Stowaway

Alfred Krukshank:
We are missionaries. The province sent us here to fight evil, not flee from it.

Sun Lo:
Will you allow me to take little Ching-Ching out of harm's way?

Alfred Krukshank:
Barbara will remain here with us. And I wish you would not refer to her as Ching-Ching.

Sun Lo:
Mr. Kruikshank, you may do as you wish with your own life, but Ching - Barbara is a child. Her honorable parents were my friends.

Alfred Krukshank:
I know. But they did not desert their posts when danger threatened.

Sun Lo:
No, and they were killed.

Mrs. Kruikshank:
Please, Alfred.

Alfred Krukshank:
I have decided.

Sun Lo:
I hope you will always remember the sayings of our wise men.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I will, because you taught them to me.

Sun Lo:
It was an honor to instruct the child of my friends, your honorable father and mother.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Friendship is like a shelter from the rains of trouble.

Sun Lo:
And so it is my wish to protect you from trouble that may be here very soon. Bad men are on their way here. There will be looting and destruction. I have arranged for Chang to take you to the home of my honorable brother in Shanghai.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Shanghai? Oh, that's wonderful! I remember all the stories my daddy used to tell me about it.

Tommy Randall:
You've been so nice to me, I'd like to buy you something. What would you like?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
A soup bone.

Tommy Randall:
A what?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
A soup bone. For my dog. He's awful hungry.

Tommy Randall:
Do you think your mother would mind if you joined us in a soup bone?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I haven't got any mother.

Tommy Randall:
Well, then, your father, or family?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I haven't any family. I haven't even got Chang.

Tommy Randall:
Who's Chang?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
He brought me here from Sanchow, and then he ran away with my money.

Mrs. Hope:
Mind you, he was only twelve! Richard spoke up as quick as a flash, and what do you think he said?

Susan Parker:
He said, "You may use my bicycle, Geraldine. I love sports, but I love the principles of manhood more."

Mrs. Hope:
I'm afraid I'm boring you.

Susan Parker:
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hope, but Richard told me that story the first three times you told it to me...

Mrs. Hope:
I tell it not because Richard is my son, but because I thought you, as his future wife, might be interested. Obviously I was mistaken, but mark my words, the time will come when you'll be just as devoted to Richard...

Susan Parker:
I am devoted to him, only...

Mrs. Hope:
Only you have a peculiar way of demonstrating your devotion!

Jenkins, First Mate:
We found the stowaway, sir.

Captain of SS Victoria:
Well, where is he? Let me at him.

Second Mate:
It's not a he, sir.

Mrs. Hope:
It's this child here.

Captain of SS Victoria:
What, you?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I guess so.

Second Mate:
She doesn't even know how she got aboard, sir.

Captain of SS Victoria:
Well, what am I going to do with you?

Susan Parker:
I'll look after her.

Mrs. Hope:
Susan, don't be absurd!

Captain of SS Victoria:
Well, that's fine, Miss Parker. Bring her up to my quarters later, and we'll see that she's returned to her people. See you later, stowaway!

Mrs. Hope:
What did you mean when you said you didn't know how you got aboard this ship? You must know!

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
But I don't. The last thing I remember is I fell asleep in Uncle Tommy's car.

Susan Parker:
Tommy who?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Randall. Tommy Randall.

Susan Parker:
Tommy Randall? Why, your Uncle Tommy is on board this ship!

Mrs. Hope:
I might've known you were his niece. He's a problem child, too.

Susan Parker:
I'll take you to him.

Mrs. Hope:
Considering his reputation, you'd better turn her over to the Captain.

Atkins:
There's a young lady to see you, sir, I think it's rather urgent.

Tommy Randall:
Oh, that's bad.

Atkins:
She's very beautiful, sir.

Tommy Randall:
Oh? That's not so bad.

Atkins:
She has a child with her, sir.

Tommy Randall:
Oh, that is bad.

Atkins:
She also has the captain with her, and he insists upon seeing you, sir.

Tommy Randall:
Oh, that's very bad!

Atkins:
Here you are, sir?

Tommy Randall:
What's that?

Atkins:
Your checkbook, sir.

Tommy Randall:
I don't know what your game is, young lady, but it won't work! I've never seen you before in my life, and besides I have witnesses to account for my whereabouts for the past twenty-seven years!

Susan Parker:
Mr. Randall!

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Uncle Tommy!

Tommy Randall:
Ching-Ching!

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
This is Susan Parker, my best friend. He's my best friend, too. Don't you think she's extravagant?

Tommy Randall:
She's magnificent.

Susan Parker:
Thank you. Charming little niece you have there.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I'm not really his niece, Susan. I'm just pretending.

Captain of SS Victoria:
Mr. Randall, aren't you the child's uncle?

Tommy Randall:
No, we met in Shanghai yesterday for the first time.

Susan Parker:
Moonlight on the water, stars in the sky, slow music, it's almost overdone, isn't it? They might've at least omitted the music.

Tommy Randall:
Everything's here, including you and me. Taken all together, that spells romance.

Susan Parker:
Romance takes two.

Tommy Randall:
There are two here.

Susan Parker:
Yes, but not the right two. You see, I'm engaged. To Richard Hope, Mrs. Hope's son. He's meeting the boat in Bangkok. We're to be married there.

Tommy Randall:
Why Bangkok?

Susan Parker:
Well, he lives there. He with an exporting firm.

Tommy Randall:
Exporting what?

Susan Parker:
Oh, ivory, apes, peacocks - that sort of thing. He came out here two years ago, and he's worked very hard.

Tommy Randall:
You mean you've been engaged for two years, and you haven't seen him in all that time? Oh, you Latins, what a hot-blooded race you are.

Susan Parker:
Richard isn't quite like that. Besides, we've known each other since we were children.

Tommy Randall:
Well, I must say it all sounds rather lyrical.

Susan Parker:
It may not be exactly lyrical.

Tommy Randall:
Me, I've never been engaged, not definitely, that is, but if I were ...

Susan Parker:
Not definitely is right. I seem to recall something in the newspapers: "Millionaire Playboy Sued for Breech of Promise."

Tommy Randall:
Oh, I practically won that case. She only got ten thousand dollars. Poor kid, she'd been counting on fifty.

Susan Parker:
Ten thousand dollars? That's more than Richard makes in a year.

Richard Hope:
Why did you cable me? Where's Susan? She's not ill, is she?

Mrs. Hope:
No, Richard, she's not ill.

Richard Hope:
Then why did you cable me? It's not exactly an inexpensive trip.

Mrs. Hope:
I know, Richard, I know, but frankly the situation was more than I could bare alone.

Richard Hope:
Heavens, Mother, don't build it up!

Mrs. Hope:
Have you ever heard of a Tommy Randall?

Richard Hope:
It sounds familiar.

Mrs. Hope:
It should be, it's been in the papers often enough. Well, he's on this boat!

Richard Hope:
What's that got to do with Susan?

Mrs. Hope:
Richard, your mother is a woman of the world, and she can tell ...

Richard Hope:
She can tell what? Heavens, Mother, we're not getting anywhere.

Mrs. Hope:
I'm not saying there's anything wrong between them ...

Richard Hope:
Oh, so that's it. You mean I've flown here just to be told that Susan's having a harmless little ship flirtation?

Mrs. Hope:
It may be harmless and it may be not. Susan is a very headstrong young woman.

Richard Hope:
Well, marriage will straighten her out.

Susan Parker:
Richard! This is a surprise!

Richard Hope:
It's a surprise for me, too.

Susan Parker:
Oh, uh, Richard, this is Mr. Randall, and this is Miss Ching-Ching Stewart. I never thought I'd see you here.

Richard Hope:
Evidently not.

Susan Parker:
Weren't you surprised to see him here?

Mrs. Hope:
Hardly. I sent for him.

Susan Parker:
Marvelous. I love surprises, and I hardly ever get them.

Mrs. Hope:
Susan, I think your friends will excuse you.

Susan Parker:
Oh, Tommy, I must be going. You'll look after Ching-Ching, won't you?

Tommy Randall:
She'll be perfectly fine.

Susan Parker:
[leaving] Goodbye, darling.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Goodbye, Aunt Susan. You like Susan, don't you, Uncle Tommy?

Tommy Randall:
You could call it that.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
I don't see how anyone could have fun with that Mr. Hope.

Tommy Randall:
I'm afraid fun isn't everything, Ching-Ching.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Susan, close your eyes and put out your hand. I have something for you.

Mrs. Hope:
Susan! Where did that come from?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
From Uncle Tommy.

Richard Hope:
Who?

Susan Parker:
Well, I asked him not to buy it.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Look, he bought me a bracelet, too.

Mrs. Hope:
That must have cost...

Susan Parker:
Three hundred dollars. I saw the price tag.

Mrs. Hope:
He wouldn't have spent that much money if he didn't think you were interested in him.

Susan Parker:
I don't think I'm even going to answer that.

Richard Hope:
Of course, you'll return it, won't you, Susan?

Susan Parker:
Do you know where Ching-Ching is?

Tommy Randall:
Yes.

Susan Parker:
Well, would you mind telling me?

Tommy Randall:
She's below, getting ready to leave the ship at the next stop. They're sending her to an orphanage for girls. She'll be marching in lockstep and eating gruel within a week. I hope you like it!

Susan Parker:
Surely something can be done. That can't happen to Ching-Ching.

Tommy Randall:
Wait a minute, I've got an idea. You're going to marry old sourpuss, aren't you?

Susan Parker:
I beg your pardon!

Tommy Randall:
I'm sorry, no offense meant. Look, I wanted to adopt Ching-Ching, but they won't let me because I'm unmarried. But you're getting married, you can adopt her.

Susan Parker:
But Richard and I...

Tommy Randall:
[shouting] You don't want her to go to an instituion, do you?

Susan Parker:
[shouting] Of course not!

Tommy Randall:
Look, I've gone completely soft about this kid. I know it's hard to believe, but true. Won't you please take her and let me pay for her upbringing until I can take her myself? That'll be as quick as I can get to the States and come back with a wife. You may not believe it, but there are quite a few women back home who'd be willing to marry me. Look, it's not for me, it's for Ching-Ching! Won't you please do it?

Susan Parker:
All right, I'll do it.

Susan Parker:
Richard, I want to adopt little Ching-Ching as soon as we're married.

Richard Hope:
What?

Mrs. Hope:
Whoever heard of such a thing!

Susan Parker:
But if I don't, they'll put her in an institution!

Richard Hope:
Well, that's what institutions are for.

Mrs. Hope:
I'm sure Richard doesn't want to start his married life with a ready-made family, especially with a child called Ching-Ching!

Susan Parker:
But it won't be for long, just until Mr. Randall gets back. You see, it's a favor to him. He wants to adopt her as soon as he can, and as soon as he gets married, he'll arrange to take her.

Richard Hope:
Why should I do Mr. Randall a favor?

Susan Parker:
But it isn't for him, it's for the little girl. Think of her future!

Mrs. Hope:
Don't meddle with other people's destinies. Forget about this child! She got along before she met you, and she can get along after she leaves you. Dismiss her from your mind completely!

Susan Parker:
Don't you think Richard and I should settle this by ourselves? After all, it concerns us.

Mrs. Hope:
Anything that concerns Richard concerns me!

Richard Hope:
I think Mother is right.

Susan Parker:
Your mother's right, and I'm wrong?

Richard Hope:
Yes. That is, I think you're mistaken.

Susan Parker:
So do I. I've been mistaken about us. A marriage is for two people. I'm calling off our engagement.

Tommy Randall:
Look, I know exactly what you think of me, but that's not important now. Hear me out. Marry me! Please don't misunderstand me. You wouldn't have to put up with me. It'll be a marriage in name only. As soon as we dock in San Francisco, we'll go right to Reno and get a divorce. My lawyers will take care of everything. Please, won't you do it? It's the only way.

Susan Parker:
Would you really do that for her?

Tommy Randall:
I'd do anything in the world for her.

Susan Parker:
So would I.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Are you really and truly my parents now?

Susan Parker:
We're the only parents you've got, darling.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
Sun Lo says a child without parents is like a ship without a rudder.

Susan Parker:
One never knows, does one, when love will come along?

Judge J.D. Booth:
Now, Ching-Ching, have either of the parties ever evidenced by their actions any proper legal grounds for divorce?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
There is utterly no grounds for disturbing the marital status of the contestants.

Randall's Lawyer in Reno:
This is most irregular, your honor. The child clearly doesn't know what she's saying!

Judge J.D. Booth:
Oh yes, she does! Isn't this entire divorce case just the result of two adults behaving like stubborn children, refusing to break down and admit that they're in love with each other?

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching:
To be with the one you love is better for your health than medicine.

Judge J.D. Booth:
That sounds like a Chinese proverb.

Tommy Randall:
Oh, Judge, you haven't heard anything yet.

Sun Lo:
[to Shirley Temple] May your shadow lengthen always in the sun of happiness.