Pee-wee's Playhouse

Pee-wee:
You all remember what to do whenever anybody says the secret word right?

All:
Scream!

Pee-wee:
That's right. For the rest of the day, whenever anybody says the secret word, scream real loud. Ready? Let's try it.

Jambi:
Mekka Lekka Hi-Mekka Hiney Ho.

Pee-wee:
I know you are but what am I?

Salesman:
I'm going door-to-door to make you this incredible offer!

[Pee-Wee screams and slams the door on the salesman]

[recurring line]

Pee-wee:
I love that story.

[repeated line]

Jambi:
Your wish is granted. Long live Jambi!

[repeated line]

King of Cartoons:
Let the cartoon begin!

Pee-wee:
I want everybody in bed by 7:00.

All:
Aww.

Pee-wee:
Alright, midnight.

Randy:
You know what, They are just playing. I'll set the oven to 700 degrees. [He sets the oven to 700 degrees] And then the bread will be ready in half of time!

Pterri:
But, Randy! Pee-Wee said, You are not supposed to touch the oven.

Randy:
Now you told me. Well, Too late!

Pee-wee Herman:
[to Pterri] Pterri, That's enough screaming for the secret word.

Pterri:
[In a panic attack] NO! NO! PEE-WEE, LOOK! [Screams in a panic attack as the alarm sounds]

Conky 2000:
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Pee-wee Herman:
[as he goes into the kitchen] THERE'S A FIRE IN THE PLAYHOUSE!

Fireman Frank:
[to the other firefighters] Okay, We will see you back in the station.

[to the cast]

Fireman Frank:
Hello, I am Fireman Derrick. Everybody allright?

Everybody:
Uh-Huh?

Fireman Frank:
Great! Fortunately, There wasn't a fire. Just a lot of smoke. Smoking can be as dangerous. Here is how it started

[Show them the burned homemade loaf of bread]

Miss Yvonne:
OH, NO! MY BREAD!

Fireman Frank:
I'm sorry. I love homemade bread.

Pee-wee Herman:
Gee, Derrick. I wonder how could a bread burn like this?

Fireman Frank:
Well, Everything can burn like this at 700 degrees.

Miss Yvonne:
[GASPS] 700 degrees? But I set the oven to 350. Didn't I, Pee-Wee.

Pee-wee Herman:
Yeah, Who could have done it?

Randy:
So is that bread ready, Yet?

Randy:
No, Randy! The bread is burned, Because somebody turn the temperature way up on the oven. Got any ideas on how could have done something stupid like this?

Pee-wee Herman:
I did it!

[laughs]

Clocky:
RANDY, HOW COULD YOU?

Miss Yvonne:
WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

Miss Yvonne:
Why Randy, Why?

Randy:
I thought it was good thing to it.

Pee-wee Herman:
Randy, You know, You are not supposed to touch the oven.

Randy:
I am sorry about the bread. Well, I'll go to the bakery and buy you another one.

Everybody:
[Screams as the word "ONE" flashes]

Pee-wee Herman:
Randy, I don't care about the bread. I care about the safety in the playhouse.

Fireman Frank:
Then you should make sure the playhouse is fire safe.

Pee-wee Herman:
Well, How do we do it, Firefighter Derrick?

Fireman Frank:
Conduct fire alarms. To make sure everybody know where and how to exit the house quickly in the event of a fire. And you should have smoke detectors placed through out your home. To warn you in if there is smoke or fire.

Pee-wee Herman:
have a smoke detector, In my bedroom.

Fireman Frank:
Remember to test them once a month to see if it's in good working order. [We see Pee-Wee Herman test the smoke detector] Replace frail electrical cord, And don't overload your socket. Get rid of rubbish. And make sure all flammable stuff are stored in a safe place away from the heat. And remember: You never, ever play with matches.

Pee-wee Herman:
Is there anymore to say, Derrick?

Fireman Frank:
Yes, a lot of information are found at your local fire department. [He gives Pee-Wee Herman a sticker with his phone number] Here is my phone number. Place that sticker near your telephone.

Pee-wee Herman:
[crying] It's ruined! There's way too much chocolate in my ice cream soup! My snack is ruined!

Conky:
Don't cry, Pee-wee. There is a solution to every problem. Just add more ice cream.

Pee-wee Herman:
[brightening up] Yeah! Thanks, Conky!

Randy:
Hi-ya, Pee Wee. Hi-ya, PA-terri.

Pee-wee Herman:
That's pronounced "terri." The "p" is silent.

Randy:
[rudely] Oh. Okay, Ee Wee.

Pterri:
Snack time's my favorite time, except for lunchtime and dinnertime.

[Pee-wee tells his favorite story]

Pee-wee:
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Pee-wee, who had a playhouse filled with lots of friends and cool stuff. They had so much fun together that they completely lost track of the time, and they all lived happily ever after. The end. [everybody screams]

Captain Carl:
You know, Pee-wee, there's a real twisted side to you.

Pee-wee:
Thank you, Carl.

Captain Carl:
[stares] You're welcome.

Mr. Knucklehead:
Knock, knock.

Pee-wee:
Who's there?

Mr. Knucklehead:
How are ya?

Pee-wee:
How are ya who?

Mr. Knucklehead:
How are ya gonna decide who to take to dinner? [laughs and hops away; Pee-wee looks shocked]

Pee-wee:
I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!

[Pee-wee has lost one too many of his items]

Pee-wee Herman:
[enraged] That does it! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! [slowly walks toward the camera] They can take the suit off your back. They can take your special cereal bowl and spoon. They can even take your album of photo memories. [by now, he has come up extremely close the camera] But when they mess with your dots... they go too far!

[the secret word is "little" and Pee-wee is trying to trick Mr. Window into saying it]

Pee-wee:
Hey, Mr. Window, what's the opposite of big?

Mr. Window:
Small?

Pee-wee:
No.

Mr. Window:
Tiny?

Pee-wee:
No.

Mr. Window:
Teeny?

Pee-wee:
No.

Mr. Window:
Itsy-bitsy?

Pee-wee:
No!

Mr. Window:
Petite.

Pee-wee:
No.

Mr. Window:
Miniscule.

Pee-wee:
No!

Mr. Window:
Dinky?

Pee-wee:
No!

Mr. Window:
Then what is it, Pee-wee?

Pee-wee:
Little!

[everyone screams]

Cowboy Curtis:
Uh, listen. Can I uh.. talk to you over here in private for a minute? I got just a little problem.

Pee-wee:
What's the matter, Cowboy Curtis?

Cowboy Curtis:
Well, it's like this Pee-wee: I knew I was coming over here to spend the night and all. And then it dawned on me that this here's a pajama party and...well, I don't have any pajama's to wear.

Pee-wee:
What do you sleep in, Cowboy Curtis?

Cowboy Curtis:
[shrugs] Nothing! I sleep in the nude!

Pee-wee:
Hey, Jambi. Cowboy Curtis needs a pair of pajamas for the party. I wanted to make it my wish for the day.

Jambi:
PJ's huh? Well cowboy, what sort of fashion statement would you like to make? Trendy? Traditional? Sensuous? Sensational?

Cowboy Curtis:
Well I uh, I'd kind of like something with a cowpoke flavor to it!

Jambi:
Of course. [chants] Spirits of the tumbleweed, help our cowboy friend in need! See him fitted tight in PJ's that are outta sight!

Knucklehead:
Knock knock!

Conky, the Robot:
It's Knucklehead!

Pee-wee:
Can you answer it, Conky?

Conky, the Robot:
Yes I can.

Pee-wee:
WILL you answer it, Conky?

Conky, the Robot:
I don't know, will I?

Knucklehead:
Knock knock!

Pee-wee:
ANSWER THE DOOR, CONKY!

Pee-wee:
Stories never make me sleepy.

Miss Yvonne:
Once upon a time...

Pee-wee:
[Immediately falls asleep]

Zyzzybalubah:
[contacting Pee-wee via Picturephone] Earthling, listen to me. I speak to you from the furthest reaches of outer space.

Pee-wee Herman:
Hmm, good connection. You sound next door.

Zyzzybalubah:
Silence! You are under my power! My transport ray is aimed at your playhouse, and in a moment, you will begin your journey to my planet.

Pee-wee Herman:
Let me get this straight: are you saying we're going into outer space?

Zyzzybalubah:
Duh!

Pee-wee Herman:
[emerging from the Picturephone booth] Transport ray. I'm so sure. [suddenly, the whole playhouse is lifted off the ground and into space]

Zyzzybalubah:
I'm ready for some more fun. Entertain me! Make me laugh!

Reba - Mail Woman:
We don't feel like laughing, Zyzzybalubah. [everyone screams at the secret word]

Zyzzybalubah:
Well, that's not a very friendly attitude. You're no friends of mine!

Pee-wee Herman:
That's right, we're not.

Zyzzybalubah:
How dare you! I brought you here to be my new friends!

Pee-wee Herman:
Well, you got the wrong idea. Friends are people that you care about and who care about you. You brought us here without even asking us if we wanted to come! And you haven't exactly been treating us the way friends should be treated!

Zyzzybalubah:
You're right. I don't have any friends. The reason I didn't ask you come is because I knew you'd say no. Nobody likes me.

Pee-wee:
[crying] I wish it would stop raining!

Jambi:
Wish? Did somebody say "wish"?

Pee-wee:
Jambi, please! I wish it would stop raining! I wish it would stop raining!

Jambi:
You only get one wish!

[laughs]

Pee-wee:
That was so funny I almost forgot to laugh!

The Female Stranger:
Hello?

Pee-wee:
Uh, Is your refrigerator running?

The Female Stranger:
I had just about enough of this. And besides, My husband is a police officer. [to Gerald] Oh, Gerald? [Gives the can to the police officer]

Gerald, The Police Officer:
Yes, dear. [to Pee-Wee] What your name, kid?

Pee-wee:
Uh, Pee-Wee Herman.

Gerald, The Police Officer:
Well, You listen to me, Pee-Wee Herman. Making prank phone calls is against the law! If I was not such a nice guy, I would had taken you downtown and throw you into JAIL! And be on the criminal record for the rest of your life. Would you like that?

Pee-wee:
No sir, I mean, No officer.

Gerald, The Police Officer:
Alright, I'll let it go this time. But next time, You are going to JAIL!

Pee-wee:
There won't be a next time, I learned my lesson. Honestly.

Pee-wee:
Jambi, Pterri ran away! I wish he'd come back!

Jambi:
Pee-wee, I've already granted your one wish. Besides, you just can't wish your problems away.

Pee-wee:
Well, I seem to have been able to do it up until now! [everybody screams]

[Pterri has flown into Pee-wee's house of cards, knocking it down]

Pee-wee:
Pterri!

Pterri:
[realizing what he had done] Oops.

Pee-wee:
Pterri, I told you not to play Acapulco Cliff Diver in the Playhouse!

Pterri:
I'm sorry. Will you go outside and play with me now? [everyone screams]

Pee-wee:
After you've picked up each and every one of these cards.

Pee-wee:
Hi, Jambi. It's time for my wish!

Jambi:
So what do you want?

Pee-wee:
Oh, come on! Say it like a real genie!

Jambi:
Oh, alright. [in an ethereal voice] Your wish is my command, oh wise and powerful master! [in his normal voice] So what do you want?

Pee-wee:
Let me see, what should I wish for? Hmm? Let me see. I don't know. Hmm, I wish I knew what to wish for.

Jambi:
[granting wish] It is done.

Pee-wee:
[excited] I know what to wish for!

Jambi:
[smiles] It's too late.

Pee-wee:
What do you mean?

Jambi:
You already had your wish.

Pee-wee:
No, I haven't.

Jambi:
Yes, you did.

Pee-wee:
No, I didn't.

Jambi:
Yes, you did.

Pee-wee:
No, I didn't.

Jambi:
Yes, you did. I'll prove it to you. Here's an instant replay on the Magic Screen.

[Magic Screen replays the whole scene for Pee-wee]

Pee-wee:
What a gyp. You tricked me! I want another wish.

Jambi:
You know the rules, Pee-wee: Only one wish per show.

Pee-wee:
No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

[continues]

Pee-wee:
So, where's the King of Cartoons?

Dixie:
[turns toward the door] Hey, Your Majesty... STEP ON IT!

Captain Carl:
I'll have the lobster.

Pee-wee:
I wouldn't recommend that.

Captain Carl:
Why not?

Pee-wee:
Because we're out of it.

Pee-wee:
[after the Salesman visited, the doorbell rings yet again, so Pee-wee opens the door and says] Look, Mr. Salesman...

Captain Carl:
Who you callin' Salesman?

Pee-wee:
Captain Carl!

Captain Carl:
Ahoy, Pee-wee!