KickOff

Floyd:
You like the feel of a roaring beast between your legs?

Marco:
I wish MY dad would come and watch ME play.

Kingston:
I wish my dad would let me in the house.

Max:
Don't tell me you thought there would be less bitchin' on a gay team.

Max:
You might be more comfortable on here, love.

Benji:
Thanks, but I've already got a boyfriend.

Max:
I'll struggle to restrain myself.

[Archer tears off Kingston's shirt]

Kingston:
Hey, man! What happened to dinner and a movie?

Floyd:
You need to call off your pet chihuahua before I slap the b*tch straight. Ya get me?

Joey:
Least he can remember my bloody name, ya sad, bloody man-slack!

Floyd:
Have I got this right? Our team has just been penalized for gay-bashing?

Archer:
How cool is that?

Marco:
Did you cum?

Kingston:
Well, sort of. But only a little bit.

Donna:
Come on, talk to your Auntie Donna.

Marco:
Dear Auntie Donna, my boyfriend just shagged some tart he doesn't even care about, and now that tart, slash so-called friend, thinks I should have a sense of humor about it. Should I take out a contract or break her legs myself.

Maddox:
So what's it like?

Kingston:
What?

Maddox:
With a girl.

Kingston:
S'all right. It's like driving an automatic when you're use to a gear stick.

Kingston:
Women... men... they're ALL untrustworthy b*tches. Stick to your right hand, mate.

Max:
You kids come from a long line of kings, queens and fierce divas. Now, fix up and take back the bloody game!

Archer:
Joey is not my "piece," thanks. He's my...

Floyd:
Boyfriend?

Archer:
Partner.

Floyd:
You're shaggin', not opening up a restaurant together.

Archer:
Joey is not a queen. I'm not into queens. "Gay" means you're into men. Look, it don't mean we all have to be queens, does it?

Floyd:
It means we can be whatever the f*** we wanna be as far as I'm concerned.

Archer:
Well, if you wanna be a queen, you can be a queen on your own time.

Floyd:
This is my time.

Archer:
Mate, this is soccer. This is lethal, savage caveman sh*t, and queens will not be tolerated. Queens will get a kickin'.

Floyd:
Well, speak for yourself, MATE. This queen DOES the kickin'. It's a new f***in' day, okay?

Max:
It's not good breedin' to give your mother the hairy eyeball, kitten.

Archer:
I say we at least try and establish ourselves as a force to be reckoned with in this league BEFORE we start skippin' about in ballet slippers and blowin' kisses.

Fitz:
What're you lookin' at me for?

Adam:
I'm not lookin' at you. I got a lazy eye.

Adam:
Let's just have a clean game, yeah? No name-callin', no head-buttin', no pullin' knives on people and threatenin' to shank them as they're about to take free kicks.

Fitz:
What chu lookin' at me for?

Adam:
I'm not lookin' at you!

Max:
Now listen, Ephraim.

Elton:
Elton.

Max:
Now, you seem like a nice boy. I'm sure you don't want to get fired on your first day for homophobia.

Elton:
Homophobia?

Max:
I didn't think so. You see, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're a gay team - a VERY gay team - and, so, we're a teensy-weensy bit overcompensating, but you see what we're dealing with, don't you, Ephraim?

Max, Elton:
[together] Elton!

Max:
...the kind of thugs that used to terrorize people like us - and you - in school. I think you know what I mean. And, so, all we're asking, Ephraim...

Elton:
El...

Max:
-ton!... All we're asking for, on... bended knee, is for a fair... crack. Whadda ya say, ref?

Jensen:
Do I look like a junky to you?

Romeo:
You look a bit sick.

Donna:
You're gay!

Fitz:
I could be... for the right girl.

Benji:
We are officially like boyfriends, right?

Floyd:
I've been with ya nearly twelve hours now and you ain't got on me nerves yet. For me that's practically married.