- A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Robert Benchley »
- An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. Robert Benchley »
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. Robert Benchley »
- As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. Robert Benchley »
- Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. Robert Benchley »
- Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley »
- Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. Robert Benchley »
- For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting. Robert Benchley »
- I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle. Robert Benchley »
- It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley »
- The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. Robert Benchley »
- There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. Robert Benchley »
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