What's Your Number?

Ally Darling:
My husband is in the north pole. He's a scientist too. He's dealing with the whole ice cap situation. Yeah. He's probably going to fix it.

Ally Darling:
Where's my coffee pot?

Colin Shea:
I broke it. If you were on Twitter you would know that already.

Jake Adams:
Well if I wasn't your first, at least I can be your last.

Ally Darling:
Why? Are you going to rape and kill me later?

Eileen:
[When asked why Daisy wouldn't 69 on her honeymoon] Because 69s are for when you're 17 and you're trying to cram everything in at once before your parents get home.

Colin Shea:
I don't know why you care so much about your number anyway

Ally Darling:
You guys all have this ideal girl in your minds, and if our number gets too high, we can't be that girl.

Colin Shea:
The ideal girl. Tell me about her.

Ally Darling:
You know, you can take her home to the family, she's smart, but not smarter than you, and she bakes apple pies with your mom and plays catch with your handicapped sister. But then when you're alone, she takes off her glasses and puts on a vinyl cat suit and f***s you sideways

Colin Shea:
That girl doesn't exist, if she did, I'd be sleeping with her. And what kind of guy cares about how many people you slept with anyway?

Ally Darling:
Decent guys.

Jake Adams:
So, how does dinner in Milan and breakfast in Paris sound?

Ally Darling:
Starchy.

Daisy Darling:
You invited Colin, your rape-y neighbor?

Daisy Darling:
Well, I have met him, and he is dangerously sexy, and if he wanted to come in through the back door, you'd let him.