La vita è bella

Guido:
You can lose all your points for any one of three things. One: If you cry. Two: If you ask to see your mother. Three: If you're hungry and ask for a snack! Forget it!

Guido:
What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!

Guido:
Buongiorno, Principessa!

Guido:
I forgot to tell you.

Dora:
Go ahead.

Guido:
You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.

Dora:
Say what?

Guido:
That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.

Guido:
What are your political views?

Dr. Lessing:
Fat, fat, ugly, ugly, all yellow in truth, if you ask me where I am I answer "here, here, here". Walking I make poo poo, who am I?

Giosué Orefice:
"No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"?

Guido:
Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos."

Giosué Orefice:
Why doesn't our shop have a "Not Allowed" sign?

Guido:
Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. Why don't you like?

Giosué Orefice:
Spiders.

Guido:
Good I don't like vampires. Tomorrow, we'll get sign: "No Spiders or Vampires Allowed."

Dora:
My husband and son are on that train. I want to get on that train. Did you hear me? I want to get on that train.

Giosué Orefice:
Look, they stopped the train to let Mom get on.

Guido:
Dora...

Guido:
The prize is... the prize is...

Eliseo Orefice:
A tank.

Guido:
Yes! Yes, the prize is a tank.

Giosué Orefice:
I already have one.

Guido:
No, a real one.

Giosué Orefice:
A real tank?

Bartolomeo:
They are looking for someone who speaks German, to translate their instructions.

Guido:
Me! I'll do it, I'll translate!

Bartolomeo:
Do you speak German?

Guido:
No.

Dora:
At least they don't make the children and old people work.

Giosué Orefice:
Daddy, I cannot find any of the other kids, and a lady came telling me to take a shower.

Guido:
That's a good idea. You go take a shower.

Giosué Orefice:
No!

Guido:
Go take a shower!

Giosué Orefice:
No!

Giosué Orefice:
Buttons and soap.

Guido:
What?

Giosué Orefice:
They turn us into buttons and soap.

Guido:
Who told you that?

Giosué Orefice:
An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap. They burn us all up in ovens.

Guido:
How ridiculous. They were just teasing you! There are wood ovens, but there are no people ovens. Putting people in ovens creates too much smoke.

Guido:
If you speak my name, I vanish. What am I? Silence.

Giosué Orefice:
Daddy, you scared me to death!

Giosuè as an adult in re-edited version:
This is the sacrifice my father made for me.

Guido:
You can lose all your points for any one of three things. One: If you cry. Two: If you ask to see your mother. Three: If you're hungry and ask for a snack! Forget it!

Guido:
What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!

Guido:
Buon giorno, Principessa!

Guido:
I forgot to tell you.

Dora:
Go ahead.

Guido:
You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.

Dora:
Say what?

Guido:
That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.

Guido:
What are your political views?

Other Man:
[speaking to his two sons] Benito, Adolf! Sit down! Sorry Guido, what did you say?

Dr. Lessing:
[softly reciting riddle at Nazi concentration camp officers' mess] Fat, fat, ugly, ugly, all yellow in reality. If you ask me what I am, I reply "Quark quark quark". [looks around surreptitiously] Walking along, I go "Por-por". Who am I? Tell me true.

Guido:
[looks at Doctor Lessing in stunned silence]

Dr. Lessing:
[smiles] Hmphh... a duckling, no?

Guido:
[nods silently, still flabbergasted]

Guido:
Is it not a duckling? [angrily] It's not! A veterinarian friend of mine sent it to me from Vienna. I can't send him mine, until I solve this one. I thought: Duck-billed platypus. But it doesn't go "Quark quark quark quark". A duck-billed platypus goes... [pulls at corners of mouth with fingers, making a blowing sound] "Ffrrr ffrrr-ffrrr ffrrr-ffrrr". Duck-billed platypus... [steps forward and whispers into Guido's ear] I translated it into Italian for you last night. Well, what do you say? Everything points to a duckling! [assumes tragic tone and expression] Help me, Guido. For heaven's sake, help me. I can't even sleep. [turns to side counter, talking to self] Fat, fat... ugly, ugly... that's me... quark quark quark... It's the duckling! [wails and thumps side counter in frustration]

Guido:
[slowly and silently walks away, crestfallen at Doctor Lessing's callous, comic-tragic behavior]

Giosu? Orefice:
[slowly reading signage on confectionery shopfront] "No Jews or dogs allowed". [turning to Guido] Why aren't Jews or dogs allowed to go in?

Guido:
They just don't want Jews or dogs to go in. Everybody does what they want to, Joshua. [pointing at store ahead] There's a hardware store there. They don't let Spanish people or horses into his store. [pointing at another store] Further ahead, there's a drugstore. Yesterday, I was with a Chinese friend who had a kangaroo. I said, "May we?" "No, we don't want any Chinese or kangaroos here." They don't like them. What can I tell you?

Giosu? Orefice:
We let everybody into our bookshop.

Guido:
No. From now on, we'll write it too. Is there anybody you don't like?

Giosu? Orefice:
Spiders. What about you?

Guido:
[mock-seriously] I don't like Visigoths. Starting tomorrow we'll write: "No spiders and Visigoths allowed." I'm sick and tired of these Visigoths.

Guido:
[being shipped to a concentration camp] You've never ridden on a train, have you? They're fantastic! Everybody stands up, close together, and there are no seats!

Giosu? Orefice:
There aren't any seats?

Guido:
Seats? On a train? It's obvious you've never ridden one before! No, everybody's packed in, standing up. Look at this line to get on! Hey, we've got tickets, save room for us!

Dora:
My husband and son are on that train. I want to get on that train. Did you hear me? I want to get on that train.

Giosu? Orefice:
Look, they stopped the train to let Mom get on.

Guido:
Dora...

Giosu? Orefice:
I didn't like the train.

Guido:
[to his son] Me, neither. We'll take the bus back, okay?

Guido:
[to the Nazis] Did you hear that? We're taking the bus back!

Guido:
The prize is... the prize is...

Eliseo Orefice:
A tank.

Guido:
Yes! Yes, the prize is a tank.

Giosu? Orefice:
I already have one.

Guido:
No, a real one.

Giosu? Orefice:
A real tank?

Giosu? Orefice:
[watching his father's uncle being sent to another barracks, which is the last time he will see him] Where is Uncle going?

Guido:
Uh... oh, he's playing on a different team. Goodbye, Uncle!

Giosu? Orefice:
Goodbye, Uncle.

Bartolomeo:
They are looking for someone who speaks German, to translate their instructions.

Guido:
Me! I'll do it, I'll translate!

Bartolomeo:
Do you speak German?

Guido:
No.

Guido:
[pretending to translate] The game starts now. You have to score one thousand points. If you do that, you take home a tank with a big gun. Each day we will announce the scores from that loudspeaker. The one who has the fewest points will have to wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back. There are three ways to lose points. One, turning into a big crybaby. Two, telling us you want to see your mommy. Three, saying you're hungry and want something to eat.

Dora:
At least they don't make the children and old people work.

Female Prisoner:
They don't make them work because they kill them! One day, you will hear a lady calling, "Kids, come take a shower," then they gas them!

Giosu? Orefice:
Daddy, I cannot find any of the other kids, and a lady came telling me to take a shower.

Guido:
That's a good idea. You go take a shower.

Giosu? Orefice:
No!

Guido:
Go take a shower!

Giosu? Orefice:
No!

Giosu? Orefice:
They make buttons and soap out of us.

Guido:
Eh... [momentarily lost for words] What are you saying?

Giosu? Orefice:
They burn us all in the oven.

Guido:
Who told you that?

Giosu? Orefice:
A man was crying. He said they make us into buttons and soap.

Guido:
[laughs and gesticulates animatedly] You fell for that? Again? I thought you were a sharp boy... cunning, intelligent. Buttons and soap out of people? That'll be the day! You believed that? Hahaha! Just imagine. Tomorrow morning, I wash my hands with Bartolomeo... a good scrub. Then I'll button up with Francesco. [pretends to button up concentration camp uniform, from which a button comes loose and falls to floor] Darn it all! [picks up button] Look, I just lost Giorgio! Does this look like a person? Hahaha, come on! They were teasing you! And you fell for it! What else did they tell you?

Giosu? Orefice:
That we get cooked in the oven. [continues solemnly as Guido starts laughing hysterically] They burn us up in the oven.

Guido:
[laughing and clapping hands] You fell for that too! You just eat everything up! I've heard of a wood oven, but I've never seen a man oven before. Ah ha... "I'm made of wood!" "Take this lawyer... poomp!" [pseudo-seriously] "This lawyer doesn't burn. He's not dry enough. [continues animatedly] Look at that smoke!" Oh Joshua... buttons, soap, we get burned in the oven... Let's be serious now. [simulates hopping] I have a sack race with the bad guys tomorrow...

Giosu? Orefice:
[interrupting] That's enough. I want to go home.

Guido:
If you speak my name, I vanish. What am I? Silence.

Guido:
[carrying his son through the camp] You are such a good boy. You sleep now. Dream sweet dreams. Maybe we are both dreaming. Maybe this is all a dream, and in the morning, Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies. Then, after we eat, I will make love to her two or three times. If I can.

Giosu? Orefice:
Daddy, you scared me to death!

[first lines]

Giosu? Orefice:
[narrating as an adult] This is a simple story... but not an easy one to tell.

Giosu? Orefice:
When can I see Mama?

Guido:
When the game's over.

[after arriving in the deserted concentration camp in a tank, trying to speak to an Italian boy in English]

U.S. Tank Soldier:
You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?

Guido:
Dr. Lessing!

Dr. Lessing:
Hello! [notices the flowers] What are the flowers for?

Guido:
[thinks fast] Ah... for your departure! [hands him the flowers]

Dr. Lessing:
Thank you!

Dr. Lessing:
I have something important to tell you. Wait for my signal.

Giosu? Orefice:
[narrating as an adult] This is my story. This is the sacrifice my father made. This was his gift to me.

Giosu? Orefice:
We won!

Dora:
Yes, we won! It's true.

Giosu? Orefice:
We got a thousand points and we won the game! Daddy and me came in first and now we won the real tank! We won! We won!

Eliseo Orefice:
Nothing is more necessary than the unnecessary.

Eliseo Orefice:
You're serving. You're not a servant. Serving is a supreme art. God is the first servant. God serves men but he's not a servant to men.