Robert Benchley

United States humorist (1889-1945)

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It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.Rate it:
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.Rate it:
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.Rate it:
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.Rate it:
A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.Rate it:
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.Rate it:
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.Rate it:
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.Rate it:
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.Rate it:
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.Rate it:
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.Rate it:
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.Rate it:
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.Rate it:
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.Rate it:
I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.Rate it:
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.Rate it:
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.Rate it:
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.Rate it:
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking aboutRate it:
Streets full of water; please advise.Rate it:
Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of.Rate it:
The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.Rate it:
The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.Rate it:
The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.Rate it:
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.Rate it:

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"Robert Benchley Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2015. Web. 25 Apr. 2015. <http://www.quotes.net/authors/Robert Benchley>.

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