A Bird of the Air

[first lines]

Margie:
Upside down people, the graveyard shift. Whatever you call us. We're the ones working at night while you sleep. We look out for each other. Or, I looked out for Lyman, and he looked out for everyone else. But off the road he thought everyone else had read the big instruction manual. Lyman wasn't gonna talk until he had it all figured out. Riding that highway loop night after night was the only job he'd ever had, unless you count all the classes he took at the Community College. Oh he learned lots of things, just not the basics, and they aren't in the books.

Margie:
Some people talk to say something. Some when they have something to say.

Lyman:
Polly want a...

Parrot:
Shut up!

Lyman:
Polly want a Crack...

Parrot:
Shut up! I'm an eagle. [lifts wings, chuckles, turns in a circle]

Fiona:
You wanna come to my special cowboy poetry and songs event on Friday night?

Fiona:
[no response]

Fiona:
You know, underneath this skirt my legs are almost miraculously transformed into my ass. To everyone else it's obvious. [walks away]

Lyman:
You're a librarian, for God's sake, can't you whisper?

Fiona:
[whispering] When I talk like this, people don't listen.

Fiona:
What are you afraid of?

Lyman:
I've never been afraid of anything!

Fiona:
Well, that's a big fat one. You're scared to death of me, and I'm just a girl that likes you.

Fiona:
Hello there. Polly want a crack...

Parrot:
Shut up! I'm an eagle.

Fiona:
Wow, he actually said it. Hey, how come his lips don't move when he talks?

Lyman:
Only when he reads.

Fiona:
He's just socially challenged. Although he has a strange birth date on his license, and he does talk about axe murderers.

Fiona:
So, we gonna to take Sacajewea? [holding up her car keys]

Lyman:
I wouldn't get in your car even if it was named Mother Teresa.

Lyman:
[signs something to the deaf librarian and walks away]

Fiona:
Hey, I didn't know you could...

Lyman:
Mm hmm.

Fiona:
What did you say to make him look like that?

Lyman:
I told him your nipples were orange.

Fiona:
They are not!

Fiona:
It's just a release - screaming in other people's libraries.

Lyman:
You're supposed to wear clothes under your jumpsuit.

Fiona:
I've got clothes on.

Lyman:
What clothes?

Fiona:
My underwear.

Lyman:
What kind of underwear... Just wondering...

Fiona:
Well, continue wondering.

Lyman:
Code of the West, rule number one: "Don't inquire into a man's past." Don't you read those books you pass around?

Fiona:
Rule number two: "Take the measure of a man for what he is today." You're right. I'm sorry. Do you hate my guts now?

Lyman:
Yeah, I do hate your guts. But sure like the bag they come in.

Fiona:
You don't understand life like I don't understand how to fix a car. It's all just one big tangle under the hood.

Lyman:
I think some women believe a man is born the moment they meet him.

Margie:
They were talking hard. Like there was a fire somewhere, and only their words could put it out.

Fiona:
If you're looking for something French and lacy, you're talkin' to the wrong girl.

Lyman:
I don't think I'm gonna be talking from here on out...

Duncan Weber:
The bird got me through my childhood. Ella got me through the rest of it.

Duncan Weber:
Cars don't break down as often, but people need me as much as ever. I don't know, it just doesn't seem to mean much anymore.

Margie:
You'll find it again, like your parrot. Being lost is only temporary.

Lyman:
You'll never get anywhere in this piece of tin. You've got romance novels for auto sense! Your right back-up light is out, your tire treads are shot, you need an engine overhaul. God only knows what condition your brakes are in. If you head out on the highway without knowing where the jack is, you'll end up stranded in the middle of the desert, or on top of some mountain, or...

Fiona:
Yes, Lyman. But people like you, and they are few and far between, they always seem to show up. Goodbye.

[last lines]

Fiona:
[in a letter pinned to his shirt] Lyman, I'm taking you with me. I want to give you my family. You can't work for a while anyway and I have a few weeks until my next job, so I thought we could look out for each other. And you can finally see some of the rest of the planet. You were out cold for a week. Then you started telling me about gypsies - me and half the hospital staff. They *finally* let me take you this morning. I'll stop, if you want to turn around. Call me on channel 9.

Lyman:
[talking into CB radio] In this state, it is against the law to haul trailers with someone in it.

Fiona:
[pulls over and walks into the trailer holding a piece of paper] Unless, you've got a special license. Frank and Neil and Tom helped. And don't worry, it all passed inspection.

Lyman:
Why didn't you ask me?

Fiona:
Well, you've been on pain killers. Plus I didn't trust you to make the break. You're unreliable when it comes to your own interests.

Lyman:
I still get confused. Tell me again... [petting Floyd with eye patch]

Fiona:
Oh, well, when you threw him to me I caught him. But them I stuck my finger in his eye. He'll get better too.

Lyman:
Fiona, I've never been outside the County line. Not in my whole life.

Fiona:
Just wait 'til you see the Atlantic Ocean.

Lyman:
Fiona...

Fiona:
And you know what else? I got a tool belt to snap onto your wheelchair, just in case. We're prepared.

Lyman:
What the heck... Let's go. Surprise me.