Say It Isn't So

Indian Man:
In My Country, for Violating sacred beast you get beaten to death with bamboo stick.

Walter:
I thought I told you to get a haircut.

Valdine:
Oh, give Gilly a break, he's been through a lot.

Walter:
Yeah, including his own sister.

Walter:
Do you know what the Bible says about f***ing your own sister? Don't.

Mr. Murphy:
Oh me and my wife had a great sex life, we use to have sex once a week. but then she died... then it was 3 or 4 times a week.

Mr. Campisi:
Pancakes. Pancakes. Pancakes.

Walter:
I'm surprised she didn't give up the sausage and become a vagina-tarian.

Mr. Campisi:
Hey, are you the pancake guy?

Dig McCaffrey:
Listen. I would've sprung you sooner, but after I ate all that weed, it took me two days just to pass the stems.

Gilbert Noble:
Jo, listen. I got great news. I, uh - I found Leon. I found Leon, and I got him dead to rights.

Josephine Wingfield:
That's great, Gilly. Now, why don't you just pull your arm out of Leon's butt, and we'll take a drive to the hospital.

Josephine Wingfield:
Would you like the standard bikini wax?

Mrs. Hartunian:
Oh, no. I'm going to Hawaii with my husband. Better landscape the whole yard.

Dig McCaffrey:
Jack Mitchelson got millions from his daddy. He's what we call a multi-millionaire. And in my experience, women like dead presidents more than broke boyfriends. No romance without finance, daddy.

Jimmy Mitchelson:
He wants to marry his sister.

Freddy:
He better not come back.

Jimmy Mitchelson:
Yeah, that's right, or we'll tie you to a tree, f*** you in the ass while we jerk you off. Show you what we really do to perverts around here.

Dig McCaffrey:
Well, ship my ass to big Red China. They want the white boy.

Streak:
You got any naked pictures of your sister?

Gilbert Noble:
Of course not.

Streak:
Wanna buy some?

Valdine:
Old R2D2 couldn't keep it in his pants back then. And now he can't even wipe his own ass.

Valdine:
Sweet Lord. You ponied your sister.

Larry Falwell:
You know what it feels like when newspapers call you the boss of a sister f***er? The whole damn town thinks I'm runnin' a "sisterf***eria."

Dig McCaffrey:
Now, be a friend and fetch my getaway sticks, daddy.

Gilbert Noble:
Your what?

Dig McCaffrey:
My legs, captain. My legs.

Gilbert Noble:
Oh, sh*t.

Dig McCaffrey:
Less feces, more fetchin'. Get over here and get it, boy.