The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human1999

The Male's Friend:
You just met her last night. If you call her now, you'll scare her off.

The Male:
Oh come on, man. I don't play those games.

The Male's Friend:
Don't do it, man. She'll think you want her.

The Male:
I do want her.

The Male's Friend:
I know, but if she thinks that, she'll find somebody else.

The Male:
Someone who doesn't want her?

The Male's Friend:
Someone cool.

The Male:
Oh, but I'm not cool.

The Male's Friend:
Exactly. That's why you got to wait a few days before you call her. And when you do ask her out, act like you're doing *her* a favor, you know? Like you don't give a damn if she says yes or no 'cause you got all these other chickadees waiting for you.

The Male:
And that'll impress her?

The Male's Friend:
Right into the sack.

Narrator:
Please do not adjust your universal translator. We are not experiencing technical difficulties. This is a human thing. It makes no sense to us either.

The Male's Friend:
Heed my words, Grasshopper. Be patient. Be a champion.

The Male:
You know, Jimmy, it occurs to me that I haven't seen you with a woman in about three years.

The Male's Friend:
Right. That's because I always phone them the very next morning.