Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough

Strong Bad:
First the burnination of Strong Badia... now I've got HomeSpam! Trogdor, you messed with the wrong player character this time! I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I have no other choice... I must... kill... *Trogdor*! Uhh... Anybody know how to kill a dragon?

Strong Bad:
[to Stinkoman] Cool, cool robot boots!

Stinkoman:
I know, I know, I know! They make me jump at real high! Plus, all the girls think I'm a boy! But I think they all need to grow up! And I can kick!

Strong Bad:
[annoyed] Okay! Man, shut up!

Stinkoman:
*You* shut up! You're dumb! And your head is wide like the river! You have the river head! [He laughs as he stomps his robot-boot-clad feet]

Strong Bad:
[seeing Homestar in a pop-up window] Homestar? Where are you?

Homestar Runner:
I'm in your interface. Pretty cool, huh?

Strong Bad:
[irritated] Well, get out! I've got enough to worry about without you gettin' all up in my HUD like some kinda pop-up spam!

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, that's a problem. I think I'm stuck in this video game unless you can find a way to get me out. By the way, did you know that Total Load can enlarge your vectroid region by 27 percent? Click here to find out how!

[Strong Bad discovers that Trogdor has burninated Strong Badia]

Strong Bad:
[in disbelief] *Trogdor*? NOOOOO! Bad Trogdor! Heel!

[Trogdor breathes fire toward Strong Bad, but misses, then runs off]

Strong Bad:
[anguished] My poor kingdom! You were never supposed to burninate *my* countryside! I thought we were BFFs!

[to the camera]

Strong Bad:
That's Burninating Friends Forever.

Strong Bad:
[to Strong Sad] Hey, what happened to Trogdor? I expected him to be pummeling and/or burninating you by now.

Strong Sad:
I told him my plant Charlemagne was a defenseless peasant baby and threw it out the window! When he went after it, I locked the door behind him! That thing is out of control! You've got to get a new logic board and stop him!

Strong Bad:
Stop him? No, no, it's pronounced "Cheer him on"!

Strong Bad:
[about the logic board to stop Trogdor] What's this "logic board" you're babbling about?

Strong Sad:
When you broke the machine...

Strong Bad:
We never established who broke what!

Strong Sad:
...you must've damaged the 8-Bit Containment field. You'll have to call Videlectrix for a replacement. It's the only way for Trogdor to get safely back into the game!

Strong Bad:
Why would I want to get him BACK in the game? Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to have my own dragon?

Strong Sad:
If Trogdor gets free, the videogame world and the real world will merge! Imagine hearing the repetitive, monophonic music of 8-bit games wherever you are, every second, for the rest of your life!

Strong Bad:
Yeah, I know! That sounds awesome! [Strong Sad then mimics 8-bit video game music and annoys Strong Bad] All right, I'll fix the machine.

[a roar comes from inside the "Trogdor!" arcade cabinet]

Strong Sad:
It sounds like the fan's broken. You'll have to get it serviced.

Strong Bad:
Serviced? Where am I supposed to get fan service around here?

[the cabinet grows wings, legs, and a beefy arm then chases Strong Sad]

Strong Bad:
That may be... the coolest thing... that has ever happened.

Strong Bad:
The Cheat, you know you gotta ask permission before you can play with or be around the Fun Machine. Especially when it's to put crap like *this* in there. Gel-Arshie's Pro Fruitboarder? That's the promo shovelware I got for sending in the proofs of purchase from all that Jela-Ton I won in the Race to the End of the Race! Those things are *never* any good! Say it with me, The Cheat...

Strong Bad, The Cheat:
[in unison] Licensed video games are never good.

[Marzipan, who has an exaggerated expression of rage, kidnapped Bubs and took him atop his own concession stand]

Strong Bad:
[observing the ordeal] What was THAT all about?

Bubs:
All kinds of weird goings on, Strong Bad! There was that big flickerin' and flashin' in the sky, and then Marzipan went plumb loco balonco! [Marzipan throws several crates] See what I mean?

[Homestar appears in the pop-up window]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, is Marzipan having one of her "episodes" again? You just gotta pretend you're listening to her. Let me handle this. [he teleports over to the enraged Marzipan and speaks in a half-hearted voice] Yes, Marzipan. You're right of course. Good point. [Marzipan throws crates at Homestar but misses] Missed me! You call that a throw? Give 'er the old one-two!

[Marzipan throws yet another crate, which lands on a bush on the ground]

Strong Bad:
Hey, that was my favorite bush! I wonder what's behind there...

Strong Bad:
[arriving in Peasantry] Check this place out! I'm in a video game! Oh, man, does that mean I can bash stuff with my head to find coins? [he bashes his head on a nearby tree, only to hurt himself] Ow! Guess not.

[Strong Bad's house is haunted by pixelated ghosts]

The Cheat:
[terrified The Cheat noises]

Strong Bad:
The Cheat, did you unleash vengeful spirits into the house again?

Strong Bad:
Hey, it's Rather Dashing, star of "Peasant's Quest"! Looking blocky and pixely as ever, Rath. Say, I always wanted to ask: what's up with the short pants?

Rather Dashing:
These things are incredibly comfortable! I'd like to see you "get rock" or "throw baby" while wearing long pants.

Strong Bad:
Fair enough.

[Strong Sad is in Peasantry, wearing a princess hat, guarding the entrance to Trogdor's lair; Strong Bad tries to walk past him]

Strong Sad:
Hark, who goes there? Leave this place now, lest I, the evil wizard, Sluushfuund, be forced to cast an evil spell on you.

Strong Bad:
[amused] Uh-huh, I think they mixed up your order at the costume palace, Prom Queen! They must've made a mistake.

Strong Sad:
It's fate! I was sitting in my room alone...

Strong Bad:
As always...

Strong Sad:
...when a blinding flash of light knocked me off my feet! I woke up here in the land of Peasantry, obviously dressed as a powerful, evil wizard!

Strong Bad:
Why do they call you "Stinkoman"? Seems a little harsh.

Stinkoman:
Why do they call *you* Dumb Face?

Strong Bad:
[unamused] Um, they don't.

Stinkoman:
Is it because your face is dumb and at the same time you have a dumb face?

Strong Bad:
[irritated] No one calls me that.

Stinkoman:
Maybe they should call you Dumb Butt Face, because your face and your butt are both dumb! [He laughs as he stomps his robot-boot-clad feet] Robots, ah ha!

Strong Bad:
Stinkoman it is.

[Strong Bad releases a captured Limozeen bus near Bubs' Concession Stand, where a game-affected Marzipan holds Bubs captive]

Strong Bad:
Fly, my hair metal rockers! Be free! [the bus hovers above the stand]

Larry Palaroncini:
[inside the bus; seeing Marzipan] Moderately hot babe-lien off the port bow!

[the bus captures Marzipan with a tractor beam]

Larry Palaroncini:
Oh crap! It's that crazy chick from the Battle of the Bands! Ow! Stop throwin' those crates, pretty mama! Ow! [the bus flies off]

Bubs:
[relieved] Thought she'd NEVER leave!

Strong Bad:
[giving Strong Mad the trophy] Alrighty, Comrade Shotski. On behalf of the Videlectrix Gaming Association, I present to you this trophy for Superior Halfathery in the Videlectrix Halfathlon. [Homestar appears in the pop-up window and hums a fanfare]

Strong Mad:
[ecstatic] PUT SHOT SHOT PUT TROPHY! SOLZHENITSYN! GLASNOST!

Strong Bad:
[impatiently] Yeah, yeah, ich bin ein donut. Are you joining my party or what?

Strong Mad:
DA! DA!

[Strong Mad joins Strong Bad's party]

Strong Bad:
[taking the TrogSword; ecstatic] AHA! By the power of EGA, extended memory management, raster interrupt 6, Hold and Modify, and the mighty Mode 8, the power of the TrogSword is MINE! [Homestar pops up in the interface, just as happy]

Homestar Runner:
Yay! You got the sword! Now you can slay the dragon!

Strong Bad:
More importantly, I'll be able to keep you from popping up and interrupting all my future scheduled make-out sessions!

Homestar Runner:
Uh... I've got access to your online calendar in here and I don't see any scheduled make-out sessions. Just pedicures and bubble baths.

Strong Bad:
[nervously] Yeah... that's code for "make-out session"! Just get outta here! And quit touching my stuff! [victoriously] The fabled TrogSword is MINE!

Strong Bad:
[to Stinkoman about the TrogSword] Hey, how do I get up there? I need that sword!

Stinkoman:
[stomping his robot-boot-clad feet and laughing] No way. You couldn't handle that sword! I'm gonna get that sword for myself, just as soon as I'm finished toying with *these* guys!

Strong Bad:
Come on, man, that's so not cool.

Stinkoman:
[laughing and stomping his feet, pointing to Strong Bad] One day, you'll get your baby turn. For babies! Who have a turn!

[Bubs is being attacked by Marzi-kong]

Strong Bad:
You gotta help me fix that Trogdor machine, Bubs. I think Strong Sad broke the "logic board" or something.

Bubs:
The logic board? Well, that explains everything! You must've broken the 8-Bit Reality Containment Field, causing our universe to combine with the world of videro games!

Strong Bad:
That's right, STRONG SAD did that. Can you fix it for me? I mean, him?

Bubs:
Oh, I've been fixin' logic boards since before you were in double diapers! I can even make it so you can play those foreign-type imported games! But I won't be able to do jack OR squat until you do something about that crazy crate lady!

[Strong Bad accidentally crashes into the Trogdor arcade cabinet, breaking it and causing it to spark; Strong Sad watches]

Strong Bad:
Now look what you did, Dumpa-lumpa! The Trogdor machine is ruined!

Strong Sad:
What I did? This thing hasn't worked for months! Besides, YOU broke it! Everybody saw!

Strong Bad:
Look, this is no time to be pointing fat, doughy fingers. This is the time for you to figure out how you're gonna fix it.