Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask

The Fool:
My father! You who died in childbirth!

Victor Shakapopulis:
I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing."

The Operator:
Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?

The Operator:
Think we're gonna have intercourse tonight?

The Queen:
Kiss me quick!

The Fool:
Yes!... where is your quick?

The Queen:
Ah, 'tis the chastity belt that the jealous King hath fastened upon me that no one but he shalst have the goods of the body.

The Fool:
Yeah, it's a pretty bad break for all of us at the Palace.

The Fool:
Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.

The Fool:
With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!

The Fool:
Hi Milord! You remember when you said if I was ever in town, I should look up your wife?

Helen Lacey:
You're insane!

Dr. Bernardo:
That's what they called me at Masters and Johnson for creating a 400-foot diaphragm. Contraception for the entire nation at once!

Sperm #1:
I'm not getting shot out of that thing. What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to end up on the ceiling.