Fran Lebowitz

Frances Ann "Fran" Lebowitz (born October 27, 1950) is an American author

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Famous quotes by Fran Lebowitz:Sort:PopularA - Z

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.Rate it:
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.Rate it:
Being a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.Rate it:
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.Rate it:
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.Rate it:
Favorite animal: steak.Rate it:
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.Rate it:
Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.Rate it:
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.Rate it:
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.Rate it:
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.Rate it:
I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.Rate it:
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.Rate it:
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.Rate it:
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.Rate it:
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not.Rate it:
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.Rate it:
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.Rate it:
If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract -- teach him to deduct.Rate it:
If you're going to America, bring your own food.Rate it:
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.Rate it:
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.Rate it:
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.Rate it:
My favorite animal is steak.Rate it:
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.Rate it:
Nothing succeeds like address.Rate it:
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.Rate it:
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.Rate it:
Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.Rate it:
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.Rate it:
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.Rate it:
The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.Rate it:
The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive-you are leaking.Rate it:
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.Rate it:
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.Rate it:
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.Rate it:
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.Rate it:
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.Rate it:
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.Rate it:
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.Rate it:
Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word collectible as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.Rate it:

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