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This place is a crock. We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hold up at Lizard's.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell:
Oh, that's real brotherly of you Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride?
I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis.
Um... what should we do with her body?
Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well, I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...
They'll probably blame us.
They'll definitely call Mom.
SHE'LL blame us.
Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces.
I don't want Mom to come home.
I don't either.
By the end of lunch we'll probably be sharing our intimate histories, stories of our first time. Next thing you know we'll be sharing a cigarette in post-coital bliss.
Are you talking about us having sex?
Hey, hold on, slow down, you're moving too fast for me! But if that's an area you're interested in, it can be arranged. And if it doesn't, I was kidding.
(in the kitchen) Did you burn something?
Yeah, well, maybe if you'd called and told me you were gonna be, like... three-and-a-half hours late, I could've planned my dinner better.
I had to work late, OK?
You still should've called. I sat and I waited. I went ahead and I fed the kids. I worked all day on that casserole.
You haven't even said how nice the house looks. You're off at the office all day doing interesting office things. I'm stuck here. Cooking and cleaning and mowing, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doing your party sh*t! You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? You know, I'm sick and tired of not being appreciated.
I appreciate you.
Eat sh*t! (storms into the living and starts whisking the couch)
Sue Ellen (follows) I don't believe this! I have to get up at 5:
30 every morning so I can beat rush hour traffic into the city and go sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and miss Oprah Winfrey everyday on my summer vacation. And then, I get to drive home in gridlock in a VOLVO with no air conditioning just so I can take care of you guys and put food on the damn table! It's a rat race and it sucks, Kenny. So what do you want, a medal?... Oh come on, you don't have to do all this. I mean, I never asked you to whisk the couch.
(stopping, whistfully) Well, it needed it.
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