In Her Shoes

Simon Stein:
Does this mean that I'm your b*tch?

Rose Feller:
Do you want to be my b*tch?

Simon Stein:
I have wanted to be your b*tch since my first day at Dommel.

Rose Feller:
[laughing about Lewis and Ella kissing]

[sees Simon walk in]

Rose Feller:
Simon, what are you doing here?

Simon Stein:
I came as soon as your sister called

[points to the drink in Rose's hand]

Simon Stein:
Should you be drinking?

[Maggie grabs drink out of Rose's hand]

Maggie Feller:
Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and passion, and getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cellphone. These are cute too.

Rose Feller:
Please tell me you just made that up.

Maggie Feller:
Look, if you're not going to wear them... don't buy them! Leave them for someone who's going to get something out of them.

Rose Feller:
I get something out of them! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit.

Rose Feller:
I don't know what's wrong with your girls. My Marcia never uses the word vagina!

Maggie Feller:
My Marcia doesn't even have a vagina!

Rose Feller:
Oh, My Marcia has a vagina alright, but My Marcia's vagina is made of solid 24 karat gold!

Maggie Feller:
My Marcia's vagina is so perfect, it's in a museum!

[Rose has just caught her sister and her boyfriend in bed together]

Rose Feller:
I liked you... I really liked you. She won't even remember your name. Probably can't even spell it.

[to her sister]

Rose Feller:
Can you, Maggie? Come on, sound it out. Juh-imm. Jim. Oh, she's pretty, this one... but real stupid.

Maggie Feller:
Shut up, you fat pig!

Rose Feller:
[beat] Did you honestly just say, "Fat pig"? You're my sister... and the best you can do is "fat pig"?

[slams Maggie against the wall]

Rose Feller:
[shouts] Get out of my life!

Michael Feller:
Well, Sydelle and Marsha aren't on very good terms right now.

Rose Feller:
What, did she decorate a room in last season's colors?

Michael Feller:
No, she joined Jews for Jesus.

Maggie Feller:
The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem... f... filled... with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you... the joking voice, a gesture I love... I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like... Write it!... like disaster.

Simon Stein:
You look good. You look like you.

Rose Feller:
You're not going to look like this forever, you know. Eventually you'll be older, and all of the men who foot your bill now will be buying drinks for women half your age and then what will you do? Well, you'd better think of something because middle-aged tramps aren't cute, they're pathetic.

Maggie Feller:
I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me... is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate... for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful... you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root... and the bud of the bud... and the sky of the sky of a tree called life... which grows higher than the soul can hope... or mind can hide. It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Rose Feller:
Was I unfriendly?

Simon Stein:
No. Not compared to, say, Stalin.

Ryan:
You know, I came over here, and I was noticing you, and well, wow. You're like... cute!

Maggie Feller:
Darling, you're like twelve!

Rose Feller:
Why can't I just stay mad at you?

Maggie Feller:
Because we're a pair. Like... Sonny and Cher.

Rose Feller:
They broke up.

Maggie Feller:
But they remained quite close.

Amy:
Which one are you crying about, the predatory prick or the sh*t-for-brains tramp? Because neither one deserves your tears.

Maggie Feller:
Remember Honey Bun? How long did we have him for?

Rose Feller:
A day.

Maggie Feller:
That was a good day.

[first lines]

Maggie Feller:
Your 10-year high school reunion. Everybody wants to make a good impression and I was making mine on Ted, Tad?, whatever...

[last lines]

Maggie Feller:
It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Rose Feller:
What are you doing here?

Maggie Feller:
I live here. What are you doing here?

Rose Feller:
You live here? In an old folks home?

Maggie Feller:
It's a Retirement Community for Active Seniors.

Simon Stein:
[reading from one of Rose's romance novels] "His fingers tangled in her curls while his tongue plundered the soft cavern of her mouth. She made no protests. Her furnace was alight. Jack drew his lips from hers and urged her forward so he could take one shirt-veiled nipple into his mouth. Kit's gasp urged him on. He licked the material until it clung to the right peak then drew the turgid flesh deep into his mouth. Kit moaned, her body spasming in response. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted." Okay, um, embarrassing as this is to admit, I'm officially turned on.

Dora:
[to Maggie] Don't look so shocked Miss "Comes to Florida to milk your grandmother for all she's worth," we know all about you.

Mrs. Lefkowitz:
My son - 55 - still single.

Lewis Feldman:
Gay?

Mrs. Lefkowitz:
I wish - immature.

Lewis Feldman:
My Charlotte taught me everything - cooking, dishes how to use a cell phone - even my old laundry.

Ella Hirsch:
You must miss her.

Lewis Feldman:
Everyday. You?

Ella Hirsch:
Well I didn't know your wife, so no I can't say I do. [They laugh]

Ella Hirsch:
Wrong dresser. It's in the sock drawer.

Maggie Feller:
What?

Ella Hirsch:
My cash. That's what you were looking for, right? That's what you want.

Maggie Feller:
No! god!

Ella Hirsch:
[sigh] Oh, well. I guess after being absent for some 20-odd years I can't expect you to want to have a relationship with me. How much?

Maggie Feller:
How much what?

Ella Hirsch:
*Money*, Maggie! How much *money* were you hoping to get from me?

Maggie Feller:
...I don't know.

Ella Hirsch:
Yes, you do.

Maggie Feller:
I want to go to New York. Maybe act. I think I'd be good at it.

Ella Hirsch:
humph, clearly!... How much do you need?

Maggie Feller:
Three-grande.

Ella Hirsch:
*That* you would not have found in the sock drawer... How much do you have? [Maggie doesn't respond. Ella nods] I won't give you three-thousand dollars, but I'll do this; they need help down at the assisted living center. You get that job, stop loafing around here like a princess... [Maggie scoffs]... and I will match what you earn, penny for penny.

Maggie Feller:
[Maggie stares at her, shocked]... You would do that? [Ella nods]... Why?

Ella Hirsch:
[sighs] Because I'm your Grandmother.

Rose:
I think you should get a job so you don't have to mooch off me for everything.

Maggie:
What are you talking about? I just got us two rounds of drinks.

Rose:
No, Cuervo Carl got the drinks and only because he's hoped you'd sleep with him.

Maggie:
Well, I didn't.

Rose:
You need a job Maggie.

Maggie:
I'll get one, When im ready.

Rose:
There's a whole world out there that has nothing to do with sex you know.

Maggie:
What the f*** is that supposed to mean?

Maggie:
SHUT UP YOU FAT PIG!!

Rose:
Did you honestly just say "Fat pig"? You're my sister...and the best you can do is "fat pig"? :[slams Maggie against the wall] GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!

Maggie:
Oh! [starts sobbing]