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Steven Wright Quotes
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Famous Steven Wright Quotations
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Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, witty, deeply philosophical and sometimes confusing or nonsensical jokes and one-liners with overly-contrived situations
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- A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here. Steven Wright »
- Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright »
- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright »
- I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright »
- I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. Steven Wright »
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Wright »
- I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Steven Wright »
- I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters. Steven Wright »
- If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know Steven Wright »
- If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it Steven Wright »
- If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer Steven Wright »
- It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright »
- It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Steven Wright »
- Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright »
- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you' Steven Wright »
- Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Steven Wright »
- My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Steven Wright »
- The Meaning Of Life The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go. Steven Wright »
- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright »
- What's another word for Thesaurus Steven Wright »
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' Steven Wright »
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it Steven Wright »
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