want with your evil cuteness!

Tomo Takino:
We can all become Chiyo-chan. We can wear our hair up like this [pulls hair into pigtails] [High voice] Hi I'm Chio-Chan, I'm a little genius, I always get 100's.

Koyomi Mizuhara:
She's pissing her off now

Chiyo Mihama:
[Tomo continues mocking, Chiyo udoes her pig tails] Hmph.

Chiyo Mihama:
[Over the phone talking to Yomi] You shouldn't grow careless and fall asleep naked. You bad girl.

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[the phone rings. Yomi answers] Yes?

Chiyo Mihama:
Oh, Miss Yomi, are you okay? Has your fever gone down?

Koyomi Mizuhara:
Yeah, quite a bit.

Chiyo Mihama:
You really shouldn't get carried away and fall asleep naked. Bad girl!

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[Yomi sits up on her bed] Wait a sec! Who told you that? Tomo? Did Tomo say that?

Chiyo Mihama:
What? Oh...

Koyomi Mizuhara:
Get her on the phone right now!

Tomo Takino:
Hi, I'm Tomo Takino! When it comes for bring hyper, I'll be well known, hands down! The wildcat high school girl! [she falls]

Tomo Takino:
Good moring everyone! Oh no! Yukari's here? Already? I'm so totally late! Holy freakin' crap! As punishment, I'm going to stand right here in the hallway. See ya! [she slams the door]

Yukari Tanizaki:
I couldn't care less, you know.

Chiyo Mihama:
Well I... I uh... I don't...

Tomo Takino:
Hey!

Yukari Tanizaki:
Hmm? Okay, Miss Takino.

Tomo Takino:
I don't know the answer either! Now we're tied, Chiyo-chan! Oh yeah!

Kimura:
So how'd it go? [he fixes his glasses]

Koyomi Mizuhara:
How did what go?

Kimura:
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... ding! [he leaves]

Koyomi Mizuhara:
What the heck was that?

Sakaki:
A bell?

Koyomi Mizuhara:
Like the bell when you're in a game show? I don't get it.

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[Yomi answers the phone] Hello?

Tomo Takino:
Hello? Oh, Yomi? We're getting on a rollercoaster now! I'm gonna broadcast to you live! [Yomi gets mad, hangs up, and goes to sleep]

Chihiro:
What are you doing Kaorin?

Kaorin:
I was talking to Ms. Sakaki

Chihiro:
What's this? [Picks up desgin Sakaki was working on]

Kaorin:
[in Sakaki's voice] It's a hat.

Yukari Tanizaki:
[grumplilly comes into class late] All right everyone sit down. I'm sick and tired of just being a language teacher. So today [scribbles on the chalk board] I'm teaching you math.

Koyomi Mizuhara:
Math huh?

Yukari Tanizaki:
[She flips through the math book, but can't figure it out. She rewrites P.E. on black board] Okay today we're doing P.E. Everyone get outside.

Chiyo-Dad:
Chiyo, eat your tomatoes.

Chiyo Mihama:
Yes! I just love tomatoes!

Chiyo-Dad:
Your love or hate isn't the issue; eat your tomatoes, Chiyo.

Chiyo Mihama:
Um-hmm. Mmmm... mmm... mmmm.

Chiyo-Dad:
How is it? Is it good? Is the tomato good?

Chiyo Mihama:
Mmm! It's delicious!

Chiyo-Dad:
They are so red, and yet, Chiyo says that they are delicious.

Sakaki:
Excuse me, that thing we were talking about -where can I go to find a real cat?

Chiyo-Dad:
A real cat? Are you saying then that I am a fake cat?

Sakaki:
I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Chiyo-Dad:
No, it is not that I am angry. I am not a fake, no, but do you mean to say that there are cats that are real and ones that are not?

Sakaki:
Are you sure you're not angry?

Chiyo Mihama:
[at the summer home] Okay then, I'll open the door now. If I were to lose this key right now, we wouldn't be able to get into the house. [Tomo takes the key out of her hand and hurls it]

Tomo Takino:
[pause] I did it!

Koyomi Mizuhara:
BUT WHAT THE HELL FOR?

Kagura:
That Chiyo-chan really is cute. And she isn't well-known for nothing. Which is more than I can say for our school's well-known wildcat idiot.

Tomo Takino:
Hi, I'm our school's well-known... who's an idiot? Why you, you big old, you Eternally-Running-Behind-Miss-Sakaki Girl!

Kagura:
Yeah? So what! There's more brains in my behind than you have in your head!

Koyomi Mizuhara:
[simultaneously while Tomo yells, to herself] Wildcat idiot is right.

Tomo Takino:
How's that? I thought you stuffed them all in your b*obs!

Kagura:
At least I have b*obs!

Tomo Takino:
You *are* a boob!

Minamo Kurosawa:
Oh, man. You know what happens when you pass out.

Yukari Tanizaki:
Sleep barfing?

Yukari Tanizaki:
In other words, it's like this yakitori. I am the meat and you're the green onions!

Yukari Tanizaki:
What's that on your head?

Sakaki:
[staring blankly] Neko koneco.

Kagura:
[runs by] Practicing to bring the iced coff... [trips]

Sakaki:
[still staring blankly] Neko koneco.

Koyomi Mizuhara:
what are you two up to?

Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga:
Oh, thinking about hemorrhoids

Sakaki:
No we weren't!