De ydmygede

[dicating his diary]

Lars von Trier:
I still fear cancer of the balls. That's the way it's supposed to be. I guess there's always something which prevents life from being easy. The breaks I've had in my life have been bloody short.

Lars von Trier:
In brief flashes, life is wonderful. P.S. The last sentence and this entry have made me so nervous that I'm getting physical symptoms. Plus it's a hot day. Declaring "life is wonderful" fills me with anxiety beyond imagination.

Lars von Trier:
It's uncomfortable, but don't show it. I don't think you should say anything. Your face gives you away. You just have to be humiliated like the rest. There were some good moments.

Jens Albinus:
It's rather disgusting, isn't it?

Lars von Trier:
But there's a goal higher than ourselves. Zentropa's income.

Lars von Trier:
They look dangerous. What do you think, Jesper?

Jesper Jargil:
One of them had a puppy.

Lars von Trier:
That's the dangerous part. The worst criminals always have a puppy, and then suddenly....

Lars von Trier:
While I was filming, I actually cried. And since this is a diary, some honesty is required. I got all choked up and suddenly afraid....for my talent. I know this sounds terrible, but after a scene like that, I'm afraid hubris will strike like a fist from the sky and annihilate me, just like a mosquito in the woods. And then I think, "Cancer! I'll get cancer now!" But that's how I feel at the end of a day like today. A day in Trier's puppet theater.

Lars von Trier:
The morning of July 21. Our final week. I'm prepared. I've slept fairly well even though I realized last night that the lump in my throat must be cancer of the esophagus.

Lars von Trier:
I think we've made a good film, and I think it was all worthwhile. On the other hand, the films I truly believed in bombed. We'll see.