Hide and Creep

Rev. Smith:
I've done terrible things today! Horrible things!

Chuck:
Reverend, I'm bagging bodies behind the police station for a bonfire.

Chuck:
There are only 3 good American zombie movies, and Romero made all of them.

[after falling pantless from a tree]

Michael:
Gail! Gail! Where's ma pants?

Waitress:
We just have Pepsi now. That okay?

Chuck:
Is Pepsi okay. Is. Pepsi. Okay? No, ma'am. It most certainly is not. Pepsi, the so-called choice of a new generation, is nothing but a charlatan. A fraud. An impostor, and a poor one at that. The Pepsi-Cola company has somehow, through years of advertisements featuring well-known recording artists and pseudo-scientific research, convinced the world's population that Pepsi-Cola is comparable to, if not better than, Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola being the first carbonated cola drink, truly the real thing. You know, I've been another place where they don't let you choose what you want to drink. Red China.

Rev. Smith:
Well. Well. Well. Is today Christmas? Is it Easter Sunday? Well? Is it? Somebody tell me!

Church Audience:
No, Reverend. Of course...

Rev. Smith:
Then tell me who or what I can thank for this wonderful turnout! I mean, I can't remember the last time I've seen this many people in our little country church. Where have you sons of b*tches been hiding and what brings you here today?

Waitress:
And to drink?

Chuck:
Coke

Waitress:
Pepsi okay?

Chuck:
Pepsi. Is Pepsi okay? No. No, my dear lady, Pepsi is not okay. Look, I don't mean to be rude here but let me school you on something. See, Pepsi, this so-called choice of a new generation, is nothing but a charlatan, a fraud, an imposter. See, the Pepsi cooperation, through years of slick advertising using glitzy popstars and pseudo-scientific research, have somehow conviced the public that their product is as good as, if not better than, Coke. Coke, however, is the original cola based carbonated beverage. The original real thing. That is what I want.

Waitress:
All we have is Pepsi.

Chuck:
You know, I've been somewhere else where they don't let you decide what you want to drink: Red China.