Suburgatory

Dalia Royce:
My parents are getting a divorce, you know.

Tessa Altman:
I know. And that sucks, and I'm sorry. I'm sure it's really painful.

Dalia Royce:
You know what's gonna be painful? When my mother remarries your father and I'm your new sister and Dad likes me best, and then we send you away to an all-girls boarding school where you find true love, and on visiting day, I come up and steal your new girlfriend. The following spring we marry in a civil ceremony which you are forced to cater. And everyone hates your catering. And you get a bad review on Yelp, which pretty much sinks your organic lesbian catering venture.

[Goerge wants to show Dallas a Horror-Movie]

Dallas Royce:
Can't we just watch "Sex and the City", the sequel?

George Altman:
No, we're trying to scare you not me.

Tessa Altman:
Pretty ironic that a box full of rubbers landed me in a town full of plastic.

Dalia Royce:
Are you a lesbian?

Tessa Altman:
You mean because I'm not dressed like I have a pole in my locker?

Dalia Royce:
Those are lesbian boots.

[Noah has previously introduced George to his shiny monster-sized propane grill, which he calls Sally. Then after Sally unrecoverably runs out of propane, George brings out his small beat-up one-man charcoal grill]

Noah Werner:
What the hell is that?

George Altman:
His name is Joe. He's from New York. And he runs on old-fashioned charcoal briquettes. Now let's light his face on fire and serve these people some New-York-Style dogs.

Tessa Altman:
I am being consumed by my desire for something. Something that is not good for me.

Mr. Wolfe:
You're addicted to drugs!

Tessa Altman:
Absolutely not!

Mr. Wolfe:
Are you sure because I've been told that a lot of people from the inner city are? And I've seen Rent.

Tessa Altman:
If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be?

Ryan Shay:
Scarlett Johansson... Dead.

George Altman:
Where are your pants?

Fred Shay:
I bet them!

Dallas Royce:
Let's get involved Moms. Without P we're just T and A.

Dallas Royce:
That rude roo ruined my rooms! I rue the day I agreed to a kangaroo!

Dallas Royce:
An angry teenager is worse than a locust plague.