Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

Perry:
Jimmy, I did not become editor of a major newspaper because I can yodel.

Lois Lane:
I only know how to make four things, and this is the only one without chocolate.

Lois Lane:
I win, you lose, we're both happy.

Superman:
You know what's great about you?

Lois Lane:
Sure, but you could repeat it again.

Superman:
Everything.

Lois Lane:
Jimmy, give me back my dress.

Clark Kent:
Now there's something you don't hear around the newsroom everyday.

Tempus:
Oh please, I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric chair, just don't make me listen to this.

Perry:
What in blazes is a Bobby Bigmouth?

[about his break up with Lois]

Clark:
So what are you saying? That I should go crawling back on my hands and knees?

Martha:
No, honey, fly back, it's faster.

Lois Lane:
What do I know? These glasses fooled me for two years. Oh boy, what a dope!

Lois Lane:
Even when a huge part of you didn't make any sense, there was a part deep down that did.

Perry:
Yeah, well, just remember there's no perfect sunsets. There's a little crack in every cloud, but that's what gives you your silver lining.

Jonathan Kent:
Lois, Clark is strong. And I'm not talking about how much he can bench press. He's strong where it counts, and when it counts.

Lois Lane:
And let's get something straight, I did not work my buns off to become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet just to baby-sit some hack from Nowheresville! And another thing, you are not working with me, you are working for me. I call the shots, I ask the questions. You are low man - I am top banana and that's the way I like it, comprende?

Clark Kent:
You like to be on top. Got it.

Lois Lane:
Don't push me Kent, you are way out of your league.

Martha:
So now tell me more about this woman you're going to Lex Luthor's ball with.

Clark:
Lois is... well she's complicated. Domineering, uncompromising, pig headed... brilliant.

Lois Lane:
I still can't believe you came barreling in here like some 500-pound gorilla! If you really thought we were in trouble, why didn't you bring the police?

Clark Kent:
Look...

Lois Lane:
Don't tell me, I already know! You're like every other man in Metropolis! You've got this testosterone surplus that says, "I can do it myself"!

Clark Kent:
Lois, I've somehow managed to...

Lois Lane:
Mess everything up? No kidding!

Jason Trask:
Does Superman have telepathic powers?

Lois Lane:
[blushing] I hope not.

Lois Lane:
Clark, you can do the horizontal rhumba with the entire Met-Net cheerleading squad for all I care, just keep your hands off my copy.

Lois Lane:
Well, what he can't do, it doesn't matter. It's the idea of Superman. Someone to believe in, someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do, that's enough. I just wish that I could tell him that.

Clark:
Lois has a pair of Superman pajamas.

Martha:
You saw Lois in her pajamas?

Clark:
No! Well, yes, but it was an accident, when her robe came undone.

Lois Lane:
Danger is my business.

Lois Lane:
You took advantage of our privileged interview session to steal highly incriminating evidence from an unsuspecting subject... Oh! I love that! Mmmm!

Clark Kent:
I just wanted to say goodbye.

Lois Lane:
Goodbye? We're partners.

Clark Kent:
You don't need a partner Lois, you never did.

Lois Lane:
Well, maybe not, but I was starting to like having one.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] All right, maybe, somewhere very deep inside me is some eensy-weensy, microcosmic - although highly unlikely - possibility that I feel some sort of unmotivated, completely unrealistic attraction to you.

Jimmy:
The name's Olsen, James Olsen.

Clark Kent:
We flip for the bed.

Lois Lane:
How about I get the bed, I lend you a pillow?

Clark Kent:
How about we alternate nights?

Lois Lane:
How about we don't.

Clark Kent:
Well, it's a big bed, how about we share?

Lois Lane:
How about we alternate nights?

Clark Kent:
Deal.

Lois Lane:
Kill or be killed.

Clark Kent:
Lois you're talking about war. This is journalism.

Lois Lane:
See, your problem is you think there's a difference.

Clark Kent:
You are really high maintenance, you know that?

Lois Lane:
But I'm worth it.

Clark Kent:
Well go ahead, I'm waiting.

Lois Lane:
For what?

Clark Kent:
The morality play, the "you should have trusted me and my infallible reporter's instinct' lecture.

Lois Lane:
Clark, you don't need me to remind you of your shortcomings. I would've thought by now they'd be obvious. C'mon, I'm starving and you're buying. And just in case you did miss the moral to the story, thank you, you should trust what's in people's hearts, not just the facts.

Lois Lane:
Tell me the biggest secret you have.

Clark Kent:
What?

Lois Lane:
Tell me the biggest secret you have. Something you'd never reveal to anyone.

Clark Kent:
Why?

Lois Lane:
Because I'm about to tell you mine and I need blackmail material.

Lois Lane:
So you're saying you would never lie to your wife, that's assuming someone would actually be crazy enough to say "I do' to you?

Lois Lane:
I know you may not believe this, but there was a time where I had to be the best at everything.

[talking about Lois]

Jonathan Kent:
Do you love her, son?

Clark:
Yeah, I do.

Jonathan Kent:
Well, then tell her.

Lois Lane:
A lot of people have tried to get me on a couch and after all this time, I don't think I'm going to start with a psychiatrist.

Lois Lane:
You still think I'm crazy?

Clark Kent:
I think you're brilliant. But there is a fine line between brilliance and lunacy.

Lois Lane:
And, guys, try not to let this place fall apart while I'm gone.

Perry White:
Yep, that's our Lois.

Clark Kent:
The genuine article.

Lois Lane:
So, how did I rate as a date?

Clark Kent:
Oh, A-plus.

Lois Lane:
I hung on your arm decoratively.

Clark Kent:
You did.

Lois Lane:
Fawned appropriately.

Clark Kent:
Absolutely.

Lois Lane:
And just faded into the background during your big moment.

Clark Kent:
You were beautiful, yet invisible.

Lois Lane:
Mmm, make me go through another night like that, and I'll rip out your spleen.

Clark Kent:
The point is you are the same reporter you have always been. Hard-working. Dedicated. Maybe a little over the top sometimes. You could use some more vacations. Maybe a semblance of a life...

Lois Lane:
Is this leading anywhere?

Clark Kent:
Lois, you are the best reporter in the city. You always have been and you always will be.

Superman:
Lois, if anyone knows what it's like to be on the outside, I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm out there fighting all alone. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But, then I remember that what I stand for is more important than anything else. Your work is important to the people of Metropolis. You're a brilliant, passionate journalist. Adversity has never stopped you before. Don't let it start now.

Lois Lane:
That's funny. Clark said the same thing.

Superman:
I'm not surprised. Clark is a very smart guy.

Perry:
Real nice kid, millionaire by the time he was your age.

Jimmy:
Yeah, well I had the mumps in sixth grade, kind of slowed me down.

Edwin Griffin:
I'm "colon" you back.

Lois Lane:
Well, that's a terrific reason to get married, to avoid harassment.

Lois Lane:
What'd ya open the door for?

Clark Kent:
I don't know. I thought maybe for a moment there, maybe... .

Lois Lane:
What? You were gonna stick your foot out and drag it along the street and stop the car?

Clark Kent:
[shrug] Hmm.

Lois Lane:
You've been watching too many Flintstones cartoons.

Victor:
If you don't mind my saying so, I think you have great legs. I think I read somewhere that intelligent men are leg-men. Only b*obs are interested in, well, you know. Anyway, I think you have very shapely legs. They're like two perfectly-formed carrots.

Lois Lane:
[sarcastically] Stop. You're embarrassing me.

[later... after kicking the bad guy]

Lois Lane:
You're right, Victor, I do have great legs.

Lois Lane:
You know, it's true what they say - love stinks.

Lois Lane:
Well, I think we've finally found the absolute bottom of Metropolis.

Clark Kent:
Why is it that the guys who call in with tips always live in the worst part of town?

Lois Lane:
What do you think the brochure on this place would say? Exquisite alley view, complimentary roaches on your pillow?

Lois Lane:
Clark, I don't want to die.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I would not let that happen.

Jimmy:
How could you see that from all the way over there?

Clark:
I have a... really strong prescription.

Clark Kent:
I shouldn't have lost my temper.

Lois Lane:
Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every... what?

Clark Kent:
Three, four minutes.

Lois Lane:
Well, I like my quirks. I think they make me unique.

Clark Kent:
You certainly are unique.

Clark:
People can have two sides to their personalities. Lois, believe me, I know.

[talking about Lois]

Perry:
I worry when she gets that look in her eye.

Lois Lane:
I know our relationship has always been difficult to define, but, when I thought about how much I missed you, how much I was going to miss you for the rest of my life, well, I started to think, maybe there's more to our relationship than just friendship.

[seeing him asleep]

Lois Lane:
Or, maybe not.

Lois Lane:
What kind of person keeps a body frozen in a glass case?

Clark Kent:
Somebody who's having a hard time getting a date?

Lois Lane:
Well, you two are invited to my house for Christmas dinner tonight.

Perry White:
Well that sure beats the soup kitchen.

Lois Lane:
Don't get your hopes too high.

Lois Lane:
Clark! You came. Why aren't you in Smallville with your folks?

Clark Kent:
Oh, uh... my plane got snowed in.

Lois Lane:
It did? But it's not snowing... Oh! You are the best!

Lois Lane:
Here's some oatmeal if you want.

Clark Kent:
Did you make it?

Lois Lane:
Yeah. You probably don't believe that.

[he looks at the drippy oatmeal]

Clark Kent:
No, I believe it.

[talking about Superman]

Lois Lane:
Does he think that because he couldn't defeat some robot that that changes the way I feel about him? Clark, that's not what attracts me. It's his intelligence and caring. He's... he has integrity and an innate goodness. I mean, he's a lot like you.

Emmet Vale:
We'll just put the word out on the street that we need a donor.

Rollie:
Emmet, we're scientists, we don't know anybody "on the street".

Superman:
Lois, I want you to know that I think what you did for Clark showed incredible bravery.

Lois Lane:
It was nothing.

Superman:
Was it?

Lois Lane:
I guess not. I guess there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

Perry:
I invented the word "hot-shot.'

Superman:
I really do believe that we're all put here on this earth, or whatever planet we're put on, to do better than we think we can. To be kind, helpful, generous, and forgiving.

Clark Kent:
Why do you suppose someone would kidnap Bender?

Lois Lane:
Can't be for money. Who would pay ransom for a lawyer?

[talking about Lois and Clark's first date]

Bobby Bigmouth:
So you two excited?

Clark Kent:
Bobby, we didn't come here to talk about...

Bobby Bigmouth:
I want you to know how happy I am for you and that there are a lot of people out there that are really pulling for this to work out.

Lois Lane:
What people?

Bobby Bigmouth:
What, you think it's a big secret that Clark here has been mooning over you?

Clark Kent:
Well, I wouldn't say mooning exactly.

Clark Kent:
You were trying to say something and I... I...

Lois Lane:
Had a sudden urge to return a tape. It's perfectly understandable. I needed to express a deep personal feeling. You had to save three dollars.

Clark Kent:
Lois. You know, I really hope that someday you learn that sometimes what it seems like people are doing isn't really what they're doing.

Lois Lane:
What are you, a fortune cookie?

Lois Lane:
I like your new glasses.

Clark Kent:
Thanks.

Lois Lane:
Did you ever think of getting contacts?

Clark Kent:
No.

Lois Lane:
It's the not first time I've bent the law for a story, but I did feel bad because, after I finished rationalizing it, I realized that a big part of why I did it is because I don't like you.

Mayson Drake:
Really? Oh, god, that is such a relief. I don't like you either.

Lois Lane:
Really?

Mayson Drake:
Really.

Lois Lane:
Well, that makes me feel so much better. I couldn't stand the idea that I was just jealous because of Clark. It's so...

Mayson Drake:
Petty. I know. I mean it feels so much better just to...

Lois Lane:
To just dislike you because... you're you.

Superman:
Are you all right?

Lois Lane:
You seem to ask me that a lot lately.

Superman:
People try to kill you a lot.

[talking about Lois]

Jimmy:
You know something CK? She's a class act.

Clark:
I've always thought so.

Perry:
Great shades of Elvis!

Clark:
Don't threaten me, Doctor. You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Clark Kent:
Why wouldn't the Chief want us to tell Jimmy that he said that?

Lois Lane:
It's one of those father/son things.

Clark Kent:
Oh, really?

Lois Lane:
Sure, it's classic. Men are uncomfortable expressing their emotions directly. It's just like the father/daughter thing, only, when you finally do talk, you use more sports metaphors.

Clark Kent:
Ha, that's ridiculous.

[Perry sticks his head out of his office]

Perry White:
Clark, if Jimmy calls, tell him I know it feels like the bottom of the ninth with two outs and two strikes against him but that the Planet is gonna mount a full-court press, and we won't stop until it's game, set, match, Olsen.

Mayson Drake:
Stop the presses! I've always wanted to say that in a newsroom.

Lois Lane:
Nobody ever says that, you know. It's just on television.

Mayson Drake:
Well, sure, but it still felt good.

Clark Kent:
Uh, Lois, could you hand me a nail file?

Lois Lane:
Why do men always assume that women have nail files with them?

Clark Kent:
I'm sorry, but do you have a nail file?

Lois Lane:
Actually, I do, but only because it's part of my pocket knife.

Mrs. McCarthy:
They were pen pals.

Clark:
They wrote to each other?

Mrs. McCarthy:
Heavens no! They met in the pen.

Frank James:
Jesse, it happens to every man once in a while.

Jesse James:
Not to me.

Frank James:
Look, it's not your fault. His was just plain bigger.

Jesse James:
Size never made no difference before.

Frank James:
You gotta get your mind off this, Jesse, or it could affect your future performance.

Sarah:
You know I could tell a lot about you from the way you organize your kitchen. I'm taking this course in applied psychology.

Lois Lane:
Sarah, I told you not to analyze me.

Sarah:
Oh, right. That's exactly what I would have said about you from the way you organize your kitchen.

Dr. Friskin:
Do you have a girlfriend right now?

Superman:
Yes. No. It's kind of complicated. I haven't exactly told her everything about me, and I'm afraid that that is, well, it's making her drift toward this other guy.

Dr. Friskin:
Does he have superpowers too?

Superman:
You know, people who love each other are supposed to be kind to each other.

[Clark tries to apologize after he just ran out on Lois. So she starts to mock him]

Lois Lane:
No, don't say a word. Allow me. "Lois, I can explain. I suddenly remembered that I had to get my mother's sister's poodle's hair cut, and so you can see why I had to leave you in the middle of our date with your thumb in your ear. But I'm sure you'll understand."

Lois Lane:
So basically what you're saying is, all my life I've attracted men that are controlling, incomplete, or downright liars because... because...

Dr. Friskin:
Keep going.

Lois Lane:
Because that's how I want to be treated? But if I want that kind of man, and I get that kind of man, why am I not happy?

Dr. Friskin:
You like chocolate, right?

Lois Lane:
How come everybody knows that?

Dr. Friskin:
But you know it's not good for you, and the older and wiser we get, the less tolerance we have for something that's not good for us. You're not a victim, Lois, so stop acting like one. You know who you want to be with, you've known all along. The problem is, he's just as scared as you are. So, who's going to be the first to step up and say the scary words?

Lois Lane:
How come you don't ask the simple questions?

Dr. Friskin:
I would... if I knew the easy answers.

Lois Lane:
He doesn't love you, Elise. You can tell when a man loves you by the way he treats you, by the way he looks at you, by the way...

Elise Carr:
Look, Ms. Lane, if you've found the perfect man, then I'm happy for you.

Lois Lane:
No, he's about as far from perfect as you get, but I'll tell you the difference between him and Calvin. I know that he wants my happiness more than his own.

Superman:
But, when I save a life, in that instant, I know two things that most people will never figure out: Why I'm here, and how I can make a difference.

Lois Lane:
I just want one man. One whole man. Is that too much to ask for? And what do I have to chose from? I have one guy whose really wonderful, only he disappears every time I try and talk to him. And one guy whose really exciting to be with, only he won't talk to me about his work. What are people supposed to talk about if they won't talk about what they did all day? And one guy who is out of this world- - - literally.

Dr. Friskin:
I thought you'd given up the Superman fantasy?

Lois Lane:
My head has but you know, my heart is just... conflicted.

[talking about Clark]

Martha:
Jonathan, of course he was acting odd, haven't you been listening to him? He's in love.

Lois Lane:
[Lois, Clark, Perry, Lex Luthor and Jack are all being held hostage in the Daily Planet building] Jimmy... Jimmy, he could save us!

Perry White:
Ah, come on, Jimmy couldn't save baseball cards.

Lois Lane:
Threatening gifts... weird frogs... my fiance's typhoon fighting in India... It's not even 8 o'clock, what's next?

Ellen Lane:
Lois, I'm not coming to your wedding.

Lois Lane:
You see, Clark, there is no such thing as an invisible man.

Clark Kent:
[after Lois walks away, a bit sadly] Yes, there is, Lois.

Federal Agent:
[arriving at a crime scene after Superman and Lois, pulling a gun and pointing it at Superman] Don't move!

Superman:
New in town?

Lois Lane:
[Lois has witnessed a murder and has been receiving threats] I do not need a bodyguard and even if I did, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you would not be my first choice. [walks away]

Clark Kent:
[smiles to himself realizing who her first choice would be] Thank you. I take that as a compliment.

Lois Lane:
We need to talk to Superman, and the only way I can ever get his attention is to fall out a window, which I'd rather not do right now, or tell you. So, here I am.

Clark Kent:
You know, I'll be right back. I forgot my mail downstairs.

Lois Lane:
Clark, this is important. You can get your mail later.

Clark Kent:
Yeah, but I'm expecting my, uh... cheese-of-the-month shipment. I'll be right back.

Lois Lane:
Everything is fine. Except, I'm in a cage, in a bunker, underneath a mausoleum, in a cemetery, and nobody knows I'm here except a bunch of very strange people

Dr. Gretchen Kelly:
Maybe you'd like your teeth rearranged.

Lois Lane:
You can try, Brunhilda.

Lois Lane:
[to Ms. Venom] Listen, if you can remember that name, I'll try and talk Clark here into letting you tattoo the Battle of Midway on his chest.

Lois Lane:
What kind of a person keeps a body frozen in a glass case?

Clark Kent:
Somebody who's having a really hard time getting a date?

Superman:
[to Resplendant Man] You will take this to heart. You will memorize it. You will live it: the strong do not exploit weak; the powerful do not attack defenseless; and you do not use your x-ray vision to spy on women in a locker room!

Superman:
Sir, please. Listen to me. Life is a very precious gift. Every new day that we're alive is another chance to be the best we can be.

William Wallace Webster Waldecker:
Oh, please! What would you know about it, Mister "Nothing can hurt me, I don't need money to live"? And didn't anybody ever tell you that two primary colors just do not work together?

Garret Grady:
Are you sure this is gonna work?

Peters:
Oh, yes, it's a time honored tradition. We hold his woman captive and threaten to kill her if he doesn't do our bidding.

Garret Grady:
Peters, just simply having The Annihilator operational, that's not enough to ensure world peace, the public has to see it in action, have to see what it's capable of by vaporizing, say, West Virginia.

Peters:
But, sir, people live in West Virginia! Americans!

Garret Grady:
Exactly! When the world sees what The Annihilator can do, nations will beat their swords into ploughshares, and mankind will live in perfect, blessed brotherhood, or I will blast the hell out of them!

Penny Barnes:
I can't wait to see you in your blue suit again. [walks away]

Jimmy Olsen:
I don't even own a blue suit, but I'll definitely get one.

Penny Barnes:
What's it like being you? So brave. So fearless. So lonely? [kisses him]

Jimmy Olsen:
It's hell.

Penny Barnes:
Oh, Superman.

Lois Lane:
[after Lex offers her a place in his bunker] Lex, why me?

Lex Luthor:
Because I care. And because I must admit, that three years will be a long time without...companionship.

Superman:
This will work.

Lois Lane:
That's a relief. Why are you so sure?

Superman:
Because it has to.

Clark Kent:
[after Lois pushed him into someone else so that she could file a story first] Ahem, was that really necessary?

Lois Lane:
Kill or be killed.

Clark Kent:
You're talking about war, Lois. This is journalism.

Lois Lane:
See, your problem is you still think there's a difference.

Clark Kent:
[about Lois] I don't know whether she is more upset about the asteroid hitting Earth, or the fact that Superman is missing.

Jonathan Kent:
Superman isn't missing.

Clark Kent:
Sure he is. No one can find him.

Jonathan Kent:
[to Clark who has forgotten that he's Superman] This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you, believe me.

[hits Clark in the chest with a baseball bat]

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] Superman put it all on the line. Twice. You, you fall into garbage cans in the dark.

Doctor:
Clark is suffering from the Superman complex.

Doctor:
[on Clark who has amnesia] It will come back to him in time, just be patient with him.

Inspector Henderson:
That's asking a lot, doc.

Lois Lane:
I can be patient.

Mystique:
Often the recently dead are rattled by the experience.

Lois Lane:
I love you. [Clark looks at her] [awkwardly] As, a brother, I mean.

Clark Kent:
That I'm starting to remember.

[Lois doesn't see Clark sneeze, blowing it into a fire hydrant]

Lois Lane:
One thing you have to learn right away is that Metro cabbies cannot drive. Never trust them.

Lois Lane:
The way you just touched me...

Lois Lane:
If anything happens, tell Clark that I love him.

Superman:
He knows, but I'll tell him.

[Clark decides to tell Lois that he is Superman so he is practicing]

Clark Kent:
Lois, there's something I want to tell you. I'm Superman... uh... Hey, did you ever notice how Superman and I look kind of alike? Well, it's funny that you should say that because... um... Hey, guess what? I'm Superman... humm... Lois, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, and before out relationship goes any future, it's important that you know that I'm...

[Lois walks in]

Lois Lane:
What are you doing?

[Clark decides to tell Lois that he is Superman]

Clark Kent:
Lois, I've got something I want to tell you.

Lois Lane:
It's not good news, is it?

Clark Kent:
Well, I don't know, maybe.

Lois Lane:
No. It's not. I can tell by your face.

Clark Kent:
Lois, maybe you'd better sit down.

Lois Lane:
Oh yeah, this is good news.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I'm Super...

[telephone rings]

Perry White:
Hey Jimmy, that dress Lois has on, didn't she have that on yesterday?

Jimmy Olsen:
I don't know.

Perry White:
Now, Jimmy, if you want to be a newspaperman you gotta be observant. Now, doesn't Clark look a little... haggard to you?

Jimmy Olsen:
Yeah.

Perry White:
You know, like he's been up all night worrying about something. Like a dog trapped in a cage?

Jimmy Olsen:
Yeah, I guess.

Perry White:
You know what I think?

Jimmy Olsen:
What?

Perry White:
I think they eloped.

Perry White:
Do you ever get the impression that we'll never know everything that's going on with those two?

Jimmy Olsen:
Chief.

Perry White:
Yeah?

Jimmy Olsen:
Instead of always standing around watching Lois and Clark, wondering what they're doing, we get to get lives of our own that are little more interesting.

Perry White:
Son, you just hit the bull's eye. It's like we're supporting characters in some t.v. show and it's only about them.

Jimmy Olsen:
Yeah! It's like all we do is advance their plots.

Perry White:
To tell you the truth, I'm sick of it.

Jimmy Olsen:
Man, me too!

Jason T. Mayzik:
You must be very pleased, now that Lois Lane is dead.

Nigel St. John:
Yes, it would warm my heart... if I had one.

Lois Lane:
Clark, you were in the middle of telling me something!

Clark Kent:
Was I?

Lois Lane:
Yes! You said, "Lois, I'm super..."

Clark Kent:
Lois...I'm super late for an appointment.

Clark Kent:
Lois, will you... [downpour of rain starts] Come on! Give me a break!

Lois Lane:
[laughing] Do you want to go back inside?

Clark Kent:
If the Earth opened up at my feet, I wouldn't move until I had said this. Lois, will you marry me?

Jack:
[to Luthor] Who died and made you king?

Lex Luthor:
Is that Krytonite in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Lois Lane:
Let me just put on a robe.

Superman:
Unless it's lead lined, it's a waste of time.

Jack:
Well, I guess it's back to a life of crime for me. [everyone looks at him] What? It's nice to have something to fall back on.

Lois Lane:
Did any part of meeting up with your roots feel good? I mean, was it satisfying in any way or was it a disappointment to you?

Clark Kent:
Maybe all of those. I kept waiting for this incredible feeling of connection. You know, like I was exactly where I belong and that's only happened to me once in my life.

Lois Lane:
When?

Clark Kent:
The day I met you.

Lois Lane:
For a spaceman, you're the most romantic person I know.

Clark Kent:
The more I try to be Kal-El, the more I know that I am Clark.

Drull:
Citizen's committee's drawn up a petition. They demand more food and water for the people.

Lord Nor:
Oh, that's only fair. Kill the committee, and distribute their portion among the rest. [pause] Leadership is problem solving.

Colonel Cash:
We got a wacko Martian on our hands, and he's got to be taken out!

Trey, Ching:
Martian?!

Colonel Cash:
A generic term for anyone who's never had a Big Mac.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I'm gonna beat this guy Nor. And then the Kryptonians can go back, and they can solve their own problems. And faster than a speeding bullet, you and I are gonna get married.

Clark Kent:
It's not me who kept you from the throne. It's the law of your own people.

Lord Nor:
On the contrary, the law of my people will place me on the throne! You are under arrest.

Clark Kent:
Under arrest? For what?

Martha Kent:
He hasn't done anything.

Jonathan Kent:
You're the one who's breaking the law.

Lois Lane:
You hired an assassin to kill him. Is that legal?

Lord Nor:
Excuse me, do any of you hold Kryptonian law degrees?

Lois Lane:
No.

Lord Nor:
Then shut up!

Jonathan Kent:
A love that risks nothing is worth nothing.

Superman:
Emerson said, "Self-trust is the essence of heroism." Inside each of you is a hero. And so, I leave knowing that a world full of heroes has nothing to fear.

Lois Lane:
You're asking me to sacrifice everything for a world I'll never see.

Sarah:
I'm asking you to save a world that's robbing us both of the men we love.

Clark Kent:
I've loved you from the beginning.

Lois Lane:
And I'll love you to the end.

Lt. Ching:
I have possibly underestimated you, Lois. If I've seemed unkind, understand that carving out a homeland in a hostile universe leaves us very little time in our lives for kindness, or love.

Lois Lane:
Lieutenant, without kindness, what is your homeland worth? And without love, what are your lives worth?

Superman:
Deathstroke.

Deathstroke:
Superman.

Lois Lane:
Carol.

Carol Stanford:
Lois.

Lois Lane:
Bob.

Deathstroke:
[whispers to Carol] She recognizes me!

Carol Stanford:
[whispers back] I've always said that glasses weren't a good enough disguise.

Lois Lane:
Oh, I get it. These aren't really street people. They're undercover bodyguards?

Denzler:
No, they're street people.

Lois Lane:
Well, where is your security?

Denzler:
Our security is only hiring people we can trust.

Lois Lane:
But you don't trust anybody.

Denzler:
Exactly.

Denzler:
Is anyone in your life familiar with the use of plastique, AK-47s, strychnine, or similar explosives, weapons, or poisons?

Lois Lane:
Only my mother.

Grant Gendell:
Ha ha ha! I do like this girl!

Denzler:
Yes. Are you now, or have you ever been employed by Gendell Technologies or any of it's subsidiaries?

Lois Lane:
No.

Denzler:
Or are you acquainted with any employee, past or present?

Lois Lane:
Not until today.

Denzler:
Aha!

Grant Gendell:
She means you, you idiot!

Grant Gendell:
Have you been to a foreign country in the last 7 months?

Lois Lane:
Does New Jersey count?

Dr. Klein:
What I'm about to tell you is off the record... for now.

Clark Kent:
Ok.

Dr. Klein:
Normally, we could handle this ourselves, but... You see anybody standing next to me?

Clark Kent:
No.

Dr. Klein:
That's because there isn't anybody. They fired my partner. They fired everybody's partner. Took away my car with all the cool stuff in it. Had an ejection seat, you know? A real one.

Clark Kent:
I'm real sorry about that Pete.

Dr. Klein:
Budget cuts.

Lois Lane:
[while in bed] Wow!

Clark Kent:
I know.

Lois Lane:
That was...

Clark Kent:
I mean...

Lois Lane:
Exactly. The only thing I'd like more is...

Clark Kent:
More?

Lois Lane:
Yes.

Clark Kent:
We could still make those reservations in Hawaii.

Lois Lane:
We are not leaving this room.

Lois Lane:
How are we going to make it through the day? You'd think after two weeks...

Clark Kent:
No, we waited so much longer than two weeks.

Lois Lane:
So was it worth it then? The wait, I mean.

Clark Kent:
Lois, it was perfect. It was better than perfect. At least, it was for me.

Lois Lane:
Clark, it was super!

Perry White:
Jimmy! Where in the Sam Hill have you been, son?

Jimmy Olsen:
I'm not sure...

Clark Kent:
Jimmy, are you all right?

Jimmy Olsen:
Yeah, I'm - I'm fine, CK. ... I seem to recall a woman, tall... and rubber gloves.

Perry White:
[exchanges a glance with Clark] That's probably more information than we needed to know, son. Everybody deals with grief in their own way.

Jimmy Olsen:
She made me see lights.

Perry White:
I'm sure she did, son.

Lois Lane:
So are you saying Superman won't age?

Dr. Klein:
No, of course he will. He's not immortal.

Lois Lane:
Well, so he will age, but just not like you or me?

Dr. Klein:
Well, it's all speculation, you understand, but I think it's safe to say, that long after you and I are dead and gone, Superman will still be in his prime, fighting for truth, justice...

Lois Lane:
And the American way.

Lois Lane:
Why is so much of your work focused on youth?

Dr. Vita Duetsen:
[laughing cynically] You're a woman, you should know. Oh, but then you're still young and vivacious. Probably never occurs to you one day those pimply faced box boys at the supermarket won't be in such a hurry to carry your bag for you.

Lois Lane:
Well, I carry my own bags. And I'm married.

Lois Lane:
A mild mannered reporter really a superhero? Clark, come on.

Jimmy Olsen:
Guilt; the kung-fu of emotions.

Lois Lane:
Excuse me, Lois Lane here. Remember me? Award-winning investigative reporter, emphasis on investigative, specializing in covert break-ins.

Perry White:
Lois, you may not go on this mission.

Lois Lane:
Well, what am I supposed to do, sit here knitting, waiting for the hunter-gatherers to return?

Perry White:
Clark, explain it to her, will you?

Clark Kent:
Chief, have you heard the expression "pulling a Schultz?"

Perry White:
Ah, Hogan's Heroes. I know nothing.

Clark Kent:
I see nothing.

Perry White:
I hear nothing.

Police Detective:
This hooded figure, did you get a look at his face?

Perry White:
[pause] He was wearing a hood.

Clark Kent:
Dad, what happened to this shirt?

Jonathan Kent:
What do you mean?

Clark Kent:
It was white.

Jonathan Kent:
I just washed it. It should be clean.

Clark Kent:
Well, it's clean, Dad. Only now it's pink. You didn't wash this with my cape, did you?

Jonathan Kent:
Can't you fix it with your heat vision or something?

Clark Kent:
Dad, there's no superpower on Earth that can get this out!

[after hugging Lois who is disguised as a man]

Perry White:
[to a passerby] It's a girl! Ok, it's a girl!

Martha Kent:
All this garlic gives me gas.

Clark Kent:
Mom! We're in front of company.

Martha Kent:
Oh, sorry, Lois. She's family.

Clark Kent:
Lois, the best day in my life was the day you found out that I'm Superman. It meant no more secrets. I'm done hiding things from you.

The Real Anonymous:
[as her attorney] The test will either show that Superman is the father or not.

Leigh-Anne Stipanovic:
And how is that last one a good thing?

The Real Anonymous:
Oh, well, I will bring in opposing experts to argue that the DNA tests are inconclusive, or contaminated, or the result of tampering, or part of a conspiracy.

Leigh-Anne Stipanovic:
Is that legal?

The Real Anonymous:
My dear, it's the backbone of the entire legal system. But we won't have to worry about that, will we. Because the little tyke is the son of Superman, isn't he?

Leigh-Anne Stipanovic:
Of course, yeah. It-it's just that my family doesn't do so well on tests.

Lois Lane:
You are aware that there is a chance Superman didn't do this.

Perry White:
Now, Lois, you and I have been newspeople long enough to know, that if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, tastes good with plum sauce, it is a duck.

Lois Lane:
Do you know how many toddlers can balance a sofa on their pinky finger?

Lois Lane:
You don't have any really *big* surprises do you?

Clark Kent:
Did I mention the flying?

Lois Lane:
I only marry men who fly.

Clark Kent:
Mayson likes me, Clark, but she hates Superman. Which is kinda confusing because Lois loves Superman but only likes Clark. Mayson likes Clark, but in a different way than Lois, and Mayson hates Superman in a way that's different from anybody.

Martha Kent:
Oh, Clark, I've been afraid something like this was going to happen.

Clark Kent:
What?

Martha Kent:
You're beginning to talk about yourself in the third person.

Clark Kent:
I shouldn't have lost my temper.

Lois Lane:
Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every...what?

Clark Kent:
Three, four minutes.

Perry White:
[referring to Jimmy's girlfriend] Well, son, can I meet her?

Jimmy Olsen:
Oh, sure, chief. Just hop a plane to Switzerland. That's where her new boyfriend lives. The one who cheered her up while I was ignoring her.

Perry White:
Jimmy, you know what a man needs at a time like this?

Jimmy Olsen:
A baseball bat and an alibi?

Jonathan Kent:
Martha, the boy has two gorgeous women running after him. This does not rate high on the list of world problems.

Clark Kent:
That's true, but let's not forget that Mayson may be an agent of Intergang.

Jonathan Kent:
Well, nobody's perfect, son.

Clark Kent:
You know, if anyone's blind around here, it's you!

Lois Lane:
What's that supposed to mean?

Mayson Drake:
[to Clark about Superman] Oh look, I know he's a friend of yours, and no one can deny he's done a lot of really good things, but you're ten times the man he is! I mean, you're an ordinary guy, you're getting ready to stand up to this huge criminal organization. That takes guts. I'd like to see Superman try that without his cape on.

Martin Snell:
Face it, you've got your little red shorts caught in a bad combo of high tech and close friends. Even you can't be in two places at once - but our bullets can. So... where does that leave us?

Superman:
Let's ask the D.A.

Martin Snell:
Oh sure, you can take me in. You're Superman, and I'm just a guy from Paramus. [Superman looks puzzled] New Jersey.

Clark Kent:
I have to go.

Lois Lane:
Where?

Clark Kent:
You guys stay here, it won't take long.

Lois Lane:
What won't take long?

Clark Kent:
The thing that I have to do, in the place that I'll be back from in just one second. [runs out of the room]

Mayson Drake:
Does he do that a lot?

Lois Lane:
Constantly.

Clark Kent:
Your plan worked.

Lois Lane:
My plan worked. I love saying that!

Perry White:
Superman, did you just save me from something?

Superman:
Yeah.

Perry White:
Do I wanna know about it?

Superman:
No.

Superman:
[fighting with a gang while disguised as a cop] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you. Do you understand these rights as I have just explained them to you? [criminal groans]

Mike Lane:
Officer, that sounds like a yes.

Superman:
I'm gonna go call for...uh...

Mike Lane:
Back-up?

Silhouette Cop:
[after remaining in shadows for their whole conversation] You didn't say if you liked my new mustache.

Superman:
[after Mayson insults him] This just hasn't been my day.

Mayson Drake:
[about Superman] He's a lot shorter in person than you'd think.

Jimmy Olsen:
Does this mean I have to buy a tie?

Bill Church:
New item we're thinking of carrying in the stores. The Swing King. Guaranteed to improve your putting for 49 bucks. [misses his put] Well, 39.

Lois Lane:
Whatever you do in your own time is...

Clark Kent:
Yeah?

Lois Lane:
Whatever you do.

Clark Kent:
It was one of those things that sounded good at the time, but once I got in the elevator, I didn't know what it meant.

Martha Kent:
Freud would say, " It's a subconscious desire in search of a context." And Jung would dismiss it as an anger induced synaptic anomaly.

Jonathan Kent:
Adult education. It's a beautiful thing.

Mayson Drake:
I don't know who to trust anymore.

Lois Lane:
Seems to be going around these days.

Lois Lane:
Careful, that sounds like the bug that bit me. Still hurts. [Clark catches the bug] Nice get!

Clark Kent:
I'm gonna go let it out the window.

Lois Lane:
What all of a sudden, you're a Buddhist?

Martin Snell:
Mayson, is the good little girl crossing over to the bad side of the street?

Martin Snell:
Your Honor, it's clear to me that the voice on that recording is that of an actor hired to impersonate me.

Judge:
Really? I'd love to hear his Brando.

Perry White:
I neglected to tell you that love is most like a big casino: flashing lights, free drinks, Wayne Newton.

Perry White:
[while dancing] I must warn you. I dip suddenly and I dip deeply.

Lois Lane:
[laughing] I'll stay alert.

Lois Lane:
I didn't even know you could dance.

Superman:
This isn't dancing.

Lois Lane:
It's not?

Superman:
This is. [starts to rise and dance in midair]

Mayson Drake:
I'd like to see if you're willing to testify against Baby Rage.

Baby Rage:
[yelling while struggling with two cops] I'm not telling you nothing unless I see my lawyer.

Clark Kent:
Baby Rage? I wonder why they call him that.

Clark Kent:
Let me throw on a shirt real quick.

Mayson Drake:
No! I-I mean you don't have to.

Clark Kent:
[to Lois] [groans] You have that "I have a plan" look in your eyes.

Bill Church:
Don't walk in here with excuses that will upset my doctor.

Martin Snell:
The plan's just gone online. You say "Go" and everything's in play.

Bill Church:
So go already!

Martin Snell:
Are we clear?

Superman:
On one thing. This is *not* over.

Clark Kent:
Even *I* can't outfly a microwave!

Star:
Lois, if you're willing to risk your life for work, why not risk your life for love?

Lois Lane:
[standing outside an executive's office] Do you hear anything?

Clark Kent:
They're out of three-hole paper.

Lois Lane:
[to the newsroom] If you want some entertainment, turn on the TV!

Perry White:
[to Lois] Hey, that's a nice hairdo, Tinkerbell.

Lois Lane, Clark Kent:
Jimmy!

Jimmy Olsen:
Hey, guys, Luis in research can only go so fast.

Lois Lane:
Forget the books. Call the cops and see...

Clark Kent:
...if there was another robbery yesterday...

Lois Lane:
...at exactly 3:00, particularly at a...

Clark Kent:
...high tech firm. Ask for everything...

Lois Lane:
...they've got.

Jimmy Olsen:
[smiling] Did you guys practice that?

Lois Lane:
Haha

Lois Lane, Clark Kent:
GO!

Star:
Is there anything else you can remember, anything else important?

Clark Kent:
[under hypnosis] Yes. His secretary had the most beautiful body in the world.

Lois Lane:
What?!

Clark Kent:
Next to Lois.

[after hypnotizing Clark to help him remember something he saw]

Star:
What's your name?

Clark Kent:
Kal-El.

Lois Lane:
[laughs nervously] This guy. He can joke even under hypnosis.

Superman:
Even *I* can't outfly a microwave!

State Trooper:
[Lois is hiding in a cupboard from the cops, getting soaked by a dripping roof] Was that a creak?

Clark Kent:
Was what a creak?

State Trooper:
Thought I heard a creak.

Clark Kent:
I didn't hear a creak.

State Trooper:
Could swear I heard a creak.

Clark Kent:
Wasn't a creak.

State Trooper:
No-o creak.

Clark Kent:
[Lois creaks again and the cop just looks at Clark] No-o creak at all.

Clark Kent:
[going over a list of people who would set up Lois] Five people threatened to sue you.

Lois Lane:
That's not so awful.

Clark Kent:
Two hundred threatened to kill you.

Lois Lane:
Oh...

Professor Jefferson Cole:
[when told by Sheila that she's having doubts about her role in framing Lois] And you can't feel guilt. I hired you because you're completely immoral.

Sheila Danko:
Yeah, well I never got anyone killed before!

Professor Jefferson Cole:
No? Well, I did. If you even think of breathing a word of this to anyone you'll be just another head on my wall.

Sheila Danko:
You have heads?!

Professor Jefferson Cole:
I speak metaphorically

Professor Jefferson Cole:
[speaking into recorder] Memo to self: Kudos are in order. I could win a Nobel Prize. If they ever add that Atrocities category.

Clark Kent:
Remember that TV show, The Fugitive? Richard Kimble was the fugitive. He was wrongly convicted, and he escaped to prove his innocence, and eventually he did.

Lois Lane:
How long did it take?

Clark Kent:
I think the show ran for 4 years.

Lois Lane:
I didn't even pack a toothbrush.

Lois Lane:
So, now they're gonna be watching the skies too.

Clark Kent:
I knew they would be. That's why we're not flying.

Lois Lane:
But couldn't you fly fast enough to be almost invisible?

Clark Kent:
Yeah, but you'd be vaporized.

Lois Lane:
Vaporized. That would be bad.

Superman:
Dr. Klein, I need to see you.

Dr. Klein:
You just saw me.

Superman:
No, I didn't.

Dr. Klein:
Yes, you did.

Superman:
Where did I see you?

Dr. Klein:
You know.

Superman:
No, I don't.

Dr. Klein:
You don't know?

Superman:
I have no idea.

Dr. Klein:
You and I didn't just go on a secret mission?

Superman:
No.

Dr. Klein:
We didn't remove the hybrid kryptonite?

Superman:
No.

Dr. Klein:
We didn't take it to safe keeping?

Superman:
No.

Dr. Klein:
Superman, forgive me, but you're losing it, my boy.

Dr. Klein:
If you didn't tell me to, who did?

Superman:
A hallucination.

Dr. Klein:
But that's completely unauthorized.

Superman:
Yes, it is. And I have a feeling that right now that hybrid kryptonite is in the hands of Jefferson Cole.

Dr. Klein:
I hope not. He's insane. I'd like a cocktail now.

Clark Kent:
Something is happening.

Lois Lane:
Hey! Maybe it's Bad Brain! Can I go?

Clark Kent:
No!

Lois Lane:
Oh, come on Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I'm gonna go.

Clark Kent:
Then why ask?

Lois Lane:
Trying to be nice.

Lois Lane:
You gave up everything in your life, for me

Superman:
Without you it wouldn't have been a life.

Clark Kent:
[seeing his Superman suit almost destroyed] My mom's gonna kill me.

Clark Kent:
[in Lois' Bond-esque dream] The name is Man. Superman.

Bad Brain Johnson:
We wouldn't be discussing Klutz Kent, Nosy Lane and Super Duper, now, would we?

[in Lois' Bond-esque fantasy]

Clark Kent:
In future years, Miss Goodbottom, when I'm doing a series of successful sequels and you've gone on to relative obscurity... Remember at this moment I was only thinking of you.

Lex Luthor:
Loose lips sink ships.

Lex Luthor:
Lest you forget, Kent, she was once my intended. The fact that I knew some aspects of her and you others, can be an asset to our search.

Clark Kent:
Where'd you last see her?

Lex Luthor:
Outside a bank. She'd just kicked me in the jaw.

Clark Kent:
[grins in spite of himself] That's Lois.

Lex Luthor:
She's an amazing woman. I've never known anyone like her.

Clark Kent:
Fearless.

Lex Luthor:
Stupidly so, at times.

Clark Kent:
I try to get her to take it easy, but...

Lex Luthor:
She won't listen. And yet, when she's sad, and she cries...

Clark Kent:
You wanna die.

Lex Luthor:
Tell me about it.

Lois Clone:
You're ignoring me. I hate that.

Superman:
[trying to control his temper] I'm not ignoring you. I just had some lives to save.

Lois Clone:
You never have time for me! Maybe I should just move to L.A. and become a super model.

Superman:
That's not true. I always have time for you. [hears a distant cry for help] Except now.

Lex Luthor:
Look. I wrote the checks that got you made. I am God. And God can smite you down.

Lois Clone:
What's "smite" mean?

Lois Lane:
You can give yourself up, and finish your time.

Lex Luthor:
I was doing a double life sentence.

Lois Lane:
You can catch up on your reading.

Mr. Smith:
I don't care what anybody says - nobody wrote an opera like Puccini.

Vixen:
I want to kill Superman!

Mr. Smith:
Not an opera lover, I see.

Jack:
If it goes on a salad, it doesn't go on a pizza.

Lois Lane:
What could possibly be here in the Daily Planet newsroom that would be worth risking your lives and the lives of everyone in Metropolis?

Fuentes:
What else has man sought after without pity or remorse since the dawn of time?

Lois Lane:
Inner peace?

Fuentes:
Cold, hard cash.

Lois Lane:
You know, it's times like these I think maybe I should just get a regular, boring job, settle down with a guy who sells insurance and have 2.4 kids. [beat]

Lois Lane, Clark Kent:
[laughing] Nah!

Lois Lane:
Other women catch bouquets, I catch bombs.

Lois Lane:
What about Jimmy? Maybe Jimmy could save us.

Perry White:
Jimmy couldn't save baseball cards.

Lois Lane:
Superman.

Clark Kent:
[quietly] I'm coming.

Lois Lane:
Superman is my access code.

Lois Lane:
Relax, Clark. You're not Superman.

Jimmy Olsen:
[exiting the air vents] I'm the man! I'm the man! [seeing a gun pointed at him] You're the man.

Lex Luthor:
Right, so what do you suggest, Mr Kent? We just sit here, let them do whatever they want and then wait for them to kill us?

Clark Kent:
No, but I have no choice. If I go out there and try to get to the bomb, any one of those guys could kill any one of you. And if that is a hair trigger under his finger, it could go off before I could stop it, and I can't take that risk.

Lois Lane:
Uh, Clark... Take it easy, you're not Superman.

Clark Kent:
I know...

Lois Lane:
First I break in, now I'm about to go through this man's office. How can something so wrong feel so right?

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
Superman, what are you doing here?

Superman:
I just dropped in to say hi to Lois.

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
You're not on her approved visitors list.

Superman:
I'm Superman.

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
I see, and rules therefore don't apply to you. You may want to explore this need to dominate others.

Lois Lane:
I don't think I can trust Clark anymore.

Perry White:
Would you care to tell me why?

Lois Lane:
He lied to me.

Perry White:
Oh. Well, uh, don't you lie to him?

Lois Lane:
Of course I lie to him. All the time!

Perry White:
Ooh, I'm just not going to go near that.

Lois Lane:
I think Clark may be holding out on me.

Lois Lane:
Oh, you are so tight, like iron.

Clark Kent:
Steel.

Lois Lane:
You aren't going to look for clues, or dust for prints.

Inspector Henderson:
Waste of time.

Lois Lane:
[after Perry tries to give her advice without relating it to Elvis] Chief. I think I like the Elvis stories better.

Perry White:
[smiles] Next time. I've got a million of 'em.

Lex Luthor:
Superman did not arrive here when we thought he did. He arrived here as an infant. He was raised as a common Earthling.

Nigel St. John:
Then that means...

Lex Luthor:
He walks among us. When I discover his Earthly identity, as I will, he and everyone that shared his secret will be at my mercy.

Lex Luthor:
[about Jack] Another young life failed by the system.

Nigel St. John:
I'm afraid so.

Lex Luthor:
Good. Then no one will miss him.

Lois Lane:
You grew up on a farm in Kansas. I grew up in Metropolis.

Clark Kent:
So?

Lois Lane:
So, they are completely different standards.

Clark Kent:
That is so ridiculous!

Lois Lane:
What if this belongs to Superman, something he needs? How did you feel when somebody took your stuff?

Clark Kent:
We weren't partners then.

Lois Lane:
Then? Clark, try never again.

Lois Lane:
And you can get that look off your face.

Clark Kent:
What look?

Lois Lane:
That look that says, 'Oh my God, Lois cooked something and I have to eat it.'

Clark Kent:
Do you know what it feels like having the person you love turn into a snarling monster right before your eyes?

Lois Lane:
*She* was snarling. *I* was speaking loudly with emphasis.

Lois Lane:
I'd like to help.

Katie Banks:
Sure, as if you care. I don't trust you or anyone with a pulse.

Lois Lane:
Life was that tough?

Katie Banks:
Well, I was beaten to death with a blunt instrument. So, in this sense - yes.

Jimmy Olsen:
I got it! I got it!

Perry White:
Tuna on rye, right?

Jimmy Olsen:
No, uh...I'll call the delivery place chief.

Perry White:
Aw, does anybody still work here?

Katie Banks:
Your wish is my command.

Herbie Saxe:
Huh, yeah. Don't you forget it. Now get back over to the Kents and scare the hell out of them.

Katie Banks:
Why?

Herbie Saxe:
Oh, because I said so.

Katie Banks:
That's good enough for me.

Katie Banks:
How long have I been dead? There's no way of telling in there.

Herbie Saxe:
Well, who... who was the president when you died?

Katie Banks:
Oh, I never followed politics.

Herbie Saxe:
Well, who won the Super Bowl?

Katie Banks:
Well, I wasn't into sports.

Herbie Saxe:
Well, what was your favorite TV show?

Katie Banks:
Well, I didn't really watch television.

Herbie Saxe:
Oh, no wonder somebody killed you. You were a real drag.

Katie Banks:
What a dump! I always wanted to say that, but I never was in a place awful enough.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] Oh, I love your parents. They're just so...not insane.

Mindy Church:
I'm a bird in a gilded case.

Lois Lane:
Cage. Gilded cage.

Mindy Church:
Huh?

Mindy Church:
I wish my husband wasn't an evil monster who once run all the crime in the city, but whatever.

Jonathan Kent:
[after learning that Lois and Clark are at the honeymoon suite] Well, uh...Clark is there anything you'd like to tell us?

Clark Kent:
Not really, things are going pretty smoothly, assuming Lois keeps her end of the bargain and lets me have my turn in the bedroom tonight.

Clark Kent:
What's that?

Lois Lane:
My word.

Clark Kent:
There's no such word as "chumpy."

Lois Lane:
Sure there is. Someone's a chump, therefore, he's chumpy.

Clark Kent:
Try again.

Lois Lane:
Are you challenging me?

Clark Kent:
You bet your sweet little chumpy, I am!

Clark Kent:
Are there a few things we should get settled first?

Lois Lane:
Such as?

Clark Kent:
Well, this is our first night here, alone...together.

Lois Lane:
So?

Clark Kent:
So, we flip for the bed.

Lois Lane:
How about I get the bed and I lend you a pillow?

Clark Kent:
How about we alternate nights?

Lois Lane:
How about we don't.

Clark Kent:
Well, it's a big bed. How about we share?

Lois Lane:
How about we alternate nights?

Clark Kent:
Deal.

Lois Lane:
[they have just entered their ransacked suite and Clark sat on a bomb to keep it from destroying the room] Are you just gonna sit there all night?

Clark Kent:
Lois has a pair of Superman pajamas.

Martha Kent:
You've seen Lois in her pajamas?

Clark Kent:
No! Well yes, but it was an accident, when her robe came undone.

Clark Kent:
But marriage is about sharing everything you have, even if you don't feel like it.

Lois Lane:
So is divorce. Just ask my mother.

Lois Lane:
Couldn't you afford the whole dress?

Cat Grant:
Less is more, darling. Sometimes.

Clark Kent:
[to Lois] Superman on TV? I don't think so.

Lois Lane:
[playing a game of "which would you rather"] What about you?

Clark Kent:
What?

Lois Lane:
Invisible or fly?

Clark Kent:
Fly.

Lois Lane:
Really? You know, I never thought I would say this, Clark, but you and I have something in common.

Clark Kent:
What's that?

Lois Lane:
Superman. You want to fly like him, and I want to fly with him.

Superman:
You'll always be special to me, Lois.

Lois Lane:
I will?

Superman:
You're the first woman who ever...interviewed me.

Lois Lane:
See, Clark? There is no such thing as the invisible man.

Clark Kent:
[sadly] Yes there is, Lois.

Perry White:
Clark?

Clark Kent:
Right here, sir.

Perry White:
Oh, Kent. Didn't see you. I take it that you and Lois are on that "Superman gets the key to the city" story?

Lois Lane:
Yeah. On it.

Perry White:
Great.

Clark Kent:
What's the matter, Lois? Bored with Superman already?

Lois Lane:
I was standing right in front of him, and he didn't notice me.

Cat Grant:
What's to notice?

[Woody Samms, in Superman's body, talking about Clark]

Woody Samms:
He's been here. You've talked to him. Tell me what you know.

[laser beams a picture frame]

Woody Samms:
Come on. Make this easy on yourself, and him.

[laser beams coat rack]

Woody Samms:
I'm not fooling around here lady! Now tell me where he is!

[laser beams plant]

Lois Lane:
It doesn't matter what you do to me. He'll find you. And he'll stop you.

Woody Samms:
[chuckles] He's gonna stop Superman?

Lois Lane:
He is Superman.

Woody Samms:
Not anymore Lady. I'm Superman now!

Lois Lane:
You'll never be Superman. It's not the suit. It's not even the powers. It's something you'll never have. Character. To be Superman you have to care about something. Something other than yourself

Swat Commander:
One thing I'll say for the Man of Steel -- He doesn't waste any time.

Asabi:
[realizing Woody is in Superman's body] Can it be? It is you! This is the body you've stolen? Are you mad? You couldn't settle for, I don't know, Michael Jordan?

Lois Lane:
Tonight, Kryptonite's got nothing on me.

Perry White:
If you went up there to those windows and told me you could fly, I'd back you up. I'd miss you, but I'd back you up.

Lois Lane:
He's a man I'm a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?

Lois Lane:
You rotten back-stabbing piece of slime! You know some people might be fooled by that innocent boyish exterior but not me, not anymore.

Clark Kent:
Tea, Lois? It's a calming, herbal blend.

Clark Kent:
Please talk some sense into her, would you?

Perry White:
You ever tried to milk a steer?

Lois Lane:
I like being surprised, as long as I know about it in advance.

Nicky Collins:
Look, that's the box I was in.

Lois Lane:
Well, at least we know there's nothing surprising about this trick anymore. [opens the box to see a dead body inside and closes it fast] No. No surprise

Lois Lane:
A trick's a trick no matter how big or small, once you figure it out it's not magic any more.

Clark Kent:
Close your eyes. [Lois gives him a look] Close them. [Lois closes her eyes] Count to three.

Lois Lane:
[reluctantly] 1, 2, 3 [opens her eyes and there are flowers sitting on her desk] How did you do that?

Clark Kent:
If I told you, it wouldn't be magic anymore.

Lois Lane:
[to Cat after finding out that Arthur Chow married someone else] That's too bad. I already had my wedding present picked out for you. Personalized stationary: "From the desk of Cat Chow."

Bill Church Jr.:
[after discovering the effects of red kryptonite] Well, this is better than killing him. He just doesn't care. That was the problem with the green kryptonite, it always ticked him off

Lois Lane:
I haven't had great luck with psychiatrists.

Dr. Friskin:
Oh, you've spent some time in therapy.

Lois Lane:
Oh, no. It's just that the last psychiatrist that I saw had an exact double of me made and tried to have me killed.

Dr. Friskin:
How did that make you feel?

Lois Lane:
I have to go out for a while, Jimmy. Hold down the fort.

Jimmy Olsen:
Isn't that what they said to Jim Bowe at the Alamo.

Dr. Friskin:
Everybody needs a break from their job. When was the last time you had a vacation? I mean really, just got away from Metropolis?

Superman:
I spent some time in London last year.

Dr. Friskin:
Well that's wonderful. How long were you there?

Superman:
About 2 minutes. I was diverting a wayward missile.

Dr. Friskin:
How relaxing.

Lois Lane:
Pick me up at seven? [Clark nods] But you have to promise me you'll be there at 7:01. And 7:02. And 7:03. And 7:04. And 7:05. [with each breath, Lois draws closer to Clark, until their noses are nearly touching]

Dr. Friskin:
We could continue tomorrow, say 10 AM?

Superman:
Yeah, sure, as long as I'm not saving the world or something.

Perry White:
[to Bill Church, Jr.] You know, I'm ashamed I ever let you spit up on me.

Bill Church Jr.:
So, have you thought any more about my offer?

Perry White:
Your offer. Hmm. Let's see, uh... All I have to do.. to take you up on your offer is, uh, what... Give up my pride, my integrity, throw away the public trust that I've earned through 35 years of hard work? Just to back of my responsibility to the American peaple to give them the truth?

Bill Church Jr.:
Basically.

Receptionist:
[to Superman] Uh-huh. No permanent address. No social security number and no medical insurance. I assume you'll be paying in cash?

Bill Church Jr.:
Intergang. I run it. Now do the pieces fit?

Perry White:
Yeah, like horns on a June bug.

Perry White:
All right, let's break for lunch. You can bring me up to speed on what you got so far.

Clark Kent:
Chief, it's 9:15 in the morning.

Perry White:
So what? Am I in charge here?

Dr. Klein:
[reading a note from Superman] "Lois, it's too dangerous. Stay put until you hear from me".

Lois:
Aww, he always says that. And I never listen.

Superman:
[after being shrunk] Look at me! I look like Mighty Mouse!

Lois Lane:
[about the scientist who created the shrinking formula] Well, who did he work for?

Dr. Klein:
Oh gee, his work was funded by, uh...it was a large cosmetics firm.

Lois Lane:
A cosmetics firm?!

Dr. Klein:
Well, you know, they're always trying to shrink something.

Superman:
It's okay, Doc, you can tell me. You can be blunt.

Dr. Klein:
Think of yourself as a snowman: as a snowman melts, it has less and less to protect it from the effects of the sun. Before you know it, you're nothing more than a puddle with a corncob pipe. [Superman stares without speaking] Too blunt! Too blunt, I knew it!

Annette Westman:
[to Lois] If you no longer need me, I certainly have no use for you.

Perry White:
Don't fight it, Clark. When the pit bull gets hold of the bone, it just ain't gonna let it go.

Clark Kent:
Tell me about it.

Lois Lane:
Perry, there's a connection between some no-shows at my reunion.

Perry White:
What makes you think that?

Lois Lane:
Well, they weren't there.

Perry White:
How are they connected?

Lois Lane:
Well, they weren't there.

Perry White:
Why weren't they there?

Lois Lane:
I don't know. They weren't there.

Perry White:
Oh boy! That's a story just crying out to be told!

Annette Westman:
Here's a box office hit for ya, "Honey, I Shrunk the Reporter."

Superman:
It's not the "M' word that makes it forever for me, Lois. My love is forever, because... it just is.

Lois Lane:
Smiley says I don't trust or respect you and he doesn't even know why you put up with me.

Clark Kent:
Lois, the man's a killer.

Lois Lane:
Of course I trust you, and I respect you more than anyone I've ever known. And if I do get angry it's only because I've never opened up to someone so much in my entire life and it hurts when it feels like that trust isn't returned. And you know I put up with you for the same reason you put up with me. It's because I'm completely in love with you.

Clark Kent:
And I love you.

[beat]

Clark Kent:
Did we just make up?

Lois Lane:
I think so.

[they kiss]

Lois Lane:
Could maybe we do this someplace not so musty, and not owned by a killer?

Lois Lane:
There's some files here divided into piles marked 'accepted' and 'rejected' candidates. Candidates for what? [looks through them] Clark, we're in the rejected pile.

Clark Kent:
Lois, don't you think that's probably a good thing?

Lois Lane:
Well, I'd like to feel wanted

Jimmy Olsen:
Uh, Lois...uh, panic makes a man say strange things sometimes...uh, I was wondering if you could sorta forget what I...

Lois Lane:
[reassuringly] Trust me.

Lois Lane:
You know, it's just wonderful being angry at a national treasure.

Superman:
Lois, I can't help it. People like me. I help them.

Lawrence 'Larry' Smiley:
[to Superman] Son, you pack a lot of horse sense in them tight britches.

Lawrence 'Larry' Smiley:
I got me two of every kind. Farmers, doctors, lawyers, and you. Why, you, of all people, should see where I'm headed.

Perry White:
Yeah, a little quiet room with rubber on the walls.

Jimmy Olsen:
I thought you hated the symphony, chief.

Perry White:
I do, Jimmy. That's why I'm standing here in this monkey suit, waiting for my wife, who loves the symphony. And with whom I am on very thin ice. So I can plunk down a thousand smackers for bad seats on a charity opening night. Now, son, when you get married, this will all make perfect sense.

Superman:
I'm sorry, you were saying?

Lois Lane:
Nothing. I'm going to be a professional and go to the interview, and internalize my feelings so I get an ulcer the size of Cleveland.

Superman:
Women...Earth women!

Perry White:
[to Lois about Clark] You know, that boy would walk on water for you... or he'd drown trying.

Martha Kent:
We are on your side in the big picture. We want you to be happy and Lois makes you happy. Unless you make her unhappy. Then she makes you unhappy. And that makes us unhappy.

Jonathan Kent:
Son, love and marriage are a partnership. Both people are equal in the partnership. Bottom line, they make their decisions together.

Clark Kent:
So you're saying I should go crawling back on my hands and knees?

Martha Kent:
No, honey. Fly back. It's faster.

Clark Kent:
I think we are completely in sync.

Lois Lane:
Oh yeah, we're so in sync that when you broke up with me, for my own good, you figured I'd know it was for the best because we're so in sync. We're about as in sync as the English in a Japanese horror film.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I was wrong and I admitted it. You can't stay mad.

Lois Lane:
Oh, yes I can. You can fly. I can stay mad.

Crook:
Mr. Gadget! I watched you on TV when I was a kid! You were my idol!

Hank Landry:
Great, great, thank you, thank you. Take a hike.

Crook:
Hey, I'm talking to the kid, here.

Hank Landry:
Mr. Gadget has a death-ray that will make all your internal organs explode!

Dr. Klein:
Picture in your mind's eye a white beach... gentle surf... clear blue skies caressed by graceful clouds... the songs of chimps afire with the mating urge...

Superman:
Dr. Klein?

Dr. Klein:
Oh, sorry.

Dr. Klein:
Look, I'm going to run every test I can, then I want you to go home and relax. Soak in a tub and do nothing.

Superman:
But I'm Superman.

Dr. Klein:
So? You can't play a little golf?

Dr. Klein:
Often we find that true power comes to those who first agree to be powerless.

Superman:
Rumors are far more dangerous than the truth, and I never hide from the truth.

Tempus:
What do you think this is, a family television show? Only unhappy endings are allowed here, Lois.

Jonathan Kent:
And who are you?

H.G. Wells:
H. G. Wells.

Jonathan Kent:
The writer? Aren't you dead?

H.G. Wells:
Well, only some of the time.

Tempus:
Well, I'll be damned. He did it! Does he think that's all it takes to finish me? All that spandex must keep the blood from his brain.

Lois Lane:
[referring to a nuclear attack] Tempus, don't do it! You still have time, you can escape. You could, you could go to the alternative universe.

Tempus:
Where "Mr. I'm So In Shape" can return me to jail? Thank you, no. Besides, I want to kill billions of people.

Superman #2:
Lois, is this how it is between the two of you? Working together like this?

Lois Lane:
Yeah

Superman #2:
Wow!

Clark Kent:
Thanks for giving me a world to come home to

Clark Kent #2:
Thanks for giving me a legend to live up to.

Tempus:
[just announced to the press that Clark and Superman are the same person] In chess, this is where I say "check."

Clark Kent:
[Clark and Lois appear behind them as the media stares] Uh Honey, I think the media wants us to comment on Mr. Tempus's last remark.

Lois Lane:
Um, we regret that Mr. Tempus's mental health has not improved, he's obviously still delusional.

Superman #2:
[as the media turns back to Tempus] This is where I would say, "checkmate."

H.G. Wells:
I refuse to believe that something so diabolical could be so easy!

Tempus:
Well that's very Protestant of you.

Lois Lane:
That is not our Clark.

Martha Kent:
Well if it's not our Clark, who's Clark is it?

Lois Lane:
I can't believe this. I almost kissed you!

Clark Kent #2:
I almost kissed you.

Lois Lane:
No, I almost kissed you.

Clark Kent #2:
Lois, believe me.

Lois Lane:
Fine, we almost kissed us.

Clark Kent:
My heart is waiting for me, back on earth.

Lord Nor:
[to the people of Smallville] Friends, do not think of me, I beg of you, as some alien creature, some being that shares nothing with you. Rather, think of me as a God- stern, unforgiving, invincible. I neither like you nor need you. Resist me, and die.

Clark Kent:
What do you want with me, Nor?

Lord Nor:
I want your throne, Kal-El. I want your world, and I want you gone. Forever!

Clark Kent:
People shouldn't have to live up to other people's expectations.

Lois Lane:
Oh, come on, we do it all the time.

Clark Kent:
For example?

Lois Lane:
For example, you're not going to wear that to dinner that tonight, are you? You're gonna go home and change because we both have expectations about how each other's going to look. You'll be wearing something elegant, not too dark, charcoal suit. And I will be dressed in deep violet.

Clark Kent:
Burgundy.

Lois Lane:
Burgundy?

Clark Kent:
Or violet.

Lois Lane:
That's what you've always dreamed of seeing me in, burgundy? I don't have much in burgundy. Um, maybe if I hurry, I can make it to Neiman's before they close.

Clark Kent:
Lois, you don't have to do that.

Lois Lane:
No, no, wait, what time are you picking me up? 8? Uh, make it 8:15. Oh, no, forget it, that's a bad way to start a date, being late. 7:45. No, 8, I don't want you to think I'm flaky changing my mind all the time.

Lois Lane:
I need a new partner.

Perry White:
I knew it. One bad date, there goes my whole news room. Why don't you just shoot me now, send me up to Elvis?

Lois Lane:
Perry... .

Perry White:
No, no, no, Lois, don't say it. You know, I have stood on the sidelines, hoping against hope that Mother Nature would smile on you two, that the bluebird of happiness would come down light on your shoulder, that four-leaf clovers would sprout up wherever you walked, and all the time my gut is singing a different aria.

Lois Lane:
Perry... .

Perry White:
Lois, anybody with half a hemisphere can see that you two are gasoline and fire, TNT and matches, two trains headed toward...

Lois Lane:
Perry! Thank you. The problem is we didn't have a bad date. It was a really great date, and now I'm completely panicked, and I have no idea what to do next.

Lois Lane:
Clark, I had a really nice time.

Clark Kent:
So did I.

Lois Lane:
No, I mean I had a *really* nice time. Probably one of the best times I've ever had. It wasn't the funniest or the wildest...

Clark Kent:
Don't knock yourself out, Lois...

Lois Lane:
It just... seemed to... work. It was really nice. That's why I can never see you again!

[she slams the door in his face]

Clark Kent:
Lois?

Clark Kent:
Lois, I don't really know exactly how to say this, but why did you come back to me tonight to the factory? I mean, you were running back into an atomic explosion.

Lois Lane:
I know, it doesn't make too much sense, does it? I guess I just couldn't leave you there.

Clark Kent:
You slammed the door in my face last night.

Lois Lane:
That was a mistake.

Clark Kent:
[jokingly] Don't let it happen again.

Lois Lane:
I guess we'll, um, just have to see how things go, won't we?

Clark Kent:
Fortunately, there's no doors here tonight.

Lois Lane:
Fortunately.

[they kiss their first "real" kiss]

Clark Kent:
The only time people ever really seem to express themselves is when they're passionate and the polite veneer of society drops off. You know, like when they're fighting...

Lois Lane:
Or make love... oh, my gosh.

Lois Lane:
Clark Kent, the rebel without a flaw.

Mayson Drake:
[seeing the Superman suit under Clark's torn shirt as she's dying] So that's what you've been hiding.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] You can read lips from here? I thought I was good. What else can you do that I don't know about?

Lois Lane:
[after Clark had thrown a tire around a man while he was running away] How did you catch him?

Clark Kent:
He got... er..."tired"

Lois Lane:
So when do we start blaming my parents for everything?

Arianna Carlin:
Maybe later.

Lois Lane:
Wow, you look great. A little heavy on the eye liner, I think.

Lois Double:
Sorry, but you're a little bit plain for me.

Lois Lane:
Plain?! Sure beats whatever shopping channel told you that was a good look.

Lois Double:
Hey, you gotta act like a prissy, glorified typist, you gotta dress the part.

Lois Lane:
Well, my hair has more bounce than this cheap wig. [she tries to pull it off, but it's real hair]

Lois Lane:
But, my reporter's instinct says something's up. What does your instinct say?

Clark Kent:
My instincts say, never argue with a woman who's just been behind bars.

Lois Lane:
You still think I'm crazy?

Clark Kent:
I think you're brilliant, but there's a fine line between brilliance and lunacy.

Jimmy Olsen:
I found this book she wrote on subliminal advertising. Thought maybe I could get her to autograph it for my Mom's birthday.

Perry White:
Whatever happened to flowers and chocolates?

Jimmy Olsen:
My Mom's overweight and she's got allergies.

IRS Agent Bower:
Superman, Agent Bower, I.R.S. We've been trying to contact you. We need your social security number.

Superman:
I don't have one.

IRS Agent Bower:
Everyone has a social security number.

Superman:
Well, I don't.

IRS Agent Bower:
I guess that explains why we can't locate any of your tax returns. It doesn't appear you've actually ever filed. That can't be, can it? Superman a tax dodger? Should we be looking under "S" for Super or "M" for Man?

Tempus:
[running for President as John Doe] Attention all registered voters, John Doe is darn nice guy.

Clark Kent:
I'm in the mood for frozen yogurt. Want some?

Lois Lane:
Clark, we have work to do.

Clark Kent:
It'll only take a second. Come on, what flavor?

Lois Lane:
Surprise me. [later] Hey! What happened to you? You've been gone 2 hours. Where's my yogurt?

Clark Kent:
Oh...Right. Yogurt. Remember how you said to surprise you?

Lois Lane:
Yeah.

Clark Kent:
Well, I didn't bring you anything. Ha, Surprise!

Lois Lane:
And you think I'm fat, don't you?

Clark Kent:
What?

Lois Lane:
That's why you didn't bring me any yogurt. You think I'm fat.

Clark Kent:
Lois, believe me, I do not think you're fat. I just thought, you know, it might be funny to not bring you anything. Ha!

Lois Lane:
Oh. Some of that cutting-edge, Smallville humor?

Emmet Vale:
[about Johnny's power source] It's called Kryptonite and it never runs out.

Johnny Corben:
Just like the bunny, huh?

Rollie Vale:
Gee, John! That's quite a hole in your hand. Almost matches the one in your head.

Clark Kent:
[about Johnny] We saw him a couple of days ago. He seemed perfectly normal.

Lois Lane:
For a Neanderthal.

Lois Lane:
[about Lucy] She can be very pigheaded. And, no, it does not run in the family.

Mrs. Vale:
[about Emmett] The jerk couldn't do anything unless a mechanical device was involved. And I mean *anything*.

Clark Kent:
Maybe it's just animal magnetism.

Lois Lane:
That's fine in a zoo.

Officer:
Our witness decided to "take a bite out of crime".

Jimmy Olsen:
I'm not exactly Stallone.

Clark Kent:
If we can track down where the capsules came from, maybe we'll find our Mr. Wizard.

Emmet Vale:
We'll just put the word out on the street.

Rollie Vale:
Emmet, we're scientists. We don't know anybody "on the streets."

Lois Lane:
[seeing Clark moving slowly and painfully] You want some asprin?

Clark Kent:
What for?

Superman:
I wanted to tell you that I think what you did for Clark showed incredible bravery.

Lois Lane:
I guess there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

Superman:
What I saw wasn't a coffin, it was the capsule that my parents sent me to Earth in.

Lois Lane:
So they couldn't kill you. Your vision wasn't based on death, it was based on life.

Superman:
As I was remembering, I could feel the love and sadness of my parents sending their baby off into the cold universe.

Lois Lane:
And into my life.

Perry White:
I love the smell of fear in the newsroom.

Clark Kent:
Hey, Lois, what have we got going on tomorrow?

Lois Lane:
Now there you're using that word again Clark. There is "you'. There is "I'. There is no "we".

Clark Kent:
Not yet.

Lois Lane:
Not ever.

Clark Kent:
We'll see.

Lois Lane:
How long can you hold your breath?

Clark Kent:
A very long time.

Lois Lane:
I stole it. I have never stolen a story before in my life. How could I do that? It's him. It's Superman. I mean, ever since he held me in his arms, there's something between us, Lucy. I know it. There's this connection.

Lucy Lane:
You should be ashamed of yourself.

Lois Lane:
I am ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed of myself.

Lucy Lane:
And you'll never do it again?

Lois Lane:
I won't. Never again.

Lucy Lane:
And you'll apologize to Clark Kent?

Lois Lane:
Not in this millennium.

Monique:
Let me hire a couple of shooters and I'll turn Superman into a large wet spot. Testing won't be necessary.

Lex Luthor:
Have you ever read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War"?

Monique:
I'm waiting for the Reader's Digest version.

Lex Luthor:
Sun Tzu was a general od ancient imperial China, and he teaches us, paraphrasing, of course, 'Knowledge precedes victory, ignorance precedes defeat'.

Monique:
Really? Well, an uzi precedes a bloody mess, even in China.

Cat Grant:
"We" I like the sound of that. We. Isn't that French for "yes?"

Clark Kent:
Ahem. Not in Smallville.

Lois Lane:
I should have the exclusive on the follow-up. Those are the rules.

Perry White:
The rules are off. This is too big.

Lois Lane:
But he's mine! He's mine! [realizes she's sounding desperate] As in my story, story mine.

Martha Kent:
[about a spot Clark's trying to get out of his cape] Clark, is it a dirt stain or an oil based stain?

Clark Kent:
I don't know, Mom. It's a bomb stain.

Lois Lane:
What we've got here is an example of human evolution. Clark is the before, Superman is the after.

[glances at Clark, who is eating a doughnut and looking disheveled]

Lois Lane:
Make that the way, way after.

Lois Lane:
[about Superman] He has no reason to hide. Especially from me.

Cat Grant:
Wait a minute. I get it. You and Superman joined the old zero-gravity club up on the space station, didn't you?

Lex Luthor:
So, what do we know about Superman?

Jules:
That he can really jump...for a white guy.

Lois Lane:
Sure, Clark, and when you run across Jimmy Hoffa and the Easter Bunny, why don't you reel them in, too.

Lex Luthor:
We know Superman can jump high but is he, say, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Is he more powerful than a locomotive?

Jimmy Olsen:
[Lois walks in covered in dirt with a broken heal on her shoe] Lois, are you all right?

Lois Lane:
Yeah. I'm fine. Oh, you're referring to my appearance. Well after hours of trudgeing through the muck and the frogs and the *things* I think I have a perfect right to look a bit disheveled. By the way did you know that it was possible to get *completely* lost at the Metropolis Sewer Reclamation Facility?

Lois Lane:
[unfolding the note that sent her on a wild goose chase after she stole stories from a couple of people] You wouldn't happen to know who sent me this?

[Clark shrugs]

Lois Lane:
[sees the latest edition of the Planet on his desk] You? *You* got the story?

Clark Kent:
Consider it a life lesson, Lois. No charge.

Lois Lane:
[frantically bursts into Clark's new apartment looking for Superman as Clark is signing the lease] All right, where is he?

Clark Kent:
[startled] Where is who?

Lois Lane:
[looks around her, then] Where am I?

Clark Kent:
My new apartment. [Lois pauses, then turns and leaves in a very dignified manner]

Clark Kent:
Lois, I can't let you go, not this time!

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
Clark, you have no choice in the matter.

Clark Kent:
Deter, trust me on this. You have no idea who you're talking to.

Clark Kent:
I gotta go.

Lois Lane:
You're always leaving.

Clark Kent:
But I always come back.

Lois Lane:
My feelings for you, are they wrong?

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
There's no wrong or right, Lois. There's only need.

Dr. Maxwell Deter:
Mrs. Johnson, your son is severely disturbed.

Roweena Johnson:
Tell me something I don't know.

Jimmy Olsen:
[about Deter] This guy's bedside manner includes breakfast.

Superman:
Lois.

Lois Lane:
Clark?

Superman:
[hesitates] No, Lois, it's Superman.

Lois Lane:
No, Clark. I know.

Superman:
[stunned] Are-Are you s...

Lois Lane:
Hold that thought.

[walks to Deter]

Lois Lane:
Doctor, I think our time is just about up.

[punches him in the nose]

Lois Lane:
[turns and smiles at Superman] I'm back.

Superman:
Do you really remember everything?

Lois Lane:
I remember my life before you, when being alone was what I thought I wanted. And I remember my life after you, when I learned loving you was what I really wanted.

Lois Lane:
So an old friend tried to kill me, these things happen. Okay, they happen to me.

Clark Kent:
Gee, Lois, if you were thirsty, all you had to do was say something.

Lois Lane:
Clark, this isn't just any beer!

Clark Kent:
I know. "It goes with sun and good times!"

Lois Lane:
What are we going to tell her? "Your boyfriend's back and we think he's starting trouble. Hey-la, dey-la"?

Superman:
[flying up beside the terrorists as they are trying to drive away] Let's see, we've got hijacking a satellite, attempted murder, terrorism, and, oh yeah, speeding. I'm gonna need you to pull over.

Andy Tucker:
Nice to meet you.

Lois Lane:
You too.

Andy Tucker:
What?

Jimmy Olsen:
She said, "You too."

Andy Tucker:
Me too, what?

Lois Lane:
[hugging a fax machine] Oh, it's true. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

Superman:
[as Lois is clinging to a flagpole] I know you probably got this covered, but...

Lois Lane:
Well, as long as you're not doing anything...

Lois Lane:
Everything about that guy was phony.

Clark Kent:
Including his death.

Jimmy Olsen:
[about the military's new weapon] Check it out! Killer robot!

Lois Lane:
Actually the A.T.A.S is an all-terrain automated soldier.

Jimmy Olsen:
What's the difference?

Clark Kent:
About $100,000 worth of tax payer money in propaganda.

Lois Lane:
You getting anywhere?

Clark Kent:
No. But now I know all 5 verses to "Windy."

Clark Kent:
[on the phone] This is Clark Kent of the Daily Planet. I'm trying to get an official statement about the death of General Marshal...I see, would that be "Click" with one exclamation point or two?

Lois Lane:
Is this a picture of your feet?

Jimmy Olsen:
[sheepishly] Yeah, but you can see the killer robot between them.

Clark Kent:
Lois, dead people rarely walk.

Lois Lane:
I suppose you've kept in touch with all your college friends?

Clark Kent:
Well, yeah.

Lois Lane:
Well sure, I mean, that's easy when you go to Smallville U, with a graduating class of 10 farmers and a cow!

Lois Lane:
Just what are you chanting for?

Lead Chanter:
Inner peace and brotherhood. Now go away!

Perry White:
White-out. I haven't seen that in how long. Boy does that brings back memories. Mostly of mistakes.

Lois Lane:
Can you get Washington on that thing?

Perry White:
Well, sure. I could get Paris if I wanted to. Unfortunately I'd have to talk to the French.

Perry White:
Andy, you're the best.

Andy Tucker:
I don't need a rest.

Perry White:
Looks great, Andy!

Andy Tucker:
I know it's late.

Jimmy Olsen:
Come on.

Andy Tucker:
What are you yelling for?

Perry White:
That was Stormin' Norman on the shortwave.

Clark Kent:
Schwartzkopf?

Lois Lane:
Haberstatzer. I'll explain later.

Clark Kent:
You stole a jeep?

Lois Lane:
I didn't steal it. I'm returning it to the base. Here put these on.

Clark Kent:
How did you...Never mind. I don't want to know.

Lois Lane:
It's not technology she's against. It's people like you.

Molly Flynn:
Yeah! Well actually I am against technology, Lois.

Lois Lane:
Ha! So you admit it!

Molly Flynn:
All right, I admit it. But we're still gonna die, so what good does it do?

Lois Lane:
Well I feel a little better.

Lois Lane:
Do you think I always have to be right?

Clark Kent:
Well...not *always*.

Lois Lane:
Do you think I'm a good friend?

Clark Kent:
Lois, I think you're a great friend.

Lois Lane:
Notice I didn't say anything about myself?

Clark Kent:
I did.

Lois Lane:
But you could.

Clark Kent:
I could.

Molly Flynn:
[about crystals] They have incredible healing properties. You can wear them or you can meditate with them on your forehead.

Lois Lane:
[attempting to balance it on her head] Wouldn't it fall off?

Clark Kent:
Uh, Lois, you're supposed to do that lying down.

Lois Lane:
I knew that.

Lois Lane:
I'm gonna fax an order to the pizza place. You want anything?

Clark Kent:
How about a delivery person who is interested in my opinion.

Clark Kent:
[reading from Lois' old yearbook] "To Stretch, No one swings like you do. Love, Teddy." Stretch?

Lois Lane:
We were in gymnastics together. He was trying to be cute.

Clark Kent:
Stretch. I like it.

Lois Lane:
And it's the last time you'll lose it.

Perry White:
Jimmy, why are you standing here watching pictures when you could be taking them?

Jimmy Olsen:
I'll go get my camera.

Perry White:
That would help.

Lois Lane:
[Clark unbuttons his shirt] I knew you'd come through

[notices Clark doesn't have the Superman Suit under his clothes]

Lois Lane:
Where's the suit?

Clark Kent:
Suit? What suit? There is no suit. I left it at home. It's just you and me Joe and Judy Regular.

[pulls Lois into his lap]

Clark Kent:
Wanna neck?

Perry White:
There will always be another headless corpse, but true love comes around maybe once.

Clark Kent:
Being with you is stronger than me alone.

Lois Lane:
Did I ever tell you why I gave up my crush on Superman?

Clark Kent:
No.

Lois Lane:
It's because he was a fantasy. And did I ever tell you why I fell in love with Clark? Because he's real. And that's what I want.

Clark Kent:
You do?

Lois Lane:
Clark has problems, insecurities, hat hair.

Clark Kent:
I do *not* have hat hair!

Spencer Spencer:
You know, I was gonna kill you for all that crap you wrote about me, but I thought you might prefer an exciting career opportunity.

Lois Lane:
What do you mean?

Spencer Spencer:
You can be my sex slave.

Lois Lane:
Kill me.

Spencer Spencer:
I know, I know, the body. Maybe I shouldn't hide it in a box, maybe you imagine it worse than it is.

Lois Lane:
Maybe.

Spencer Spencer:
You couldn't imagine worse than this!! My only chance at girls like you is shootin' 'em up with cobra venom, and then it's iffy!

Spencer Spencer:
I'm gettin' a body transplant! You think I can't pull off a piece of Kryptonite?! Cash and connections, Doc! Without 'em I'm just a head with a dream!

Lois Lane:
Who is it?

Superman:
Who is it? Lois, who else knocks on your third floor window?

Lois Lane:
I dreamt about this, spending the night in your arms. First, it was Superman. Then it was Clark.

Lois Lane:
[about the flowers Clark just gave her] Should I even ask where they're from?

Clark Kent:
Tony's. Down the street. You wanna see a receipt?

[Lois laughs as they build a fire]

Clark Kent:
What?

Lois Lane:
Nothing. It's just this is how I always imagined camping with Clark would be.

Clark Kent:
Well, you are camping with Clark.

Lois Lane:
[while trying to start their camp fire] Okay, blow. [Clark accidentally uses his superbreath, putting out the fire]

Clark Kent:
Sorry.

Lois Lane:
It's ok. [begins rubbing the two sticks together again] Try again. This time remember it's a camp fire not a nuclear reactor.

Clark Kent:
Elvis never cheated on Priscilla!

Perry White:
He never met Rahalia!

Miranda:
You know, Lex, I was hoping this might be more than just a business relationship. More the way it was once between us.

Lex Luthor:
I think not, Miranda. I never mix business with other people's pleasure.

Clark Kent:
Haven't you ever played hooky, Lois?

Lois Lane:
Never. Anyway, what is so good about playing hooky.

Clark Kent:
Being someplace you're not supposed to be, doing something you're not supposed to do - it's fun.

Lois Lane:
I had fun in high school, Chess Club, Math Club. What are you saying Clark? That I'm not a fun person? That I don't know how to have any fun?

Lex Luthor:
[to Miranda] You were an itch. You've been scratched.

Lois Lane:
I think I figured out why I thought you looked like Superman.

Clark Kent:
Why?

Lois Lane:
Every woman in love thinks her man looks like Superman.

Lois Lane:
[perching herself seductively on his desk] Clark?

Clark Kent:
Just a sec, Lois, I- [notices what she's doing]

Lois Lane:
What ya workin' on?

Clark Kent:
The dock strike. You know the two sides really aren't that far apart.

Lois Lane:
How far apart are they? Really?

Clark Kent:
Lois, are you feeling ok?

Lois Lane:
Never better. I just couldn't help noticing how very handsome you look today.

Clark Kent:
Handsome?

Lois Lane:
Very.

Clark Kent:
Oh I get it. What do you want? Research? Your VCR Fixed? A ride to the airport? A blind date for your-

Lois Lane:
No, I don't want anything except you.

Clark Kent:
[as Lois dances in the room] Lois, you don't know how many times I've thought about this, dreamt about this...well something like this.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I can't take it anymore, if you really want me, I'm yours.

Lois Lane:
[pushing him away] Clark! Have you lost your mind?! [looks down at what she's wearing] Or have I lost mine?

Perry White:
Alice kicked me out, called me "a no-good hound dog". Now I'm down at the Heartbreak Hotel.

Lois Lane:
I'll need a task force. I can't cover this story alone.

Perry White:
You can have Jimmy.

Lois Lane:
Chief, we're talking about the space program.

Perry White:
Ok, take Kent.

Lois Lane:
Kent?

Perry White:
Kent!

Lois Lane:
What about Meyerson?

Perry White:
He's busy.

Lois Lane:
Burns?

Perry White:
Budapest.

Lois Lane:
Forget Kent.

Perry White:
Uh-uh, he's a good man.

Lois Lane:
Kent is a hack from Smallville. I couldn't make that name up.

Perry White:
Kent or nobody.

Lois Lane:
Fine. Don't ever say that I'm not a team player.

Lois Lane:
I said nine, I thought you'd be naked, umm, ready.

Lois Lane:
Let me get this straight. You eat like an eight year old and you look like Mr. Hardbody. What's your secret and can I have it?

[Martha and Clark finally pick a good disguise for Clark]

Martha Kent:
Well, one thing's for sure. Nobody's going to be looking at your face.

Clark Kent:
Mom!

Martha Kent:
[laughing] Well they don't call them tights for nothing!

Lois Lane:
You are a strange one, Clark Kent.

Clark Kent:
Am I?

Lois Lane:
Yeah, but I think I got you figured out.

Clark Kent:
Really?

Lois Lane:
Umhm

Clark Kent:
Didn't take you very long.

Lois Lane:
Well, it's my business looking beyond the external. Don't fall for me farmboy. I don't have time for it.

Lucy Lane:
I just hate to see you sitting at home.

Lois Lane:
I get out plenty. I have dates.

Lucy Lane:
You have interviews. It's not the same thing. Lois, I just want you to meet a super guy.

Lois Lane:
And let's get something straight. I did not work my buns off to become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet just to babysit some hack from nowheresville. And one other thing. You're not working with me, you're working for me. I call the shots, I ask the questions. You are low man, I am top banana, and that's the way I like it. Comprende?

Clark Kent:
You like to be on top. Got it.

Lois Lane:
[gives him a look] Don't push me, Kent. You're *way* out of your league.

Lois Lane:
I live by three rules. I never get involved with my stories, I never let anybody else get there first and I never sleep with anyone I work with.

Superman:
Oh, one more thing. If you ever need to find me, all you have to do is look up.

Cat Grant:
[whistles at Clark] Who's the new tight end?

Lois Lane:
Why don't you throw your usual forward pass and find out?

Man #1:
What the hell is that?

Man #2:
Is it a bird?

Man #3:
Is it a plane?

Man with binoculars:
No, just a guy in a pair of tights and a cape.

Perry White:
Jimmy, never underestimate the need for a good obituary.

Lois Lane:
[regarding Cat Grant] What do men see in her, anyway? Don't they realize she's just looking for another notch on her garter belt?

Jimmy Olsen:
Pathetic. [pause] Have you actually seen this garter belt?

[explaining to the rest of the passengers what happened after her first encounter with Superman]

Lois Lane:
[a little dazed] There was a bomb. He...ate it.

Cat Grant:
I see it, but I don't believe it.

Reporter:
What? A man who flies?

Cat Grant:
No, Lois Lane, finally literally swept off her feet. Too bad he's an alien.

Mrs. Platt:
I like your costume.

Superman:
Thank you. My mother made it for me.

Lois Lane:
[Lois opens a fortune cookie] It's in Chinese.

Lois Lane:
[Clark takes the paper. Lois looks at him mockingly] Oh, don't tell me that you read...

Clark Kent:
A good horse is like a member of the family.

Jimmy Olsen:
Where are you going?

Lois Lane:
[angrily] Nowhere!

Jimmy Olsen:
I'm coming, too.

Lois Lane:
Have you ever met anybody who's so wrapped up in their work they don't have time for anyone or anything?

Clark Kent:
Is this a trick question?

Clark Kent:
Sometimes a piece runs dry Chief. You know that.

Perry White:
Oh, well, that's just great, Kent. We'll put that up on billboards all over the city: "Lane and Kent come up with squat! On sale at your newsstands now."

Lois Lane:
But Perry, partnership is like marriage.

Perry White:
That's right. You've got to work at it.

Lois Lane:
It takes patience and understanding and willingness to be supportive.

Perry White:
I know, honey. Fake it.

Perry White:
Let Metropolis know that Lane and Kent are the greatest writing team since Woodward and Bernstein.

Lois Lane:
I'm Dr. Frankenstein's daughter!

Lois Lane:
You don't want to be partnered with a hypocritical reporter who talks a good game, but backs off the minute things hit too close to home.

Clark Kent:
Yes I do.

Lex Luthor:
If a man like you has a problem, I expect you to solve it with your own usual flair. For a man like me, on the other hand, life is a bowl of rubies, an extremely large bowl. I have no problems.

Lex Luthor:
[speaking to self in mirror] It's alway such an embarrassment, having to do away with someone. It's like announcing to the world that you lack the savvy and the finesse to deal with the problem more creatively. I mean, there have been times, naturally, when I've had to have people eliminated, but it always saddened me. I've always felt like I've let myself down somehow.

Lois:
Just let me do most of the talking.

Clark:
You usually do.

Lois Lane:
Uh...Mrs. McCarthy, did Sean have any friends?

Mrs. Macarthy:
Only one that I know of. They were pen pals.

Lois Lane:
They wrote to each other?

Mrs. Macarthy:
Heavens, no! They met in the pen.

Agent Dan Scardino:
Well, look who's here, if it isn't the man with the smoldering eyes.

Clark Kent:
What are you talking about?

Agent Dan Scardino:
Mayson's diary. Pretty steamy stuff. Reads like an Emily Bronte novel.

Lois Lane:
You read Emily Bronte?

Agent Dan Scardino:
What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic.

Agent Dan Scardino:
[pointing a gun at Clark] Unless you're Superman, I wouldn't recommend it

Lois Lane:
[picking a lock] I could get into any door in this city.

Clark Kent:
I know that's what worries me.

Mr. Schott:
Mrs. Duffy? Mrs. Duffy? I have a surprise.

Lois Lane:
So do we. You're busted. Merry Christmas.

Martha Kent:
[to Clark] I never spanked you. I never had to. But right now, I'd like to drop your britches and tan your hide like cheap leather.

Perry White:
Superman! You're not gonna take my rats, are ya?

Perry White:
Clark, you want me to send you to the dark room?

Clark Kent:
Lois is in trouble! Lois is in trouble!

Superman:
Lois, I think we should go wash your hands.

Lois Lane:
Where's Clark?

Superman:
Uh...he took a pretty bad beating from those old ladies.

Lex Luthor:
You know, it occurs to me, Martha that if I had had a mother as loving as you, I might be a better person. Thank God, I didn't.

Lex Luthor:
[to Superman] Now tell me, be honest, isn't one of us without the other incomplete, almost unnecessary or am I alone here? Oh, I hope not because there's nothing more painful than unrequited hate.

Samantha:
I think I saw something I wasn't supposed to see when Lois Lane was interviewing Superman.

Randy Goode:
What's that, his cape flew up, and you saw his panty lines?

Randy Goode:
Superman's image will be fading as fast as Michael Bolton's hairline.

Lois Lane:
What's all this?

Clark Kent:
Condolence gifts for me.

Lois Lane:
Homemade fudge?

Clark Kent:
A couple of women downstairs whipped it up.

Lois Lane:
Oh, I see. I eat crow. You eat fudge.

Clark Kent:
Honey, half of me gets fudge. The other half gets darts thrown at him.

President Kasparov:
You said Superman would be here to explain everything. Where is he?

Randy Goode:
Well, he told me he'd be here. Maybe Lois Lane got tickets to Cats or something.

Barry Dunning:
Is Superman faster than a speeding adulterer? Is he able to leap tall tales in a single bound?

Lois Lane:
[after Clark bites into an apple while walking past her desk] Could you turn the volume on that Clark? I don't think they heard that in Borneo.

Lois Lane:
I know that pig.

Clark Kent:
I bet you were a cute kid.

Lois Lane:
I'm still a cute kid.

Squire Jeremy:
Sir Charles? You're the Fox? I love it!

Baron Tempus:
Well, of course! It all makes perfect sense. Never in the same place at the same time, always ducking away and returning with some lame excuse...I can't belive I was actually fooled by a little mask over the eyes.

Loisette:
Duh, join the club.

Baron Tempus:
The Fox has stolen lady Loisette from me, and I simply can't have that. I hate it when the hero gets the heroine. It's so clich?.

Baron Tempus:
Don't you remember me? I'm the bad guy who collects horrendously unfair taxes and you're the good guy who robs me blind and gives it all back to the poor.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] I hope you don't do everything that fast.

Lois Lane:
[after Clark complains that she is too controlling as the new editor] You know what I think? I think you have a real problem with the fact that I'm the one in the family wearing the tights. Pants, I mean pants!

Ethan Press:
[zapping Superman with the molecular disintegrator] Totally cool. I wonder if there's a video game in this.

Eric Press:
Well, come on, you wouldn't kill your own brother. Would you?

Ethan Press:
You remember Sunday School, Cain and Abel? [Turns molecular disintegrator on his brother] I always liked Cain. Sit down.

Eric Press:
This sucks!

Clark Kent:
My wife, the boss.

Lois Lane:
I still can't believe it.

Perry White:
Now, listen, you sure you two ok with this? I mean, I, uh, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers.

Lois Lane:
Don't worry, we've already talked about it. Everything's fine. Really.

Perry White:
You're sure?

Clark Kent:
Positive, chief. In fact, I'm kind of looking forward to sleeping with the boss.

Perry White:
I love the smell of ink in the morning.

Jimmy Olsen:
But it's not morning.

Perry White:
Oh, hell, Jimmy, I know that. It just doesn't sound as good, you know.

Lois Lane:
Where are you from? I mean, you're not from Kansas, that's for sure.

Superman:
I'm from another planet. A place called Krypton.

Lois Lane:
Do you mind if I write some of this down?

Superman:
No.

Lois Lane:
You seem, uh, to have all the parts of a man.

Superman:
Well, I am a man, Lois. Just like you're a woman.

Lois Lane:
I'm really glad you're here. But why are you here?

Superman:
To help.

Lois Lane:
To help. I need a little bit more of a quote than that. Something like, "I have not yet begun to fight," or, "Damn the torpedoes." Something like that. I mean if you said, "I am here to fight for truth or justice."

Superman:
Well truth and justice, that sounds good. You can use that.

[Someone shouts for help]

Lois Lane:
What is it?

Superman:
Someone's in trouble.

Lois Lane:
This is a job for Superman, right?

Superman:
I hear you've been looking for me.

Lois Lane:
All my life.

Lois Lane:
What's going on is the warrant is phony.

Clark Kent:
Phony?

Perry White:
Phony as a lock of Elvis's hair from a Memphis souvenir shop.

Polygraph Technician:
[hooking Clark up to a polygraph] Now, just say yes to these two questions to see if the machine is working right. Is your name Clark Kent?

Clark Kent:
Yes.

Polygraph Technician:
Are you Superman?

Clark Kent:
Yes. [machine registers his answer as true]

Lois Lane:
You really do read minds.

Superman:
Not really, but I do have good hearing.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] You are so weird. It works for you, though.

Clark Kent:
I was actually just thinking about invitations.

Lois Lane:
Catering.

Clark Kent:
The band.

Lois Lane:
Ugh! We're so far behind.

Clark Kent:
We haven't even set a date yet!

Lois Lane:
I know! We're behind on that too.

Lois Lane:
It's all in Russian.

Clark Kent:
Here, let me see.

Lois Lane:
Is there any language you don't know?

Clark Kent:
Well, sometimes I have trouble understanding you.

Perry White:
[to Lois and Clark] Oh, look, I know I've been uptight and irritable lately, quick to judge, quick to condemn, sometimes I've been downright mean. What I'm trying to say is that you, you, well...you can expect more of the same

Skip Wallace:
[about Perry] And why are we doing a story on pet food when there are people starving in Texas? I mean, it's un-American! And he knows it!

Skip Wallace:
I am here to inform you, that from now on, you will be reporting to me.

Perry White:
I wouldn't count on it.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I love your humor; your passion. The way you dive right in... even when you shouldn't. Because you refuse to just watch the world. You demand that it be a better place, and because of you, it is. And today, I want to give you as much of the world as I can. So I give you my heart, my soul... and our future. [he slips the ring on her finger]

Lois Lane:
Clark, you're my best friend. Until I met you, I never had a best friend. And falling in love with you has been so easy, I don't know why I fought it for so long. You have such gentle grace; such quiet strength; but mostly, such incredible kindness. I've never known anyone with as pure a heart. So today, I give you my love, my honor... and our life together. [she slips the ring on his finger]

Perry White:
You tell us where and when, we'll be there with Kevlar and rice.

Lois:
Clark, you're my best friend. Until I met you I never had a best friend. And falling in love with you has been so easy, I don't know why I fought it so long. You have such gentle grace, and such quiet strength, and mostly... such incredible kindness. I've never known anyone with as pure a heart, and so today I give you my love, and my honor, and our life, together.

Myrtle Beech, the Wedding Destroyer:
You realize, Mr. Nunk, that this is no game. Lois and Clark humiliated me, took my freedom and sullied my good name. I am not planning a prank, I am planning revenge of operatic proportions!

Leo Nunk:
Cool!

Dr. Voyle Grumman:
He's lying.

Myrtle Beech, the Wedding Destroyer:
How do you know?

Dr. Voyle Grumman:
I don't. I just think everyone's lying.

Clark Kent:
You okay?

Lois Lane:
Considering we just had our second wedding which failed to result in an actual marriage...I guess so

Clark Kent:
We're all packed for the honeymoon. Estimated time of arrival in Hawaii...[changes into Superman] 2 minutes. [phone rings] And 15 seconds.

Sarah Goodwin:
Okay, look, you ever had rocky road ice cream?

Lois Lane:
I think that's a bad example if you're gonna be talking about relationships.

Sarah Goodwin:
Just a metaphor, Lois, just go with me. If I told you that you could only have one ice cream flavor for the rest of your life, what would it be, rocky road or chocolate?

Lois Lane:
Well, I don't know, I guess I'd have to try rocky road before I decided.

Sarah Goodwin:
That's the point. Clark's chocolate. I mean, it's good, it's good and all, but, you know, you've had it.

Lois Lane:
Yes, but you can put hot fudge on it, and whipped cream, and nuts.

Sarah Goodwin:
Bananas.

Lois Lane:
Oh, bananas!

Sarah Goodwin:
Ooh, don't take me there. Okay, now this Scardino guy, he's rocky road. He's different, interesting, chunky.

Lois Lane:
You know, Sarah, if you go around trying every flavor that comes out, you're gonna get awfully fat.

Sarah Goodwin:
Well, that's when you go for the little, pink, plastic taster spoons. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm telling you, Lois, chocolate will always be there.

Lois Lane:
Not necessarily. I think I'd really miss chocolate if I couldn't have it.

Clark Kent:
[to Lois] Congratulations, it's a healthy baby...basketball.

Lois Lane:
If Roxi Terrace is her patient, I'm Dumbo the elephant!

Clark Kent:
[about Scardino] What did Inspector Gadget want?

Lois:
If you wanna kill Superman, I don't know why you're going to Smallville or 1966.

Tempus:
She doesn't know yet. Oh, this is good. This is really good. Um, Lois, did you know that, in the future, you're revered at the same level as Superman? Why there are books about you, statues, an interactive game. You're even a breakfast cereal.

Lois:
Really?

Tempus:
Yes. But, as much as everybody loves you, there is one question that keeps coming up: "How dumb was she?" Here, I'll show you what I mean. Look [puts glasses on] , I'm Clark Kent. [Takes glasses off] No, I'm Superman. [Puts glasses on] Mild-mannered reporter. [Takes glasses off] Superhero. Hello! Duh! Clark Kent is Superman. Ha, ha, ha. Well, that was worth the whole trip. To actually meet the most galactically stupid woman who ever lived.

Tempus:
You want to know the future, Miss Lane? No one works, no one argues, there are 9,000 channels and NOTHING ON!

Tempus:
Well, this is a special pleasure, Ms. Lane. I'm Tempus. I'm from the future that you and Superman created.

Lois:
Me and Superman?

Tempus:
A world of peace. A world with no greed or crime. A world so boring you'd blow your brains out, but there are no guns.

H.G. Wells:
What's the matter, my dear?

Lois:
Oh, you've been to the future, Mr. Wells. Is it true what Tempus said about me?

H.G. Wells:
Oh, yes. You're as highly-revered as any woman in history.

Lois:
Oh, no, I'm meant about being galactically stupid.

H.G. Wells:
No, no, no, Miss Lane, not stupid, blind. It is one of the many things that makes your story so timeless. Why children never tire of hearing it at bedtime. Why parents never outgrow it. Generation after generation, we are all blinded by love, Miss Lane. Especially that one great love that changes us forever.

Tempus:
Excuse me, but I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit.

Tempus:
Superman, as long as I have you here, just answer one thing for me. Why tights? Why a cape? You're a grown man, don't you feel ridiculous?

Superman:
My mother made it for me.

H.G. Wells:
I won't let you hurt him, I will fight you with my last breath.

Tempus:
Really?

H.G. Wells:
I swear it!

Tempus:
[hits Wells who falls unconscious] Sorry, can't have you swearing in front of the baby.

Martha Kent:
It's just I'm not able to have children... But I know that if I were to find a baby, I would be the most grateful woman in the world.

Clark Kent:
And the world's best mom.

Lois Lane:
I couldn't stand the idea I might lose you and I'd never get to tell you... to say that... I...

Tempus:
Please. I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric chair - but don't make me listen to this!

Clark Kent:
Glasses, secret identity... seemed like a good idea at the time.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] Is this going to feel as weird to you as it does to me, knowing you are Superman from now on?

Clark Kent:
[to Lois] You haven't spoken since 1866.

Clark Kent:
Lois, Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am.

[Lois has just found out Clark is Superman]

Lois Lane:
[slaps Clark] And don't pretend that hurt... Superman!

[in 1866]

Marshall Kent:
[to Lois and Clark] Gone, which is exactly where we'd like you and the naked lady.

Lois Lane:
Naked? I'm not naked. These are just new fashions from... France.

H.G. Wells:
The hardest lesson is that love can be so fair to some and so cruel to others, even those who could be gods.

Tempus:
You know, my stores are offering a great deal on a 12-clip automatic. 24 rounds with every purchase, and a free pair of sunglasses.

Tempus:
[watching alternate Clark become Superman] Bravo, Mr. Kent. My plan is working perfectly.

H.G. Wells:
You have a plan?

Tempus:
Yes, Herb. I'm the bad guy- we always have a plan.

Tempus:
[to H.G. Wells] Herb, if I wanted to kill her, I'd beat her to death with a frozen lamb chop and then eat it with a nice merlot.

Tempus:
[to H.G. Wells] I've missed you, Herb. Sure, you're a few years older, I'm a few pounds lighter, you're about to become a corpse, I'm about to be a god, but it's the same old us, together again, huh?

Alternate Superman:
It's all right. Honestly, I don't know how you think a pair of glasses would keep people from finding out. It's ridiculous.

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] I know our relationship has always been difficult to define, but when I thought about how much I missed you, how much I was going to miss you for the rest of my life, well, I started to think, maybe there's more to our relationship than just friendship. [notices Clark has fallen asleep] Or, maybe not

Clark Kent:
[explaining why he needs both his identities] Dad, Superman doesn't work at the Daily Planet. He doesn't go to ball games with Jimmy and Perry. He doesn't listen to Lois go off on some weird tangent and secretly love it.

Lois Lane:
He died trying to protect me. In one...lousy second...I lost my partner...and my bestfriend. He died without ever knowing. I never told him

John Dillinger:
When did people start to fly?

Superman:
Not long before they started coming back from the dead.

Clark Kent:
Being dead really takes it out of you.

Lois Lane:
Hollywood's created a dozen versions of Frankenstein and you still didn't get the point.

Lois Lane:
What are we dealing with here? Some kind of Jurassic Park for humans?

Bonnie Parker:
You can't keep us locked in here forever. What is it that girl sings on the radio? "Girl's just wanna have fun."

Clyde Barrow:
Feds? You think I'm afraid of Hoover?

Jimmy Olsen:
Hoover? What's a vacuum cleaner company got to do with it?

Sammy:
Slap a wig on you, put this on, and you're a dead wringer for Madonna.

Lois Lane:
Madonna?

Sammy:
Yeah.

Lois Lane:
That's it, I'm out of here.

Perry White:
Jacques, I don't care what napkins you use, so long as my guests don't have to wipe their mouths on their sleeves.

John Dillinger:
[about Clark] I didn't realize you two were so close.

Superman:
As close as two people can be.

Superman:
[after he pushes Dillinger off the roof] You remember now? [catches him] I have been known to miss...on occasion.

Lois Lane:
[after Clark explains how he was brought back from the dead] I don't care if they used Krazy glue. You're back!

Bonnie Parker:
That's not very lady-like.

Lois Lane:
Yeah, well, I'm a woman of the 90s. And you're not much of a lady.

Caterer:
[pinching a ganster's nose with a nut cracker] That's for crashing Jacques' party.

Jimmy Olsen:
[about a Prohibition Era car] Chief, is this what they used to drive when you were my age?

Clyde Barrow:
They got any money?

Bonnie Parker:
No, just some pictures and a bunch of these hard things. [pulls out a credit card]

Clyde Barrow:
What is that? Gold card. [bites the corner] Hell it is.

Clyde Barrow:
Well I guess we'll get our gas the old fashioned way: steal it.

Jimmy Olsen:
We were almost killed. I saved us.

Clark Kent:
What?

Perry White:
The kid's leaving out a few details.

Clark Kent:
Did you get a good look at them.

Perry White:
Oh yeah, gave a very detailed description to the police. Then they looked at me like I had three heads.

Clark Kent:
Why?

Perry White:
Because I told them we'd been carjacked by Bonnie and Clyde.

Caterer:
Oh, no, no, no. We can't have you smoking this nasty thing in here. Do you have any idea the effect this cigar will have on my hydrangeas?

Al Capone:
Do you have any idea the effect this fist will have on your face?

Perry White:
Great shades of Elvis! They're coming out of the woodwork now.

Al Capone:
Who's Elvis?

Lois Lane:
[outside an illegal club] Hi. We have reservations.

Bouncer:
We don't take reservations. What's the password?

Lois Lane:
Joe sent me.

Bouncer:
Uh-uh.

Lois Lane:
The eagle has landed.

Bouncer:
Uh-uh.

Lois Lane:
Swordfish.

Clark Kent:
Swordfish?

Bouncer:
I saw that Marx Brothers movie too, lady. Nice try.

Clark Kent:
She's just kidding. The fat lady sings. [to Lois] I saw it in an old Untouchables episode.

Bonnie Parker:
You seem a little wound up. Why don't you loosen your tie and relax? What's the matter?

Clark Kent:
Nothing. No, I just get a little shy sometimes. I don't to show people my underwear.

Clark Kent:
Do you live near by?

Bonnie Parker:
That's a pretty forward question for a man who won't show me is underwear.

Lois Lane:
[to Hamilton as he sneezes] Instead of playing with DNA you should have found a cure for allergies.

Caterer:
[after the regenerated gang bursts in] What are you doing? This party is bad enough without you. Get out. [gangster puts a gun to his belly] Or perhaps you would like to stay for some hors d'oeuvres?

Lois Lane:
[shoving cake in Bonnie's face] This is for pulling the lever on the cement mixer.

Detective Wolfe:
Professor Hamilton, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Actually a lot of questions.

Dr. Emil Hamilton:
As long as it's not about DNA.

Detective Wolfe:
[to Clark] You're my first homicide case that ever solved itself.

Clark Kent:
Did he say anything about Lois?

Jonathan Kent:
Just that she's taking it really hard.

Clark Kent:
I guess that should make me feel better.

Clark Kent:
We should go call the police.

Lois Lane:
You go. I need to find a gray haired lady with a bucket of my nickels.

[after Lois explains to the newly "resurrected" Clark that the gangsters are planning to attack the Daily Planet]

Clark Kent:
You go ahead, I'll-

Lois Lane:
Oh, no! Not this time! I'm not letting you out of my sight.

Dr. Emil Hamilton:
Freezing means no permanent damage!

Bud Collins:
Superman, anybody tell ya you look just like Clark Kent? Only without the glasses.

Jack Olsen:
Sweet Tart, sweetheart, spying takes time.

Perry White:
Have you heard from Lois?

Clark Kent:
Lois?

Perry White:
Yeah, she left here and went to Star Labs to see Jimmy but I just called their, Olsen left, she never made it.

Clark Kent:
Where's Jimmy?

Perry White:
He never made it back here. Where's Jack Olsen?

Clark Kent:
Gone. Where's the computer?

Perry White:
With Jimmy.

Clark Kent:
Well that's great, we just lost everyone!

Perry White:
Yeah, we're totally incompetent.

Clark Kent:
[reading research notes] "The non-linear amplifier multiplies the input signal with obvious trigonomic results." Obvious to whom?

Lois Lane:
The result would be amplified waves with frequencies equal to the sum and difference of the original frequencies.

Clark Kent:
What?

Lois Lane:
What did I just say?

Clark Kent:
I have absolutely no idea.

Lois Lane:
Did I just explain what you were talking about?

Perry White:
Sometimes I think my name is Perry But: 'Oh I tried, Perry, but...', 'I'm sorry, Perry, but...' 'Oh I wish, Perry, but...'.

Perry White:
Clark, I understand how you feel, son, but I want you to remember that women are people too.

Mayson Drake:
I heard the call on my scanner. I just came by to make sure you're ok.

Lois Lane:
Bulgaria adopted the gold standard in 1897.

Clark Kent:
According to this, there are only 8 people on the planet who understand Dr. Faraday's theories. And I can tell you now, Lois, I am not one of them.

Dr. Harry Leit:
We must find a way to neutralize Superman.

Munch:
Hey, hey, don't look at me. I just work here. You're a doctor. You're smart. You come up with something.

Dr. Harry Leit:
I'm an eye doctor.

Lois Lane:
Hi, Mayson. You have more questions for me?

Mayson Drake:
No.

Lois Lane:
I don't think that's a question I wanna hear when I'm standing out here with a light shining in my face talking to someone I don't know that I can't see.

Lois Lane:
You sleep?

Superman:
Yes, I sleep.

Lois Lane:
I mean, it's not like I thought you were, you know, a bat that flies around all night.

Superman:
Lois, when I said I like my bacon crisp, I didn't mean...[Lois notices that the bacon as caught fire, which Superman puts out with his hand]

Lois Lane:
Alternating current is deadlier than direct current. [both of them look confused] Uh...I have some Pop Tarts.

Jimmy Olsen:
Lois, have you seen Clark? I need to talk to him.

Lois Lane:
You can talk to me.

Jimmy Olsen:
It's a guy thing.

Lois Lane:
That means it's about prostate trouble or about women. You're too young for prostate trouble. That means you wanna talk to Clark about women.

Lois Lane:
Jimmy, I'm going to give you the secret to success about women.

Jimmy Olsen:
[excited] You are?

Lois Lane:
Yes. The Pacific box jellyfish is the most dangerous animal in the ocean.

Jimmy Olsen:
You were gonna tell me the secret of success with women.

Lois Lane:
Oh, right. It's...um....It'll come back to me. Probably.

Jimmy Olsen:
[disappointed] Secret of the universe, yanked out from underneath me like a cheap rug.

Clark Kent:
[outside a phone booth after being blinded] Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry. Could you tell me where the nearest pay phone is, please?

[after helping a blind man while blind himself]

Blind Man:
I'm a little bit turned around. I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of West 57th Street.

Superman:
Uh...[points] I think it's that way.

Superman:
Lois?

Lois Lane:
Yeah, Superman, I'm okay. No, I'm not. I'm mad. I'm furious! It's always the same thing. Where is Clark Kent when anybody needs him?

Superman:
Lois, I'm sure he-

Lois Lane:
He's supposed to be your friend, but is he here for you? For me?

Superman:
I'm sure there's a rational explanation-

Lois Lane:
No! His two best friends need his help right now, and where is he?

Superman:
If he could be here-

Lois Lane:
He's in the mountains with Mayson Drake.

[trying to pick the lock to Clark's apartment]

Jonathan Kent:
Why couldn't we leave our suitcases in a locker at the airport?

Martha Kent:
A child of 4 could pick those locks.

Jonathan Kent:
Maybe we should have that child with us now.

Superman:
Lois?

Lois Lane:
Over here.

Superman:
Do you have any oolong tea?

Lois Lane:
Oolong?

Superman:
Oolong.

Lois Lane:
No. Do you want some?

Superman:
If it wouldn't be too much trouble.

Martha Kent:
Oolong sounds wonderful.

Jonathan Kent:
Come on, Lois. Let's go get these tea drinkers some oolong.

Dr. Harry Leit:
And as we all know, knowledge is power.

Lois Lane:
There are things in my brain that I don't know how they got there. I don't have access to them really. The just sort of leak out from time to time.

Superman:
Is this the good window?

Martha Kent:
Yes, but it's-

Mayson Drake:
You're incapacitated!

Jonathan Kent:
Wait!

[Superman crashes through the closed window]

[Mayson, Martha, and Jonathan rush over and look through the now broken window]

Jonathan Kent:
Looks like he misjudged the distance to the ground.

Mayson Drake:
Is he ok?

Martha Kent:
Yes, dear, I imagine so.

Dr. Harry Leit:
She's gone.

Munch:
Yes, Doctor.

Dr. Harry Leit:
You have a flashlight?

Munch:
No, Doctor.

Dr. Harry Leit:
Find her!

Munch:
Ok, Doctor.

Perry White:
Maybe it's a good thing the device was destroyed. Technology and human nature are sometimes a volatile mix, aren't they?

Jimmy Olsen:
Like Frankenstein.

Lois Lane:
In bodies of uniform density, the center of gravity depends on the shape of the body.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I want you to hear me. Every time, every time we make love, we make, love. That's the strongest lifeforce there is. Whether or not that results in another little person. To me it is creation. You fill me with life.

Ellen Lane:
[held at gunpoint by Misha] Sam, I don't mean to nag, but do you do any checking on these crackpots before you sign them up as partners?!

Misha:
I'm not a crackpot!

Martha Kent:
No dear, trust me, you are.

Dr. Klaus 'Fat Head' Mensa:
[after using his powers to kill one who betrayed him] A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Dr. Klaus 'Fat Head' Mensa:
Did you know the average human uses less then 10% of his brain? I use 98.6% of mine.

Carter Clavens:
Is that why they call you "Fat Head"?

Dr. Klaus 'Fat Head' Mensa:
I hate that name.

Constance Bailey:
Ms Lane, on almost a weekly basis, you manage to dangle above the Jaws of Death.

Lois Lane:
I dangle about the Jaws of Death?

Constance Bailey:
Like an hors d'oeuvre.

[last lines]

Clark Kent:
Yeah Yeah, everyone, everything is absolutely fine. Um... Mom and Dad, and, uh, Mom & Dad, uh... we have something to tell you. [the baby coos as Lois walks in the room and shows hers and Clark's parents their new baby. Clark chuckles and everybody smiles as the baby continues to coo]

Clark Kent:
Not exactly what you had in mind, huh?

Lois Lane:
Well, let's see, so far I've been given a glimpse of ritual crop worship, treated as your girlfriend, and I insulted your parents. No, I couldn't have planned this.

Lois Lane:
You are always editing my copy!

Clark Kent:
Okay, well next time you fight the bad guy and I'll write the story.

Jason Trask:
I have your parents, but who I want is Superman! Now, if you want to save them, you tell me what I want to know. A trade.

Clark Kent:
You have to promise to let them go.

Jason Trask:
I do, I do. You absolutely have my word.

Clark Kent:
I'm Superman.

Clark Kent:
Mom, Lois and I need to receive a fax tomorrow.

Martha Kent:
A fax?

Lois Lane:
Facsimile. It's a machine. A person can put a piece of paper in at one end and the person at the other end can get a copy if they have a fax machine too. It's sort of technical.

Martha Kent:
[uncovers fax machine] Oh, I was just thinking that if you're expecting something, I think I'd better check the paper.

Clark Kent:
Fortunately for you, this weekend Smallville is holding the annual Corn Festival.

Lois Lane:
This is a good thing?

Clark Kent:
Sure! We'll get to see the Corn Queen Pageant, the Husk-Off, the Corn-o-rama, popcorn, cream corn, corn on the cob - we are in luck.

Lois Lane:
[sarcastically] Oh be still my heart.

Clark Kent:
Wait a minute Mom. Lois thinks the guy running the BBQ is a crossdresser.

Martha Kent:
[laughing] Oh Lois, that's Clark's father! I can't get him to buy a dress for me, much less one for himself!

Perry White:
Clark, I usually advise my reporters to stay clear of the story, not get involved, but since you got in a fight with that nutcase Trask, well I'm just happy you came out on top.

Martha Kent:
Normal for Earth.

Clark Kent:
This is Earth. Normal could be good.

Jonathan Kent:
You can't go through all your life with powers, and then puff, they just disappear.

Clark Kent:
Well, it's happened Dad.

Jason Trask:
Kill me! I would have killed you, Superman.

Clark Kent:
That's not how I work.

Clark Kent:
I am Superman.

[Trask points a gun at him after he's been weakened by the Kryptonite]

Clark Kent:
No! Trask, don't!

Jason Trask:
That was fear Kent, real fear. Superman doesn't fear guns. Nice try, but I want the real thing.

Clark Kent:
[after a bunch of guys jump out of the bushes and point guns at them] There goes the picnic.

Lois Lane:
In case you were wondering, this wasn't part of the plan.

Jason Trask:
Those are fighting words Mr. Kent, or should I call you Superman. Secret identity, now that's very clever.

Clark Kent:
[while line dancing] You actually know how to do this.

Lois Lane:
Last year I had a girlfriend convince me it was a great way to meet guys.

Clark Kent:
Was it?

Lois Lane:
Define "guys."

Lois:
Mrs. Lex Luthor. Lois Lane Luthor. Lois Luthor Lane. Lois... Lane... Kent.

Lois Lane:
[seeing the officiate at their wedding] The Archbishop!

Lex Luthor:
Yes, I'm sorry, the Pope had a previous engagement.

Lex Luthor:
[to Superman who is in a Krytonite cage] Have a nice death.

Lex Luthor:
[at their wedding after being discovered] Lois, I am sorry, we'll have to take a raincheck, something has come up.

Lex Luthor:
[to a distracted Lois] Did you know that Shakespeare didn't write Othello?

Lois Lane:
Hm.

Lex Luthor:
It was actually written by Dr. Seuss.

Arch-Bishop:
Do you Lois take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health til death do you part?

Lois Lane:
I...I...I can't. I'm sorry, Lex, it's -

Perry White:
[bursting through the door with the police] Lois, you can't marry this man!

Lois Lane:
I know. Is there an echo in here?

Lois Lane:
[to Clark] Oh, leave the truth and justice stuff to Superman, will you!

Lois Lane:
[after Eugene tells her he did some work on her computer files] I have a password.

Eugene Laderman:
Yeah, "Superman." It wasn't hard to figure out.

Perry White:
Is there something the two of you want to tell me?

Lois Lane:
No, not really, Chief.

Perry White:
Huh. Well...good. You sure now? Nothing you want to get off your chest, uh, chests?

Lois Lane:
We'd like to tell you, Chief, but we can't. It's better this way.

Clark Kent:
Better off not knowing.

Perry White:
Well it's a little late for that. I know.

Lois Lane:
You know?!

Clark Kent:
What exactly do you know?

Perry White:
You know...about...him...where he is.

Clark Kent:
Oh, you do know.

Lois Lane:
How do you know?

Perry White:
It's better you don't know. 'Course, I don't know officially. But, let's face it. If a man in my position didn't know, unofficially, then, well, he wouldn't be a man in my position.

Lois Lane:
So, now that you know, unofficially, are you going to tell anyone else that you, you know, know?

Perry White:
No! I wanted you to know.

Clark Kent:
Thank you, sir. I feel much better knowing that you know.

Lois Lane:
Me, too.

Perry White:
There is something I'd like you know, though.

Lois Lane:
What's that?

Perry White:
The minute you step outside that door, I no longer know. And I don't want to know anything else worth knowing...in the future.

Lex Luthor:
[after he misses a clay pigeon that has been launched from his penthouse] Nigel, call...

Lex Luthor, Nigel St. John:
...the lawyers.

Clark Kent:
I just wanted to say goodbye.

Lois Lane:
Goodbye? We're partners.

Clark Kent:
You don't need a partner, Lois. You never did.

Lois Lane:
Well, maybe not, but I was starting to like having one.

Lex Luthor:
Knock, knock.

Nigel St. John:
Who's there?

Lex Luthor:
Superman.

Nigel St. John:
Superman who?

Lex Luthor:
Exactly.

Judge Angela Diggs:
This is a gavel. And when I pound it, that's the international symbol for all of you to shut up, you got that?

Mayor Frank Berkowitz:
It's just hot out.

Murray Mindlin:
And getting hotter by the hour!

Mayor Frank Berkowitz:
And the heat goes on.

Lois Lane:
Mr. Mayor, what about the brownouts? There doesn't seem to be enough electricity to power the air conditioners let alone the traffic lights.

Mayor Frank Berkowitz:
I got ya, babe, but there's no need to worry about the power supply.

Eduardo Friez:
Look at me! I'm stepping on Superman's foot. I'm tugging on Superman's cape.

Prisoner:
What are you gonna do next? Spit into the wind?

D.A. Clemmons:
[after Clark warns him not to make Lois a fallguy] I suggest you keep your emotions in check, Mr Kent. You obviously have no idea who you're dealing with, here.

Clark Kent:
Yeah, neither do you.

Wanda:
The Caped Crusader!

Superman:
No. That's Batman.

Wanda:
[after Superman visits Lois] You really do have friends in high places.

Clark Kent:
Uh, Lois, I want to ask you something.

Lois Lane:
Ooh, I'm not going to like it, am I?

Clark Kent:
What makes you say that?

Lois Lane:
You've got that tone in your voice. You know, when people are uncomfortable, like when they want to borrow your car, or money, your clothes?

Clark Kent:
Uh, okay, you got me, I wanna borrow your clothes.

Lois Lane:
I bet you'd look real cute in black chiffon.

Clark Kent:
What I wanna say is I...

Lois Lane:
I know what you want, Clark.

Clark Kent:
You do?

Lois Lane:
I know you a lot better than you think. How much do you need?

Clark Kent:
What? No, I don't want money, Lois.

Lois Lane:
Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I want you to go out with me!

Lois Lane:
What? You're asking me out?

Clark Kent:
Yeah, you know, like on a date.

Lois Lane:
A date? You mean like a real date? Where I take out my good perfume, the one that I got after I saw "Love Affair," the good one not the remake, and I put a dab behind my knee, I don't even know why?

Clark Kent:
Yeah. I guess that's what I'm saying.

Lois Lane:
Clark, that's...I mean...I don't know what to say.

Clark Kent:
Most people choose yes or no.

Clark Kent:
Lois, I'm just trying to ask you out. I'm not trying to negotiate a nuclear arms treaty.

[talking about Lois and Clark]

Jimmy Olsen:
You know, I think that's the first time I've ever heard them agree on anything.

Perry White:
Yeah, well, a budding romance will do that for you.

Jimmy Olsen:
How did you know that?

Perry White:
Jimmy, I did not become editor of a major newspaper because I can yodel.

[at the same time]

Lois Lane:
I'll take Bender, you take the bomb squad.

Clark Kent:
You take Bender, I'll take the bomb squad.

Clark Kent:
[seeing Lois attempting to clean up a spill] What happened?

Lois Lane:
Oh, I had a muscle - a mishap. I had a mishap.

Clark Kent:
Hi.

Lois Lane:
Hi. Oh, God, this is exactly why we shouldn't go out.

Clark Kent:
All I said was, "Hi."

Lois Lane:
Yes, I know, and a dozen thoughts went through my mind: You know, how's my makeup? Do I smell good? Do I have coffee breath? See, and all that was just with you saying hi. What's gonna happen when you start saying words with more than one syllable?

Clark Kent:
What did you put in your coffee this morning?

Bobby Bigmouth:
I want you to know how happy I am for you and that that there are a lot of people out there that are really pulling for this to work out.

Lois Lane:
What people?

Bobby Bigmouth:
What, did you think it was a big secret that Clark here has been mooning over you?

Clark Kent:
I wouldn't say "mooning" exactly.

Clark Kent:
Maybe Sheldon Bender knows something.

Jimmy Olsen:
Luthor's attorney? Why him?

Clark Kent:
Well, its just... God knows everything and attorneys seem to think they're God.

Lex Luthor:
[in disguise] You know, I have something for you. Information about Lex Luthor and the woman who stole his body.

Lois Lane:
Who are you?

Lex Luthor:
Do you know the story of the phoenix?

Lois Lane:
Yes. A sacred bird, reborn. Rising from its own ashes.

Lex Luthor:
That's right. When I was a little boy my mother told me that story. And I-I always liked the part where he... came back from the dead.

[showing himself as Lex]

Lex Luthor:
It's good to see you again, Lois. Did you think I wouldn't come back for you? Yes, look at me. I've lost everything: my fortune, my reputation. Everything but my feeling for you. We must take the miracle of my resurrection as a sign. As a sign that even death can't keep us apart.

Lois Lane:
How is this-?

Lex Luthor:
No, don't question a miracle. We're together again. That's all that matters.

Rollie Vale:
What's this?

Lex Luthor:
It's an old-fashioned doublecross.

Rollie Vale:
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm in prison. What are you gonna do? Charge me with being rude?

Jimmy Olsen:
I think it's kinda cool the way he tied in the baseball theme. You know, the whole designated hitter...[Lois gives him a look] Uh, I sure wish someone would yell out 'copyboy' right about now

Clark Kent:
[after Lois reads a note from "a secret admirer"] Don't look at me. I'm from Kansas, but I'm not that corny.

Lois:
...the police are looking for the Prankster, and Superman, I'm sure is on the job, so the President would probably be safer here in Metropolis than he would be in the White House.

Agent Carrigan:
And what would you know about the White House, ma'am?

Lois:
N-nothing. Nothing. I-I was just... sample, you know? Could've said 'safer than a bug in a rug', or... 'two peas in a pod'...

Agent Carrigan:
Are you on any type of medication, ma'am?

[Clark walks in on the office being frozen and starts laughing at Jimmy wearing Lois's dress]

Jimmy Olsen:
[begins to wake up] What's so funny, CK?

Lois Lane:
[wakes up and realizes that she's in her underwear] Griffin! Jimmy give me back my dress.

Clark Kent:
Now that's something you don't hear around the newsroom everyday.

Jimmy Olsen:
How do you get this thing off?

Clark Kent:
Look on the bright side, Lois. At least no harm was done.

Perry White:
Tell that to my tie! I loved this tie. Why couldn't it have been that ugly fish tie that Alice bought me for Christmas?

Clark Kent:
I think the better question, Chief, is why was Griffin here in the first place?

Lois Lane:
My continuing degradation comes to mind.

Clark Kent:
No, I think that's just a bonus.

Kyle Griffin:
[to Lois, chained to a pressurized steam boiler] Today we're going to turn the pressure all the way up to here. [indicating the danger zone] Thank's for playing along. Johnny, tell her what she's won

Victor:
A trip for one into orbit. Don't get steamed.

Edwin Griffin:
Why didn't I have a daughter?

[Clark, shooting some basketball, turns and finds himself face-to-face with Bo Jackson]

Clark Kent:
You're... Bo!

Bo Jackson:
I know.

Clark Kent:
Yeah, you would.

Lois Lane:
[in a high pitched voice] How can you be so calm?!

Perry White:
What's my choice?

Lois Lane:
Well, since I've been here, I've seen you scream, I've seen you throw things, I even saw you put your fist through the conference wall once.