Josie's Castle

Driver in Mexico:
Muchacho, you are a dreamer!

Leonard:
Why wake up before you have to?

Josie:
There's lots of reasons for divorce and one really you can count on. Damn few get divorced when they're getting it good.

Josie:
Divorcees are always looking for judges, someone who will tell them, "You were right and he was the bastard." What better judges could I find than two fellow divorcees? All in the same boat, all equally adrift.

Ken:
Honorable grandfather, literal Japanese gardener. Honorable father, bigass landscape architect. I, flower child.

Leonard:
Yellow skin, green thumb.

Josie:
I'm used to the guy helping the girl off with her clothes. At least the first time.

Leonard:
Didn't your mother ever teach you how to undress?

Josie:
Forever is what you promise the first time you fall in love. The second time around, all you offer is one day at a time.

Bartholomew:
I took up smoking right after I gave up heterosexuality. I utterly refuse to discipline myself in too many ways at once!

Leonard:
Man, you put a costume on somebody, you think it licenses them to be a phony.

Josie:
So, who needs a costume?

Josie:
And what do you do?

Bartholomew:
I'm shooting at the zoo, the final sequence for my master's.

Josie:
What's the title?

Bartholomew:
It's called, "A Helping Hand."

Josie:
Oh well that sounds very altruistic.

Bartholomew:
Not at all, my dear, it's about masturbation!

Bartholomew:
You know, Ken, you look utterly adorable in the samurai suit. You make Toshir? Mifune look positively dowdy!

Bartholomew:
When I heard that your kinky little m?nage ? trois had moved into the castle, I thought, "Hmmmm."

Josie:
It's not like that at all, it's just Leonard and me.

Bartholomew:
Oh come on! That number's as gay as pink ink!

Josie:
I can give you a testimonial.

Bartholomew:
Whether he knows it or not, that number's just dying to come out of the closet!

Blonde at Party:
I was so broke last summer that I had to take the pill every other day to economize!

Josie:
Don't you think Bartholomew is attractive?

Leonard:
Not to me, he isn't!

Josie:
Don't you believe in loving your neighbor?

Josie:
Rape me!

Leonard:
Just like that, huh?

Josie:
Sure, I won't mind.

Leonard:
Josie, come on! I can't!

Josie:
It's the same as always, just a little more forceful.

Leonard:
Rape is when the chick is unwilling!

Josie:
So I'll put up a good fight.

[Josie yanks off Leonard's pants]

Leonard:
Josie, come on! Stop that!

Josie:
Okay, I'll rape you!

Mrs. McAllister:
Well, all that racket last night!

Leonard:
Oh, you heard a few sounds from our little soir?e?

Mrs. McAllister:
Soir?e? Is that a new word for dope?

Leonard:
I assure you our little seminar last night wasn't half as wild as it sounded.

Mrs. McAllister:
Sound is one thing, Leonard. Boys and girls spending the night together's another!

Leonard:
Grace Margery, don't trouble your mind. The boys were all sleeping with boys, girls with girls.

Leonard:
It's incredible how one person can be so talented.

Bartholomew:
You're just jealous because you're so INCREDIBLY one-dimensional.

Leonard:
You mean I'm not bisexual?

Bartholomew:
Well, that's one area, yes.

Ken:
In a divorce, why should the mother always get the kid?

Josie:
No reason, Ken, except I don't know how good you are at breastfeeding.

Josie:
Sometimes I feel I'm the director of some black comedy and all the players are blowing their lines, and I wanna stand up and scream, "That's not the way it's supposed to be."

Josie:
I propose a toast the heathenism!

Leonard:
To Renaissance costume parties!

Ken:
To masturbating monkeys!

Josie:
To bicycles built for three!

Leonard's Mother:
You are a classic underachiever, Leonard, a drifter and a dreamer, but I never expected to find you here!

Leonard:
It's very in these days, Mother. Senator's sons, businessmen's daughters. The nicest people are going to jail!

Josie:
Shall we say grace? Ready? Begin.

Josie, Leonard, Ken:
Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God!

Bartholomew:
You're a bunch of disgusting heathens.

Josie:
How is the dope business? I bet you two meet a lot of mafia celebrities in your line of work.

Leonard:
Oh, sure. Walk into any dealer's pad and there's one dead in the bathtub.

Bartholomew:
It's a good, clean living!