Daria in 'Is It College Yet?'

Daria Morgendorffer:
What are you saying? That I got into Raft because they *didn't* meet me? Screw you!

Lindy:
Quinn, the night is so young. I think I'm gonna hit a couple of clubs after all. See you tomorrow.

Angela Li:
Thank you Jodie Landon, valedictorian of the graduating class of Lawndale High. And remember parents, your child doesn't need to be a current student for us to accept your generous donations.

[Daria accepts an academic award at graduation]

Daria Morgendorffer:
Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking. Or much for speaking. Or, come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from eighth grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise my advice is; Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless experience proves you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor *is* naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you.

[Daria and Jane discuss their college plans at Pizza King]

Jane Lane:
What about you? Still thinking about

[in snooty voice]

Jane Lane:
Bromwell?

Daria Morgendorffer:
They don't really talk like that... I hope. Anyway, I'm applying because it's an outstanding university, not because the students engage in the rectal transport of steel rods.

Jane Lane:
The Equestrian Club must be in constant pain.

Jane Lane:
You're getting soft around the edges, Morgendorffer.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Maybe, or maybe you've got glaucoma.

[On Jane's plans to go to an art college after graduation]

Trent Lane:
I don't really think you're a sell-out.

Jane Lane:
Well, that's not exactly an apology, but you know what they say about beggars.

Trent Lane:
That they'll only spend it on booze?

Jane Lane:
Never mind.

Andrew Landon:
You call that a tax cut? I've seen haircuts more drastic.

Jane Lane:
Behold, Daria. The group dynamic you crave so much.

Daria Morgendorffer:
I suppose pulling out a can of mace right now would be considered bad form.

Trent Lane:
Um, why do you want to go to art college? You're already an artist.

Jane Lane:
I know, but I want to be a starving artist so I need to ring up more debt.

[last lines]

Jane Lane:
To college! I can't wait! What do you think we'll find when we get there?

Daria Morgendorffer:
Hmm... That the students are shockingly ignorant, the professors self-centered and corrupt, and the entire system geared soley to the pursuit of funding?

Jane Lane:
Hmmm, yes. You know that thing I said about you getting soft?

Daria Morgendorffer:
Yeah?

Jane Lane:
I take it back.

Jane Lane:
[about Tom] He said he looked up to you?

Daria Morgendorffer:
Isn't that weird? Flattering, but weird.

Jane Lane:
No... I guess I could see where people would value your opinion and take what you say very seriously.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Really? Where can I meet these people?

Jane Lane:
Well, I kind of take what you say seriously.

Daria Morgendorffer:
What's in that cup?

Jane Lane:
That's why, after your constant haranguing and brow-beating, I went ahead and sent my portfolio to BFAC... and got in.

Daria Morgendorffer:
[smiles] Jane Lane! What did you say?

Jane Lane:
You. Me. College. Same town. Be ready to have your ass dragged to more parties.

Lindy:
Quinn, I'm so glad you wanted to see A Kiss Before Heaven. I can't help myself; I'm a sucker for those tear-jerkers.

Quinn Morgendorffer:
Are you kidding? I love hospital room movies. And I hate seeing them with guys. They always get mad because nothing blows up.

Lindy:
Guys love explosions, and rocket attacks, and death rays. They don't understand how much more fun it is to watch someone die slowly.

Quinn Morgendorffer:
I know!

Charles 'Upchuck' Ruttheimer III:
Andrea, my dark-eyed mistress of sweet, sweet pain. Are you, like me, finding this party a bit too... festive? Let us depart for a darker place, where we can explore the melancholia that always accompanies true, unbridled passion!

Andrea:
You're hitting on me?

Charles 'Upchuck' Ruttheimer III:
Um...

Andrea:
Okay.

Charles 'Upchuck' Ruttheimer III:
[surprised] Really? [clears throat] I mean, say no more, my raven-haired ravisher! [they both leave]

[Everyone is talking about colleges they've applied to]

Jodie Abigail Landon:
Kevin, do you know where you're going?

Kevin Thompson:
It's a secret, man.

Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie:
Why? Is the school embarrassed?

Kevin Thompson:
Why would it be embarrassed? I'm a QB. It's not like I'm a brain or anything.

Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie:
Truer words were never spoken.

Kevin Thompson:
Thanks, man!

Kevin Thompson:
Um, Brit... remember when you said you'd still be my babe, no matter where I went to school?

Brittany Taylor:
Umm... I think so.

Kevin Thompson:
But you will, right?

Brittany Taylor:
Sure. Where are you going?

Kevin Thompson:
[Points to Lawndale High School] Right here, babe.

Brittany Taylor:
Huh?

Kevin Thompson:
Right here. Lawndale High. See, um, my grades were so good, they want to see if I can do it again.

Brittany Taylor:
Ohhh. [Realization sinks in] Wait a minute... your grades *aren't* good... Kevvie, you flunked!

Kevin Thompson:
No, no, no! I just, um, didn't pass.

[Tom has come to visit Daria after they've broken up]

Daria Morgendorffer:
I'm not getting into that car. That's how all this trouble started in the first place.

Tom Sloane:
Trouble? Is that how you think of our relationship?

Daria Morgendorffer:
I'm just kidding. What's up?