Saved by the Bell: The College Years

Kelly:
Zack, what do you want from me?

Zack:
I... I-I want you to marry me.

Kelly:
What?

[AlexX chickens out on getting a tattoo]

Alex:
I couldn't do it. You're not mad, are you?

Slater:
Of course I'm mad! I got this dumb, idiotic tattoo for YOU.

Alex:
I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. What do you want me to do?

Slater:
I'll tell you what I want you to do. You and I are gonna go to the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival next weekend. We're gonna see every movie he ever made.

Alex:
Even "Rocky"?

Slater:
Yup, 1 through 5.

Alex:
I'll go get the tattoo.

Alex:
Emotional? Women are not emotional!

Leslie:
Come on Alex lets go do something only women can do.

Alex:
Yeah, lets go... give birth.

Alex:
Life is so unfair. I have to lose two pounds within a few days!

Kelly:
C'mon, two pounds is not going to hurt you.

Screech:
Oh yeah? That's what Delta Burke said before she inhaled her first cheesecake.

Professor Hemmings:
This is pathetic! I want every other row to stand up. [every other row stands]

Professor Hemmings:
This is how many of my students are going to fail my class - - fifty percent.

Alex:
Excuse me, Professor Hemmings, but... would that be the half that are sitting OR the half that are standing?

Professor Hemmings:
[smiles] We'll soon find out, won't we.

Zack:
Well, hello ladies! Did you miss me?

Leslie:
As much as I miss my acne.

[Zack and Kelly are getting married]

Dean Susan McMann:
[on phone] Hello, Reverend Dunlap. I would like to make a reservation in the school chapel for the Kawposki-Morris Wedding. [listening] Well then, bump the professor's funeral. He'll keep 'till Monday!

[the Reverend walks in on a wild stripper bachelor party]

Rev. Dunlap:
You know what? Maybe I should come back another time.

Zack:
Oh that would be great! How about Monday?

Rev. Dunlap:
I was thinking more around the lines of ten years - - when you've all had a chance to grow up!

Screech:
I knew we should have gone with Barney.

Zack:
[waiting for Kelly, but Slater walks in] Geez... I thought you were Kelly.

Slater:
If I were Kelly, I'd put on something skimpy and stare at myself in the mirror.

Zack:
That's what you do NOW.

Leslie:
Hi, Screech. What are you doing?

Screech:
Hi, Leslie. I'm just watching the T.V.

Leslie:
But the T.V. is turned off.

Screech:
Oh I know, I'm just watching the T.V.

Zack:
Kelly, you can't be serious. I mean, if you go on this semester-at-sea program, you'll be at sea... for a semester!

Dean Susan McMann:
[sarcastic shock] And you're only a freshmen?

Zack:
Well, I've thought about it long and hard, and I've decided that I'm gonna ask Kelly if we could date exclusively.

Slater:
Exclusively? Wait a minute... you mean as in - - only?

Zack:
Yeah.

Slater:
Are you crazy?

Zack:
I know, I know. It was a shock to me at first too, but I'm sure about this.

Slater:
Oh, no! This is terrible. When Alex hears about this, SHE'LL wanna date exclu -... exclu -... man I can't even say the word!

Slater:
Alex, I have to tell you something. I went to the car show with... [suddenly lies]... Chris...

Leslie:
[finishes name]... tee.

Slater:
No thanks, I'm drinking orange juice.

Screech:
It's time to start the next series of tests, Zack.

Zack:
More tests? There's no place left for them to look!

Screech:
Oh, yes there is!

Screech:
Who wants their barrium?

[Zack gets up and runs away]

Screech:
Aw, but it's cherry flavored.

Clara:
You do that again, and I'm going to stick your head in the microwave.

Screech:
Mike has Big Bird on his butt!

Mike Rogers:
It's not Big Bird. It's Tweety Bird.

Screech:
Trust me, Mike, that's a big bird!

Slater:
Has anybody ever been to a funeral before?

Screech:
I have.

Slater:
What are you supposed to do?

Screech:
Well, all the loved ones gathered around the grave. Then we put his rubber chew toys and his bowl in with him and buried him under his favorite tree.

Alex:
Awww... how old was your dog?

Screech:
What dog? I'm talking about Grampa Powers.

Leslie Burke:
Guess what? Mrs. Teesdale won the lottery and she quit Cal U and is flying to Bora Bora with the soccer coach.

Zack Morris:
Does anybody know who her replacement is?

Leslie Burke:
Professor Hemmings.

Zack Morris:
[groans] Oh, no! The guy eats freshmen for lunch. They call him Hannibal Lecturer.

Leslie Burke:
He is a well renowned scholar and author. The Supreme Court consults him. He's a genius.

A.C. Slater:
Yeah, but he's hard.

Zack Morris:
He's brutal.

Alex Tabor:
He's impossible.

Dr. Arthur Hemmings:
[enters] He's here!

[the room lights flicker as thunder and lighting rumbles from a storm outside]

Zack Morris:
[to the camera] Wow. I hope this doesn't happen every time he walks into the room.

Michael Rogers:
Those turkeys are frozen! I ordered you to buy pre-cooked turkeys.

Samuel "Screech" Powers:
I know. But I saved you $47.95 by purchasing frozen turkeys. They're cheaper. You know what you can do with that extra money?

Michael Rogers:
Yes, I could hire a hit man to kill you!

Zack Morris:
I feel like I've been tortured. I've been examined and felt from head to toe. With these doctors were the germs I would have told them what D-Day was.

Samuel "Screech" Powers:
Well, I'll let you rest before we start the next series of tests on you.

Zack Morris:
More tests? You've examined and looked at every part of my body. There's no place left for them to look.

Samuel "Screech" Powers:
Oh, yes there isssss!

Kelly Kapowski:
How could someone be so stupid?

Professor Lasky:
Kelly, don't be so hard on him.

Kelly Kapowski:
I'm not talking about Zack. I'm talking about me. I'm so stupid to have fallen in love with you!

Professor Lasky:
Okay, okay. Why do you feel this way?

Kelly Kapowski:
Why do I feel this way? Isn't it obvious? Zack is willing to go through anything for me and you... well, we both know what you are willing to do for me: nothing!

Professor Lasky:
Good, Kelly. Go with your feelings.

Kelly Kapowski:
I'll give you feelings. I'm tired of of hoping you'll see how wonderful I am. I'm tired of being nice. And... I'm tired of you!

Zack:
[explaining to Leslie why Screech is not going to a frat party with them] I like Screech.

Slater:
I like Screech, too. I also like the Three Stooges but I wouldn't want to go to a fraternity party with them.

Zack:
Well, maybe Larry.

Slater:
Yeah, maybe Larry.

Zack Morris:
[Zack is startled by Slater's noisy entrance] I thought you were Kelly.

A.C. Slater:
If I were Kelly, I'd wear skimpy clothes and look at myself in the mirror.

Zack Morris:
You do that now.

Alex:
[seeing Kelly not in the normal uniform for karate class] Oh, well if it isn't the teenage mutant ninja tramp.

Dean Susan McMann:
That's a lovely blouse. Is it a Donna Karen?

Leslie:
Yes it is.

Dean Susan McMann:
What store did you get it in?

Leslie:
Actually, Donna just dropped it off at the house.

Dean Susan McMann:
My, you are rich. I like that in a person.

Alex Tabor:
There it is! There it is! I got another slamin' tune from Psycho John. But first, will the guy who brought the Doberman please go to Room 214? Your dog is attacking and eating a Chinese exchange student.

Zack Morris:
Oh, no! I'd better get in there.

Kelly Kapowski:
Zack, it could be dangerous.

Zack Morris:
I know, but I have to. Besides, Wing Ling owes me money.