Ambrose Bierce

United States writer of caustic wit (1842-1914)

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.Rate it:
Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.Rate it:
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.Rate it:
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.Rate it:
Painting The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.Rate it:
Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.Rate it:
Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.Rate it:
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.Rate it:
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.Rate it:
An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.Rate it:
Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.Rate it:
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.Rate it:
Brain an apparatus with which we think we think.Rate it:
Cabbage A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.Rate it:
Calamities are of two kinds misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.Rate it:
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sumRate it:
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.Rate it:
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.Rate it:
Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.Rate it:
Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.Rate it:
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.Rate it:
Patience. A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.Rate it:
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.Rate it:
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.Rate it:
Pray To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.Rate it:
Quotation, n The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.Rate it:
Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.Rate it:
Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.Rate it:
The covers of this book are too far apart.Rate it:
To be positive To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.Rate it:
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.Rate it:

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"Ambrose Bierce Quotes." STANDS4 LLC, 2015. Web. 30 May 2015. < Bierce>.

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