Will Rogers

United States humorist remembered for his homespun commentary on politics and American society (1879-1935)

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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.Rate it:
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.Rate it:
We have the best Congress money can buy.Rate it:
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.Rate it:
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.Rate it:
Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.Rate it:
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.Rate it:
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.Rate it:
America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.Rate it:
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.Rate it:
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.Rate it:
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a HouseRate it:
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.Rate it:
Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.Rate it:
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.Rate it:
Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.Rate it:
Every man is ignorant - just on different subjects.Rate it:
Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.Rate it:
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.Rate it:
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.Rate it:
Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.Rate it:
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.Rate it:
I bet you if I had met him Trotsky and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like.Rate it:
I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his money.Rate it:
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.Rate it:
I traveled a good deal all over the world, and I got along pretty good in all these foreign countries, for I have a theory that it's their country and they got a right to run it like they want to.Rate it:
I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.Rate it:
I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.Rate it:
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a DemocratRate it:
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.Rate it:
If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as we know we are, we would have cause to start to worry.Rate it:
If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.Rate it:
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us outRate it:
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.Rate it:
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.Rate it:
Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.Rate it:
Lord, let me live until I die.Rate it:
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.Rate it:
Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals.Rate it:
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.Rate it:
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.Rate it:
On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.Rate it:
One ad is worth more to a paper than forty editorials.Rate it:
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.Rate it:
Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. senators.Rate it:
Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.Rate it:
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.Rate it:
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.Rate it:
Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.Rate it:
Politics is applesauce.Rate it:
Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.Rate it:
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.Rate it:
See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernailsRate it:
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.Rate it:
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.Rate it:
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.Rate it:
The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation. I never yet talked to the man who wanted to save time who could tell me what he was going to do with the time he saved.Rate it:
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.Rate it:
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.Rate it:
The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How's the President'Rate it:
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.Rate it:
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.Rate it:
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.Rate it:
There is good news from Washington today. Congress is deadlocked and can't act.Rate it:
There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education.Rate it:
There ought to be one day - just one - where there is open season on senators.Rate it:
There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.Rate it:
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.Rate it:
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.Rate it:
We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.Rate it:
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.Rate it:
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.Rate it:
We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.Rate it:
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.Rate it:
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.Rate it:
When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I dident like. I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved. And when you come to my grave you will find me sitting there, proudly reading it.Rate it:
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.Rate it:
Youve got to be [an] optimist to be a Democrat, and youve got to be a humorist to stay one.Rate it:

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